Warning! This chapter is intense and contains possible triggers.

Ch.2 I Feed on the Fear that's Behind Your Eyes

(CLARE)

Asher unlocks the door to his apartment and we go in, he takes me to his bedroom and I'm overcome by a sick feeling. Flashes of memory from the other night hit me in waves, I shut my eyes tight holding my hand to my head and trying to make them go away.

"Call him, break up with him," Asher prods when I don't move for a minute.

"If all you want is my body then why do I have to break up with Eli?" I question, spitting each word out with venom oozing in it.

"I want more than just your body, you took everything from me and now I'll take everything from you. I also know you will never cheat on Eli so you have to break up with him," Asher replies in a disgustingly self-righteous tone.

He takes my purse from me and pulls out my phone handing it to me when I still don't move. I reluctantly take the phone, I don't want to breakup with Eli but what choice do I have? He's already proven he can get Eli kicked out and I can't let that happen, losing NYU would destroy Eli and I love him too much to sacrifice him for me. With my hands shaking so vigorously I can hardly hold the phone I unwillingly find Eli's name and click on it. I hold it to my ear; tears slip from the corners of my eyes and slowly crawl down my cheeks. With every ring I take a deep shuddering breath, feeling a lump in my throat and my chest get tight, praying that he won't answer or that Asher will change his mind.

"Hey Blue Eyes, I'm just heading to breakfast what's up?" He asks.

"We…," I falter hardly ably to get the words out, I take a deep breath, clear my throat and start again forcing the words out quickly, "we have to break up."

"What?" Eli breathes in a devastated exhale; I can hear all the breath leaving his body even over the phone.

I shut my eyes, wiping the tears so that I can see, covering the mouth piece with my hand as I begin to sob so hard I can't breathe. Asher sits next to me, brushing a strand of hair from my face and I flinch from his touch.

"Do it," he whispers in my ear, his hot reviling breath drifting across my neck makes my skin crawl and my stomach churn. "Do it now, end it fast and turn off your phone or I make another call," he threatens.

My heart starts pounding, my lips trembling; I take a deep breath gripping the phone tightly as though I were holding Eli's hand.

"Clare why?" Eli questions in a pleading yet agonized tone.

"I…I can't do long distance it's too hard I'm sorry Eli but we're through," each word has to be pushed off my tongue because it doesn't want to be said. My lie stabbing at me for causing Eli pain and my heart breaking, I hang up and quickly turn off my phone so he can't call back, if I hear his voice I'll take it all back. I wish desperately that he was here to hold me. I throw down my phone and burst into angry distraught tears, I feel terrible, my body is shaking my head hurts, my heart feels strained yet it's pounding.

"Good girl," Asher says and though I'm not looking at him I can hear the smile on his lips.

He caresses the back of my neck, his touch turning my hurt and sorrow into explosive anger. I leap up and out of his reach, looking at him with narrowed eyes, my whole body red with ire and rage.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! I BROKE UP WITH ELI YOU GOT YOUR WISH NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!" I scream at him and turn to walk out but he's faster, reaching the bedroom door and slamming it shut.

"I told you already I want to take everything from you, the way you took everything from me, Eli was only the start. Undress," he demands but I'm still fired by rage and adrenaline.

"Go to hell!" I spit at him and bringing up my knee connect it to his groin.

He makes a strangled cry, his knees buckling, he starts to sink to the ground but he's still blocking the door. I try to open it but his weight is still against it, I run to the window looking down and the street and wondering if I could survive the jump when I'm suddenly grabbed by the back of the neck and tossed on the bed!

"You stupid girl! I guess you need a little more motivation," he growls taking out his phone, for a second I'm frozen, recovering from the violent toss onto the bed. Asher gets out his phone and I move trying to get up and to the door, I just want to be away from him. "Hi Charlie…when you get into work can you look at the contracting license for Glen Martin of Martin Construction…yes I have information to show that they were forged and therefor invalid," Asher says into the phone with a malevolently confident tone and I freeze.

"You're bluffing," I challenge.

"Not at all," Asher says covering the mouthpiece, "I forged documents showing that your stepfather bribed a now shamed city official into giving him a contracting license. It will pass scrutiny and they'll have to conduct an investigation, even if he's found innocent the investigation will take months and he won't be allowed to work in that time. Not to mention what the publicity will do to his business and your family."

I swallow hard, shutting my eyes as they fill with tears again, my heart sinks and I suddenly feel claustrophobic. I'm trapped, either I give into Asher and save everyone I love or care about, or I run and my life is ruined anyway. If I run and he destroys everyone then I have to watch everyone around me falling to pieces and having their lives fractured by Asher's deceits and know that I could have prevented it.

"Stop, I'll do anything just leave everyone else alone," I plead with him, my voice remains steady but I'm breaking inside.

"Never mind Charlie…no I seem to be missing those papers now…yes of course if I find them I'll give you another call, no need to bother Mr. Martin until then…sure lunch next week sounds good, bye Charlie," Asher says into the phone and then hangs up. "That's better and now that you know what I'm capable of if you even try to defy me I expect there will be no more problems?" He states and I shake my head. "Good now here's how it's going to be, I own you, if I call you come and you do whatever I ask understood?" He asks and I nod, my eyes shut tight and I'm crying so hard my body is shaking; no longer able to stand I sink to the floor. "Excellent, I'm not stupid I won't call you while you're in school and late at night when your parents are home and no one can know any of this. Don't forget what I can do if you defy me."

I sit on the floor at the foot of the bed crying hard, shaking like mad and feeling horribly sick. Finding only a little solace in the fact that I saved Glen's job and our family, it gives me very little comfort though. Asher simply leaves me there and goes about his morning, making coffee and eating breakfast while I sit on his floor sobbing, I can't even imagine what he'll have me doing at the moment I'm lamenting the loss of my freedom, it's not as though I'm chained but Asher has imprisoned me and I'm certain that I have no choice. The cops won't believe me, even repeating it in my head it sounds outlandish and impossible. No one will believe me and if I try to tell anyone he'll destroy everything. After sometime my tears start to dry and I wipe my eyes.

"Clean yourself up you need to get to school," Asher says coming in and pulling me up. He hands me a tissue and I wipe my eyes. Splashing water on my face and running my fingers through my hair I look presentable for school. Asher has gathered my stuff and we go down to his car so he can take me to school. "After school, I expect you at my apartment within an hour of school getting out," he informs me when he stops the car a couple blocks from school.

"I have student council after school, I'm vice president I can't just skip student council," I point out my voice shaky slightly.

"When is it out?" He asks.

"I don't know takes more than an hour usually," I reply.

"I'll pick you up then, there's a Swiss Chalet restaurant a few blocks from here, call me when you're out and meet me there," he demands, I bite my lip and nod my stomach starts bubbling in disgust but I have no choice but to obey.

I get out of the car and start making my way to school going through the woods along the ravine. With each step I try and stop shaking, try to stop feeling sick but it doesn't work, before I'm able to make it out of the tree line I vomit. I actually feel a little better now, all the disgust that was building inside me coming out. Emerging from the tree line I make it as far as the first picnic table and sit down, my elbows in my lap, my head falling into my hands, I have no more tears at the moment but I'm not ready to face school just yet.

"Clare?" Adam's voice makes me look up. "Are you okay? Owen said you ran out early and got into a car with some guy he didn't recognize," Adam says as each Torres brother takes a seat on either side of me and Dallas sits on the bench facing me.

"I'm fine just tired, I didn't sleep and I was talking to Eli early this morning," I reply painting a smile on my lips.

"Whose car did you get into this morning?" Drew inquires.

"A fr…" I start to say friend but saying the word while talking about Asher just makes me feel like vomiting, "he knows my dad," I tell them and they all give me worried looks. "I should get inside I have student council stuff and homework," I say quickly and standing up even quicker.

Perhaps it's that I haven't eaten in 14 hours and barely slept, or maybe it's just everything that's happened in the last 30 hours or so, whatever the reason when I stand I get very dizzy, all the blood draining from my face and I start to fall to the ground as I begin to lose consciousness. I don't hit the ground as Drew, Dallas and Adam all reach for me at once, they catch me and the feel of their hands like a safety net keeps me from going entirely unconscious. I groan a little gripping Adam's shirt and Dallas' shoulder as I right myself with their help.

"Are you okay?" Adam asks.

"You don't look so hot, maybe you should go home," Dallas suggests.

"No!" I say quickly in a sharp tone thinking if Asher finds out I'm home alone he'll simply come over and who knows what he'll have me doing. "No I'm okay I just stood up too fast and I haven't eaten breakfast yet," I tell them.

"Okay let's get you some breakfast then," Drew says putting a hand at my back and we walk inside.

They all come with me to the caf and they all watch as I slowly eat a yogurt. Then they follow me to my locker, Jenna's at her locker with Becky and Luke.

"What's wrong? Why are you so pale?" Jenna asks.

"She almost passed out but we got some food in her," Adam assures her.

"You sure you're okay Clare?" Becky asks.

"I'm fine, I wish everyone would stop asking me that," I say on edge and everything grinding at my last nerve.

Everyone else walks away but Adam stays with me, we do have our first class together. He and most of my other friends look at me with concern all morning though.

(OWEN)

I parked at DeGrassi and went in just as the bell rang for lunch; I walk in since there's no officer at the door anymore, of course if anyone asks I'll say I'm here for my brother. Walking down the hall I find Adam and best of all Clare first, although Clare looks a little pallid and weary. She's looking ahead and should see me but it's like she's looking right through me, Adam sees me though.

"Don't you go to University now?" He questions and Clare finally looks at me, giving me a little smile.

"Yeah but all my friends aside from Bianca are still here and she's over an hour away, that's a little far to go for lunch," I comment.

"Hey Owen," Drew grins.

"Milligan, bummin' around your old high school," Dallas chides.

"Come on let's go eat at the Dot," I say.

"I'm not really hungry," Clare shakes her head.

"Yeah well you're eating," Adam tells her as both brothers put an arm around her forcing her to come.

We walk to the Dot since it's less than a block from school and push a couple of tables together. Connor, Jenna, Luke and Becky come in as we're ordering. Becky sits down next to Adam and Luke pulls over another table so he, Jenna and Connor can sit down. They order, our food is brought and we all start eating, all but Clare who picks at her fries. I'm talking to Drew when Adam's phone rings and I look up out of habit, Clare looks at the phone and then gets up.

"I have to use the washroom," she says quickly.

Adam gives her a quizzical look as she walks away and he answers his phone, when I hear him say hi to Eli through the phone I roll my eyes. I never liked Eli to be honest and I liked him even less after all the crap that he put Clare through last year and the year before. I think it was the beginning of last year that I realized I had a crush on her. Fitz was long gone and she was dating Jake again but he was also her stepbrother. I wanted to give her time after she broke up with Jake and adjusted to him being her stepbrother. Then I got caught up with the Ice Hounds and she got back together with Eli, then they broke up again but she was going through stuff including their breakup and his drug use, plus I was dealing with Cam's suicide and being there for my brother and Maya. In other words it's never been a good time to ask her out.

Adam gets a confused and worried look on his face and I look at him, so does Drew and Dallas, all of us listening to his side of the phone conversation. I could hear that he was angry but couldn't make out what he said.

"What? Why would she do that…when did she call…Owen said she ran out early this morning…I don't know…we found her at school when we arrived but she was upset. She swore she was fine but then almost passed out…I don't know she's been acting weird all morning…yeah I'll talk to her…I'll call you after student council," Adam says and hangs up.

"What's up?" Drew asks him.

"Clare broke up with Eli this morning, called him just before six and told him she wanted to break up. He said she was upset and crying but she still broke up with him," Adam tells us and hearing that Clare broke up with Eli attracts the attention of the others.

"When did she almost pass out?" I question.

"This morning when we found her, she stood up real fast and then nearly went unconscious. The three of us were there and we caught her but it was pretty scary, she went pale and then looked almost dead and dropped. If we hadn't been there she would have hit the ground," Dallas tells me.

"You ever figure out whose car she got into this morning?" I ask them.

"Not really, she started to say it was a friend then said it was someone that knows her dad," Adam tells me.

"Did you see the guy?" Drew questions.

"No just the back of his head," I reply.

"Shouldn't Clare be back from the washroom by now?" Becky asks and we suddenly realize she's been back there a long time.

"I'll go check on her," Jenna says getting up from the table.

"I'll go with you," Becky speaks up.

"She say anything to you when she left this morning?" Drew questions.

"Just that she had something to do and she had a ride but that was around five," I reply seeing Jenna and Becky come from the washrooms but Clare wasn't with them.

"Where's Clare?" I inquire.

"We don't know, she's not in the washroom or anywhere back there and she has a spare next period," Jenna tells me.

"Maybe she went back to school," Luke suggests.

"I'll call her phone," Adam says pressing a few buttons on the phone still in his hand, "her phone is off."

"I'm going to look for her," I tell them getting up.

"Me too," Adam speaks up.

Everyone gets up from the table, all of our lunches half eaten. We go to the school first as it's the most logical place for her to be. We split up, Adam heads toward her locker, Drew heads for student council office and I look around at all the back doors and hiding places. After checking the electrical room my cell rings, it's Drew.

"We found her," he says when I answer.

"Where?"

"Library," he says, "we're all headed to her locker now."

I hang up and head to her locker as well, she's there putting away books when I get there, everyone else is with her and Adam is talking to her.

"…he said he almost got kicked out of NYU then it was fixed and then you called to break up with him."

"I just didn't want to do the long distance thing anymore," she says almost snapping at her best friend.

"But Clare…"

"JUST DROP IT ADAM!" She screams at him and everyone goes silent. She sighs deeply and closes her eyes a minute. "I'm sorry Adam I just don't want to talk about it okay? I broke up with Eli because long distance was too hard," she asserts.

"Why'd you disappear from lunch when he called?" I ask.

"Because I didn't want to talk to Eli, I have to get to class," she says.

"Clare we have a spare next period and there's fifteen minutes left on lunch," Drew reminds her.

"Student council, I meant I had to get to student council office," she recovers.

"Are you sure you're okay? Who'd you drive off with this morning?" I ask her.

"A friend of my father's," she replies.

"To do what?" I question.

"It's none of your business Owen," she says in a sharp tone.

"You know Clare and I do have some stuff to talk about for student council, maybe we will head there," Drew says taking Clare by the arm.

"Yeah I'll come by after class," I tell them watching them walk off.

"Something's up with her," Adam comments when they are out of earshot.

"Yeah but what?" I question and Adam shrugs, "I'll see you guys later." I wave and walk off back to my car worried about Clare. I'm glad she broke up with Eli but I wish I knew what was going on with her.

(CLARE)

I got through the afternoon without too many more questions. Drew didn't ask me any while we were alone in student council office. We got straight down to business and he didn't bring up Eli or where I went this morning at all. Then he walked me to my environment and resource management class, a class I had with Adam, Dallas and Luke and they didn't say anything either aside from Adam telling me to talk to Eli.

"You want a ride home Clare?" Drew asks me as we leave school after this afternoon's student council meeting.

"No thanks I'm not going home," I reply.

"Then where are you going?" Dallas asks.

"Swiss Chalet, I'm meeting…my dad," she says quickly.

"Then we'll give you a ride there," Drew asserts putting an arm around my shoulders to say that I really don't have a choice.

I give in and get in his car, biting my lip and almost tempted to say I'm meeting Asher but too afraid of what he'll do, so I don't say anything.

"You want us to wait with you until your dad gets here?" Adam inquires when Drew pulls up to the restaurant.

"No it's okay he'll be here in a few minutes," I tell them opening the car door, "thanks for the ride Drew."

I wave to them and go in the restaurant, wait a minute until they've driven off and then go outside again, turning my phone back on for the first time that day since breaking up with Eli. It gives me the missed call and text sound about a dozen times, most of them are from Eli but I have few texts from Asher too although I don't read them but I do call him.

"Your phone was off, you can't keep it off," Asher tells me.

"I didn't want to get a bunch of calls from Eli, I'm at Swiss Chalet. You didn't do anything because my phone was off did you?" I ask fearing that he took retribution already because my phone was off and he couldn't get ahold of me.

"No but I'm not pleased, stay there I'll be there in ten minutes," Asher tells me.

"Okay," I say in a shaky voice afraid of what it will mean for me that he's not pleased.

Asher hangs up and I sit on a bench outside the restaurant, while waiting for Asher my phone beeps again. It's Eli sending a text but I can't bear to read it, I don't want to see any more calls or texts from Eli so I block his number. Asher pulls up and I get in his car, I'm too afraid of how he's capable of hurting my family and the people I care about that I'm not even tempted to flee.

"You're very lucky I didn't do anything when I couldn't get a hold of you Clare. You should be grateful to me for not doing anything," Asher remarks as we drive to his apartment. I don't say anything because I don't know what to say. "Well aren't you grateful Clare?" Asher inquires in a growling tone putting his hand at the back of my neck and squeezing a little.

"Yes," I reply in a trembling whisper, "yes I'm grateful."

Asher releases the back of my neck and grins; he doesn't say another word for the rest of the drive to his apartment. When I get out of the car I start shaking, from fear, disgust or just nerves I'm not sure, it could be all three. I'm shaking so much I can barely walk and Asher takes my backpack holding my arm. We enter his apartment, he drops my backpack to the floor and locks his apartment door.

"Go to the bedroom," Asher commands and I walk back to the bedroom feeling that chain again, that trapped feeling. He follows closing the bedroom door and turning on a camera he has set up on his dresser that's pointing at the bed. "Strip," he demands.

I pull in a trembling breath as tears crowd my eyes and I swallow hard, I'm trembling but I start to pull off my top when Asher takes out his cell phone. It takes a few minutes but I get all my clothes off, I'm crying now and trying to cover my body with my arms.

"Lay on the bed," Asher orders and I do curling onto one side. "On your back," he tells me.

"What are you going to do?" I ask between sobs as I roll to my back.

"Anything I want, I own you now don't forget," he grins with a vile satisfaction.

I shut my eyes tight as tears fall from them like waterfalls. Biting my lip as Asher sits on the bed, his fingertips touch my breast and a frightened whimpering squeal gets trapped in my throat. My arms clamp over my breasts trying to keep him away.

"Let them go," Asher says but I don't move, "let them go so I can play with them or I'll tie you to the bed."

Taking a deep breath I slowly move my arms, crossing my legs as my hands grip at the comforter. Grabbing it as tightly as I can, feeling his lips on my flesh I sob harder, shaking more violently, my stomach churns and bile rises in my throat. Each of his hands grabs one of my breasts and squeezes hard. I breathe deep, biting into my lip so hard I break the skin. One of Asher's hands begins caressing down my skin and I gasp audibly, my body jerking away from his touch out of instinct. His fingers try to get between my legs and I feel like I'm going to throw up! I push Asher away with enough force and desperation that he sits up and lets me bound off the bed and into his washroom.

What little I did eat today comes back up, holding my hair back I vomit a couple of times and then dry heave a few before I'm done. I sit against the wall shaking and sobbing my knees curled up to my chest and my arms around my legs. I can't move, couldn't stand to save my life but Asher gets impatient and comes into the washroom.

"If you're done then lay back on the bed," Asher commands.

"Can't," I shake my head into my knees.

"Should I make a phone call then?"

"No please…" I start looking up at him, "I'm trying," I plead.

Asher walks over and picks me up, it's revolting to be in his arms but I'm too weak and too much of wreck to move right now. He puts me back on the bed and I curl into a ball, I want to run but I can't seem to move other than to shake violently. Asher leaves me for minute and I hear him opening his closet, I feel him kneeling on the bed and he takes my arm, I resist him but he pulls my arm hard and restrains my wrist with something silky I believe to be one of his ties. Then he does the same to the other arm, I'm shaking too hard to fight back, too lost in a pit of disgust. With my wrists restrained he ties my ankles and it suddenly occurs to me that he is probably going to rape me. I start fighting against the restraints and thrashing.

"NO! Don't rape me I'll do anything," I beg after a deep breath to get the words out.

"I wouldn't rape you now, you're too much of a mess. I won't rape you at all, when we have sex you'll say yes," he tells me and all I can think is I will never agree to have sex with him. "But I'm not done playing with you yet," he says and my stomach ties in knots.

I hear him picking up the camera and he places it on the bed between my legs. Then he opens a drawer and I hear something turn on with a humming noise. Realizing it's a vibrator I begin thrashing again but it doesn't matter I'm already restrained and the next thing I feel is the rather large vibrator being shoved into me!

"OW!" I whimper.

He leaves it there a minute, I can hear faint noises but I'm in too much pain to really listen. I feel him getting on the bed and one of his hands begins moving the vibrator, I fight against it, my body responding to the stimulation and feeling disgusted all at the same time. Suddenly I realize that he's masturbating! He's jerking himself off but he has the camera pointed right between my legs at the vibrator he's using on me, thrusting in and out of me with one hand. I become overwhelmed by shame and loathing revulsion. I sink into the bed, giving in and hoping that if I don't fight it will be over faster and he'll let me go. I keep my eyes closed, trying to take myself away and out of this place, I try to think of anything else, bring up any happy memory I can but it doesn't work. I bite into my lip again and it bleeds some more, finally Asher groans and something hot, wet and thick lands on my stomach, it's his cum and I almost throw up. He sort of collapses on the bed a minute and then he gets up I hear him fixing his clothes and taking out the vibrator before he starts to untie me.

"Go clean up in the shower, and I'll take you home but I expect you here tomorrow, for your lunch and your spare. Tonight was merely an appetizer tomorrow you'll participate or I make a call to the Vancouver police and tell them that your stepbrother has drugs in his apartment. I know he smokes pot and even if he doesn't have any they'll tear apart his room and detain him for a couple of hours. But I'm betting that he will have something in his room which will mean an arrest, a record and getting booted out of school," Asher threatens.

"No leave Jake alone, I'll come," I tell him as he finishes untying me.

I get up slowly everything hurts, inside and out and I feel like I can hardly breathe. I make it to the washroom and turn on the shower, when the water is hot I step in and wash up. Seamen is rather hard to get off and I'm in the shower for a while. My clothes are on the bed and I get dressed, I can't stop crying. I grab my backpack he takes me down to his car, driving me home.

"Maybe I should sleep over, the house being dark and all," Asher taunts and I shake my head vigorously. "Well I suppose you need to rest a little, tomorrow at lunch I'll pick you up at the drug store down the street," Asher says.

I simply nod and get out of the car, as soon as I'm out I run to my front door, it takes me a couple of minutes to get the key in the lock and open the door. I lock that door and the interior door, before I collapse in tears. A sudden knock on my door scares me and I jump, tensing up. I'm afraid to open it, afraid that it's Asher that he decided to spend the night after all.

"Clare open up I know you're in there," Owen calls while knocking on the outer door.

I'm actually extremely relieved to hear his voice, pulling myself up I unlock the inner door and then the outer one. Owen puts his hands on my arms and I flinch away, he puts his hands up and steps in as I start crying harder again.

"Where have you been everyone is worried? I saw you coming in as I was driving by, Adam said he's been trying to call you for three hours," Owen tells me.

"I was…" I start but can't think of a lie and just collapse on his chest in tears.

He puts his arm around me and this time I don't pull away from his touch, in fact I find it safe and comforting. "I'll call Drew take you to their place," Owen says and I shake my head.

"No please I can't go over there, not tonight, could you just stay here with me please," I plead with him.

"Yeah of course, I still need to call so they know you're okay," he says. I nod taking a few steps into the house and he locks both doors again. I go into the dark living room sitting on the sofa and Owen gets out his phone, "Hey…yeah she's at home…upset…I'm not sure…no she doesn't want to but I'm going to stay here…yeah I'll bring her to school in the morning," Owen says and hangs up. He takes a few steps and feels around on the wall for the light flicking it on. I squint my eyes and turn away as he sits on the sofa at the other end. He looks over at me and I bite my lip breaking the scab and it starts bleeding again. Owen takes his thumb wiping away the blood, "Clare what happened tonight?"

Update Friday March 21st from right here.