Chapter 1- Simon's Got a Stalker…

Before or while you are reading this, go on YouTube and look up "We're Brothers Forever" by Renaldo Lapuz if you've never heard it before. It's hilarious, and the things he's singing will make more sense if you know it.

Also, for all of you who (and I'm trying not to be mean here!) won't figure this out, David Cook is Cookie, and David Archuleta is Archy. I know, we are all smart enough to know the facts of life, but you won't believe how many people that I know who don't…

(Simon is in his room with the window open)

Simon- This is the tenth time this week! *looks out window* GET LOST!
Renaldo- *singing* Singing the songs, the music that you likkkkkeeee!!!!!

Simon- Ugh! I guess I'll drain out his mediocre vocals by calling someone… *dials phone* Paula?

Paula- Simon?!? It's 3AM!

Simon- I know. Remember Renaldo Lapuz? Well, how could you forget him, but he's outside my door singing "We're Brothers Forever", well I'll tell you! It's been forever since I got any sleep! Paula? Paula?

Paula- *Hangs up*

Simon- Great. *hears Renaldo Lapuz singing* GOD!!!!! *hits head against wall*

-----

(Lila has Danny, Angel, Caylee, Adam, Cookie, and Archie over, even though it is late. Everyone is sitting in her living room.)

Lila- *looking out window* Hmmm…Looks like Simon has a visitor…

Danny- Yeah! *laughs*

Cookie- Who is it?

Lila- Renaldo Lapuz.

Angel- Oh my God! I love that guy!

Caylee- Angel, I'm doing this because you're my friend. *slaps* Shut up.

Angel- Fine…

Adam- Ooh! I have an idea! Let's play hide and go seek!

Archy- Wow… How completely random…

Adam- Random is my specialty!

(Phone rings)

Lila- *answering* Hello?

Paula- Hi. Lila?

Lila- Paula? Are you calling for Angel?

Angel- Really? Someone wants me! Who?

Lila- *mouths* Paula

Angel- Really! Gimme! *grabs phone* Paula!

(Yelling can be heard from other end)

Angel-Yeah, it's for you…

Lila- Yeah?

Paula- Hey, Lila, I was wondering, is there a guy outside of Simon's house?

Lila- Weird costume. Hat that says "SIMON"…

Paula- Yeah, that's him…

Lila- We were just talking about that before you called. Why?

Paula- Well, I was thinking about playing a little, eh, practical joke on him…He just called me, and I think it would be funny.

Lila- Sound great! Oh! We should do a stalker help hotline! We can use my cell phone number since he doesn't know that, and my home number would only be, like, a digit different from his!

Paula- Well he IS desperate…I'll call him now!

Lila- Sounds great! Bye! *hangs up*

Cookie- What was that all about?

Lila- Who wants to bother Simon?

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(Simon's room)

(Phone rings)

Simon- *answers* Hello?

Paula- Hi Simon! I was looking things up that might be able to help you with your situation, and I just found this stalker help hotline!

Simon- Give me the number…