Chapter One

Give Me One Last Kiss

The air conditioning of the base made it colder than it needed to be even though we were in the damn desert. I looked for my discarded boxers, pants, slipping them back on and looked over my shoulder to see my every movement was being watched. Silently. Closely.

"Enjoying the view, Yuy?"

He nodded, still naked and all, and I laughed a little as I found my grey tank, sliding it over my head, taking out my braid and dog tags from the fabric.

"You could stay."

I smirked and walked back over, leaning down to exchange one last kiss. He was totally trying to get me to stay, pulling me down by my shoulders, fisting one hand in my tank and kissing me hot and heavy. I managed to prise my lips away, however fucking tempting it was to just slide back into bed with Heero and maybe have some more sex. But damn, it really wasn't a good idea and like hell would we sleep in a tiny bunk. He wasn't being at all practical. And people say I'm the dumb as fuck one.

"Deckard's already fucking pissed at us. You wanna make it worse?"

He snorted, turned onto his back fully, looked at the ceiling. "He won't find out."

"Hell, he won't find out as I'm goin' to go and sleep in my own bunk, 'Ro, nice as this was an' all, I don't wanna get written up for somethin' else. You know I'm one more disciplinary from being kicked outta Prev."

If I didn't know better the great Heero Yuy had a pout going on. I smiled, climbed back on top of him – yeah, I'd been in that particular position not so long ago but hey, not gonna go into those gory details – and leaned over him.

"You know, I'm totally into whatever… this is," I punctuated my words by putting my hand on his chest, "but I want sleep before we move out in the mornin' and you've never let me sleep, right, 'Ro?"

"You're to blame."

"Yeah? All my fault?" I asked, the hint of tease in my voice. "Think you're a willing participant here, 'Ro."

He pulled me back down to him, his hand around my braid and I met his lips, his mouth warm, his lips chapped and then I moved back, ready to go, paused for a second looking down at him in the low light.

"When this is done, I'm all yours," I said, the words suddenly making me damn awkward so I clarified. "I mean, ya know we can hang out and have sex and stuff."

I didn't know what the hell we were doing so I pulled away, hopped off him and grabbed my khaki jacket. As 'Ro said nothing else, I left with a "see ya" and then closed the door to his room. I stopped outside momentarily, the high of his skin against mine still just underneath the surface and I thought, damn - what was I doing? Then I just shook my head - I was doing exactly the wrong thing and that was kinda something that was too fucking me.

I went to my room, stripping to boxers and slipping into thin sheets and letting myself drift off, my fingers subconsciously reaching towards the bite on my neck that would look like a goddamn hickey in the morning as I fell asleep.

It was damn morning far too soon and lemme tell you the wakeup call in a military base was not the most subtle - it's a siren thing that makes you get the fuck up and it jolted me awake, sitting up and reaching for a weapon automatically. It takes a moment having been woken up that harshly, even for me, to work out where I was and what the hell I was meant to be doing. Though, my reflexes always went for a weapon. Huh. Couldn't help that.

As I'd slept in only my boxers, I quickly grabbed at the desert combat gear Prev gave me and left my room in search of the commissary tent where breakfast would be shitty but it would be food and then we'd be moving out.

The pre-mission anxiety shit always surfaced at this point - I guess I'd never felt this when I was at the controls of my Gundam as I was in control of my own destiny and all. Here, now, I was under orders and I was dancing to someone else's tune and I admit, I ain't the best at that. So I knew I tapped my hand against my thigh in a rhythm of some song that was in my head as I lined up with the rest of the troops to get breakfast and it was then I felt a light tap on my shoulder to see Heero behind me, his own combat gear on, his dog tags over a tight white tee that clung perfectly to his torso and I dragged my eyes up from admiring his abs and pecs and back to the food.

Hadda maintain some professionalism, ya know, as then I could feel a stare across the tent and I saw Deckard, his eyes narrowing at our proximity to each other. Oh, he suspected and if he got proof then his report could be my one way ticket outta the Preventers as last night….yeah, sneaking into his room was really not allowed.

I didn't know what me and Heero were doing. Okay, yeah I knew we were having hot and heavy sex and it had started a coupla months ago but - but - I didn't know if we were moving towards something else or if we wanted something else or whatever. I mean, I'm not sleeping with anyone else and I guessed he wasn't but really, me and 'Ro - domestic bliss? That's believable.

We got trays of food - calorie controlled and kinda grey looking and even though the commissary was in a tent, there was some damn sand in it as this was the desert - everything had freaking sand in it. We didn't talk as we ate but people looked at us - some in awe, some outta curiosity, some saying disparaging shit about our pasts. We'd been forced to start at the beginning as agents and it was not our place to bitch as really, we coulda been put into prison for war crimes or whatever so paying our dues was fine. The only thing was so many other agents had links to our old enemies so we'd probably killed some of their buddies. Heero had pulled off a coupla guys off me on a previous mission who'd tried to corner me and beat the shit outta me - I hated him for thinking I needed the protection and hated him more for following protocol and getting the assholes written up as hell, we stood out enough already.

After breakfast, it was all mission shit, quick showers and checking gear before we moved out. But before we left the base, we found a moment alone, and he kissed me, me groping his ass and grinding up against him until I was little breathless and half way to hard.

"Couldn't get enough of me last night?" I teased.

"Something like that."

That was all we had before we moved out as we were put into separate vehicles and I held my weapon loosely in my hands, the rifle heavy and reassuring as I touched last night's hickey subconsciously.

I was glad that the Kevlar padded jacket hid it, the collar making it so it couldn't be seen by the other guys and gals on my transport. I took enough shit about my appearance, that I'd kept my braid and I didn't need to take anymore.

The vehicles jolted over the rough terrain, jostling us into the people on either sides, I levelled my eyes at my boots or above the heads of people as I could feel the stares and the backhand comments. I'd heard some of them - don't say shit about someone when that someone had been given some nice little pills during his teens to make him a little better at this stuff. G was less industrious than J but it wasn't as though I'd not been given some cocktail of pills that were probably a little bit risky. Hell, I was glad I'd not gone through the same shit as 'Ro but then when he pushed me around to get into my pants, I couldn't deny that it turned me on.

The vehicles stopped at the town, or what was once a town, the civilian population having been displaced to camps by the fighting in this area - the desert littered with unexplored landmines. A new conflict - or maybe the same old one - repeated and here was ground zero - this area used to construct weaponry and train their future soldiers and the ESUN wanted intervention as sanctions hadn't worked - generals still trained kids to hold weapons and bombs were being made.

We hopped out, forming into teams, alpha, beta, foxtrot, omega - me and 'Ro separated. I checked my braid was secured down the back of my jacket, and secured a bandana round my mouth to avoid the sand and the smoke from any potential explosions. Ditto for the goggles I secured over my eyes. Huh. And I always made fun of Quat for them - as they sat on top of the fireplace in his place as though a testament to who he'd used to be. Now I understood. Sands a motherfucking bitch.

My team, beta had a quadrant full of houses, each one small, dark, traces of the families who had lived their left. I saw beds and blankets - so many, knowing that here, just like L2, people lived all together, all close in a tiny house. Places smelt, rotten food and flies buzzed around my head. We moved in formation, guns raised, hand signals used and it didn't take long til I saw the first bloated body, knelt down and looked for a minute, to see the brown blood on dusty sandy floors and a few bullet wounds. Unnecessary they'd die with one - ya know, in this sorta place with infection and ineffectual medical care.

It wasn't until a later house that I saw a little girl dead in the middle of blankets, no shot wound, thin and I guessed she'd been left - accidentally or maybe her folks had been killed and no one was there... I stopped thinking, continued with the rest of my team, clearing houses, confirming that there were no enemy combatants.

The first explosion pretty much told us we had walked into something we shouldn't. A goddamn trap. The sound was deafening, the air became thick with smoke, and parts of old buildings crumbled, as we were ordered to move from our position to assist alpha team who'd taken casualties. My heart sank. 'Ro was in alpha team.

"Go, go, go," was the damn order from our team leader, exiting dark dusty houses to be in the glaring bright sun. My eyes adjusted through my goggles enough as I saw the place, the walls blasted, soldiers lying dead or dying and fuck, I looked up. The first volleys of gunfire burst from the goddamn roofs above us - the explosion was to draw us out and we were lame sitting ducks.

On the first sounds of gunfire, I clung to the walls and raised my weapon. Our camo gear was not that damn effective but least bullets could only come from the building opposite and not behind me. Small mercies and all. One of my team, some dude called Ethan, exited one of the houses, without the adequate level of caution and I watched the bullets hit him, felt one whistle past me, but saw the little hits that spurted red mist in its wake. It was not a pretty thing.

Alpha team had been in what had been the market area - clearing it and I had no orders - oh hell, I probably had orders but I didn't hear them in the gunfire - my communication line was fuzzy which indicated it wasn't just a standard explosion and I raised my weapon, aimed, fired a couple of shots at the dudes on the roof - not in any real attempt to kill - not that I've gone all sweet and innocent, but so it distracted as I ducked low and ran to a burnt out vehicle - attempting, well, make an attempt to find Heero.

I was following orders, I could reason - that they wanted us to back up alpha team but all I wanted to damn well knelt was where 'Ro was.

It made me think - shit, here I was in the middle of all this goddamn sand and gunfire and smoke and all I wanted was him. And it fucked with my head - why did it matter? Yeah, he was my buddy and I'd always damn worried about him - because he was a self-sacrificing shit head who thought of others before himself but also... Yeah . Should not have started sleeping with the guy as the memory of last night was still pretty fresh. If I'd not been holding a weapon, I may've reached out for the hickey.

I gritted my teeth and remembered Deckard's shitty mission brief - the map and him pointing and I calculated the next run I had to make. Some gunfire rattled on the car near me and I calculated how long a run to the next building would take and just went, fuck it. This was why men like Deckard hated me. As once shit got bad, I improvised and got a little bit reckless but I figured I'd lived a charmed life - I shoulda died so many damn times that right now I just ran to the cover of a another building, ducked as gunfire hit sand around me and threw my body low against a wall.

The communicator crackled in my ear.

"Pull back. Rendezvous point C."

"Sorry, boss - no can do," I replied to thin air - hey, was not gonna call the dude back and go "Maxwell here, yes sir". My response was more likely to be "gotta find my buddy so go fuck yourself."

The market was not too damn far now - the cloud of smoke still clung from the explosions and I looked up to see less men on the roofs above and I swallowed. That was not good. We were outnumbered, ambushed and being picked up from above - you don't retreat when everything is in your fucking favour. I raised my gun, walked close to the edge of buildings and heard a sudden eerie silence as I approached the now decimated market place area - shit - it looked worse than if Wing ZERO's buster rifle had been aimed square on it. And the bodies. Alpha team had been working in a formation in groups and it seemed that they had died in those little teams. I walked cautiously, looking up again, waiting for something. Quiet in a battlefield is a fucked up thing, lemme tell you. It totally doesn't seem right and it never, never fucking ever leads to something good. I saw movement from a darkened doorway and pointed my weapon - lowering it a little when Heero leaned out and motioned for me to approach.

I walked, my eyes still scanning and my boots stepped in blood and sand and debris.

"Shit," I said, once inside, Heero leaning against the doorway, his eyes scanning, his weapon in his hand.

He didn't look bad - his sandy coloured uniform was covered in black and red - the blood, from what I could see, was not his, he had a cut on his temple but so goddamn minor that it barely registered.

"Have you got comms?"

"Yeah - want us to move out - point C."

He nodded - I knew in an instant he was pulling up the information regarding that with his big old brain and I looked out of the glassless window the scene of devastation.

"Fucking trap," I spat and Heero turned his attention to me, his eyes checking me over.

"Your team?"

"Lost a few - came to find you when I found out what happened to alpha so guess we lost more."

He nodded - didn't criticise me for my decision to find him and I said, gently, more gently than the situation allowed. "I'm glad you ain't dead."

Heero gave me a look full of sarcasm and raised his weapon. "Move out."

He took point, me taking the rear and I scanned the market, scanned the floor, scanned the roofs - every damn thing I could, walking in long slow strides and feeling the tension curl in my gut. I wanted to run but running is a sure as shit way to get yourself killed - slow, cautious, weapon in hand - so much better. We were ten minutes away from rendezvous point C - I knew it, he knew it and we were taking cover at all available opportunities but there were no enemy combatants visible.

We stopped behind a burned out Jeep for a minute and I reached out for him - our hands touching briefly. "I don't like this."

Blue eyes looked to where our hands were joined and I could see he agreed, he nodded sharply, indicated down a street and I followed his lead. No one around making the whole place feel damn eerie.

Then there was a kid.

He stepped out in front of us - his clothing was dusty, dirty, ripped - hey I remembered looking like that - and his feet were bare. I don't know why I looked there and then back up but that was how I saw a wire trailing out of his shorts and it gave me a split second before Heero.

He was closer - yeah, of course he was, being point, me a dozen steps behind and I shouted in warning.

Good things in life go too damn quick. Short perfect moments. Happy things. Having sister Helen braid my hair. Having Solo tell me "don' good kiddo". Having Heero slide above me, run his lips over my neck - make me feel so good with his body.

Bad shit? Time slows down and I saw the kid reaching for his detonation device and I was shouting Heero's name as I fell to the ground - instincts kicking in so damn quickly.

It reminded me of watching him self-destruct. Yeah, I'd not had a fuck ton of feelings for him then other than I hated the fucker for stealing Deathscythe's parts but watching that - him so determined looking as he followed orders - hell, it fucked with my head.

Now I saw the kid. The device activated. The explosion and red mist of a body being obliterated by the force of chemicals and wires.

I saw Heero - I saw him hesitate the moment the kid walked in front of us and I knew, knew he couldn't do what he should do - what neither of us had time to do - which was shoot an innocent child in the head before he detonated the device but... I'm not a monster. A killer. Not a monster and 'Ro couldn't either.

That's what those assholes had counted on as I was washed over by the charge of power and disruption to the air that the explosion provided and my face was in the sand, my goggles and bandana protecting my eyes and mouth.

Heero was meant to be quicker than me - better, stronger, he was meant to be the best and I was meant to be nothing more than number two, following in his wake. But he didn't see, or maybe he did, a second too damn late as the blast threw him back and the buildings above crumbled and the kid was nothing.

The ringing in my ears made the world around me slip like glass, underwater, distorted and I pushed myself up, my head spinning, breathing in fumes despite the fact the bandana covered my mouth and I crawled, unsteady and sick, towards him, my weapon left behind as I just fucking forgot. Some soldier I was, as I was so damn focused on him and I couldn't hear him - but once I was near enough I could see - and oh fuck.

I'd never, ever, seen something so bad first hand - too damn close as blood flowed and Heero had gritted teeth and I didn't need to hear the noises he made as I reached him, tried to move him so we weren't so damn exposed. I hoped, oh shit, I hoped that this explosion - that little boy was the last thing as right now I had nothing left to fight with - no mental reserves, no soldierly resolve, only the concern of someone who was watching someone important to me die.

I didn't know - I so didn't know - what I felt Heero but damn it, he meant shit to me. Whether it was love or lust or hell, convenience - I slept with people but I didn't just jump into bed with anyone and I wouldn't have jumped into bed with 'Ro on some goddamn whim or stupid mistake thing. I meant it.

And here he fucking was - his leg torn to shit, the blast, the angle, whatever meant it was just... I felt myself panic as shit - despite training - two lots of triage medicine training - I knew, I knew it was pointless. I radioed in with "man down" – nothing else more coherent than that – no co-ordinates, nothing as I got close. I couldn't hear him, the ringing in my goddamn ears but we could both lip read. I wanted to make a reference to how we met - oh not how we met but how I rescued his ass from that Alliance hospital - when he read my lips, but instead...I was trying to stem the blood, I was going to try and create a tourniquet but all I was doing was getting blood all over me and I knew… I knew.

He murmured the word "stop". It played across his lips softly and I saw his eyes flutter, closing, and I grabbed at the collar of the white t-shirt, trying to shake him for all the damn good it would do.

"Fuck you," I shot back at him. "I am not losing you, asshole"

But it didn't matter. He was gone. I knew that yet my brain was holding onto the images of him alive - those that spanned from him being a fifteen year old asshole wearing spandex to something more up to date. To last night and me on top of him, my mouth on his chest, trailing over him, making him moan, him encouraging my head downwards - his fingers using gentle force until I complied - was always gonna, I wasn't a fucking tease... And that memory was ripping me to damn pieces as he was dead in my arms.

I leaned down, brushed my lips over his one last time – one last kiss.

The rest of the day passed me by in a blur, my "man down" communication had been received, us collected by a rescue team and time became weird, fluid, as I ended back at the base, making the call to Quatre as I knew he had to know – knew he'd do the right thing. Make the calls. Couldn't call the Princess myself. Couldn't damn do it. Could only say "Quat – it's Heero."

And it was all that was needed. The rest of the day… well, that faded with sedatives, when I demanded to be with his body, when I became irrational and fought and clawed to be next to him. When the first dose of drugs did fuck all for me and then there was the second dose, my body pinned down to metal gurney until they finally worked.

There was comfort in those sedatives as it was a sleep unhindered by thought or memories and dreams and when I woke up, head groggy, body aching, in my bunk, my heart hammering in my chest, I remembered it all. His body, his blood, his blank blue eyed stare. But I was damn confused as I was in the bunk – in the room, in the base, not in the medical wing, not strapped down and not restrained. Yet I didn't think much about it as I'd woken up with the knowledge that Heero Yuy was dead and it wasn't for the first time in my life. And little did I know, it wouldn't be the damn last.