Hey.. I jsut came backfrom the doctor and I thought that maybe it's time to updat...here you go.
Love you guys.
I'm really trying to do a good job here, so please tell me what you would like to read here and is there is something you don't like. I realy care about what you say.
-x-
It passed a week since I kissed Dimitri and since I seen him last. Every day seems like a whole year. Evey second seems like a day... Where is he and why isn't he coming to me?
The truth is, I haven't been to that park all week, but I was stuck with my homework. But is not like he can't come to my window and throw some pebble in. He dosen't care, maybe that kiss was nothing to him and he just palyed me. He used those beautiful words to conquer me and than leave. It is not right, and hell, I won't care, no more. No more.
It's Monday again and I can't pay any atention to the teachers. They are talking they own language and I am thinking at my own language.
"Hey Rose, do you want to call dad to pick us?"
"If you want to, but I rather take a walk." I say to Lissa. She has been next to me all week. She is the only one that knows my whole world has turned upside down.
"You know, it is a great ideea. I need a walk too."
"Why? Did you and Christian had a fight?"
"No, we are good, but... even if he is next to me I feel like he is miles away. I don't know why. He alwyas makes me smile, make me feel real." Well, maybe I'm not the ony one with problems in this world. Because of Dimitri I forgat about Lissa and her problems. We have been always there for each other and now, that my world broke because of a stranger, I totaly forgat to worry about her.
"Do you think he is chating on you?"
"What, no, no,no. God, no."
"Than what's the problem?"
"The thing is, he closed himself up, he dosen't let me in, it's like we are togeter but not really."
"Sorry Lissa, but I haven't understood a word you said." And the truth is, I haven't. It'l like she talks but I can't understand anything. And is not because I'm thinking about Dimitri, is because of her way of talking.
"He has some problems but he does not share it with me."
"And that is a problem?"
"You can't understand Rose, you have never been in love." And this really hurt me. No, maybe I have never been in love, but hell, I know how is it when you can't understand the person you ... love? No, I don't love him... I can't. He dosen't give a fuck for me. I can't understand how can I care so much about a person that dosen't give a fuck for me. I feel like all my life has gone insane because of this man. If he would be here, in front of me, I would kill him for turning my normal life in this madness.
"You are right, Lissa. I don't."
"I didn't meant it, you know Rose."
"I don't know. I know you love me and you would never do something to hurt me." But actualy she did, she did hurt me.
"You know, why don't you go to that park tonight and talk with him?"
"No."
"Yes, you will. Go and end this suffering. " maybe she is right. I can't go on like this.
"You know what. I will, hell, I will."
And I did. Here I am, in the same place we first met. He said he is always coming here, so tonight he will be here too. Or at least I hope so. I slowly close my eyes and let the imagination take me.
I am in my old house, in the house I used to live with my parents. I look at the door and see Dimitri coming in.
'Hey love, how was your day?' he says and I look at him but can't say a word. It feels real. So real. Like this is my life.
'Good.' I manage to say, but not very loud.
'Are you sure? You look bad.'
'Awww, thanks honey, I feel the love.'I say. Where came it from? It's like I can't control my mouth. God, I'm sleeping but why I can't wake up. Something is keeping me here.
'I'm not kidding. Are you sick?' he asks. I don't answer. All I need is to wake up. Why can't I?
'I'm just glad you are back.' And I hug him. Ok, now I can't control my mouth and my body. It's like I'm controled by someone but it dosen't affect my mind. WAKE UP ROSE, WAKE UP. But nothing happen. I'm still in Dimitri's arms.
'Now I'm here. Let me see that beautiful smile of yours.' He says. And now I'm smiling.
'How was your day?' why I keep asking if I don't mean it? Please mind, just take control over this.
'Good, but I missed you every second.' He said and I smile. I swear, I'm going to punch myself if I won't stop it. It makes me go insane, if I'm not already.
'No more than me.' Just shut up, Rose! Why can't I close my mouth?
'Come here!' he opens his arms and my feets go right there. Well, at least is not something I don't want. Those arms will look really good around me.
'You look tired.' I said
'I am.'
'Ok than, let's go eat somethig and than we can go and sleep.' I say pullying him after me in the ktichen.
'Ummm, you made black bread, my favorite.' He says. Now I know how to cook. Sure this is a dream, I don't know how to cook. But why can't I wake up?
'That's why I made it.' And black bread? What the hell is this black bread? I never heard of it, so there in no posibility to make something like this.
'You are the best, you know that?' he says
'You told me once or twice.' We ate and he told me how was his day. He haven't said a setance without remembering me how much he missed me. I know that this all is in my mind but I don't know why I feel like I'm trapped here. But also I feel like this is a perfect world where I could live happily.
I start to think that this, maybe is the life I want. A beautiful life with Dimitri.
'Rose, have you thought about what I asked you this morning?'he asks. I don't know what he asked me this morning so I don't know what my answer should be.
'Ummmm, no.'
'Why?'
'I don't know Dim-' and I stopped. Maybe his name is not Dimitri in this world.
'Why did you stopped?'
'No reason, no reason.'
'Ok.' And he let go the subject.
'Please don't get mad.' I take his hand in mine and he smiles.
'I love you, Rose.' He says. Love? Wow, I really like this dream. If this is a dream.
'Just kiss me.' And he kisses me. I kiss him back. It is rough, like we are hungry for each other. I close my eyes and let the moment take me. He caress my back with one hand and put the other in my hair. I wrap my arms around his neck to keep him close to me. God, I want this to happen every day. We depend the kiss and then I open my eyes to see... Adrian?
"Hey Rose, are you ok?" he asks.
"Ummm, what?"
"Were you sleeping?" was I? It all felt so real.
"I guess so." I say.
"Why are you here?" he asks but I don't answer and I put my fingers on my lips. I still feel Dimitri lips on mine. Like we just kissed.
"Do you want me to take you home?" he asks. Do I?
"Ummm, no, I wanna stay here." I answer to him. We are looking in each other eyes and he taked my hand in his.
"Do you feel sick?"
"No Adrian, I'm perfectly fine. Don't need to worry."
"Well I do. It 11 PM and you are here all alone." And with that I remember why I'm here. I need to talk to Dimitri.
"I'm good Adrian, you can go now."
"No, I'm not leaving you here." He says. No Adrian, go. Dimitri won't come if he sees you here. What can I do to make him leave?
"Please just go!."
"Why are you here?" really, I'm begging him to leave and he act like he didn't heard me?
"Because I needed to get away, me with my thoughts."
"Why have you been so sad these day Rose? It breaks me to see you like this." And it breaks me to hear him talking like that. No Adrian, forget me. Really, if I can delete all the memories he has with me I will. I want him to be happy, truly happy, but not with me.
"Don't talk like this."
"But it's true. I want to see you smiling, like you used to."
"It's not like-"
"Let me be the one who's making you happy." And here we go again.
"Look Adrian, I really want you to be the one who's making me smile again, I really want you to be the other half of me, but you are not."
"Just give yourself to me." now he is caressing my face with his fingers. He close the space between us and thouch my nouse with his.
"Adrian I-"
"Just think how happy we can be togeter." And he kisses me. I kiss him back because I feel like I owe him this. He takes my face in his hands, pulling me closer to him. I want this thing to end but he apparently don't thinks like me. After all I pull back.
"This is not right, Adrian."
"Why?"
"Because I don't feel the same." I don't want to hurt him again, I don't want to see him again suffering because of me. I love him so much as I'd give my life for him, but I can't be more than his friend.
"This kiss told me something else."
"No, you understood something else." Seeing that Dimitri didn't showed up, I get up. I want to leave and not think about what just happened.
"I'm sorry." He yells behind me. I turn to face him.
"No, your not. You waited for this moment, don't lie."
"Yeah your right, I waited for this moment for a long, long time, but you know what? I didn't enjoyed this at all." He just said what? He pulls himself up to come closer.
"Why?"
"Because you didn't wanted this. Because I forced you into this."
"Yeah you are right, I didn't wanted this. And you know why? Because it is not right Adrian, and you know it."
"Why can't you just love me?" and this words are like a stake in my heart. Why I can't love him? This is a good question? Way can't I love him? Everything would be so easy if I let myself love him.
"Because I can't." I close the space between us and now I take his face im my hands. "Look Adrian, I love you, so, so much, but just as a friend. I swear, I would give my life for you, but I just can't feel the same way as you. Please understand. I don't want to break your heart like this everytime you come near me. I wanna see you happy, in love, but not with me." I kiss his check and let him standing there. God, Adrian deserves something better than me. I can't help but feel like a bitch, just because I can't love him.
Walking home, suddenly I feel sick. Because I don't want to fall down, I sit on the ground. I close my eyes and when I open them I see Dimitri standinding front of me, smiling.
'Are you feeling alright?' he asks. It feels again like the dream I just had. Everything is here but my mind don't.
'Yeah baby, I'm feeling alright. Don't worry so much about me.' This dream is different from the dream that I had earlier. We're both in a meadow full of flowers and trees in bloom. The sun shines so hard that I can not look at him. Everything seems so real but my mind says it's a dream. I'm stuck here and can not escape.
'I'm glad, come on, let's sit on that banch.' He says pulling me after him. In the previous dream we were what seemed like a married couple for many years, as that was the life we both wanted to be a part of. In this dream, we are like a couple of teenagers who love each other.
'It's so beautiful here.' I say
'Like you, my love.'
'It feels like a dream to me.' Why I said that? It dosen't seems a dream,it is a dream. What I do not understand is why my mind is trying to pull me in reality. I know it's a dream but I can not wake up. It's not normal, not normal to feel that way.
'You feel like a dream to me.' He says. At least I'm not lonly in this crazy dream.
'Look Dimitri, I feel so good here with you, so right but something is pushing me out of this dream. It's like I know it's a dream- and something - ' and suddnely I wake up.
What's happening to me?
I get up and heading home. I'm beginning to get sick. These dreams, which come and go as in anything are not normal. I do not feel like myself.
I came in the park to talk to Dimitri, but he seems to have forgotten me. Since I met him nothing seems normal in my life.
The only thing I have to do now is to forget it, forget that I ever met him,to I forget I kissed him, forget his existence.
-x-
Hey, I hope this chapter is better than the last one. I really wish for this story to be a good one, a story that you guys really like.
I told you that I want to make from this story a short one, so this is one of the reasons why things go so fast. And I'm sorry, really sorry for my grammar mistakes. Really sorry.
Thank you for all the reviews and thanks to all of you for reading my story.
And by the way, what do you think is happening to Rose? is she going insane? Tell me what you think.
See you next time.
Lot of love
Paula
Evening star
There was, as in the fairy tales,
As ne'er in the time's raid,
There was, of famous royal blood
A most beautiful maid.
She was her parents' only child,
Bright like the sun at noon,
Like the Virgin midst the saints
And among stars the moon.
From the deep shadow of the vaults
Her step now she directs
Toward a window; at its nook
Bright Evening-star expects.
She looks as in the distant seas
He rises, darts his rays
And leads the blackish, loaded ships
On the wet, moving, ways.
To look at him every night
Her soul her instincts spur;
And as he looks at her for weeks
He falls in love with her.
And as on her elbows she leans
Her temple and her whim
She feels in her heart and soul that
She falls in love with him.
And ev'ry night his stormy flames
More stormily renew
When in the shadow of the castle
She shows to his bright view. ...to be continued.
This poetry is called "Evening Star" and it's written by Mihai Eminescu, one of the best poet from Romania. Translated in my language it is "Luceafarul". Here it's just a part from the poetry. This work has 98 stanzzas and it's way too beautiful. I'll post all the poetry, little by little. I hope you like it. I surly do.
Please tell me what you think about the begining of this poetry but also about my work. Please tell me if you want the next chapter.
Love you all.
