Sirius was honestly nervous. For the first time in years he and Artemis had to go to a normal school so to speak. Angeline had been firm about that part. Tiny problem with that. Artemis and Sirius were wizards.

So they had two options, neither of which made Butler very happy.

One, they went to the nearby private school, which included a psyche evaluation by professionals. (Which was actually a game the two played to annoy said professionals. They have sent over a hundred psychiatrists back gibbering to their own psyche wards. Sirius found this fact hilarious.)

Or two, Hogwarts. No psychiatrists there, but they would have to contend with nosy house elves, ghosts who pick up more than they should, and portraits which kept nothing from the headmaster.

Just thinking about that network of informants made Sirius and Butler twitch. Still, at least Butler knew that Sirius could keep an eye on Artemis from inside. He would protect him whenever he went to the local village.

The fact that Sirius had a thing about getting Artemis to interact with kids his age, was just amusing in his opinion.

Fortunately they were allowed to bring Butler on the grounds. Or as close as they could get. Sirius paid for a small house in the middle of the village that had perfect vantage points. It also happened to be next door to the hotspots for most of the students, namely between Honeydukes and across from Zonko's. Three doors down was Madam Rosemerta's pub. Butler couldn't ask for a better spot. Sirius also provided him with enough of the gold coins that Butler could live there for a year and still have enough money to prank the headmaster or someone who annoyed them too much.

Personally he learned that poisoning someone is just as fun as kneecapping them.


So here Sirius and Artemis were, getting the books yet again. Fortunately for the guys behind the counter, Sirius happened to know how to handle the Monster Book of Monsters. He and Artemis had signed up for almost the exact same classes. Arithimancy, Care of Magical Creatures (they figured they could use some more help next time they dealt with fairies), Ancient Runes for Sirius and Divination for Artemis. Sirius wondered if he should take the special course for Healing next to Madam Pomphrey. Then he remembered the incident with their mother and decided to take a chance.

This is where he met Draco Malfoy, a pure-blood supremacist with a problem for half bloods. He took one look at the garb of Artemis and immediately got on the boy's nerves. Unfortunately for him, Butler happened to be in the area with Sirius, looking up some very unfriendly spells for the boys to practice.

"So you're the half blood brats who were home schooled in Ireland."

Sirius looked at him askance.

"And you are?"

"Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. Official leader of the Slytherin house."

Sirius snickered.

"Official leader? Hey Artemis, you wanna try and take over the house from within?"

"I don't know. Are you going to bust people's kneecaps with a beater's bat again? You were particularly artful with that gorilla from Dublin."

"Yeah, my aim is shoddy with a wand. Beater's bats are untraceable, especially when you just conjured them."

Draco's eyes widened with each word. They weren't serious were they? Then he took a long look at the black haired one with green eyes. He looked very serious about the kneecapping.

"Sirius and Artemis Fowl. Sons of the infamous Artemis Fowl the first, who went down in Russia over two years ago."

"Fowl...as in the kid who robbed the Faerie folk last year?"

Sirius was impressed.

"How on earth did you hear about that. I would have thought the Fae would keep such a thing to themselves. Particularly since it was a twelve year old who took out a full grown bull troll with tusks like a boar with only a flute and a lumos maxima spell."

Draco stared at them. From what he could tell the kid wasn't joking.

"Our house elves talk. Besides, the Ministry got hell last year when the People let them know that they were lied to about the whereabouts of Harry Potter. Something about running into him during an unpleasant encounter."

"Oh that. I'm surprised they saw that scar from a tiny iris cam."

An older man approached them. He looked like an older version of Draco.

"Well Draco, aren't you going to introduce us to your new...friends?"

"These are the transfer students from Ireland."

"Artemis Fowl the second. This is my older brother Sirius...he also doubles as an enforcer when you can't trust your own people to keep their mouths shut."

"Yo," Sirius gave him a two fingered salute.

"I take you and your...father...are in the darker side of life?"

"Not our father. This is Butler...and our bodyguard."

"Butler here is armed to the teeth and knows more moves that can be used to kill people in less than ten seconds then most people learn in a lifetime," said Sirius.

The man was impressed.

"Are you two the ones who robbed the People last year?"

"Artemis did the actual kidnapping. I just dealt with the adult bull troll and the rather unpleasant dwarf named Mulch."

Sirius saw the man instruct his son to become friends with the Irish transfers. He snorted. Unless Draco had something they needed it was unlikely they would even become acquaintances.

The red heads outside were becoming conspicuous. At a glance, he could tell the two younger ones were trouble, the twins possible allies and the older one a regular pain if they needed to deal with him.

Unfortunately for Sirius, he was unable to kill any students in a private boarding school in the middle of nowhere. They would most likely suspect the new kids before anyone.

They bought their books, a new bag to carry their things, and one final stop before they went back to the Cauldron.

Sirius wanted an owl. He wanted something which could send letters and keep him company. Artemis was interested in magical pets, and Butler wound up looking for something dangerous, large and enough to keep faeries away in case of another siege.

Sirius bought a snow white owl he named Adhara. Artemis found an interesting dog which almost looked like a wolf. It was pitch black with silver paws. He named it Midnight.

Butler got a catalog for large and dangerous animals, and found one he really liked. It was a three headed hound called a Cerberus. He was a bit annoyed that he would have to register the thing with the Irish Ministry in order to get it, but Sirius had a better idea.

So the next stop was Knockturn alley. Sirius conjured his favorite bat, and the look in his eyes was enough for most would be assailants to avoid them. For the rest, Butler's size did the trick. They walked out of the alley with a new puppy the size of a full grown St. Bernard with three heads. At Sirius' insistence, they named it Padfoot. Sirius met up with the goblin clans the next day to have wards added to the estate, all expenses paid from the Potter account.

As far as the Ministry was concerned, the Fowl Manor was a large vacation house for the Potter family which was being renovated.


They boarded the train easily enough, after making sure Butler was sent on ahead with the Knight Bus.

(He vowed later to the boys that he would rather take one of the evil port keys that wizards favored to that bus. He nearly had a heart attack from riding it.)

Sirius was wearing his usual ball cap for jobs that would likely get police attention. It was dark blue with a black wolf or dog on the front. On the rim was the star constellation he shared the name with.

Artemis was dressed in an appropriate fashion for most occasions. Both boys refused to wear the robes, which while giving plenty of opportunity to hide things, were more constricting in their movements. It was worth more to have mobility than anonymity.

The first people who tried to sit with them were a pair of irritating students from a red and gold house. According to Seamus these people were Gryffindors. He had included a general description of people in their year.

From his description, these two were Ron Weasly and Hermione Granger. A bookworm who should have been placed in Ravenclaw and a chess freak who could beat anyone in his own house. Behind them was a nervous boy who fit the profile for the resident Herbology prodigy Neville Longbottom. Hailed as the boy-who-lived because the real one had yet to show up, he had a tendency to blow up his cauldron in Potions.

"Not interested in company unless you're in the mood to talk about plants," said Sirius abruptly.

Annoyed the girl and redhead left the door. But Neville stayed.

"I'm N-N-Neville Longbottom."

"Sirius Fowl. This is my younger twin brother Artemis. Don't let his perpetual scowl fool you, he's nice to people who know him."

Sirius and Neville then got into a serious debate on compost and soil types. They completely ignored the man sleeping in the corner while Artemis watched it all with amusement. He never would have believed that his brother would have found someone he could relate to so easily. He idly wondered if he would have such luck.

Draco was on a mission. Find and befriend the Fowl brothers. Further investigation into them had his father impressed. At age thirteen they were already criminal masterminds...or at least the younger one was. He suspected Sirius was just as smart, if not more so than his brother, because as any Slytherin would tell you in a heartbeat appearances are deceiving. That little show in the book store seemed a bit rehearsed, though it was very well done. Sirius came off as a thug, more in the line of Crabbe and Goyle then Draco, albeit a bit more educated.

He found them with the unlikeliest person he would have suspected. Neville Longbottom. A pure-blood menace when he entered the Potions lab. He made it a point to avoid the boy ever since he blew up a simple boils cure first year.

Sirius and Neville seemed to be having a very detailed conversation about plants apparently. Artemis seemed amused that a nervous boy managed to get his brother to show his actual intelligence. Draco opened the door. For some reason Neville seemed relaxed when he was in the new transfers presence.

"Mind if I join you? Parkinson is a menace."

"Who?"

"Pansy Parkinson. Third year in my house. She's seems to have deluded herself that she'll be my wife once I come of age."

Draco had made a face when he said this.

"Go ahead."

Draco sat next to Artemis, took a look at the book he was reading and struck up his own conversation with the rather amused boy. Somehow he just knew at the very least Artemis would be a Slytherin. Sirius might be a Hufflepuff or a Ravenclaw. But there was no way in hell he was a damn Gryffindor.

The twins showed up, amused. Apparently Sirius had annoyed their younger brother by making him sit with them.

"I'm Fred and this is George."

"No, I'm Fred and you're George," said the other.

Draco rolled his eyes. They always liked to confuse people. They were the only students that had made it onto Snape's to-be-poisoned-at-first-chance-I-can-get-away-with-it list. Dumbledore was on there too, only he was at the top.

"So let me get this straight. Your names are Gred and Forge?"

They grinned and held up a 'V' sign. Artemis actually groaned in dismay. Much to his annoyance his brother had a penchant for pranks. Usually used on Juliet, but mostly on Artemis himself. Butler actually found some of his pranks quite amusing, which is why he never did anything to stop it once he realized it was Sirius' handiwork.

He could easily have stopped some of his brother's more amusing pranks had he felt like it. But he rarely did since he knew full well that Sirius tested each one before using it on Artemis. Nothing he did would actually hurt the boy, just annoy him to no end. Some days that was all he lived for.

"I bet I can out-prank you both."

They smirked and said "Who'll be your target?"

"The headmaster. You?"

The twins were grinning widely now.

"Snape."

"I wouldn't recommend it. He's sworn to poison you both if you hit him any time during the next month. I think he's serious about it this time."

Clearly Sirius saw this as an opportunity, since he quipped, "He's not Sirius, I am!"

A snort of amusement was heard from the man who was previously sleeping.

"You are, and that was a terrible pun," said Artemis flatly.

"Says the runt who shares the same name as the Greek goddess of the moon and hunt," said Sirius with a poke.

The other boys stared at him.

"And the same name as a cat on a magical girl cartoon called Sailor Moon."

"And ever since you pointed it out I have hated that show with a passion," growled Artemis. Sirius stuck his tongue out at him, smirking.

Fred and George grinned and said "You're on!"

The trolley witch showed up, and Sirius bought out the entire cart. He took one look at the red pops and smirked.

"Here Art, try these. They're pretty good. Cherry flavor I think."

"You know I don't like lollipops."

"And your point is? Just try it."

He reluctantly took it, and once he put it in his mouth he spat it out in disgust. Draco and Neville laughed. The 'cherry' flavored pop was actually a joke treat called Blood Pops. Then Artemis had an interesting look on his face. He was thinking.

"Butler?"

Artemis nodded. (Much to Butler's shock, Artemis does have a sense of humor that he picked up from his brother. It just didn't show up much, and was usually very morbid.)


Soon they were chatting again, trying out new sweets (Sirius and a reluctant Artemis) or simply catching up on their boring summers. Too bad Artemis had decided that they weren't allowed to mention actually kidnapping a fairy and stealing their gold. That story would have been more fun to listen to then Draco's tale of how he spiked his father's drink to turn his hair neon pink. (Something his mother managed to save him from payback.)

Then the train abruptly stopped, and the twins froze. Was this a regular occurrence? Judging by Draco's yelp, no.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Quiet. The dementors are searching the train for Sirius Black," said the man.

Sirius stared at him. He remembered that voice. But the thing that struck him first was that he had said his first name.

"You have got to be joking. Some other idiot named their kid Sirius?"

"This coming from someone who named their owl Adhara?" said Artemis dryly.

Suddenly the door opened, and Sirius could just see a girl with flaming red hair and another with pale blond.

"Oof!"

"You alright Ginny?" asked Neville.

"Who?" asked Sirius.

"Ginny Weasly, youngest Weasly in residence and the only girl of the brood," said Draco.

Sirius looked at Draco, "Damn, how many kids did this woman have?"

"Seven, five are still in the school."

The door opened again this time, only there was something wrong. The window was fogging up and Sirius could see a rotted hand pulling the door open.

He didn't think twice. He had read about a charm which projected a shield against foul creatures that sucked them from the caster. It looked like he had run into one of those freaks.

"Expecto Patronum!"

A silver stag erupted from his wand. Artemis and Butler had once commented on his odd spell, and he said he always viewed the stag as a messenger of good will and luck.

He never mentioned that he remembered his birth father becoming that once in front of him. It was one of the few memories he had of him.

"Prongs, attack!"

The stag burst into motion, hitting the dementor square on the chest, knocking it out of the compartment. The new professor looked at him in shock. Either from name or spell.

"Where...did you learn that spell?"

"I read it out of a NEWT charms book. Once I figured out that it was the creature they described I didn't think."

"That dementor was looking for Sirius Black. He just escaped Azkaban."

"What was his crime?" asked Artemis. He could see the wheels spinning rapidly behind his brother's eyes. Something was up.

"Kidnapping and killing the boy-who-lived. Or so they claim. But I knew the man, and there is no way he would have hurt Harry."

"Or for the love of...did it ever occur to the Wizarding world that the boy-who-lived came back under a new name of his adoptive family? That he just wanted some peace?"

The pale blond looked at him with dreamy eyes and said "You're Harry Potter."

"Not since my parents died, no. I'm Sirius Fowl, menace of the garden and a wicked aim when I use my bat. You are?"

"Luna Lovegood."

"Ah, Luna. Would you mind getting off my younger brother? He doesn't like physical contact too much."

Luna had tripped and fell on Artemis before the dementor opened the door. Sirius was a tad amused to see interest in his brother's eyes. Was it possible that his brother had developed an interest in females? He was the right age for it...


The train sped back up, and Ginny left. Sirius invited Luna to stick around, since she was still feeling the effects of the dementor, even with the chocolate that Lupin (new teacher) gave her. Luna turned out to be an unexpected source of information. You just had to get past the initial gambit of creatures that very few people could actually see, and of those almost all of them were muggle.

Sirius knew he had struck a gold mine when he met Luna. She would be perfect for their hostile takeover of the wizarding world from within. And since he had clearly earned her favor right off by actually talking to her like she had a brain, he knew that she would be a valuable asset.

The train stopped, and they were greeted by a large man with wild hair. This was Hagrid, from the description.

"Firs' years and Transfers, over hear! Firs' years and transfers!"

Sirius and Artemis, unlike their new acquaintances, never bothered with the robes. Much to Sirius' surprise, Neville turned out to be fun to talk to. They both had a passion for gardening, and Sirius had a thing about bullied children. He hated bullies who picked on younger children. And that's what he saw in Neville.

Which pretty much meant that if he saw the boy being bullied he would go out of his way to do something about it. Artemis didn't know about this little habit, but he would learn about it pretty quick. (Sirius had no problem with bullies going after someone older than they were. If they were older, then they should have stuck up for themselves a long time ago.)


Sirius was mildly impressed with the castle, though he compared it to their home in the Fowl manor and his impressed state dropped big time. He knew that there were only a handful of classes available, and over half the rooms were old and unused.

Which lead to two conclusions for the brothers.

One, Hogwarts couldn't keep up with payments for certain professors (highly unlikely, since it was well known that they had a ghost teaching history, so why pay him? And what about the alumni and fund left by the founders, which was still active? So it wasn't that.)

Or two, which was their secret suspicion. Someone was trying to weaken the society by turning out weaker and weaker wizards who were half trained and more likely to die without adequate schooling. This would partly explain why the Pure bloods have been dropping like rocks in concern to power levels, and why the rate of squib births had jumped since Dumbledore took over.

The other was attributed to inbreeding.

Sirius had an explanation as to why his brother was a wizard along with him. It was quite simple really. Angeline and Lily were both from the same mother, who was actually a magical creature descendant. Lily just inherited more magic through her father, the heir to the throne of England. Since that extra push gave her enough magic to qualify for the school, she developed it more. Angeline's spark remained dormant and finally passed on to Artemis.

This spark would have remained dormant as well, except Sirius had arrived into their household when he was still a baby, and constant, continual exposure to his larger than normal spark of magic which tended to leak until it stabilized at age eleven had caused Artemis to develop enough of the power to be noticed by the Ministry sensors. From there the two had practiced enough for Artemis to keep from being classed a squib, as his magic was about three quarters the amount of his twin.

Being exposed to the fairy magic last year didn't hurt either, since it gave Sirius a power boost and almost doubled the amount of magic Artemis already had.

(Sirius had found an old spell which gave them a precise number of their magic. He had cast this spell at least once a month to judge their progress, and was startled to find that the fairy magic both had been exposed to had given them a boost.)

He never actually told Artemis his theory. It was just a thought. Besides, he knew his brother. If Artemis had heard it, he would have most likely gone out to find a way to boost his power to match his brother. Which is a headache he and Butler did not need at the moment, what with Artemis Fowl Sr. still missing in action.

(Sirius knew full well the man was still alive. He had found a spell right before their father headed to Russia on the Fowl Star and used it to track him. Unfortunately he didn't have the other spell that went with it which would have told them where he was...so they could stage a rescue. All they knew was that he was alive. Unharmed, no, but alive.)


They entered the hall, and awaited the sorting.

Seamus had pretty much told them exactly what was about to happen, so they enjoyed themselves by watching the other children squirm.

The ghosts gave everyone else a scare, but Sirius laid down the law with them. They stayed out of their business, and the next time he did a spirit walk he wouldn't send them kicking and screaming into the other side of the mortal veil.

He loved the fact that he could spy on Butler without the man knowing how. It made him even more paranoid than he already was. Something the brothers found highly amusing, since said man was extremely paranoid. It was through his spirit walk that he found a rather interesting tidbit they weren't aware of, which was unusual.

Butler was in contact with the old geezer with the spinning eyes and tons of scars, Alastor Moody. They had hit it off on what would have been his third attempt at regaining Harry Potter/Sirius Fowl. Butler had stopped him before he entered the house, and once they realized they had a lot in common (several acquaintances in the same military/school for example) they decided to keep in contact instead.

Which meant if they ever needed magical back up that did NOT involve fairies or half trained idiots (classmates) they could ask Butler to contact the man, who was bored out of his mind thanks to forced retirement. Moody hated having nothing to do, it made him twitch.

Hence why he is current the most paranoid wizard to date. His paranoia is fed by complete and utter boredom. And why he has more alarms spells around his house then even Hogwarts could manage.

They walked up to the stool and Sirius spotted Seamus. He grinned, and waved to his fellow Irishman. Apparently Seamus figured out who he was, since he smirked and gave a similar wave back. It was thanks to this source that Artemis and Sirius had a very good idea of where the classes were, and which ones were so useless they would be better off reading from the textbook instead.


The first years were sorted before them, and Dumbledore stood up to introduce them.

"This year we have two transfers who come from being home schooled. Please make them feel welcome."

That's right you old bastard, single out the only students who have refused your precious invitation no matter how many times you give it. Hell the only reason we're going to this farce is because Mum threatened us with psychiatrists and we didn't feel like dealing with them.

"Fowl, Artemis!"

Not to their surprise, the hat took one look into his mind and yelled Slytherin in less than two seconds on his head.

What surprised them was that it took the hat a full ten minutes for it to put Sirius into Slytherin as well. Why? He was having a debate against Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. According to the hat, he would have fit in three of the four houses, and would never fit into Gryffindor. His brilliant mind would have made him an ideal Raven, while his utter loyalty to his brother and anyone who becomes more than an ally made him the sneakiest Puff around.

But it wasn't until he found memories of the last time Sirius went on a job for the Fowl family that involved not only crippling but giving the man a concussion that he was practically thrown into Slytherin. Sirius hid family secrets very well.

Draco couldn't believe this. Both Fowls in Slytherin?

Neville and Seamus were in disbelief. Neville had mentioned meeting Sirius on the train to the Irish wizard, and Seamus had told him he was already acquainted with the boy through conversations they had during the holidays. As a fellow half-blood he got along fine with him.

So they traded experiences about Sirius, and both agreed to remain friends with him, despite being in opposite houses.

Once the introductions were out of the way, and the food had appeared, Sirius and Artemis set out to accomplish their private goal of putting Hogwarts under their complete control.

Both boys avoided the kidney pie and headed straight for the chicken. Sirius recognized the taste of house elf cooked food, it had their flair of magic around it. Which meant he could find and bribe said elves into poisoning people in exchange for a way back to their Fairy brethren.

One by one the elves would leave, and the headmaster would have to actually get new ones, which would result in the severe depletion of their precious house elf laws.

Root's inquiry to other house elves in Dark and Light families revealed that there was no actual magic binding them to their orders, it was just that wizards had in recent years used physical/magic retribution if orders weren't followed. They had taken the binding spell for granted, which meant that the whole thing could collapse if the elves knew how to break it.

Which was his plan. Sirius had already freed half the Potter elves, while the others stayed on because they didn't know how to survive outside the binding. Didn't mean they weren't technically free of it already, they just opted to stay with Sirius for the rest of their lives.

The goblins helped the newly freed elves back into the Lower Elements, where the others were. In exchange, they sent up a large amount of gold equal to their weight once they made it. It was the greatest trick played on the rather arrogant Ministry wizards.

Besides, it would annoy both Dumbledore and Voldemort to no end, which made it entirely worth it.


Draco showed them to their new house, and told them the basic rules that were pretty much unofficial once the prefect had laid down the basics for the firsties.

"Rule one: stealing from another Slytherin is allowed as long as you don't get caught. We classify it as 'borrowing' to keep the old goat happy. I recommend this for classes you miss. Second: you are fully allowed to haze other Slytherins, but you must keep this within house walls only. House loyalty is a must, since Gryffindors will be attempting to make your life miserable and we tend to do the same to them. Three: Snape doesn't tolerate whining of any form, more so in the morning. And finally, Filch is a tad more lenient to Slytherin house but he will still report anything you do if you're caught. So you damn better have an excuse ready if found...I recommend blaming Ron Weasly, since he is in general an idiot outside of chess."

Sirius sensed some back story on that one.

"What did he do to piss you off?"

"Came into my compartment looking for the boy-who-lived, made fun of both my hair color and name, and then proceeded to put me on the Terror Twins need-to-be-pranked list, which is very dangerous territory for a first year."

They looked incredulous.

"Those two have a reputation?"

"They currently hold the mantel of prank kings, not seen since the Marauders graduated, and I got that one from Snape. Which is unusual, since Snape apparently had a grudge against James Potter for some hazing which happened for several years."

Oh crap. I just know he'll direct that pent up anger to me once he realizes who I am. Just my damn luck that I'm in HIS house...

"Oh, and before I forget, if you get caught doing something, best make sure it's Snape and not McGonagall. The woman has a ten foot spiked pole up her ass, and most students call her the old Battle Axe behind her back. Snape favors the Slytherins, and is less likely to issue a warning if he catches you. But he will deduct points if you are unlucky and can't come up with a good enough excuse."

Good to know. He'd probably help me hit the Headmaster with a poison if I ask right.

"Best pick your beds now. You two get to chose your own rooms here. Slytherins get individual rooms depending on power levels, so the more power you hold in the house, the better your room gets. First years have to share, but after that their dorm room separates."

"What about bathrooms?" asked Artemis.

"Slytherin was a man who liked privacy, so everyone gets their own bathroom. For soap and hair care orders, the founders even installed a post with a permanent owl on standby. Orders are taken around noon during lunch, and brought back by dinner. It's the only owl post that the headmaster can't interfere with, only the leader of the individual houses."

"So basically we have to share for a month and then our rooms will tailor themselves to fit our status within the house? And our personal items must be ordered at the only time of day we have free from classes?" clarified Artemis. He could grow to like this house.

"Exactly. Basic shampoo and conditioner is considered part of the tuition for the school for those who aren't from wealthy pure-blood families. Or half blood heirs. But the better quality ones you have to pay for yourself ahead of time. Half bloods and muggleborns get a discount."

In that case, there's no way in hell I'm telling these people I'm really Harry Potter.

"Have any of the pure blood tried to use an assumed name to get the discount?"

"It wouldn't work. The owls deliver to the person who order it personally, so if you went under an assumed name it wouldn't go to you. Unless of course you actually believed that was your name, in which case you have a problem with multiple personality disorder."

"Or you had gone by that name your entire life," said Sirius.

He was registered as Sirius Fowl, so that was how he would stay.

Artemis chose the bed away from the window, unaware that was where the warming charm was located. He spent the next week with a massive head cold. Sirius had the window bed, and was perfectly fine...avoiding the hexes sent his way by his brother for making fun of him, not so much.


It took less than a week for them to solidify their personal alliances.

In the Gryffindor house Sirius had secured a friendship with Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom, the Terror Twins (when his prank succeeded and Dumbledore walked around with a bad case of boils for three days) and Hermione Granger. Artemis had gained the loyalty of Percy Weasly and Lee Jordan when he gave him some rather interesting Irish words he could put in his broadcast at Quidditch matches.

In the Hufflepuff house the two gained the allegiance of Cedric Diggory and Susan Bones, both of which happened to have parents in the Ministry.

In Ravenclaw they gained allies in Mandy Brocklehurst (muggleborn with prominent scientists for parents), Luna Lovegood and Padma Patil (who was by far a better choice compared to her twin Parvati).

In Slytherin they made their best breakthrough, because after they secured their spot in their own house their room changed.

Draco Malfoy, Marcus Flint, both sets of Prefects, Blaise Zabini, Daphne Greengrass, Lythiel Moon, Sally-Anne Perks and surprisingly enough the Crabby Gargoyles who followed Draco.

To Draco's shock, Sirius and Artemis had better rooms than he did, and he was the Slytherin Prince!

Sirius's had a deep blue room, almost sapphire colored, with warm green and silver tones for the sheets. His window had a dark silver curtain, which blocked out the light nicely, and set the tone to be like night, which meant on their days off he could sleep in. (Sirius by nature hates to wake up in the morning. So Artemis asked Root to wake him up with an air horn inside his silenced canopy. Which is why the day his brother came up with that he put frogs in his bed.) The candles were an aromatic beeswax mixed with a lily and peppermint scent. His carpet had an embroidered snake around the edges, and a wolf howling at a full amber moon.

Artemis had a rather tasteful old Irish themed room, with deep earth tones. His bed had deep green and light brown sheets, and was very plush. His window threw the whole room into a teal color when the sun hit it right around dusk. The curtain had embroidered runes which he couldn't read, and from what he could tell were Gaelic in origin. Around the carpet were fairies of all breeds, and runes which he didn't recognize. The candle gave off a perfumed scent. And from what he could tell it was one of the more expensive brands.

(Sirius later informed Draco that was the scent their mother wore.)

Draco on the other hand...

His room was a brilliant silver and green ensemble, with expensive as hell Egyptian cotton sheets the color of the sky, Ravenclaw blue curtains which did nothing to block a third of the sunlight, so he woke up early every morning. His carpet had a dungeon scene which set his morbid mood each morning. His candles were plain wax, and gave off no scent. But compared to the other rooms he had seen, he had the best.

Not anymore. It was clear that the Fowl brothers had rooms built for comfort, style, and most important practicality. It was made for both function and taste. Which meant that the Fowl twins had already ousted him as the unequivocal ruler of Slytherin.

(The truth was that the elves usually did a half-ass job decorating the rooms since the students usually ignored or kicked at them when seen. Particularly Slytherins. So in revenge they gave the Snake's Nest poor room decorations. However Sirius and Artemis had already demonstrated that they cared about elves, and had freed almost twenty of them from Hogwarts, so they took extra special care decorating, taking tips from Root as to what to get. The fact that the 'leaders' of each house got better rooms was usually a fluke.)

Sirius had gained the interest of one Severus Snape and Minerva McGonagall in his first class. Why? He kept up his facade and still got good reviews.

Snape recognized the false personal, and had Sirius stay behind. His suspicion was confirmed when Sirius asked which poison to use on the headmaster. Once Snape found out that Sirius had an intelligence hidden by his hidden in plain sight sadism and violent side, he went about finding why he hid it. The answer surprised him.

Sirius was Artemis' secondary bodyguard. But he was also a master strategist, and he knew that by hiding his intelligence behind a enforcer facade, he gained an advantage over people. Something which could save his brother's life later on.

After which Snape assisted his new favorite snake by leaving Neville alone during Potions.

McGonagall liked him because he was nice to animals, and was the one student who even gave her a second glance when she was going to give them the lecture on Animagi. He paid particular attention to that class, and had gone straight to the library afterwords to search the transfiguration section.

Hence why she liked him.

Artemis on the other hand, had gained the respect of the Arithimancy teacher, the astrology teacher and the charms teacher. Contrary to his name, Sirius had absolutely no interest in astrology or astronomy. Artemis had to keep kicking him during the class in order to keep him awake long enough for the assignment.

Flitwick liked Artemis because he had a love of chess, shogi, and Go. He even beat Ron Weasly, the unofficial Chess master of the entire school. Many of his Ravens had challenged the boy to the game and had been thoroughly beaten. So he had gotten a pretty swelled head in concerns to the subject. Artemis brought him back to earth when he beat him five times in a row within five minutes.

The Astrology teacher simply liked Artemis because he made sure his brother stayed awake during class, and he was very alert during.

Septimus Vector, head of the Arithimancy class loved the boy because he did fifteen extremely difficult problems without once using a piece of parchment to work it out.

So now the only person who had yet to be swayed was Sprout, and that would quickly change when Sirius stood up to Marcus Flint for bullying a terrified Neville.

What happened was this.

Neville was walking down the corridor alone after ditching Ron Weasly, who seemed to think the pudgy boy didn't know that Dumbledore paid Ron to spy on him. He happened to accidentally bump into Marcus Flint, leader of the Slytherin Quidditch team and a snake who was in a foul mood after a run in with McGonagall earlier that day which resulted in fifty lost points.

Flint, seeing the smaller Gryffindor boy who was known to being weak, sees an opportunity to be in a better mood and proceeds to bully said lion. Sprout who was down around the opposite corridor hears her favorites student's frightened whimpers and goes to help him if needed.

Only to find Sirius Fowl, half blood thug come up and ask what Flint is doing. When he finds out what Flint is up to, he takes out a beater's bat and hits the other snake on the head with it, resulting in him going down like a sack of bricks. He then proceeds to float Flint to the edge of the forbidden forest, strip him down to a pair of very old briefs with large holes, and ties him by the ankles in full view of anyone who happens to walk past that corridor and looks outside, which would be quite a few people since it was a well used hallway.

He then checks on Neville, and cheers the boy up. Once he makes sure the boy is alright and not hexed, jinxed or cursed in any way, he then offers to help him with potions.

Sprout gave Sirius thirty points for helping a rival house.


Sirius Black couldn't believe his bad luck. First the old goat who wanted to use HIS godson figured out that Sirius had a very good idea where the boy-who-lived disappeared to, then he frames him for kidnapping/possible murder.

At least he couldn't pin the betrayal of the Potters on him, since Remus had caught up to Peter and dragged his treacherous ass to the Wizangamot. Peter confessed under Veritaserum and was promptly thrown in Azkaban, which was more than he deserved. But once Fudge caught wind that Harry Potter had gone missing long before he reached his 'aunts' house, he went ballistic.

Hence why Sirius ended up in Azkaban under suspicion of murder.

But Peter escaped by pretending to be a rat, which meant Harry was in danger. He had no idea whether or not his godson was in Hogwarts, but he wasn't willing to take the chance.

Even so, the fact that they noticed that HE escaped before they realized Peter had been long gone for five years was insulting! And they had the Aurors after him simply because of his family! It wasn't fair dammit!

Now there was a way too perceptive muggle living nearby and he carried a gun! At least he knew the muggle wouldn't bother him unless he did something to his charges. Whoever they were. This 'Butler' fellow was going to point them out for him.

Now why the hell did the name Fowl sound familiar?


Their first Hogsmeade visit. Between the brothers, whoever came up with the names of the village/school should be burned, poisoned, kneecapped, drawn and quartered, then boiled in acid and vomited up by pigs.

(This description is usually thought of by the two whenever someone does something so phenomenally stupid that they botch an important operation or scheme. And aside from one notable exception, this has never actually been followed through with. The one time they actually did this, the police shuddered to met the man who pulled it off. If they had known it was a nine year old boy named Sirius who had a really, really crappy morning, they would have questioned his sanity then and there.)

Still, it was an interesting visit. Crabbe and Goyle loved Butler on sight. They spent their entire day learning from the man, who was highly amused and giving them valuable tips. (The next visit a girl named Millicent Bulstrode joined them, as she apparently was the bodyguard/intimidation factor of Pansy Parkinson.)

But the most interesting thing to happen was that Sirius met his namesake. Root had mentioned that the reason his name was Sirius instead of James like Lily originally planned was because his godfather had found out half way into the plan and Lily decided bringing him in on the plan was less of a hassle than making him forget or stay quiet.

So Sirius had asked everything that Root knew about his godfather, which was a lot.

Sirius Orion Black, born into the Black family which was known for producing Dark wizards, had defied the stigma of his blood by going into Gryffindor. He became part of a group called the Marauders which was formed when they were in second year, and his name was Padfoot. He is the current head of the Black family only because the charges were never proved, and had been stuck in Azkaban for the past eight years without once going into trial, despite repeated attempts by the Black family barrister for one.

The only way for Sirius Black to be proved innocent of all charges would be for him to reveal the whereabouts of his godson, something he would never do since it would put him in even more danger from the headmaster and any Death Eaters still around.

Something that Moody had agreed with, even though he was the one who brought Sirius in after Fudge issued the order for his arrest and Dumbledore had convinced Moody to take it.

It was after Moody had protested putting an innocent man in jail for wanting his kin to have a semi normal life that he was forced to retire.

Which why Dumbledore is now on Moody's shit list, and why Fudge is in big trouble with the Wizard court and Madam Bones.

Madam Bones had been helping the Black's barrister in trying to push for a trial, but Fudge kept coming up with excuses or pushing it off. If she could help Sirius Black prove he was innocent without having to force him to bring out his godson, then Fudge would be on a very slippery track out of his precious office.