Since I keep on getting ideas for songfics ever since writing that last chapter in "A Greaser's Redemption" (give it a read if you can), all of my songfics will go into this story as a series of one shots. Enjoy
Now for Chapter 2:
Song: "Unspoken" by Finger Eleven (lyrics will be italicized)
Summary: (Takes place right before the book's events) Johnny, due to his increasing angst, has been required by the principal to take some counseling from the school counselor, Mrs. Jenkins. It's not the fact that nobody ever listens that bothers Johnny, though. It's the fact that nobody ever understands…
Disclaimer: …is pointless. You know I don't own this song or Outsiders; otherwise it wouldn't be a fan… wait for it… fan-FICTION! FICTION meaning my own imagination.
"Well, hello there Mr. Cade. My name is Mrs. Jenkins, as I'm sure you already know. Now, what's your name?"
"…"
"Mr. Cade?"
"…Don't you already know my name? You just said it…"
"I'm just trying to get you to open up, sweetheart."
I'd rather waste this time
Before I think of you
The resonating light
Still feels untrue
I'd rather take this time
To show you how I try
When I just can't believe
The situation's fine
I'm still wondering to myself as to why I'm here. Teachers never cared about me before, so what makes them all concerned now? I hate this room. It's all bright and full of fake cheer. I'm not a nutcase, I'm just misunderstood, and if my own parents can't understand me, then this lady has no chance. The only ones who truly understand me would be Pony and Dally. I mean, I know I look up to Dally and Pony is my best friend, but it would be good for someone with power, like an adult, to get me. Someone who has the power to tell the Soc's to back off and to take me away from my parents and to cure my anxiety. In all my wondering, I snapped out of it when the lady called me.
"Mr. Cade!"
"Huh, wha- Oh! I'm… I'm sorry ma'am. I kinda got lost in thought."
"Mmm hmm. So what were you thinking about?"
"…"
"Well?"
"…"
"Mr. Cade, do you need some time to think this over-"
"Can we please move on to the next question?" I said, interrupting her.
"Well… I guess if you really want to."
"Yes, I do."
I don't want to belong
When I'm safe and unspoken
I don't want to belong
When I feel like I've chosen
To be someone I've stolen
I don't want to belong
"Now, Mr. Cade," she said sweetly, probably trying to make me feel comfortable (which wasn't working, by the way). "Your teachers have told me about your seemingly anxious state all the time. Why is that?"
"…because it seems that's the best way to watch myself."
"What? Tell me, please, what do you mean?"
"Well, what I mean is… is… (sigh) it seems every time I let my guard down, I get hurt. Hurt from people that I thought care about me and people who I couldn't care less about."
"By hurt, do you mean mentally?"
"…."
"Physically?"
"…"
"Emotionally?"
"…"
"Mr. Cade, please, we need to talk about it in order to get somewhere."
"…All of the above."
"Really? And who would you say hurts you the most?"
"…well." I then closed in the door completely and made sure that nobody other than her would hear my next words. As I frantically moved about, she questioned me.
"Mr. Cade, what are you-"
"My parents!"
An elevated lie
For elevations sake
As our excitement dies
Static takes its place
A frozen universe
Silence is the sound
Whatever's lost is mine
Exactly what I've found
"What?"
I sat down and sighed at the thought of having to explain it. See, my dad, although a drunken bastard, is a powerful man, and by powerful I mean he used to be the principal of this school. He had a rep for being such a great and caring man. If only they knew…
"My mom and dad…they hurt me the most."
"Wait, isn't your dad the former principal here, Mr. Cade Sr.?
"…"
"Johnny?"
I looked up in her eyes at that. It was the first time she called me by my first name this whole time.
"…yes"
"But…but…why would Mr. Cade…Are you sure?"
"What? Are you serious?"
"…" she didn't answer me.
"How would you know? I'm the one who has to live with his abuse! I'm the one who has to watch him and mom fight so bitterly! I'm the one who has to be beaten savagely by him when he comes home drunk! I'm the one who has to be admitted to the hospital after he destroys me just to come back to him beating me! Hell, I'm the one who has to hide at the Curtis' house jus to sleep safely! I even have to sleep in the lot sometimes. Do you know how sick that is? I have to run from my parents and sleep in a damn parking lot! And now you doubt me because you don't want to hear the truth about that evil man. Forget this!" I stomped out after my tirade and was about to head for the door. I can't believe she would ask me such a stupid question! 'Am I sure', what the hell does she think I do, dream of him beating me? As I was about to exit the room unceremoniously, she stopped me.
"Wait Mr. Cade! I'm sorry! I was just a little shocked, is all."
I stopped for a moment and pondered it. When I just yelled at her, it felt so good letting all my problems out. I even felt a small tear streak down my cheek. Maybe she could help me feel better. After all, it wasn't her fault. So I sat back down.
I don't want to belong
When I'm safe and unspoken
I don't wanna belong
When I feel like I've chosen
To be someone I've stolen
I don't wanna belong
"I'm sorry about that Mr. Cade. We can skip that question if you'd like."
"…"
"Mr. Cade?"
"…"
"Johnny?"
"…"
"Okay then, I'll take that as a yes."
There's no choice in the compromise
There's no choosing the losing side
If I made any sacrifice
It's said only between our eyes
"Now, there was an incident a while ago in which they found you beaten and attacked. According to them, you never told them any information about it. You were hospitalized for about three days, they said. Would you like to speak about it?"
"…"
"Okay then-"
"No! Wait, I'll…I'll talk."
"Okay, first of all now-"
"I know what you're gonna ask. And to answer you, it was Soc's who did it."
"What? Who?" I forgot teachers don't know all about the social classes yet. They never referred to anyone as a Soc. They knew who greasers were, no doubt, and she knew I was a greaser, but they never tended to mention Soc's.
"The Soc's. They're like the rich, preppy kids. They always get into… they always start fights with us greaser's for no reason. They'd-" I choked on my words to stop tears from falling.
"Go on please," she said, looking interested.
"They would get into groups of, like, 4 or 5 and just randomly mug greaser's, sometimes when they're drunk, sometimes for revenge because of what some other greaser did, and sometimes just for their sick kicks. The media thinks we're the JD's and the hoods, but they're the real criminals. But since their parents run shit around here, pardon my language, ma'am, nobody watches them like they watch us. It's a rich-poor thing."
I don't wanna belong
When I'm safe and unspoken
I don't wanna belong
And it's probably showing
I don't wanna belong
When I feel like I've chosen
To be someone I've stolen
I don't want to belong
She looked surprised at my explanation. Of course, I could tell she thought I was twisting the story. I could tell she thought that I made it look like the greasers were innocent and that she thought high of the Soc's. Typical stereotypes…
"So, who would you describe as a Soc?"
"Well, you know Bob Sheldon and some kids named Randy?"
"Yes," she replied. "They're at the top of their class grade-wise."
"Well, they may be smart, but they ain't any good. They were the ones who jumped me so bad. I don't remember them even being drunk, or at least most of them weren't, because it was 5 of them against me."
I was surprised at how much I opened up at the topic of Soc's. It's probably because I wanted them exposed. AT first I was just planning on staying silent for the whole thing and hoping she would dismiss me out of impatience, but now I see why she's a counselor; she really got me to speak out.
"So they…they just beat you like that for…for fun?"
"Yes. Sick, isn't it?'
"I…I… are you lying to me?"
"What?" I said out of shock and a little bit of a mixture of anger and hurt.
I'd rather waste this time
I don't wanna belong
I'd rather waste this time
I don't wanna belong
I'd rather waste this time
I don't wanna belong
I couldn't believe she said that. I should've stayed silent…
"Because, you greasers must have done something to provoke them. I know Bob and his parents and he's a good kid as far as I know. I don't mean to make you feel bad Mr. Cade, but are you leaving out part of the story?"
"…"
"Mr. Cade, I-"
"SHUTP UP, BITCH!"
She shook in fear. I never knew I could yell like that. I was finally growing sick of it. I couldn't handle her just humiliating me like this after all I've been though.
"Oh, so now you're scared? Scared that this big bad greaser is gonna beat and rape you or something? I told you the whole truth! All of it! But you don't understand. You people never understand us, yet you act like you do! After all they did to me, you still can't get past the greaser stereotypes. I'm out of here!"
And with that, I stormed out of the room, ignoring her pleas and attempts to get me back into the room. I guess I'm just born to be misunderstood. I decided right then that after school today, I'm going to Pony's house. Maybe he'll understand me…
He's the only one who ever does… Him and my other fellow greasers, JD's and tuff hoods.
I knew I never should have trusted that lady. I should've stuck to the original plan and let the words be unspoken, because I shouldn't have believed she could understand me.
Fuck her. Fuck Dad. Fuck Soc's. I need a cigarette…
I'd rather waste this time…
