Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original Nintendo/Super Mario Universe characters mentioned below. They are property of the aforementioned and their appropriate affiliates. Please support the official games and merchandise.

"You shouldn't toss around such words so carelessly!" The princess snapped at me. "Not if you want me to employ you."

"Please!" I teased. "You got no choice. You wouldn't have gone through the trouble to get me otherwise. Which means whatever you need, you need it bad. Now what's this job that's apparently worth the price of my retirement?"

"Very well. Do you remember your last encounter with your brother?"

"Do I ever."

Flashback, February 2016: In his castle, Bowser makes a last stand against the Mario Brothers as they drive him out of his latest invasion of the Mushroom Kingdom, his son on his side, holding off Luigi.

"It's over Bowser. You army is on its heels. We've reclaimed everything. Give up now and your punishment shall be solitary confinement instead of being housed with the regular Mushroom Kingdom criminals. And trust, me, you want no part of that."

"Fuck you, Mario! If your punishments meant anything to me, we wouldn't be where we are today. I'll take the Princess and the Mushroom Kingdom no matter what. Or I'll fucking die trying. And you? You ain't got the balls to kill me, Mario."

SKEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

"What was that?" Mario asked before the scorched body of Bowser Jr crashed down in front of Bowser. I walked up behind my brother and rested my arm on his shoulder.

"See that, Koopa King?" I said. "That's what happens to anyone who fucks with me from now on."

"Is he-" I interrupted Bowser before he could finish his question.

"Dead." I said. "He's very very dead."

"How did you?" Mario asked me. I turned my head to tell him. "I just got so tired of . . . everything. And when I just thought about how sick and tired I was, of everything, I jumped, and I uppercutted him. And he lit up like the lava pits below. Just fucking torched him." I turned to project my voice toward Bowser. "And it felt good! You see that? That's you if you don't surrender now!" Bowser didn't look up from his son before answering, calmly.

"I concede. Take your brother, your princess, and your army, and leave my castle." He picked up his charred child, and turned his back to walk away from us.

"That's right!" I shouted at him as he walked away. "Everyone here gets to feel loss. I lost my wife! You lost your son!" I turned to Mario and removed my arm from his shoulder. "And you're losing a brother." I walked away from Mario for the last time.

End of Flashback: back to the Princess' chambers.

"What of either of those two?" I asked.

"You murdered the Koopa King's son, Luigi." Toadsworth said.

"Yeah. And then when the Kingdom started to fall apart and anarchy was on the rise, I was the number one hitman. And during that time I murdered way more people. So what's your point?"

"Is that what Daisy would have wanted you to do? Murder in the name of money instead of in the name of the Mushroom Kingdom. Or anything just, that is."

"We'll never know, Toadsworth. My wife was killed."

"Stop saying that!" Peach piped up.

"She was killed, Peach!" I slammed my fist on the dresser and stood up. "She was fucking killed! YOU MURDERED HER!" We heard banging at the door.

"Your highness!" The guards were banging on the door. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything is fine, soldier. Now carry on." Toadsworth said trying to control the situation. "And do not disturb us again." At Toadsworth's words, I calmed down and took my seat once again. The princess continued.

"You left Mario at the end of the encounter and he tried to reach out to you many times between then and now."

"I'm aware." I replied.

"Well, weren't you wondering what his escapades were turning into?"

"Not in particular. You have to lay low when you make a living off killing. I didn't really fuck wit my brotha anymore."

"Well after you left the Kingdom completely, he let only a short while pass before he eventually went after the Koopa King again. He was still in charge of the Mushroom Kingdom army at that point."

"And he's not anymore?"

"If we hadn't relieved him of his command, the troops, or what was left of them, would have turned on him anyway."

"So what happened?"

"Allow me, your highness." Toadsworth took over. "Before the last great war between the Mushroom Kingdom and the Koopa King's forces, both sides agreed to a truce and a merger. Bowser would get to use the land he so craved and the Mushroom Kingdom would be free of his constant terrorism."

"Yeah, you royals were idiots for that shit."

"Respect, Luigi." Toadsworth said to me.

"I can respect you as much as I want or don't want. Doesn't make you people any smarter. You sit up here in your castle and you make laws for a place you barely have to live in. Never have to see the real world of."

"That's quite enough, L-"

"Face it, there's about two places the Princess knows best, the inside of her chambers and the inside of Bowser's."

"That's enough, Luigi." The princess piped up at me. "Onto the relevant matters Toadsworth."

"Very well, your highness. As you know, the Koopa King eventually turned on us. And since both territories had been accommodated into the same protective walls and a suitable trail of commerce and commute paved from here to his castle, it made it all the easier to wage war, no invasion. This war, of course, ended with you and your brother killing Bowser Jr. and yielding the Koopa King's surrender. But after you left, Mario used the resources of the Mushroom Kingdom Army to continue to bombard the Koopa King's castle. This further use of the Kingdom's resources in the War led to the wartime depression worsening, even more so than when you were last here."

"It got worse than having an easy market for hitmen like me?" I asked.

"Yes. Mario drove Bowser and most of his forces out of his own castle."

"Where did they go?"

"To date, no one knows. Not even Mario himself."

"Of course not."

"When news of the conquered castle reached the Mushroom King, his highness quickly stripped Mario of his command of the Mushroom Kingdom Army."

"So the guy conquers a castle for you, and ya kick him out?" I folded my arms in my chair.

"If only it had been that simple. As I said, Mario had only driven out most of the Koopa King's forces from his castle."

"What happened to the rest? Did he kill em?"

"Worse. They joined him and pledged their allegiance to him in what is being called the Red Army. Bowser's castle and the grounds surrounding it is their base of operations. They've intensified both the depression and the apocalyptic scale of anarchy in the streets. Everyone is either a member of the Red Army, an official of the Mushroom Kingdom, or another looter or criminal in the street. Theft, rape, murder, it's all a daily occurrence now. Worse so than when you left."

"So is he attacking or trying to take the castle?"

"What?"

"Mario. My brother. Is he attacking or terrorizing people in the streets? Because see, it sounds like he found some people that like him that don't stand for whatever it is you royals stand for and you don't like it. He gave a whole group of former bad guys a reason to follow him and you're afraid your once-loyal subjects will eventually follow suit. Tell me Toadsworth, am I in the ballpark?"

"Y-you, are wrong." He said to me nervously.

"Am I completely wrong?"

"They killed my father." The princess chimed in.

"What?" I asked for clarity.

"While my father and the royal guard were passing through on their way back to the castle, they were attacked and killed via bomb-ombing. Toadsworth and a couple of my guards were the only survivors. The guards will live, but can no longer serve and protect with their injuries. And as you can see, Toadsworth did not escape unscathed. But my father did not escape at all.

"And the Red Army killed him?"

"Who else in these walls would have access to bomb-ombs from the Koopa Kings arsenal?"

"I don't know, the Koopa King maybe?"

"The Koopa King's presence would have been detected by now were he still lurking within the Kingdom." Toadsworth interjected.

"He is correct." The princess cosigned. "As much as it pains me to realize it . . ." She turned her head to the side and clinched her gloved fist at her hip. "Mario and his thugs killed my father all because we stripped him of his military position." Tears ran down her face as she turned back to me. "My dad is dead! And the royal family will not take such an act of terrorism lying down!" She wiped her tears and walked toward a mirror on the opposite side of the room, her back pointing toward Toadsworth and I. "I'm next in line for the throne. My coronation ceremony is then scheduled for tomorrow." She looked me in the eye through the mirror.

"And you brought me in to make sure it goes smoothly, I'm guessing." I said.

"What?" She said. "No! He abused the Mushroom Kingdom's resources and killed my father. That's a declaration of war. My army will handle the war part. But Luigi, I want you to go to the base of the Red Army, and kill Mario."

"You're a brave soul, Toadstool. Asking that a man kill his brother."

"I'm more rich than I am brave, Luigi. I'm paying you to kill him."

"Was that supposed to make you sound like a better person?"

"What makes him any better than all the thugs you murdered in cold blood? Not the least of which was the son of the Koopa King. They were bad people whom you were paid to kill. The same is true now."

"Just like a royal. No sense of value for a life not in their family. You wanna know what started the massacre I went on in the weeks before I left?"

"Your insatiable blood lust?" Toadsworth said.

"No. That's just what kept me going. My first bona fide kill that wasn't done in self-defense or in the pursuit of peace for the Kingdom was Bowser Jr. Peach, when you killed my wife, I had trouble comprehending anything that was going on. It messed up my senses. There was a high-pitched squeal in my ear trying desperately to turn itself into her voice. A fiery sensation on everything I touched that I knew wasn't her. My vision was blurry, all I knew for the moments was that I was fighting alongside the vision of red and blue that was my brotha. My senses were like my world would be without her. Crashing down. Then, as I was fighting Bowser Jr., my vision suddenly cleared up, the burning sensation in my hands was embraced by my body, the high-pitched squeal ceased and I heard Bowser Jr.'s taunts loud and clear. And when I took in a deep breath, it all became clear. Death was the most efficient way. For everyone to learn. For Bowser to fall back. For the Mushroom Kingdom to let up. To control the population of the degenerates you once called your loyal subjects. I cleaned your streets of its troubled souls. Washed them away in their own blood! Let it run down in the gutters. Down to the sewers where only we, the Blue-Collar plumbers of society, can see it all for what its worth. Everyone was learning their lesson. And everyone that didn't learn, didn't live. I killed low-lives who had it coming. You're just upset that it turned out to be more of those in your precious Kingdom than you thought! But your actions made the killer you see before you now. You enraged me into my spree last year. You're as responsible for all those deaths as I am. Oh, but wait. I guess that's the thing about being the princess. Who's gonna hold you accountable for a murder in your own walls? No one!" I stood up and turned towards the door. I put my hood back over my shoulders. "I tell you what, I'm still itching for that payday. So I'll go and get Mario. I'll bring him back to you. And when a I get back, you'd better have a reason why he deserves to die more than you, Peach."

"And if she does not?" Toadsworth butted in. I turned back to him and smiled as I headed for the door.

"Hmmm. Who knows? For now, let's just hope it doesn't have to come to that."

"Wait, allow the guards to escort you out." Toadsworth advised.

"The royal guard?" I asked, sarcastically.

"You expect me to believe that the limo driver is gonna take me all the way to Bowser's compound?"

"No. But he'll get you far enough fast enough."

"Do we have a deal, Luigi?" The princess asked for clarification, stepping towards me. "You will apprehend Mario. I will pay ten times your usual fee."

"Make it 20. He's my brother and the leader of the Red Army."

"Agreed."

"I'll take the guard and the limo out." I said, leaving.

"Good choice." Toadsworth said. The guards picked me up when I got to the bottom of the stairwell. We got outside to the driveway and I got inside the limo.

"I will take you where you need to lodge." The toad driver said. "I'm not driving into the compound of the Red Army."

"Then you will pull over to the side of the road, get out of the car and let me in the driver's seat."

"What? Absolutely not, I do that, I'm as good as fired."

"I'll sock you in the eye and you can tell em I stole it. Or you can refuse and die. This is my last time asking you. Would you rather be jobless or dead?" He was silent for a moment. Then he started to slow down.

"Fuck you, Luigi!" He opened the door and dove out of the car.

"Fucker!" I shouted as I started climbing through the window. "I'm gonna run you over just to prove a point!" I dove into the driver seat and hit the brake hard as I could. The car skidded. I drifted it back around and brought it to a halt. I saw the driver run into an alley. "If the royal guard comes for me or the limo, I'll kill you!" I shouted out the window. Even if he tells, the Mushroom guard won't follow me into Red Army territory. They only recently started being afraid of me, but they've been afraid of Mario for years. I saw a cassette recorder on the dashboard. I picked it up out of curiosity and pressed play. It was a recording of the driver's log I guess.

"They're calling these the end of days here in the Mushroom Kingdom. Everyone who's no one doesn't wanna be forgotten. So everyone's doing these . . . audio logs. Like they can make themselves live forever if they can just leave their voices to be heard. Even if it's long after the war. I . . .I guess I'm no different. Driving around the royal limo. I might as well put a giant target on the hood. Only people left here that still like the royal family is, the royal family. And their almost extinct. If you're hearing this, and the conflict has already ended, congratulations. You're either young, or a survivor." The end of days, huh? Well I won't be here long enough to see that. Gonna get Mario, drag him back to the castle, and be done. I slowly turned the limo around and headed for Bowser's compound. To the Red Army. Hm. The Red Army. Mario's simple. But effective. I drove for about fifteen minutes. I saw all the looted shops, banks robbed, the occasional corpse and the more than occasional hooker. I stopped at a four way stop to turn. A random lakitu floats over my car and begins washing the windshield. Poor guy was probably a promising young member of the fair and balanced media of the Mushroom Kingdom. I waved my hand at him and then wiped my finger across my neck. That means he needs to stop or I'll kill him. While my car is at a complete stop, a group of red koopas ran and jumped in front and on either side of me with baseball bats. They rolled up a giant bullet bill cannon in behind them and in front of my hood.

"Open the door, you castle bottom-feeder!" One of them said, standing by the driver door. I rolled the window down and scowled at him. "Holy shit, it's Luigi! Everyone fall back!"

"What do you mean fall back? We've got him." Another said.

"You ain't heard bout all the bodies he done bodied?" Another voice said.

"We have a giant cannon!" They continued to argue. "What could he possibly do?"

"That's what squad 4 said bro!"

"Who the fuck is squad 4?"

"He killed them before you enlisted. Didn't you wonder why the squads skipped 4 and went to 5?"

"We skip lots of other numbers."

"That's because he killed them all!"

"That is a fucking lie. Who keeps telling you newbies this."

"Guys!" I shouted. They all jumped back slightly. "This can easily be settled. Just fire the damn cannon.

"Sounds safe enough." They fired. I super jump uppercutted through the windshield clear out of the way and landed on top of the bullet. It dropped to the ground instantly.

"I never understood the reason for that?" I teased. "Now you gonna stand here and die or would rather die running away?"

"Everyone, fall back! Run. And get the cannon. Mario will kill us if a giant cannon goes missing!" They frantically rolled the cannon away while I just stood in front of the car.

"You guys are lucky I have somewhere to be or I'd kill you!" Damn it. They must have been part of Mario's "Red Army". Fuck, now he's gonna know I'm coming. Guess that's what I get for closing in on the compound in the royal limo. I can see the entrance to the compound in the distance. The fence still bears Bowser's face, but with a red M painted across. I got in the car and focused as much as I could through the hole in the windshield. I stepped on the gas. After about 45 seconds, the automatic gate begins to open. As I get closer, I hear a voice echoing outside.

"Oh. Now you want to come. Now you'd like to get closer to your brother. Well I regret to inform you that when I ask something of you, you have a narrow window to accept the invitation!" The gate begins closing. "This is your last warning. Turn around, brother!" I sped up, just to piss him off. The grill hit the gate as it was closing. With no seatbelt, I went flying through the windshield. I put my hands at my sides and embraced the flight. A group of bullet bills is flying toward me. I adjust myself in the air and turned sideways, allowing them to pass me. Explosions erupt behind me. I landed on the roof of what looked to be the watch tower.

"I don't see him!" I hear a voice say below. It must have been the guard's watch tower. Suddenly, I feel a buzzing in my pocket.

"Hello? Hello? Neighbor? How's everything going? Are you still alive? Say something."

"Damn it, Elvin!" Bullet holes start lining the roof of the tower. I scamper down and hop inside with its red koopa sniper. I kick the rifle upwards. It lets off another shot. I smash him over the head with the barrel and take it from him. I get behind him and choke him with it. "Do you wanna die quick or in the name of the Mushroom Kingdom?" My question confused him, as it should have. But he still managed to answer.

"For a bunch of self-righteous mushroom retainers trying to impose themselves on the free? Fuck your Kingdom!" He shouted.

"My Kingdom?" I asked before snapping his neck. "It's my world!" He fell to the floor. "And you just lost your right to live in it." Just then, I heard Mario's voice on the megaphones throughout the compound.

"Soldiers of the Red Army, by now we are all aware of the familiar . . . presence, in our midst. Yes, my baby brother. Mushroom Kingdom's famous murderer of men. Notice I say, Mushroom Kingdom's. None of his acts took place here at the home of the Red Army. And rightfully so. The troubles lie outside of our abode, our refuge. He has not, and cannot defeat us here! Remember who his older brother is. Would you rather risk death from him, or face certain annihilation from me?" As confident as ever. But even with that confidence, how does he brainwash a bunch of Bowser's old minions? I saw an audio log on the floor of the tower. I picked it up and played it. It was the sniper's.

"The end of days? Ha. That's what it's called if you let those Mushroom Kingdom pricks tell it. But for us, this here's a new beginning. I've got one of the last guns in the kingdom. Just a sniper ready to defend the Red Mission until the end. Finally, a leader that fucking learns from his mistakes. Morale's higher than it's been in years. And still, it ain't quite the same without Green. Green, you bastard. Why didn't you just see the light? It sucks here in the good life without you buddy. But I understand. You are loyal to what you are loyal to. I just hope that when we cross path's again, we're still friends. Red out."

Concluded.