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Captain James Tiberius Kirk groaned, then looked down at his naked body. He was speechless, if only for a second. Then he met eyes with Risa.
"What has come over us?" He asked thunderstruck. "When Scotty beamed me up, I didn't feel as if I had been infected, and then I saw you, and that's the last thing I remember."
He looked up.
"Officer Risa, I am terribly sorry if I compromised you in any way. I didn't do you harm, did I?"
The Adianon shook her head.
"I wasn't myself either, captain."
There was an awkward pause.
"Did Bones give you…?"
"Doctor McCoy left me a contraception pill; specially designed for my race. There's a reason my planet is so overpopulated. We're lucky Doctor McCoy saved us in time."
Thankfully, said Doctor decided to make an appearance in this very moment.
"Well, my lovebirds, everything back to normal? Jim, you look as if you were out on another suicide slash save the universe mission and your enemy just pointed out that you don't wear any pants. Maybe that's because you don't wear any."
Captain James Tiberius Kirk jumped up and offered officer Risa his personal bed linen. She took it, saluted and went out of the door, which Leonard McCoy closed after her. James Tiberius Kirk sacked down the wall again.
"A situation report, please."
"We're drifting through space via autopilot, but the surrounding solar systems belong to the Federation, consequently, we are safe. Nearly the whole crew was incapacitated for the last thirty two hours. The love bugs' disease doesn't leave permanent damage on the survivors, except their hurt pride. Spock behaved ridiculously. My suggestion is that we must not let him forget that."
Captain Kirk snorted but agreed.
"The infirmary is full, but in the meantime I have vaccinated enough of our people that we can continue our journey. Commander Sulu told everyone he was gay, but I can't really believe it."
"He doesn't seem like a gay type of man."
"Is there a gay type of man?"
"Well, the last three and a half years we spent more than twelve hours a day together, and he never told me. Wouldn't you, I don't know, notice something?"
"Actually, I haven't met that many gay people. Or, to put it in other words, I don't really care. There are weirder forms of sexuality in space than the human race will ever be able to explore."
"But what if…" Captain Kirk had a thoughtful expression on his face. Leonard McCoy feared their conversation would soon become as ridiculous as Spock's behavior last night. "What if a woman feels like a man? A man trapped in a woman's body?"
Leonard McCoy sighed. "You mean Bernd, who does our taxes."
"And what is if there's a woman who feels like a man but also likes men. Is that still called gay?"
"Jim, I really don't want to talk about that stuff. Live and let live, and be happy that I'm there with the contraception pills when you need them."
"But what if…"
"JIM! Are you feverish? No, your forehead is cold. If you're that interested in that stuff, why don't you quit being the captain of the Enterprise in order to study cultural anthropology or gender studies?"
James Tiberius Kirk made an appalled sound.
"That's right. For your information, there's a gay club on deck nine. And that's the last thing I will say to that matter. There are still more than enough dunderheads in my infirmary with nothing in their minds than to procreate, I don't need you to talk nonsense, too."
Leonard McCoy shuddered.
"Poor Spock, he's not really romantic, is he?"
"He and Uhura have a very… physical relationship, I had the misfortune to find out."
"Doctor McCoy! Doctor McCoy!" Someone pounded on the door. "Officer Chekov escaped, and now he's running through the machine rooms! He sings the Bohemian Rhapsody, and it's awful! Sadly, he knows the place so well we haven't been able to catch him yet."
Captain James Tiberius Kirk shook his head in exasperation. Doctor Leonard McCoy scowled at him.
"Jim, that's entirely your fault. Never in my life have I seen so many naked people at once, and I deeply wish to forget some of them. Do you still have Chekov's alcohol? After everything has calmed down a bit, you will get drunk with me. You owe me that."
"I am deeply sorry, Bones, and it's an honor for me to get wasted with my most capable crew member. Can you promise me one thing? This is one of our adventures in space we will never ever lose a word about in public."
"Sounds reasonable to me."
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equine 14: None taken :D it won't get any better.
Geccarenee13: Thanks, and here you are.
