Rash decisions
This story has finally been planned out; it will be tree chapters.
It was originally a one-shot, but it was requested that I showed more of Arthur's reaction; so, this chapter is dedicated to Lyra Grey, but thanks to all whom reviewed/favourited/followed or just read it. :)
I hope it live up to your expectations.
I don't own Merlin.
"Well, that was some surprise … Anyone got any ale?"
Leon, the only knight not staring open-mouthed at the door, shot Gwaine a glare, but the ale-loving knight just flashed him a big grin.
His comment through, had been enough to get the king out of his chocked state. He quickly snapped his mouth shut, quickly composing himself and began to act the king once more. His face had changed to an unreadable expression as he barked at the knights, "Find him and bring him here! Make sure to alert the guards and get them to close the gates, but don't tell them the reason!"
He turned around to the physician while the knights hurried out of the room, "I will speak with you later."
Gaius gave him a look saying 'be very careful right now', but like the knights left the room.
Arthur turned around, only to find out that apparently not all the knights had heeded his command, as Gwaine was staring at him with crossed arms, his smile had been replaced by a serious expression that was really rare for him.
"If you believe for one moment I will let you harm him –"
"Just leave Gwaine" Arthur interrupted with a sigh.
Surprisingly the knight did, but not before sending the king a glare, making it clear that he wasn't going because he would complete his orders, but to help his friend; regardless if he was breaking more than one law in the meanwhile.
Arthur wasn't surprised of this. He had always known that Gwaine only helped taking Camelot back for the first time, because Merlin was his friend and needed his help. Gwaine would always choose the servant over him, and it hadn't bothered him before; because he knew Merlin was loyal to him.
Now through …
Now he didn't know what to think. All seemed to betray him; Morgause, Morgana, Agravaine, Guinevere, Lancelot, even his own father had lied to him by not telling him about Morgan being his sister … And now this ... Why? Was he doomed to lose all he cared about? Was there something wrong with him? – There had to be; why else would they all do it?
And he always was so blind! He never wanted to see the truth. Every time something suspicious happened he would turn a blind eye; hoping that it wasn't what he thought. That he was only being paranoid, but of course that was just wishful thinking.
But still; Merlin? (Or 'Emrys' or whatever his name really was) – His ser- no friend, brother even. Merlin; who was always knew what to say when he needed it most, always rode into danger even if it looked like certain death. Merlin; who was ridicules selfless and loyal to a point of complete madness. The person who called him prat, and unlike most people, wasn't afraid to tell him if he acted like one. Merlin; who was one of the only persons to treat him like an equal; like a person, not a king.
He couldn't believe that it had all been an act, but it was, right?
He had always known that there was something more to his friend than what first met the eye, that he was keeping secrets. He had known it since they fought for the first time in the markets-place; back when they were both young and stupid.
He never would have thought his secret would be something like this.
Suddenly he remembered their conversation all those years ago, he had just (he had to admit) arrogantly told him he could take the boy down with one blow, but instead of backing off or being scared; Merlin had just told him confidently that 'he could take him down with far less than that'.
Had he already betrayed him back then? Or was magic he somehow learned it together with Morgana. Did they work together? – No, that couldn't be right; if he had, then he would have revealed himself at the same time as her, instead of encourage him to fight back.
Why would he do that? What could he possible hope to gain by supporting him, the king of the kingdom that would want him dead?
Was he really that stupid … Or was he really loyal to him?
Arthur dared not to hope; because it would be so much harder on him if he was wrong. Again.
This one thought was the most important of the thousands that were running around in his head at the moment, and also the reason for the knights' orders. He wanted Merlin himself to answer. He wanted the truth.
Even if it could crush him.
He nearly jumped when he felt a hand on his arm. He opened his eyes, wondering when he had closed them, and looked down into the warm eyes of his wife. He was surprised to find only worry in them; not anger or betrayal.
She seemed so much calmer than him.
Right now he felt so many different emotions that he couldn't even mention them all. There was deep sorrow, hot anger (mostly towards Merlin, but also himself for being so blind), wonder, fear, hate and an all-consuming feeling of betrayal that stabbed his heart over and over again, pierced him until he didn't know why he was still standing, and not lying dead on the ground.
Most of all he was just very confused.
He hadn't noticed that he had been lost in his thoughts once again while staring at her, before she squeezed his shoulder reassuringly; calming him down enough to think a little more clearly.
"What do you plan to do?" she asked softly, not a hint of accusation in her gaze.
He knew what she meant. She knew what he was doing right now, but wanted to know what he was planning to do afterwards.
He was just about to answer; when he realised he didn't have one.
Magic had always meant death, regardless of age, gender and what it had been used for, either by fire or beheading. That law still stood.
He tried to imagine it and knew in that second he would never be able to order Merlin's death. Maybe he could just banish him? – But that would be nearly the same; he would still have to live without his friend.
But he couldn't just forgive him either; even if he really was loyal to him. He still had magic and magic corrupted and he had lied to him.
He ran his hand through his hair and sighed again, before deciding on the truth, "I don't know."
She just gave him an understanding smile, "I know you will do the right thing; as long as you follow your heart."
He managed to give a little smile back, "I hope so."
Merlin ran down the corridor, well aware that it wouldn't be long before the knights (and probably the guards too) would be after him.
Had he really just done this? Had really, after so many years of hiding, just shouted that he was Emrys and done magic before the king and his friends?
This could very well be one of his regular nightmares, it wasn't so different from some of them he had had, but even in his dreams acted that stupid and rash.
Before he registered anything he had instinctive moved towards the physician's chambers, but now he stopped abruptly; this would be the first place they would look.
He turned down a corridor and ran another familiar way; one he hadn't really used in many years.
The dungeons were cold and dark, the only light coming from the torches hanging on the walls, but they were few and far between. Under Arthur's rule there weren't many prisoners here, as he had lowered the taxes enough that not many starved and had to steal, and all got a fair trial; so no innocent were condemned either.
One of the first cells was inhabited through. The feeling of magic coming from the man sitting in the corner got the warlock to stop for a moment. He was first confused before it dawned that this must be the sorcerer who got him in this situation in the first place, and his eyes hardened.
"This is your fault" he mumbled accusingly, even if he deep down knew it had technically been his own choice. The prisoner looked up and spat at his feet, but Merlin had already run deeper into the dungeons.
Soon he arrived at the stairs down to the now empty cave were the dragon had been held prisoner in twenty-two years. He remembered how often he had sought the wise creature's council when he had just arrived in Camelot.
There had happened so much since then. In the beginning he had been naïve and innocent, like a puppy; opening the eyes to see the world for the first time. He had long since lost that innocence, even if he now thought that he may still have been slightly naïve to think that he would be able to keep his secrets hidden.
The cave seemed even bigger than last time he was there, now when it lacked the magical-presence that had been Kilgharrah. He looked around. Why had he come down here? It had been the first place he had thought about when he couldn't be in his old chambers, but this was also a dead end. Even if it would take some time; the soldiers would look down here sooner or later.
Unless …
The dragon had used another, bigger entrance to get in and out of the cave. It had been up by the roof somewhere. He wondered if he could come out that way too.
Careful not to slip, he stepped down the stairs he had used when he freed the dragon, until he came to the end. From that one he could only move on a small ledge while he clung to the cave wall.
He slowly moved towards were he had seen the dragon fly towards when he had left the cave, and soon saw the night sky over him, sadly there was about fifty meter up, and no stairs which meant he would have to climb.
He had only climbed on such a steep wall once, when he had to infiltrate a castle together with Arthur. He pushed the memory away and instead focused on moving and always finding the next place his feet and grip with his hands.
It was a relief to finally feel the fresh air in his lungs again, and he took greedily a few deep breath before being forced to run when he heard shouting guards.
The cave entrance had left him in the outskirts of the woods, mush too close for comfort.
It felt like hours later when he finally exhausted collapsed against a big oak tree. The roots dug into his back, but he had no energy left to move now the adrenaline had disappeared.
He pressed his knees against his chest and rested his head on them. Slowly his breathing calmed down, and he could again hear something else than his own heart beating. Not that there was much to listen to. The soldiers' shouts had long silenced and now only the night-song of the trees could be heard.
A light but cold wind blew, slowly cooling him down and he began to shiver. Not that he noticed; he was already lost in the nightmare that was his thoughts.
What should he do now? He had just left his home, friends and family back. He had no food and water nor blankets or wood to start a fire. Hell, he didn't even know where he was, so he couldn't even find the way towards Ealdor, not that he had the energy to walk anywhere in the moment.
He wondered what Gaius would say if he could see him. He wondered what the old man thought of the whole saturation. He would probably tell Merlin that he was an idiot. He laughed a little at that, a hollow, raspy sound. Then he choked down a sob. Arthur had called him an idiot too. The prat had rarely called him anything else.
He really was an idiot! What had he done? He had been happy, and he had just ruined it all! They would never trust him again. They likely all hated him now, and would kill him the moment they found him.
He felt tears well up into his eyes, but he didn't do anything to stop them as they slowly soaked his trousers.
His head hurt from lack of sleep and his stomach growled from hunger, but he couldn't do anything about it; just like he couldn't turn back time; even if it was his greatest wish.
And so he cried; really wept for the first time in years. Last time had been when he had lost Freya and Balinor. The thought made him just sob harder.
The hours flowed together and time lost its meaning. He had no idea for how long it lasted, only that he sat there long after his tears had run dry.
Until much later, when the first sunrays found their way through the trees, a twig snapped disturbing the hollow emptiness that was now his mind.
He blinked, surprised of the light, before his vision cleared and he stared directly into a pair of emerald eyes.
"Hello Merlin" Morgana smirked.
Sorry about the cliff-hanger :)
Okay, I have never written anything that emotionally; so please say what you think about it.
See you next time.
