A few of you were interested in Andy's side of things, and I guess I was too. In terms of timeline, assume this is just 'in the future', I don't know when exactly.
Also, Julia had the brilliant idea of having a '30 Days of Major Crimes' thing in countdown to the big event, so consider this my contribution to Day 30.
Many thanks for all the kind reviews :) Enjoy.
A Crashing Wave
The moment took him so thoroughly by surprise that he sat with his mouth hanging open, a stunned look on his face. He was more than shocked; he was appalled at himself for not noticing sooner, and also giddy with excitement. A thousand possibilities flew through his mind, each more glorious than the last, the least of which was sweeping her right out of her chair and kissing her into breathlessness.
He was in love. Good lord, such a silly revelation to experience between the entrée and main. But he stared transfixed; he couldn't take his eyes away, and he was certain that he was undoubtedly in love with her. What's more, bafflingly, he had been there for so long that the realisation hardly felt like a change of gear at all. So this is what I've been feeling under the ribcage, he thought to himself, and indeed, for so long he could not understand his confounding actions and attitudes. Did not see the forest for the trees, what with all the dinners and the family events; even his general behaviours towards her had been markedly different. He treated her like he treated no other women, and that should have been clue enough.
The story that Nicole was telling continued, funnier and more absurd with each detail, and the endearing giggles that had taken Sharon just a moment ago turned into full-blown laughter as she threw her head back at the punchline. She was simply magnificent. That's all he could think as he watched her; she was transfixing in every way, from her smile, to her hands folded together in her lap, all the way to her foot that was slightly bobbing in the air, her legs crossed. Not that he could see under the table, but his imagination helpfully supplied the image.
He was startled by the waiter refilling his water glass next to his shoulder, and just as well or he would have made a fool of himself in front of the dinner party. He looked down at his place setting for a moment to get his bearings, but it was no use; he simply couldn't take his eyes off her for even a moment, not now that he knew; not now of all moments.
He tried to think back to the instant of change and couldn't find it; it simply didn't exist, or if it did it was obscured by the months of friendship and support she offered him in a tumultuous time. That they could sit here tonight – at a nice restaurant for Nicole's birthday – without awkwardness or repression said so much about the success she helped him create. He was sure that he could credit her with this peace. Perhaps not totally; he had worked very hard to achieve this bond again with his daughter. But if not for Sharon it would have been a longer, more gruelling road. She alone kept him steady in those rough tides.
Now that he had become aware of himself he was struck dumb. He could not open his mouth for fear it would all come tumbling out, and then what. If he was to tell her – and no doubt his idiot mouth would betray him one day – it could not be here. And how she would react to such news, he did not know; he could not say what her intentions had been only that she seemed to enjoy his company as much as he did hers. That could count for something. Or perhaps not. He was not sure. This was the same woman who took in a homeless teen as a temporary solution and ended up adopting him not three years later; who was to say if this was romance or merely loving solidarity. And he wouldn't insult her by putting words in her mouth.
He was thankfully knocked out of his reverie again by the arrival of the main course. God, and to think they would all want dessert and then coffee too. How on earth was he supposed to survive this night now, with his mind racing and his heart to match?
He made the mistake of catching her eye across the table, and she furrowed her brow in askance. He shook his head just a little to signal that he was fine and it might have been that his acting skills had improved because she didn't push, only devoted her attention back to Nicole. Thankfully his son-in-law spoke from beside him and gave him the perfect opportunity to look away. It was a hard task to do.
The remainder of the night was a struggle, if only because he had to maintain the delicate balance they had created; Nicole still did not fully believe they were not an item, and true, their behaviour did nothing to dissuade her. But they were also not distant from each other. They sat in a strange place, part professional and part desirous; it was any wonder Nicole got the wrong idea to begin with. If Sharon noticed anything out of place she didn't let on.
Once they were back in his car it was another matter. He could tell from the moment he pulled out of the parking lot that she had something she wanted to say to him. She shifted a little more onto her hip, facing him just fractionally from the passenger seat. He kept his eyes firmly on the road, but alas, as soon as they hit a red light she pounced.
"Andy, are you alright?" she drawled, lowly in her throat. He could feel her eyes on him, and he tried to shrug it off, smirking falsely as he flicked his gaze to her and then away again.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You seemed a little tense" she said, not unkindly, but merely observant. Curious but not overly concerned. He was twitchy and short, but not angry. It could only be so many things without anger. The evening had been pleasant enough.
"I didn't mean to" he replied softly with a genuine smile. And that was the truth; despite the tumult of his emotions he did not want his musings to interrupt Nicole's evening. She would ask too many questions and his cagy answers would only put her on the defensive. He didn't want that, after so long opening up to her and breaking down those barriers. "Did Nic notice?"
Sharon smiled at his concern. "I don't think so, no"
"That's good. And I promise I'm fine"
"Alright. But you are tense" she said again, this time without question. Infuriating, that she could read him so spectacularly. "I'm here, if there's anything you need to talk about"
And oh, how it took all his willpower to remain silent. It would have been so simple to take her offer; just blurt the words and hope for the best. But even if he did intend on saying something tonight, which he most certainly was not, he would never ambush her in his car, half way home where she could not retreat at her own will. He knew her well enough to know that such deeply personal discussions should happen on her own turf. At his place, where she could retreat if needed, or at hers if he ever felt like he could predict her answer but wanted to put her at ease first. She was very private like that, which he could respect.
But a quick glance at her face showed him a strange sight; she was smiling at him, but in a perplexing way. It was almost as if she were humouring him, or maybe even laughing at him. He took his own advice and focussed solely on the road after that.
Did she suspect, he thought. Or more, did she know. It wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility that she had this all figured out months ago, and of all people best equipped to read him these days it was Sharon. Her skills had far surpassed Provenza's, if only because her approach was so much more affable than the old man's. But how could she know, unless he had been so blatantly obvious. Then again, on reflection, he hadn't been paying attention to his own behaviour much, too wrapped up in his fatherly duties. If he'd been in love for some time – and his distinct comfort in the feeling told him he had been – then he wouldn't have even noticed an extra touch, a quiet look, a smile across the table. It was a crying shame, really. He felt like he had missed out on something.
Thankfully – and somewhat too soon – he pulled up in front of her building, the circular driveway allowing him to pull up right alongside her foyer doors.
"I'll walk you up" he said, though of course he had driven to the door rather than parked in the guest spot. They didn't have a set routine around goodbyes, but it was obvious he had unconsciously chosen to remain in the car for the evening.
"There's no need" she said softly. "Thank you, though. I had a lovely evening"
"Thank you for coming with me. I know Nicole was pleased to see you again, and I… well, I really enjoyed your company too"
He thought he saw her blush a little when she lowered her gaze, but he couldn't be sure. "I enjoyed the company also" she said shyly.
She unbuckled her seatbelt and collected her jacket and purse from across her lap, breathing their eye contact once more and allowing him a moment to breath. God, just looking at her now made him giddy with undisclosed desire. Desire to do what, he couldn't say – he was still processing his feelings. But a kiss wouldn't go astray. She turned to him in the last moment, her eyes piercing, and he almost audibly gulped under her gaze.
"Last chance" she chimed. "Are you sure there's nothing bothering you?"
He could only smile at her in reassurance, the question unanswered. To say there was not would be a lie – it was not every day one realised they were in love, and he was plenty bothered by it. But any other answer would feel like a half-truth. He settled for merely smiling, and nodding his head just enough in an undefinable direction to be a polite brush-off. But he held her gaze anyway, wrapped up in the moment with her, the both of them watching the other with intent and deep interest, though for completely different reasons. When he did not look away her expression softened even more, but to her credit she sat as still as him.
She was enchanting. Beautiful, yes, no doubt. But more than simply pretty; she was graceful, and kind, and warm-hearted, and about a thousand other things he never would have attributed to her for the first twenty years of their acquaintance. It was remarkable, weighing the woman he thought he knew from second-hand stories and the woman that was his friend. He could hardly believe how many facets she possessed, for she surely was the ruthless leader of the rat squad when she needed to be. He never knew a person could be so nuanced until he got to know Sharon.
"I just want you to know" she started, laying a soft hand on his sleeve. "That if you ever want to talk… about anything… I am here"
Without thought he turned his hand palm-up and quickly grasped hers, holding it firmly over the centre console. She seemed surprised by the gesture, though not displeased, and she eyed their hands with intense interest for a moment. He was almost afraid he had shocked her, and perhaps he had, for he rarely initiated a breach of personal space between them.
"I know" he said, lowly and with great affection.
She nodded at him, and he let her go as she made a polite but somewhat hasty retreat. In a blink she was out of the car and to the door, waving one last time over her shoulder as the doorman held the door for her. And then she was gone.
Strange. And here he thought his own behaviour would be baffling. Had he said something? Surely not, and upon reflection he couldn't find a single comment that would have offended her. Had he embarrassed her by his compliments? She was not a bashful woman, and she must have known that he enjoyed her presence as much as his daughter did, or he would not insist on bringing her along so frequently. He didn't think a compliment alone would be enough to have her scurry off.
Had he given himself away? Oh, that thought was the frightening one. Oh, he was useless at hiding his emotions, always had been, either positive or negative, it didn't matter. Perhaps he had held her eyes just too long, or was his smile too friendly, perhaps a little wistful. He could not judge for himself. He was too caught in his own head at the moment to be in any way objective.
But then, she hadn't rebuffed him, so perhaps she didn't mind so much. Maybe she was only shocked, but not offended. Maybe he could still rectify this with a kind word and, oh yes, he would bring her coffee in the morning to make amends. Her lack of denial was heartening, if only because he didn't want to sacrifice their beautiful friendship for the sake of his own stupidity. He could keep himself in check in the future, and there may come a time when he could tell her how he felt, but no matter, that time was certainly not now. He barely understood how he felt, and he would have to get a read on Sharon first; gauge her reaction before he took the risk. He didn't expect reciprocation, no, but again, he wouldn't jeopardise their wonderful connection just because of his silly feelings.
With a firm resolve to be more self-aware, Andy put the car in gear and pulled away, heading home for the night. He was still elated to know his heart had found genuine companionship once again, but he was conscious not to expose himself too foolishly. Of all things, he did not want to put Sharon in the firing line. Still, he was almost certain that one day, with such a close bond, they would find a way to have an honest discussion about his recent discovery. And one day he also hoped to find out where her heart found happiness. That would be his greatest achievement; figuring out her mystery.
