A/N: Greetings. I have the thoughts about this kind of story since months ago and I want to make it happens. Enjoy x

Chapter 1 – Bad Angel

"Come on! Pick me the fuck up!" I said breathlessly to the phone as I stop running from these motherfuckers.

"Shit. I'm so sorry, beb! I can't. I'm on my way to the airport right now. And if I go back to pick you, he will kill me for not taking the stuff." he says apologetically.

"Damn it. What do I do now?" I say, looking around to see if there's something I can use to kill these fuckers or there's somewhere I could hide.

"God, I don't know! Let me… let me think for a way, okay," right as he stutterly says that, I see an alley across the street beside a big house that kind of blocking it from where I stand.

I look over my back to find two heads of people at the end of the street, running. Oh fuck, I have to be hurry. I leave my breathlessness away and run quickly to the alley.

My bag is bouncing on my back. My hair is a fucking mess. And my face. I can tell, it is the worst shit in this world right now. My fucked up face got fucked up with another fucked things such as running and sweating. My shoes in my hand. My bare legs that are hurting and probably bruising because I've walked far enough. I just wear a very big sweater, Dimitri's actually, and the shortest shorts ever.

I finally get into the alley. A very dark alley. I can see nothing, nothing except a big garbage. No lights. I walk in, anyway.

"Oh shit," I blurt out. There. Fucking there, is a big wall that crossing my way to walk. Crossing my way to escape. It is a blind alley.

"Dim.. You really need to help me," I say in panic.

"Umm uh, maybe you… you can talk to them and say you'll give them the things tomorrow?" he says.

"Really, Dim? I don't know you were this stupid. They're fucking mad, they're fucking needy! They really need the thing! And they are fucking addicts for years, how could they handle waiting one fucking day when they were already nuts the minute I told them I didn't bring one? Please help me with a logical relief!" I scream at him and run back to the street, leaving the alley.

"Fuck. Sorry. My mind is not working right now. I really want to go back and pick you and beat the crap out of them. God. Just find a car first. I'll tell you how to do it after," he reigns.

I stop my run and stand beside a black vehicle that kind of old, I think.

"Found it," I say.

"Okay, now, bump against it to check the alarm." he tells.

I bump my body to the car until it moves like it was about to be stolen. Well, it is.

I wait for it to make a sound but, nothing.

"It doesn't sound. What's next?" I ask.

"Just break the fucking window." I take some steps back before I kick the window with my foot. I've broken windows back then to escape, so, it's easy.

I get in the car and drop everything that was on my back and my hand to the next seat.

"I'm already in the car. How to turn on the fucking engine now?" I ask. Curious about how many minutes I've spent to get here, I turn my head and look back. "Oh shit, they're coming. Hurry, Dim!"

"By-pass the ignition switch by shorting the appropriate wires, Bells." he says.

I do what he says quickly and the engine starts. I push the pedal and drive away. Sighing, I thank Dimitri and end the call. I sneak at the mirror to see two people yelling and pointing at me. Fuckers.

I just get back from filming. From work. I'm so tired and so ruined. The fucking cameraman didn't get it and made me did five times repeats. My whole body screamed at me. It wasn't even good anymore, it turned out hurts, aches, and pains.

And the guy.

He told me nothing about the guy being this big, this oversized big. Well, for my tiny body, he was like a kingkong. The godfather of kingkongs. I couldn't even resist a fifteen minutes. I always lost. The first round he was so uncontrolled. He kept smashed and smashed and smashed into me like I wasn't a human. He got me, of course, I mean, who doesn't like the end of the spot? It was getting more uncomfortable within times. I reached my first, he hadn't. I reached my second, he still hadn't. The cameraman told us to change style, and he went mad. He treated me worstest than the last time. He treated me like a goat. I reached my third and he finally released. Then I finally thought it was enough until the cameraman told us to do more. Fuck, I was about to say I can't hold it anymore until he came to me again from my back and drag me. It wasn't even 10 minutes from his release, dammit. Then after that, what we did was repeat, repeat and repeat with different shits as the cameraman told us to and still with him being so fucking strong and hit me with all of his strength.

It's official that I can't count how many times I jerked today.

It was good but after, it dreadfully tremendously exceedingly outrageously hurts.

And I finally decided, I hate that fucking guy.

He introduced himself to me after the filming had done, he said his name was Sam. He lived in Seattle but got a call from his old friend to come here to do this and so did he. He said he did this because he got interacted by my face when his old friend first showed him a picture of me.

Thanks to his old friend a.k.a my boss, Charlisle.

I pull over at Dimitri's. I let out a long breath and lay my head for a minute thinking about how painful today was. I finally grab all my things and get out of the car. I take steps from the stairs on the front porch, hearing nothing but bugs whistles. My hand reaches the doorknob and push the door open. I sigh in relief that no one is in the living room. The lamp is out and I can feel no lives here. I get in and go to my bedroom. Leaving everything on the floor, I roll up to the bathroom. I open the hot water and wait for it to be ready. Lifting my clothes and pants, I stare at the mirror. As usual, I think about my life. How it goes, how funny it is, how dangerous, how crazy, how hard, how fucked. It's weird at how I managed to stay alive in this kind of life. I wonder, why hadn't I killed myself? Why hadn't I moved and searched for freedom? Why hadn't I be normal?

The thoughts get my head drop and my eyes falling to the floor. A couple of tears let down my cheeks. The usual tears on the usual night and the usual place.

The hot water is ready and I get myself in. The heat makes my skin burn in a good way. I relax myself in the water. I lean my head on the edge of the bathtub and close my eyes. Hoping the hurts will be gone, hoping the bruises will disappear, hoping the sins will be forgiven. And at last, hoping the future will be better.

No, you cannot blame the other livings for what you'd done. Even though they are the ones who control you, you still do it by your own self, by your own hands. You could've just run and leave and they will be just curse at that fact and search for another living. But things get harder. You cannot leave and run because of some things. And these things are important in your life. Then what do you do? What are the other ways to escape? You cannot find one. So you just did what they told you and let them be your leader for good or bad things. It sucks, your mind said. It hurts, your heart said. It kills me, your soul said. And still nothing you can do.

Everyday you pray, for a way to escape, for goodness, for happiness and laughter. But everyday you find nothing, none of that happens, your life still goes the same as it has to be not as it used to normally be. Then one day, you get tired of praying, you get tired of things and you just go being the worst you can be, and after that, there's no regrets. There's just the world being upside down and you're on top of it, laughing. Finally, you can find laughter inside your life, without praying to change it. You can find a joy and the world being upside down with being the worst, with enjoying being controlled, and with living your shit life. And then you just stay thinking, why hadn't you done it before and found the joy earlier? Why did you cry over your unnormal life while inside it there's still laughter when you just live it without heavy thoughts? Why did you pray if this is what God wants your life to be? Why did you escape if this is a destiny?

These are my minds. The day I get hurts by living this life, I cry and wanting a normal life. The day I get happiness, I think about why would I want another life if this is the best I could ever get? And all of it ends up with; this is the bestest life.

I hear a crack of the door being opened. I don't need to open my eyes, I already know who it is.

"I'm so tired." I say to him, still with my eyes closed.

"I know," he replies. The sound of his clothes being loose makes me sigh. And the voice of his belt and jeans drop on the floor gives me chills.

"Keep me." I speak as I feel him getting closer. He put his legs one by one into the water and he grabs my arm. He lifted me and positioned himself behind me and lean me again.

"I am keeping you, baby," he says softly to my ear. I throw my head on his warm chest as I hear his heart pounding like a beautiful song. His chin stays above my head, sometimes he sniffs at my hair and breathes lazily. His arm wraps on my waist, keeping me the way I liked it. His other hand is making circles on my hip which make me close my eyes and enjoy every bit of his warmth.

He is still my best guy.

I remember the first time I met him. He was on the corner of the room at my first shooting. I knew what to do. For the records, I watched how all these women do to the men. I turned to him every time I wanted to do an action and he just stayed there with his furious look, looking at me like protecting me with his gaze. His mouth was closed, his jaw tensed and his arms crossed. He stood like a statue, watching me. And at that time I realized, he was my hero.

"You're my best guy." I murmur through my half sleep soul.

He sighs and breathes on top of my head. "I know," he says.

He knows. But he can't. Why?

I just stay silent, I don't want to speak up to him. He has the reasons that hurt my heart more than anything. I don't want to argue with him and make myself break because I already tired.


The smell of pie wakes me up. The sun has already hit my damn windows. I stretch out my arms and my legs.

Ouch.

Of course, my body hurts. I lift my body and sit up against the headboard to see a glass of water and a pain killer on my nightstand. I quickly take them both and drown the medicine down my body. I lean my head and close my eyes to relax. The sound of voices downstairs doesn't help, though. Fuck time is it?

I bring my ass off the bed and change into a shirt and shorts. I was naked from last night. I take my phone from the top of the closet drawer and walk downstairs.

"Hey hey hey, good morning sleeping beauty," Emmett greets me as I step into the kitchen.

I smile. "Good morning, Em, what you have for me today?"

"Your one and only favorite, baby, Blueberry Pie." he turns around from the kitchen counter and pulls out my blueberry pie and put it in front off me. My stomach rumbles.

"You know, I fucking love you and would do anything for you, right?" I grab a fork and start to cut my pie and put it inside my mouth. I do need food.

Emmett laughs and walks to hug me from behind. "You know, I wouldn't know if you don't tell me directly and kiss me, right?"

I giggle and turn to kiss his cheek and tell him I love him.

Emmett keeps telling me jokes as I finish out my pie. I couldn't do anything but laugh and forget the pain I had. It's eleven in the morning and the weather is usual, windy. Who am I kidding, Forks has never done it wrong.

I take my coffee from Emmett and warm my fingers by the cup. Emmett is quiet now, gazing the plants outside from the window with a cup of tea.

"Where are the boys?" I speak, breaking the silence.

"Jasper and Garrett are buying some stuff." He answers.

"Oh," I take a gulp of my coffee and relax at the heat of it. It burns inside but protects me from the outside. He knows I'm not asking for the others. I'm asking for him. Where is he? Why did he leave me alone? Why was there just empty sheet beside me? But he knows, too. He will hurt me if he says where he is right now.

Emmett seems to see my thoughts and hands me a pack. I pick one and grab the nearest lighter and lit it.

After some inhales, I feel better. Goodness, this thing is so sickly cool. I look at Emmett who has watched me suck since the first inhale.

"I'm nothing but nicotine's bitch, Emmie," I say through my exhale and he smirks.

"Uh, what a new shocking sentence," he says. I roll my eyes and back to my love. "How was yesterday?" he speaks with an unsure voice.

I sigh. I don't want him to worry about this. "Painful," I can't lie to him either.

And of course, his gesture changes.

His fists clench by the cup. His jaw tightens. His stare could kill. "Who is the dick?" he speaks through his glued teeth.

"He's Carlisle's old friend," I shrug.

"I'm asking his name, Bells," he looks up at me and I hate it.

"Oh, come fucking on, Emmett. Since when have you known me, huh? You know I'm a big girl. I'm strong and tough enough to handle my things. And these dicks aren't exceptions. How many times should I tell you this shit?" I say angrily.

"Sorry," he sighs.

My angriness suddenly changes as Emmett's eyes meet the ground and his fingers play by the hand of the cup he has. It is now guilt. Guilt for making him like this. Guilt for making him thinks about the life he shouldn't give a fuck since the beginning and worry too much about it.

"Look, I'm sorry too, Em, but you know me, don't you? I don't like you boys to worry too much about my life while your own selves' life is already hard enough to take. Please don't do this to me. I can take care of my own life. And if one day I can't, you know that's the time when you can be like this to me and help me, right?" I look up at him with hopeful eyes.

I really don't want him to worry. I don't want anybody to worry about my life, about what I did, what I chose, and the consequences I got within it. They have their own life, why would they care about the others'? I don't get it. Since the beginning I came to the boys' life, I've told them not to worry about me and just because I'm the only girl between them, doesn't mean I'm weak and without them I would die, no. But still, for years, they still do it. They still worry, they still treat me like a little girl, they still think I don't understand this shit and what I did. All I told them was, you don't know me.

Not Garrett.

Not Jasper.

Not even Emmett.

The only guy that knows me between them is my hero.

When I told Garrett to fuck off and not talking to him for five months because of his stupid reactions about me giving some drugs to addicts alone at night. When I slapped Jasper in the face after he told me I was just a little girl that had no idea what I was doing. When I broke Emmett's nose because he wanted to beat Carlisle after he knew what my job was besides selling drugs.

I ran to him. Every time.

I cried on his shoulders and told him about the others didn't understand my choice. He held me tight as I kept crying and crying. Until my sob gone and tears stopped falling. He gave me an explanation about the reason why they were acting that way.

"It was because they love you, Bella," he said.

I frowned at the sentence. Love? What the fuck was that? If that was what they called it, I could do it too then. I love my shit. I love my choice. I love what I fucking did.

I spoke out to him then about my life since the very beginning and he didn't let go the warm wrap around my shoulders as I told him the hardest part. He sighed and promised he would be there for me whenever I needed him. I nodded but I didn't want him to worry too much about me and turned out just like the others. But he slapped my thoughts away as he said he would did what I wished or wanted and he would told the others to just leave me and my choices alone and to not bother too much. He also told me he was in the middle, he didn't on my side or the boys, he didn't tell me what I did was true or what the boys did was matter of factly made sense. He was on both sides. It was his responsibility to keep us in peace and not gonna break into pieces. I understood. That day, I kept holding onto him and he whispered promises and sweet words in my ear that made me fell asleep.

That time I didn't understand. But now I do. I love Emmett, I love Garrett, I love Jasper, and I've told them that. They are like my brothers, now. I don't really understand what love should do but I just understand this feeling has a name. And it's love as they say it. I don't know why they made these four letters to express the feelings that hang inside hearts. But I know that I love it the first time he said that word directly to me years ago.

I love you.

And I love him equally. More than I love the boys. Even though I don't know if that love still hangs inside his heart like before or not.

A/N: See you in the next chapter x