Sohryu.
What?
You do not actually have a doctorate. The University of Inside Your Head does not count.
Shut up.
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Surrogate of Zero
ch2
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Click. Whirr.
In our previous episode, Ikaricus Inepticus entered the magical land of Helkeginia and was forced into a familiar bond. Last we saw, he was headed into what is apparently a magic academy. Or, a really elaborate fantasy brothel. We're still not quite clear on that.
Shinji never actually made it into the castle. He collapsed unconscious halfway down the courtyard. Tch. A mortal body sure is inconvenient, isn't it?
Click. Whirr.
This is the second subject, Louise-la-Vallieries Tsunderis Jailbaitus. Better remember that!
She is, despite her calm facade, exulting inside. She has a familiar! She has done real, incontestable magic. It is apparently a major coming-of-age ceremony. For years she'd dreamed of getting her own familiar, and through it finding her own sphere of talent in magic, and bringing honor to her noble name. For so long it seemed like she had no talent at all.
In a world where nobility is defined as the capacity to perform magic, being so weak was a frightening thing indeed. Wealth or her family's reputation alone may not protect her forever; and to lack ability means her own prospects for the future would be similarly limited. She shivers at the prospect. She was raised in a noble family, but a noble has to be able to do magic. She's sure that her own mother would cast her out, send her to live unprepared among the commoners. A failure deserves no better.
That fear is gone! At the worst, she can just dread being a wife cooped up in a mansion, better left unheard and unseen. A prisoner of relative luxury. It's a pitiful life, but at least not horrible, like working with her hands like a commoner. Or, worse, being subject to... indignities.
She doesn't get that spreading her legs for some noble for her life comforts isn't really that much different from a whore? There's this cloud of various justifications and status symbols surrounding her conception of it. Her child may yet be a strong mage.
Really, she's almost looking forward to being breeding stock. Enforced aristocracy does strange things to people's minds. Well, I suppose it's not much worse than any other society that mankind may devise. Shinji is still pointedly ignoring the conventions of the setting he's forced to take part in, but what the hell does morality mean to something like him, anyway? He is limiting his perceptions and concerns to what's just around him. She seems happy, so he's happy.
Click. Whirr. Ping. Popcorn popped, time-space synchronization, set! Recorders, online! Go, Voyeur Force!
It's night now. Louise's room is large and airy, more like a hotel suite than a student's bed room. There's a gilt-decorated dresser with a large mirror, a round coffee table with two chairs, and a four-posted bed. The room is dimly lit by a lamp made of some steadily glowing orange crystal, proving amber light like and old-fashioned incandescent bulb. Louise is sitting cross-legged in the center of her, while Shinji stands uncomfortably near a heap of straw. She beckons him closer, and very reluctantly he moves to sit near the foot of the bed. Louise is feeling gratified at his obvious fear. Asuka's skull is on a table, pointedly placed to face away.
Louise had been tempted to order a servant to throw it away, but some dimly perceived instinct of self-preservation had command the castle's retainers to bring it along as they hauled Shinji's up to her room. Heh heh heh.
She hadn't failed to notice that the first thing her familiar looked for when waking up was his grim bauble and how he so quickly relaxed upon seeing it nearby Good. Louise thinks he should be more receptive when it's made obvious that she knows his weak point.
"Tell me about yourself." Louise orders, while making sure that her wand in her hand is very visible. "Where are you from? What can you do?'
Shinji shrugs. "Whatever you want me to do, I guess?"
Louise's lips twitch up at that. "Well, if you keep up this behavior we just might get along." She looks towards the skull. "I still don't want that... thing... in my room."
Shinji just shrugs. "That's all right. I can just find some other place to sleep." Camping outside would be really inconvenient about being on hand to receive orders though, but that might be a plus in of itself. And now he's thinking about having to climb up the tower wall to get to the window because having to go in and walk up stairs might be too slow.
Okay, that? That isn't something a normal person should even consider as a possibility. Normal people don't think like that. He needs to learn how to keep his cover better.
Louise doesn't like his blase disregard for his living conditions. If he's too independent, then she can't control him. There is always fear, she supposes, a motivation she understands quite well. Never make a threat that you are not willing to follow through, this she learned from her mother. "I am your master!" Louise crow. "You will respect me and obey me!"
"Yes." says Shinji in the most apathetic tone possible.
Louise puts her palms to her face and a mad giggle escapes her lips. "Hee... heheh... aaahaha!" she cackles. She has no idea what to do with someone being so obliging. That's what servants are supposed to bo, but aren't they supposed to be unseen until called for? What does it mean, that her familiar is just some random servant? And just a servant boy at that! Not even someone midly impressive, like a soldier or barbarian or something.
A familiar is a major milestone in the life of a mage, it's supposed to reveal what element she's best at; and the bond reinforces that. Since the familiar embodies that element, it would stabilize a mage's magic and make it easier to learn more advanced spells.
She squints at him. There has to be more. His presence says things about her, and she feels she must understand the implications... for self-defense, at least. Years of being emotionally assaulted for her lack of talent in magic has Louise a bundle of passive-aggressive nerves. "Really, is there anything you're good at? Where did you come from?" Belatedly, Louise is starting to realize that her familiar seems oddly too calm about being yanked from wherever.
Shinji just shrugs again. "Housework, I guess? I'm not very good at fighting." This should be obvious enough from his scrawny frame. It's the total truth, but also an utter lie. "As for where I'm from... it's very far away, I think. It doesn't matter."
"This is stupid." Louise groans, trying to rub away a headache. "A mage with a commoner as a familiar... what's the point?"
"Um, maybe if I actually know what familiars are supposed to do? That might help."
Louise looks up, a determined glimmer in her gaze. She was always good at lecturing. "A familiar is of vital aid to a magician. Firstly, a familiar is able to grant its master an enhancement in vision and hearing."
"Excuse me, but how does that work? Will a cat familiar allow you to see in the dark, while a dog familiar improves your sense of smell?"
"Don't interrupt!" Louise touches her chin. "Though that would be an interesting effect. But what I means is that what the familiar sees, the master can also see."
No bonuses to basic stats or derived abilities? Just remote awareness? Lame.
"Oh." He looks around. "Does it work?"
"No, I can't see anything."
Shinji sighs in relief. Privacy is still something of slight value to him. The only thing worse would be if someone could read his thoughts and feelings openly and without limit. Oh wait.
But that's a sign of trust, isn't it? One of the basic foundations of free will is choosing who to share one's own dreams and sentiments, knowledge and intentions. Without trust, it's just coercion. How can he possibly trust this little girl so quickly? How can he possibly trust anyone after everything? To trust is to be betrayed, to open one's heart is to be hurt. He trusts only the one person who can destroy him so thoroughly.
"Also, a familiar will retrieve items that its master desires. For instance, reagents." Louise continues.
"Reagents?"
"Catalyst to be used when casting certain spells. Something like sulfur, or moss..."
"Hm..." Shinji looks down at his hands. There is the vague memory of holding a pickaxe. "I suppose I can do that, though probably just buying it from the market."
"Anybody can do that! It's supposed to be that a familiar can get reagents fresh and from the wilderness. You don't even know what kind of reagants there are!"
"That's true. I could try to learn?" He wiggles his opposable thumbs.
Louise huffs. "All right. Not that it matters anyway." She points at him. "And this is most important of all... A familiar exists to protect its master! The task of protecting them from any and all enemies is a duty of the highest priority! But that might be a little bit problematic for you..."
"Since I'm human...?"
"...A powerful magical beast would almost always defeat its enemies, but I don't think you could even beat a stray dog!"
"Protecting someone?" Shinji feels as if his ribcage has grown spurs, and they're now digging into his heart. "I... don't think I've ever been able to protect anybody... anything... in my life." he mumbles despondently.
Louise is unconcerned. He's but a boy to her eyes. Of course, he hadn't lived enough, probably just worked in a scullery or something. Her lips curl up in a sneer. Putting her life in his hands is out of the question. There is no trust going the other way either, and why should there be? Louise doesn't even trust herself. "This is why I will be having you do things like laundry, cleaning, other miscellaneous tasks that I'm sure even you can do."
Shinji smiles slightly. "If it's just that, you don't need to worry. I can handle that just fine."
Louise smiles back, despite herself. Shinji thinks she looks cute, in a very fragile sort of way.
You moron. Don't just do it for free!
"Um, in exchange the mage does what for the familiar?"
Louise's good cheer evaporates abruptly. "It is an honor to serve a noble! To be my familiar is something that just doesn't happen in a hundred years, a thousand! You're uniquely blessed among all peasants! Don't be too presumptuous, servant!"
"But... it would be inconvenient if the familiar just dies from neglect or something, right? What does that say about the mage?" Shinji makes a sheepish grin and scratches at the back of his head. "I do get free room and board, right?"
Louise sniffs haughtily. This is irritating, but as a noble she comprehends that commoners are selfish and self-interested, and will only work as far as they're made to do. "Of course. As long as you're properly obedient."
A salary, you fool! Negotiate for a salary!
"Money isn't important to me." says Shinji. "I just need enough to live peacefully." He looks outside towards the night sky, bedecked with stars and the two oddly colored round moons. Red and blue. That makes no sense. Colors on planets and planetoids comes from the composition of its surface and sunlight reflecting off its atmosphere. The Red Earth is supposed to be red for a reason. But blue-! That's water. Or helium, but that 'moon' doesn't look like a gas giant from over here. Of the two moons, the blue one is smaller than the other, but it's clear from over here that both are pitted with craters.
Huh. Shinji wonders how long it would take to boostrap space exploration on this planet.
"Do you think that, someday, you might... travel?" he asks in a wistful tone.
"Is... is that why you're not bothered by this? It's... it's all so strange, isn't it?" Louise asks, starting to show some recognition of the inconvenience she may have put on someone else. Even a commoner, a servant boy, has his duties. While she takes the awe and obedience of commoners by default, Louise does know that estates require constant upkeep. Who and what did he leave behind whe she summoned him? "You want... to explore?"
"This world of yours is al so new to me. I'd like to see more of it." he replies. In his mind he adds; I want to hold it in my hands, and not crush it. "Life is such a wonder, you know? So varied in forms, so weak and also so strong. I'm afraid of what might happen, but it's also great not knowing what may happen."
Adventure, huh? Louise can understand that motivation. Sometimes she also feels stifled, and ponders that her familiar might perhaps be braver than her. He has no power, but accepts the future with good cheer. Or, as far as his dour face can seem to express cheer anyway. Louise only has fears for the future. Maybe this is the reason he was chosen by fate to be her familiar. She may constantly be judged as a pale shadow of her mother in Tristain, but what if she were to journey around Halkeginia, meeting strangers and having exciting new adventures? She'd be appreciated there only for herself.
Not until that moment had Louise seriously considered the possibility that she might just -leave-... not treason or defection, obviously, she quickly defends even to herself, but just as traveler and troubleshooter, maybe a diplomat or trader.
Her deepest is even leaving home, permanently, being cast out as worthless. She'd never dared to consider being independent before. She craved recognition, not self-fulfillment for its own sake. Louise la Valliere is seventeen, but has the maturity of someone much younger. She on occasion has the grandiose dreams and unwarranted expectations of a child, but also the pessimism of a person beaten down again and again for all her best efforts.
The black haired boy and the pink-haired girl, and despite all evidence to the contrary, one of them is a slave and the other is actually free At this point I can't even tell the difference anymore.
Louise exhales. There's not much more she'd like to know. He's just a commoner, a familiar. She doesn't need to know any more about him. After all, hah! That might lead to her start thinking of him as a person and add needless effort to her daily routine if she has to care about his opinions and well-being.
She's happy, but she's still screaming inside. Things are going so well. It's too good to be true; she never gets any good breaks. She can't help but to believe; it can't be that easy. It can't be that painless. There has to be something she's missing. She thinks back to her upbringing under the Rule of Steel. Okay, she's asserted her dominance. What else? Oh, yes, prove that her dominance is actually accepted. A noble is supposed to be bound by her word, but commoners know no such honor. They'd lie and cheat for as far as they can get away it, and it's the noble's fault if she's stupid enough to fall for it.
She yawns. "All this talk is making me sleepy." She puts her wand on the bed, behind her but still within reach and rises to her knees. Making sure to look intently into his eyes, she starts to unbutton her blouse. She relishes the surprise, and panic, and... maybe even leering interest, in his eyes. She stops, spreads her arms to the side and teasingly says, "Undress me, familiar."
"Um, what?"
"I'm tired and I want to be undressed for bed. A noble should not have to trouble herself with changing clothes when there is a servant around to do it for her." Louise explains in a bored tone.
"But... okay, but that's for maidservants, not manservants. You do know I'm a boy, right?" Shinji asks desperately. "It's improper."
"You're not a servant! You're my familiar! I should have no problem with you seeing me, than I would be ashamed at being seen by an animal! Obey me!"
Shinji winces. Ouch. He wonders if this girl is actually mentally disturbed enough to believe that. He has a choice now, to obey or refuse. Which would be simpler? Leaving would take less effory, but then that would imply he has any self respect. He sighs and moves closer, walking on his knees. Slowly he begins to unbutton Louise's blouse. Button by button, he works carefully, fighting off keeping the shaking of his hands. Being so close to another person for so long, it's a weird feeling. To Louise, this may mean nothing, but to him- he feels as if his gut has frozen solid.
Louise's uniform is made of fairly thick cloth, probably cotton, and not rich silk. It's breathing but non-sheer material, at least. A sensible one, considering that Louise doesn't wear a bra and stiff breeze would be uncomfortable and oh ho ho ho, why are you even noticing that little fact, Ikari?
"You really shouldn't say such hurtful things, my master." he says in a sad whisper. "An animal is ruled only by hot urges, a human can temper his passions with reason." This he says even as he removes her blouse, revealing but a sheer negligee for underwear, pulling Louise's arms back and arching her back.
Louise shivers, a warm electric jolt trickling down her spine. His voice seemed to rumble within her lungs. "Eek!" Quickly she pushes at Shinji, sending him crashing off the bed, and covers her breasts.
Oh, now she gets embarrassed?
"Unngh." Shinji is lying flat on his back, his legs still half-up on the bed, staring up at the wood-paneled ceiling. His vision darkens as a white blouse covers his face, then followed by a black skirt and black stockings. He clears them away and starts to get up. "You- you...! I want these washed and ready by tomorrow!" he hears an squeaky indignant voice say from above. His vision is blocked again by another piece of white cloth.
He removes it from his face and faintly blushes at seeing what he's holding. Louise's panties. He looks up to see that Louise is already in bed, deep under her blankets and facing away. It's the principle of the thing. Louise felt that stopping halfway would have been to admit weakness. She wants her familiar to obey her orders without question, without being bothered by shame or second thoughts, even if it means she's the one feeling embarrassed instead.
Shinji slowly comes to the realization that she's nearly naked under there, and his only reaction is to think it's a hassle. Won't she be cold in the morning? And now where is he supposed to find a place to wash and dry these things? It's night! He looks at the large dresser. A noble should have some back-up outfits, right? Uniforms are like that. He opens his mouth to ask where he's supposed to sleep after doing the job, then reconsiders.
Louise has her eyes open under the covers, and clutching fitfully at edges of her pillow. The tension in her shoulders only relaxes as she hears his footsteps recede, and the open-shut of the door. Her painful grip unclenches slightly. She's blushing. She feels too wound up to sleep. Ooh! That was so bad. She's so embarrassed she can just giggle.
Oh, Shinji, you idiot. You stupid moany little moron. You really have no idea that damage that you could do if you just weren't so freaking... you.
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Ikaricus Inepticus is lost. Not a surprise.
The best glimpse he had of the castle was from outside. Now he's inside, it's dark, and it's a long hallway. He doesn't even know which way is north, and is just hoping the castle was built with repeating features. After all, he didn't see a bathroom in Louise's room. Which brings up a point, how can he assume these people even have plumbing?
Meh. Magic. They might be able to make flow water uphill, for all we know.
On that note, hey, stupid Shinji, listen to me seriously for a minute, will you? It's bad form for the observer to taint the data like this, but inquiring minds want to know. For all we know, this whole magic thing can do things even you can't do. Magic's supposed to be what's impossible. So how come that when you were afraid of losing my skull, it wasn't your first thought afterwards to 'Find someone powerful enough to cast Resurrect or Phoenix Down on Asuka'?
Shinji stops. He stops HARD.
There's nothing in front of him but empty air, but he halts so suddenly it's like hitting a wall so hard causality itself may break.
He drops to his knees, hyperventilating, shocked into a frozen stupor. His mind boils over with disbelief and self-loathing. Why wasn't that his first thought? "Oh god." he gasps. "Hnrrgh-!" His body rejects that idea. He wants to vomit, so completely disgusted is he with himself. To think that he'd actually come to accept her death, to be comfortable with that fact- how more contemptible and unworthy could he be? He doesn't deserve what's been happening to him, just a little bit of good fortune and he forgets. It is inexcusable.
... nnyyeeah, I knew this might happen, but I didn't think it would be this bad. Oh, come on, Ikari! Stop being such a drama queen!
Though this isn't much of a surprise either.
Listen! What happened to me wasn't your fault. I can hate a lot of things about you, but that- you never have to ask for my forgiveness about that. No one blames you. You can bitch and moan about about anything else, but not that. I forbid it!
You're afraid and it's one of the most rational thoughts you could ever have. You know what I'd do the instant you bring me back, right? I'd kick you in the balls so bad you'd be in geosynchronous orbit!
You can't lie to me. I'll tell you why you can't do it- at some level you knew it wouldn't work anyway. I'd have to want to come back. But here, like this, I'm dead but dreaming. I'm standing between you and Instrumentality. I'm not going to begrudge how you need me more like this. You're just so useless without me watching over your back.
It is verboten.No more about this.
"No! Asuka, that's... I won't accept it. I was being too selfish. Please. Don't just leave me unpunished. I'm sorry."
You idiot. There's a reason why dogma calls marriage the union of two souls, you know?
"Asuka, please... don't leave."
And now we return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Thoom. Shinji punches the stone floor hard enough to leave a web of cracks. The sound echoes through the dark deserted corridor.
Ssh. Wait. You hear that?
Pay attention! In the distance...
And slowly, despite not wanting to, Shinji does hear something. A female voice humming a familiar tune. "Fly me to the moon..."
Oh come on. He can't be afraid of ghosts. He's already being haunted. What's one more?
Ayanami's song.
He can't resist this. Oh, sure, he'd like to wallow a bit more in his angst some more, but there's a seed of curiosity in there. The tiny red sphere in his chest starts to burn, a gentle rather pleasant warmth like warm chocolate going down the throat.
"... among Jupiter and Mars."
To the moon. This place has two moons. What would these magelings know about Jupiter and Mars?
He reluctantly rises and picks up the clothes he'd dropped. He strains to hear where that voice is coming from. He still has no idea which way is north. Eventually he decides to just stop relying on his ears. A pale red glow pulsates from under his white shirt, in tempo to the tune. Feeling tugged towards a certain soul, his unerringly traces the shortest route down three corridors, four stairwells and two courtyards.
Weird. His human ears shouldn't have picked up on that. But we already know that the universe likes to screw around with him like that.
"Oh!" a female voice yelps, as she and Shinji turn a corner and nearly bump into each other.
Shinji steps aside quickly. It's a maid carrying a large straw tub of clothes. She sees the bundle in his hands. "More for the wash? All right, just put them in."
Shinji shakes his head. "Sorry, but my master insists that I do this. If you could just lend me some soap and show me where to wash? Um, I could help out too and do half of that."
"Oh, no, that wouldn't be proper. This is my job after all." she replies with a fakely affronted tone.
Surprisingly, Shinji gets it. He manages a weak grin. "It's not like I have anything better to do tonight. You could tell me if I'm doing something wrong while washing? I just need to make sure my master's clothes are separate from the rest."'
The maid is slightly suspicious. She's never seen him before, but a thief wouldn't be going around trying to help people with their laundry, right?
Shyly, she nods, and motions for him to follow her. Soon, they arrive at a simple fountain.
She puts down her washload and bows slightly. She has on the sterotypical maid uniform, and is about a head taller than Shinji, but still looks quite young. I'd be surprised if she's even twenty. Her black hair is cut to neck-length, and there's something faintly familiar about her features. A plain but pleasant face showing mixed stable genes, large breasts, wide child-bearing hips. I hate her already.
"Hello, my name is Siesta."
"Um, my name is Shinji." This is a western-style civilization right? Family name last. "Shinji Ikari."
"Very pleased to meet you, mister Ikari."
Ugh. This has A Destined Meeting written all over it.
Fuck Destiny. Fuck that evil malicious bitch. Being part of Instrumentality at least means she can't screw us over so directly anymore.
And they sit down. And they work. And make trite boring talk. "Have you worked here long?, "Who is your master?", "Where do they get the fabric for these shirts?, and "How can you tell it's supposed to be shining white only by moonlight?"
Boring, boring, boring. Skip ahead already!
Siesta teaches him how to hold the soap, how to scrub without damaging the material, and why it is that a lot of the washing is still done at night. The nobles don't like their view spoiled by drying clothes, and to dry on the same line as commoner's clothes would be an insult. Not that the students are aware of this, but it's a particular rule somewhere. It's tradition. Drying by the wind or a chimney, the working staff have learned how to get their clothes ready even without sunlight. Night is the best time to do some large tasks, without all the students getting in the way with their random orders.
This is unprecedented to Shinji since no adult, much less a young adult as Siesta, ever before had sat down with him and explained clearly and calmly how to get his shit together. Her voice and demeanor is just so calming. She's at peace and fully focused on whatever task she's doing at the moment.
She hums as she works.
"That song... how do you know it?"
Siesta hesitates, remembering her grandfather's words. 'The things I collect, I hold for someone else. If another lost person comes to you, looking for a reminder of home, then let he or she know that I, Sasaki Takeo, was here before!'"My grandfather was a traveling merchant in his youth. He collected strange things, stories and songs from distant lands. His name was Takeo Sasaki."
A flash of insight traces a jagged line through Shinji's mind. "Private Sasaki Takeo, Imperial Japanese Navy Air Service. Third child of Sasaki Fubuki and Sasaki Hiyori. Presumed lost at sea near Solomon."
Wait, wasn't "In Other Words" released only in 1954? Ah, so it's part of the maid's grandfather's 'collection', then? We really need to meet this old guy.
Shinji turns his head back from looking towards the uncertain distance. "So that makes you Siesta of the house of Sasaki."
"How do you know that?" Siesta gasps, her body language revealing only fear in how so subtly she pauses and tries to nonchalantly continue with her washing.
"Your grandfather and I are countrymen. I... knew... his family."
'That seems a bit too convenient.' Siesta is thinking, and she's right. Shinji just sighs sadly. So he's met a new person and already he's started to antagonize her.
"If that's true, then there's a question..."
"When your grandfather left, there was a war going on. Your grandfather's side lost. Our country prospered and became a world power in the peace of fifty years after that, so please don't worry about it."
Siesta's nervousness doubles.
"Um, it's a predictable question? For people who lived during that time, war was an all-consuming concern. Did your grandfather ever say out loud that he feels as if he feels he deserted his comrades?"
Siesta nods. Even in his old age, the old man had a restless quality to him. While he was content, even his wife could there was always that part of him that was longing for a distant land. People were very respectful when he died, and hoped that his soul could finally be free to go home and explain his absence to his fellow soldiers.
'To meet a countryman at last, I wonder how grandfather would have reacted to this?' He'd probably be overjoyed, she supposes, willing to accept this person into the family no matter who he is. What his own family of forty years thinks about it would be unimportant. 'Is it really that painful to be taken from your own homeland?'
"Were you really summoned here by a noble?" she asks. The staff don't normally give a damn about the nobles, even the most magnificent familiars have become boring to them. The only thing that made the recent springtime ritual interesting was that someone spread the rumor that Louise the Zero hired some commoner to pretend to be her familiar. That was almost pathetic enough to be true.
But if taking some person as a familiar is true, then the nobles just sunk even lower than even they feared! Outright slavery! No one is safe anymore.
She looks up to see that Shinji's trying to wipe his eyes and suppress his sniffing. Oh come on, stupid Shinji. Can you possibly be any more of a little kid?
"I'm sorry... I can't help it..." he mumbles.
The hammer of nostalgia hits him all at once. Washing clothes, talking with someone about leaving others to die, it cuts deep in a way that Siesta doesn't comprehend. She looks at him and sees someone, barely more than a boy, ripped out of his homeland. He must be so terrified and homesick!
"It's all right", she says. "It's going to be fine. I'm sure you're going to-" here her voice hitches slightly, as her grandfather for all his efforts and the support of his adopted family until he decided to just settle down, never managed to find a hint for a way home. "... someday, you're going home."
"No, it's fine. I mean, it's just this... and washing clothes, and..."
Siesta's lips are an indignant line. "Yes, it's cruel to take you from so far away just to be some servant. And unpaid at that! Who do these nobles think they are?"
"No, it's not that. I like it. Washing female clothes like this... it makes me remember, I used to do this for my family too." A short, barking laugh escapes her lips. "My guardian... she was horrible with housework. But I know she loved us."
"You're homesick, aren't you? I wish I can help... this isn't right."
"Thank you, but there's no need to feel sorry for me. I don't want to back."
"Don't you want to be with your family?" Siesta asks while dipping her hands in a bucket to rinse the soap off. "Did something happen?" Disagreements are inevitable, even shouting and rebellion, she understands this. It happened to her. But family is family; they shouldn't want to be permanently apart.
"There's no one left." Shinji hiccups. The scent of soap, so clean, washing away blood and shame, it's all too much! Those happy times are crowding into his mind, and they cut deeper than the most painful memories of fear and failure.
"Y-you mean."
"Everyone's dead." he wails softly. Those times forever gone. Wasted. "I'm the only one left."
That genuine surge of loneliness and despair, Siesta could feel it in her bones. Without even thinking she reaches out, wraps her arms around Shinji's neck and pulls his head to her bosom. Shinji just continues to sniffle, reaching up to wipe his eyes. He doesn't even sneak in a single accidental fondle.
Gaah. You-you-you- do you have any idea how many flags you tripped all at once, Ikari? Gah! You're twigging even my maternal instincts and I'm way over here.
Not that a nervous breakdown is all that unexpected either due to the lack of anyone (literally anyone who won't set off any of your damn trauma triggers!) who may release all that built-up stress before, but-
Ikari-kun.
No, wait, stop! Direct interference is forbidden!
Gyah!
No! Nonononono, goddamit you useless imbeciles! Stop her!
Light bursts out from Shinji's back, forming into thin, pure-white wings. His wings flap open, shining under the light of twin moons. Then, his wings fold forward as if to wrap back Siesta in a hug.
Everything makes sense. Everything will be all right. She who has tried to comfort Shinji now feels secure and protected as she'd never felt before. God is in His Heaven and All is Right with the World. Her heart is filled with such joy that it seems she could just break apart, gloriously.
ASUUKA DYNAMIC SMAASH!
Shinji pushes away from her and gets back to his feet.
Siesta blinks.
No wings. No peace. Just confusion and a little chill from her soaked dress. Was that just her imagination? Shinji is standing up, looking at her with such fear. Why? She reaches out slightly and he flinches.
"I'm sorry, but... um. I have to go."
Shinji Ikari flees like the little bitch he is.
"But.. your clothes?" Siesta asks the empty courtyard. She stares confusedly at the student's garments nearby. They were distinctly female uniform. That boy... he's been hurt so bad, in the inside where no one can see it and it doesn't heal as quick. Now what have inspired such a reaction just from being touched?
Her eyes narrow.
She knows. Or at least, she thinks she knows, but you know how it is. She's feeling outraged.
Louise La Valliere, that vile arrogant perverted master, Siesta doesn't know how she'll manage it, but that noble bitch will pay.
Well, that's what she'd like to say, but honestly she's still scared. But indignant! And still scared. But she must investigate for clear proof of even more wrongdoing!
Ahaha. Oh dammit Ikari. If only you weren't just such a total idiot about these things.
.
Louise wakes up suddenly, sweating with terror. She doesn't know why, but she has this strange feeling of being watched. Frantically she looks around, and sees no one in the room.
Wait.
Her memories are clearing up. That's a problem, right?
She claps her hands and the lamp turns on. There, the table, the bleached white orb of her familiar's favored skull is gone. Her familiar- is gone? Did he decide to run away?
Unacceptable! Louise struggles to her feet, kicking off the covers. She runs to the door, not even bothering to put on antything over her bedclothes or slippers over her feet, and forces it open with a bang.
"Bwuh?"
Louise turns her gaze down a bit, to see that Shinji - her familiar, he's real! - is jolted to near-wakefulness. He's sitting, was sleeping, with his back to the wall. On his lap is the creepy skull, that she absently notices Shinji's free hand is stroking on the head as if it's a pet that needs to be calmed down. She shivers. If it's just not that it's the head of a dead person, she could almost swear it's purring from the attention.
"Familiar!" she says in a tone that she hopes is angry enough. "Where have you been? And what do you think you're doing out here?"
"Um. What?" He squints and some comprehension returns to his expression. "Oh, that.. thing, you ordered me to do. Drying now."
He'd had to take deep breaths, slam his head into a thick stone wall for a few dozen times, swallow his terror and come back to try and collect Louise's belongings. Siesta didn't seem to mind, and he's still not sure if she remembers anything. When he returned though, even as she gave him back the washed clothes on hangers, she began to question him pointedly about his master.
Shinji couldn't respond well, since he doesn't really know much about Louise. That just seemed to make Siesta angry, and Shinji's pavlovian conditioning really really wanted to be outside the range of that.
"Waiting." Shinji replies to Louise, as if that explains everything.
"Hmf. Why didn't you just come in? Were you so stupid that you locked yourself out?"
"No, but..." in a smaller voice "I didn't feel it was proper."
"Don't be so stupid. A familiar's duty is to stand by his master! Get inside already."
"Um, okay."
Louise looks at the pile of straw she'd prepared for the animal she'd expected to be summoning, then to Shinji's dark-ringed eyes. She seeks insolence and only sees apathy. She expects having to force her will, and only gets dutiful obedience. Louise huffs and crosses her arms. "Fine. You can sleep on the foot of my bed."
"But-"
"Are you going to keep on questioning my orders? Learn what's good for you, already!" Louise yawns. "I don'... I don't want to hear anymore from you. Just shut up and let me go back to sleep."
"Yes, my master." Shinji replies in a whisper.
Louise crawls back under the covers while Shinji collapses near her feet. Soon enough they are asleep.
Sometime around midnight, Louise's involuntary sleeping movements kicks Shinji in the face and he rolls back to fall off the bed. Thump. Neither of them wake up.
Their dreams are full of the taste of blood.
And so ends the first day.
.
