2. Mise en Abyme: Hinata
I don't really remember what made me like Sasuke Uchiha as much as I do now. I will not deny his good looks or clever mind, but at first, he didn't appeal to me at all. Other girls would almost swoon themselves sick when he passed by, unintentionally giving them a casual look. The girls all took it as some sign that they, all of them, were meant for him. In one way or another. I have heard them drawing out plans for their new family, fiercely supporting polygamy. And I also must add that they are the extreme(crazy)ones. Those who were less extreme in their passion for Sasuke Uchiha, would only pass him innocent and flirty glances, hoping he would look their way.
I always assumed that, in a blossoming relationship between a man and a woman, the so-called spark would appear. But it didn't, the first time I actually met/talked to Sasuke Uchiha, was because he lent me his library card.
I had forgotten mine in my dorm and was frantically searching my pockets and bag. I knew there were people waiting behind me, which only added more stress to my already stressful situation. Out of nowhere, a card appeared and flashed in front of the scanner, the electric fence opening smoothly.
I turned around and smiled gratefully at my savior, only to be frowned upon by Sasuke Uchiha. So I bowed politely, thanked him and quickly walked in the direction of my favorite studying spot.
There you have it: no sparks flying wildly or roses appearing out of nowhere in the background, like in those good old shoujo-manga. Just a plain meeting. A meeting were I had spoken first and he simply showed what a charming person he could be, by making me feel stupid and miserable. Luckily for me, being in the library was one of my favorite things to do, even if it was for studying. Simply the smell of those old books and all the knowledge that that smell contained, made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Not as warm and fuzzy Sasuke Uchiha makes me feel sometimes. The first time I felt something that I can describe as a "spark" was not long after the library incident and coincidently it also occurred in the library.
I have this special spot in the library, the place where I always sit to study or just to read. In the farthest corner, between the French 19th century novels and the postmodern German plays, there's a sort of little cozy corner, with a table and few chairs, looking out over the backyard. The thing which made it special was the fact that there was almost nobody there, ever. Our university doesn't have a lot of Francophiles and Germanophiles, so it's quiet and peaceful and perfect. But the best feature is the giant glass-in-lead window. It doesn't depict a clear image and mainly consists of shards of vibrant coloured glass, but once the sun shines through it, it becomes one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed.
You must try and imagine the distress I felt overwhelming me when I saw Sasuke Uchiha sitting there. At my table. On my chair.
First, I could only mimic a fish, stupidly opening and closing my mouth, trying to find the right words, possible curse words, to say. Then, my breath grew heavy, nearly on the brink of a panic-attack. (Though it could also be ascribed to the fact that I had ran on the stairs.) It caught Sasuke Uchiha's attention and he asked me, for the very first time, the one question he always would pose when he found I didn't seem in my normal happy, clumsy state: 'You okay?' he asked looking up from the giant book he was reading.
Placing my hands on my hips to catch my breath, I shook 'yes' and he returned to his book.
I calmed down, facing a possible dilemma. To leave my cozy, invaded, corner and search for another spot. Or not to leave and boldly ask him if I could take the seat opposite from him.
My reluctance to leave my perfect place caused me to go up to him and ask/beg if I could sit with him. At least he didn't ignore me and simply shrugged. I took it, readily, as I yes. Soundlessly, I took out my things and went to work.
I got immersed in my text about mediaeval English literature, I barely noticed Sasuke Uchiha getting up with his book. His footsteps were silent and I saw he got up when he sat down again, accidently tipping his waterbottle over and causing it to roll my way. The, fortunately, closed bottle, startled me and I gave a yelp of surprise. It wasn't as loud as I expected, although it did echo a little. Evidently I was loud enough for Sasuke Uchiha to hear, so when I blushingly handed him his bottle, he grinned.
The spark. That moment I absolutely felt what is described as 'the spark'. I immediately admired the way his dark eyes lit up and how the right corner of his mouth lifted, making me wish to see what his full smile would look like. I wanted resume writing, when he suddenly, in a careless manner, tucked a loose strand of his dark hair behind his ear. Careless, but at the same time fascinating me to no end. The setting sun illuminated the glass-in-lead window, reflecting all the different colours on his hair. Probably sensing my stare, he looked up, this time his eyes caught the sunlight, revealing they weren't as dark as I expected them to be. His eyes actually seemed to be of some bluish colour and they were pretty, thickly rimmed with dark eyelashes.
I blushed again, feeling ashamed and not paying any attention to my notes anymore.
After a while he silently collected his stuff and left the library. Initially I had this sense of relief, not having to think any more about what I was doing or how I looked, but gradually it grew in to a feeling of anticipation. I felt eager to see his smile and eyes again, something I thought was embarrassing. Having these sentiments for a boy I didn't even like, a boy I wasn't even acquainted with, a boy to which I only had apologized to and uttered several monosyllabic syllables to.
The following day, waiting for the professor to come out, I couldn't help but to scan the aula for Sasuke Uchiha's dark hair and sitting on the fourth to last row, I did have a decent view of the room. I certainly saw a lot of dark haired men, but no one had the same distinct hair features as Sasuke Uchiha. I gave up and, resting my head on my hands, stared my way into dreamland, involving books, chocolate and Ino's homemade cinnamon ice-cream. Finally the chattering and sleepy laughing died down, when the professor entered the aula. Most of the students present, hurriedly searched for their pencils and paper, others, just arriving, took a quick glance towards the prof and silently scanned the aula for a seat.
The professor patiently waited for everyone to be seated and finally motioned to someone entering at the back to close the door behind him or her. As in some reflex, I glanced at the person who had to shut the door and, in the same reflex, fixed my gaze on the professor again as I saw it was Sasuke Uchiha who closed the door.
Scribbling down the date and title of the course, I could feel how Sasuke Uchiha placed himself right next to me.
My feelings of wanting to see him had ebbed away during the several hours that had passed and I felt uncomfortable and invaded by his presence. The staring of the girls who were sitting several rows lower, did not make me feel any better whatsoever. On the contrary, it only added to the suspense.
The professor started his class, by explaining some main terminology about the subject matter, but instead of taking notes, I couldn't bring myself to concentrate on what he was saying. I was too busy with noticing Sasuke Uchiha sitting beside me. Observing he probably had taken a shower because of the soapy scent and some sort of deodorant. Observing he used the same fabric softner as I. Observing he wrote down everything the professor said, quickly and neatly. Remembering I had to do the same.
'Can I borrow a pen?' were the first words he spoke to me after the "you okay". I think. Probably.
To which I, nervously, handed him one of my lavender-coloured pens. I saw how one corner of his mouth twitched, but he accepted it nevertheless. I think that happened the following week, around the time I noticed him showing up everywhere, out of the blue. Out of the blue. I really like this expression; it always makes me wonder why blue and not orange or lavender. Anyway. It appeared to me, he had developed a habit to place himself in my proximity. This could be right next to me or behind or in front of me. Plainly put: he was EVERYWHERE.
His next step had been casual talking. I almost fell from my chair when he suddenly asked me for my opinion on "The Cloak" by Gogol and if I pitied Akaky Akakievich Bashmanchkin. Of course, he didn't use as many words as I did just now (he even shortened the name to Akaky), but it surely took me by surprise. And I shyly answered his questions, which were always centered on what we were studying in class, almost getting animate when he criticized Elizabeth Bennet on her suddenly loving Darcy.
'It's weird how she suddenly changes her opinion on him.' He said, leaning his head on his hand, twirling his pencil in the other.
I watched the pencil twirl. 'H-he did save her little sister from…' I paused and searched for the right word.
'Whoredom?' he didn't even blink at my horrified expression.
'N-No! He saved Lydia from a possible bad reputation, a reputation which would not only affect herself but mainly her family.'
Sasuke slightly smiled. 'He also saved himself from a scandalous marriage. As much as he is in love with Elizabeth Bennet, he wouldn't have married her if her sister hadn't been found.'
'But that's why he went to look for her himself.'
'Yes, but he likewise had unfinished business with Wickham.'
'B-But…'
I will spare you the rest, although it continues for some time.
It came gradually to me that Sasuke Uchiha thought more of me than of any other girl. He would call me by my name. He would walk to class with me, sometimes would even walk me to my dorm (claiming he didn't live that far from me). He always sat next to me in class. He regularly took me out on "dates". "Dates" for we were not exactly dating or seeing each other in a romantic way, but I don't know what else to call it.
'They are having a sale in the public library. Wanna go?'
'I'm going to get coffee, coming?'
'There is this exhibition about mediaeval Russian literature, I have free tickets.'
'Do you like Bach?'
'Can I kiss you?'
Sitting outside, the sun had already set and a freezing breeze was running through my hair. I shivered and felt the hairs on my arms stand up under the several layers of clothing which I had put on to keep warm. Hanabi, who had a sixth sense in detecting dates and important (possible romantic) events, had practically forced me to wear make-up. Moreover, she had made me sit still for an hour to do my make-up and hair herself. Lastly, she lent me her most loved necklace (the one the inherited from mother), swearing it would bring me luck. I tried to tell her I didn't need any luck, that I was just going to a concert of old music (I couldn't tell her it was baroque music or I had to explain everything that fit the label of "baroque".) with a friend, because I presumed my relationship with Sasuke Uchiha was one of friendship. I had told Sakura and Ino that it was friendship when they had practically interrogated me on my connection with him. They both had been "admirers" when they were younger and I assumed he still occupied a special place in their hearts. However I wasn't really sure if friendship with a guy also meant that every time you saw him or spoke to him, your mood would be lifted and you instantly felt better, brighter and more beautiful than when he was not around.
'Friendship. Right.' Hanabi said in a doubtful tone, when I explained to her that I didn't need the necklace for it would be obscured by my scarf anyway.
Coincidently, those were the exact same words that went through my mind when Sasuke asked if he could kiss me. Do friends ask each this? Is it normal to kiss a friend? What happens after the kiss? Do you go on with the friendship or does it become more? What if the kiss ruins everything? What if it's a bad kiss? Will it ruin the friendship? I didn't want to ruin this friendship or whatever this was. I liked the conversations we had and his questions. They made me feel special, as if my opinion also mattered and was not swept away by other, more important voices. I too liked the things we did together: I liked his company, his presence. I missed him when he wasn't around and didn't want him to go when he was leaving.
And I didn't want to say no and see disappointment in his eyes, or worse see him angry.
And I didn't want to say yes, because I was scared. It would be my very first (real) kiss. I had no clue whatsoever. Completely clueless.
Sasuke had inched closer, leaning forward, his forehead nearly touching my fringe. His fingertips touching mine. As soon as I could feel his warm breath caressing my cheek, I got up, barely missing his chin with my fisted hands. Flustered, I thanked him for the nice evening and ran.
I ran all the way home, not even bothering to wait for a response. I just ran. I had to, it all became too confusing and too much to handle. In the following days and weeks, I would make an effort to avoid him until he had enough. Thinking about not seeing him anymore, let alone actually not seeing him anymore, was almost agonizing. On numerous occasions I ached to see him and had to resist calling or texting him.
I cried, a lot, leaving Sakura and Ino baffled when I burst out into tears at random times and places.
School was unbearable and Sasuke Uchiha proved to be unavoidable. I would cross his path constantly, forcing me to perform a variety of vanishing tricks. At last, he relied on a different tactic: he sent Naruto to ask Sakura if she could ask me what was going on. Obviously, the plan backfired, given that Naruto's interest mainly went to Sakura and Sakura never got to ask me anything.
Finally, in the first week of February, after a month of avoiding him, it all came to an end.
Freshly showered, I was letting my hair dry and planned to do nothing but read that day. I didn't even bother to put some proper clothes on and walked around in my pajama-pants and oversized sweater. A loud knocking on my door surprised me. Thinking it was something urgent, I hastily opened the door. He didn't even give me the chance to express my astonishment of seeing him standing there, at my door. Out of the blue. He roughly grabbed my face with both hands and fiercely pressed his lips on mine.
It was a kiss. A really hot kiss.
The surprise of him being here, in my dorm and his kiss, made me feel lightheaded and dizzy and I had to grab the sides of his black hoodie to not lose my balance.
He took it as some sort of signal to release my face, wrap his arms around me and tightly press me against his body. I remembered the last time he tried to kiss me and I "casually" ran away. I had left him there, rejected and even more, I had ignored him and avoided him for weeks. And now, I realized I had made a big, gigantic mistake. Naturally, something is going to change if sentiments do likewise. The most important thing I learned was that I couldn't imagine myself without him. And also that kissing wasn't that bad or difficult.
He broke the kiss and I wanted, breathing for air, to ask him what and why, but he shushed me by placing hot kisses beneath my ear, down to my neck, my cheeks.
And I just stood there, gaping like a fish, allowing myself to be overwhelmed by the boy I couldn't figure out. My hands fumbled at the hem of his hoodie, slipping underneath, my cold hands touching the warm skin of his stomach. I was surprised, thinking he would be wearing a t-shirt or something. It was freezing outside.
He grunted in approval as he pushed me back in to my room, closing the door behind him.
'Mmhke.'
'Mh?'
'You're wibrating.'
'Huh?'
'You're phone is vibrating.'
'Shit. Practice. Forgot.'
'You should go. I-I don't want your coach to be m-mad at you.'
'Mh. I'll come back after… If that's okay.'
'Okay.'
One last kiss.
'Later.'
'Bye.'
This is a prequel to the previous chapter, I thought it would be fun to write about how they met. If it's a bit messy, sorry, but I wrote this in one go and I just couldn't stop!
I'll try to update Moments that make a life next ^^
I hope you'll like it!
Love
Tina
(PS: Thank you so much for the reviews! They are a surprisingly good at motivating me to write ;p)
