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Mia x
The familiar feeling of nausea crept over Quinn as she opened her eyes and began to blink rapidly. Morning sickness. Quinn thought it was a stupid name for the ailment seeing as she was sick all throughout the day. Firstly, she'd been worried and thought something was wrong with the baby, but after some research, she found it was normal and that it would pass, eventually. Covering her mouth quickly, Quinn shuffled out from the warm covers of her bed and ran to her bathroom, pulling the door open so fast that it slammed against the wall.
She rushed to the toilet, knelt down and threw up the entire contense of her stomach. Quinn heaved and gagged, until she felt the sickness pass for a moment. She pushed herself backwards to lean against the bath, opposite the toilet. She breathed in heavily and deeply, trying to stop herself throwing up again. Sadly, Quinn's plan failed as she wretched and moved back to the toilet. The ritual began again, only this time, Quinn's hair was held back and soft soothing circles were being drawn on her back.
"Shh, it's okay. It'll be over soon" Quinn was able to make out Rachel's voice over her gagging and drew comfort in the fact she wasn't alone.
Rachel continued to rub Quinn's back and speak to her soothingly until the wretching finally stopped and Quinn pulled her head back from the toilet. Rachel was stood behind her, fully dressed with a comforting smile on her face.
'Feeling better?" Stupid question really, but Rachel still thought it was polite to ask.
"A little. Thanks for, you know" Quinn gestured to her hair, to which Rachel nodded. They sat in silence for a minute, Quinn trying to regain control over her stomach.
Curious about why Rachel was dressed, Quinn asked "What time is it?"
"Almost eleven thirty. You looked really tired last night, so I didn't want to disturb you. I only realized you were awake when I heard the door slam." Rachel said, gesturing to the bathroom door, luckily still on it's hinges.
"Sorry about that" Quinn said a slight blush creeping onto her cheeks.
"It's okay, I wanted to catch you before I left anyway" Rachel smiled as she helped Quinn up.
"Where are you going?" Quinn asked, slightly panicked.
'I'm going to get your stuff from Finn's remember? I told you last night" Quinn nodded her head slightly.
"Are you going to be okay?" Rachel asked as Quinn smiled.
"I'll be fine. You go" She lent over and gave Rachel a quick hug, trying to avoid getting the smell of sick on Rachel's rather nice purple top.
With one last smile, Rachel left Quinn, in the bathroom running a shower. Her Dad's were at work so she left Quinn a note, telling her to make herself at home, before grabbing her keys and heading to her car.
As Rachel drove to Finn's she couldn't help but wonder how he was. When he'd phoned her about coming over, he didn't sound angry or sad, he'd just sounded like Finn, the guy she knew and loved.
She pulled up into Finn's driveway, turned the car engine off, took a deep breath and made her way to the front door. She knocked on the door twice and was un-surprised when his Mom answered.
"Oh Rachel. Thank god your here. He hasn't said two words to me, not after he told me what happened" His Mother sounded frantic as she rushed Rachel through the front door. "He's in his room" Rachel smiled and thanked her before climbing the stairs and taking the first left to Finn's room. She knocked quietly but pulled the door open when she heard no reply.
He was sat on his bed staring at the wall, tears streaming down his face. She rushed over and sat on the bed next to him. He relaxed instantly when she grasped his hand. He moved to lay his head on her shoulder and she cradled him as he cried. She rocked him back and forth, whispering comforting words in his ear and planting small kisses in his hair.
They stayed like that for an hour. Slowly his tears ebbed away, and his shoulders became still as Rachel stopped rocking him, though she didn't pull her arms away.
"I'm sorry." His voice was ruff as she lifted his head from her shoulder. She loosed her hold as he turned to look at her.
"You've got nothing to be sorry for" She meant those words with all her heart. In all of this, Finn had been the only one honest about his feelings or his involvement. The hurt he was feeling was down to both Puck and Quinn even if they didn't mean to cause it.
"I have. I thought I was going to be a Dad and I couldn't find any strength to love my baby.' His eyes connected with hers and Rachel saw his pain. His anguish. He wasn't grieving the loss of a baby that was never his. He was grieving the love she should have felt for 'his' child.
'I'd began to love her. But when Quinn said she wasn't keeping her, I detached myself. I didn't want to feel anything. I'd lost something I'd loved before and I couldn't do it again.' His voice was steady now, a sense of understanding. It seemed to Rachel that Finn was upset because he couldn't understand why he didn't love the baby, when all he needed was to talk it through.
"Thats a perfectly human thing to do. You shouldn't feel guilty. You were protecting herself"
"But I do feel guilty" He was looking at her fully now. His eyes were red and his nose was running, but still to Rachel he looked like the most handsome man on Earth.
"What have you go to feel guilty about?" Rachel asked, determined to make him see that he was not at fault.
"I feel guilty because I couldn't love my supposed baby, but I could and still can love you" Rachel blinked, unbelieving. "When I found out Quinn was pregnant, the first thing I thought about was you and it ripped my heart to pieces. Even Quinn knew, she could see it. Just like I could see the way she looked at Puck. But we both chose to ignore it, because it hurt to much." Finn's eyes were clear now, desperate to explain to Rachel what was going on inside his head. He had to make her understand that he'd loved her all along.
'Finn, your not thinking straight." Rachel began, terrified at her own feelings showing as she rejoiced in the news Finn loved her.
'I am, for the first time in ages, I'm thinking straight and still all thats in my head is you. You hear me! I love you Rachel Berry. I love you!"
They sat there, just gazing at each other. Finn's eyes soft and loving while Rachel's were confused. As she sat there, gazing at the wonderful Finn Hudson, Rachel realized that she didn't have the energy to stay away from him anymore. Her head and heart hurt from thoughts or feelings of him. She'd held these feelings in for so long, she'd thought he was going to be a Dad. But now that had all come crashing down. As she sat there, holding him in her arms, she thought of nothing else she'd rather do than tell him how she felt. So thats exactly what she did.
"I love you too"
Quinn had adjusted to her new home perfectly. She felt safe and loved and welcome, something that she knew would be passed onto her daughter, if she chose to keep her. Now that everything was out in the open, Quinn could finally reflect on what had happened. She's never meant to hurt anyone, least of all Finn, but that's what she'd ended up doing. Though she took some comfort in the knowledge that he had Rachel now and could move on. Sure she loved him, but that love had slowly ebbed away until she only loved him as a friend.
She thought of how she'd hurt Puck. He'd only ever wanted to do what was right by her and the baby. Their baby. Quinn knew Puck was unreliable, selfish and a complete jerk but that didn't stop her heart beating that little bit faster when she saw him. She knew it was stupid, but Quinn couldn't help it. Of all the people she could have chosen, she fell in love with Noah 'I'm a complete jerk' Puckerman. But Quinn knew he wasn't all bad, deep down, he had a heart and though she'd rejected it, he'd given it to her and their baby forever. And Quinn had smashed it to pieces. She'd told him, she was going it alone, only to be shacked up with a new loving family hours later. If she thought Puck was a jerk, what did that make her? He deserved a chance. So she'd give him one.
Quinn dove her hand into her jeans pocket and pulled out her phone, dialing his number, she took a deep breath before pressing the 'call' button.
He answered within seconds.
"Hello?" His voice sounded softer on the phone, like he wasn't trying to keep up the 'bad boy' facade.
"Hey Puck, it's Quinn" She heard him go silent for a few moments before replying.
"Hey. Are you okay? The baby?" He sounded panicked now, his voice high and quick as Quinn chuckled at him silently.
"We're both fine" She reassured him, touched by his display of concern.
"She's the reason I called actually." Quinn's voice was quiet as she listened for signs of him getting panicked, upset or annoyed.
"Right..." His voice was probing. Wanting Quinn to explain what she meant.
"I was thinking about the baby. I realized that you had a right to be involved. She's your daughter too."
"Quinn I ... Thanks" He sounded pleased, like he was expecting bad news.
"I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow, I've got to have a sonogramme. I realized you hadn't met your daughter yet. Feel free to come if you want" She waited for a moment as he went silent again. Instantly, Quinn felt terrible. She'd told him she didn't want him involved. Then she said she did. What must he think of her.
"I'll be there" His voice was full of determination, which left Quinn sighing with relief.
"Great. One O'clock. Dr Harrison."
"Cool, Thanks again Quinn. You really don't know how much this means" Quinn smiled at that. Finally, she'd managed to make him happy, after all she'd put him through he deserved that.
"I'll see you there. Bye" Then he was gone.
Quinn placed her phone down on the arm of the sofa and felt a rush of warmth run through her. Herself and Puck has wiped the slate clean and were going to face this together.
Laying a hand on her belly, Quinn smiled and whispered. "Your going to meet your Daddy tomorrow" To which the baby replied with a small but strong kick.
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