I do not own 'Heroes' or anything related.


Commentator: Welcome back my normal and hero wannabe friends to the latest installment of Heroes Abridged (With Commentary). Before we begin let's take a look at the reviews you've sent us. PROFESSOR! OPEN THE SHOOT!

(The Professor does so, and out pops two envelopes)

Commentator: Right then! Our first review is from Yinyang13:

YAY! The second one! Thank you for writing this. I really like all the jokes.

Commentator: Wow, really? All of them? Well that's always good to hear!

Professor: Our second review is from Queenoftheoutlands:

Gah, lol. The nicknames are hillarious! Its good to see this little series of crazy fun is back :)
BRAINS!

Professor: We're also glad that our veteran readers have been able to find this sequel. One of our main concerns is that some of our readers can't find them.

Commentator: And with that out of the way, here's 'The Kindred of Strangers'!


Sylar: Ooooh…What happened?

Candice: Oh, you got stabbed and went through several operations in order to save your life. It's a miracle that you survived.

Sylar: Er, no it isn't. It had been shown several times in this series that I can survive normally mortal wounds.

Candice: I doubt it.

Sylar: Oh no? Take a look at these!


Matt's Gun: BANG!

Sylar: GAK!


Sylar: BRAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIII-(Hits the ground) GAK!


HRG's Gun: BANG!

Sylar: GAK!


Sylar: Honestly I'd be surprised if the viewers weren't surprised that a sword made a difference. Seriously how was a sword supposed to kill me when bullets and concrete couldn't?

Meanwhile at Las Vegas, Niki and Micah pay their final respects to D.L. before setting off to New Orleans.

Commentator: Oh you've got to be kidding me! Sylar survives getting stabbed through the chest, Matt survives five bullets to the chest, even Nathan survives a nuclear explosion, but D.L. died from a wound that didn't seem that mortal?

Professor: I guess the only logical solution is that he was killed after that incident.

Commentator: I know, I just wanted to point out the ludicrousy of the implication that he died from the gunshot he received at the end of Season 1.

Meanwhile in Ireland, Peter helps Ricky and his gang with their heist.

Peter: You're not going to kill the guards?

Ricky: Hey, we may be crooks, but we have some kind of code of honour!

Peter: That's fine and all, but if you're not planning to kill them, shouldn't you at least keep your faces masked?

Ricky: …

Peter: I stand by my previous statement. You guys aren't very bright thieves.

Meanwhile in seventeenth century Japan, Hiro helps Kensei come to terms with his powers after turning out to be a hero.

Commentator: AHEM!

Sigh, mutant.

Commentator: That's better!

You know, mutant isn't really accurate either, given that most of our heroes inherited their abilities from their parents, and a mutation is something unique to the person. Wouldn't metahuman be more appropriate?

Commentator: (Considers this) I suppose it would. Just DO NOT use the term hero. I accept it for the main characters, just not every mutant.

Kensei: But where do these powers come from?

Hiro: Some say they're from God. Others say it's the result of evolution. Of course some would say that God and evolution aren't that incompatible but try telling that to the fanatics and secular-

Kensei: Okay, sorry for breaking the fourth wall here, but first of all, this is the seventeenth century. Am I going to have any idea what evolution is? And secondly, God? I thought all you Japanese were filthy heathens? Apart from the minority that is.

Hiro: Oh really? If we're not monotheists, then why does this Japanese song include 'God' in its lyrics?

(The fourth line of 'Mountain A Go Go Too' appears)

Kensei: You do realise that the word 'kamisama' can be equally translated as 'gods', don't you?

Hiro: …Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! That actually makes more sense.

Adam: What, you didn't find it the least bit odd that a Japanese song mentioned God when most Japanese are polytheists?

Hiro: No, apparently.

Meanwhile in seventeenth century Japan, Hiro prepares Kensei to become a hero.

Hiro: Now you must fight and defeat the Ninety Angry Ronin!

Kensei: -Weren't they the villains the Bride killed in 'Kill Bill vol.1'?

Hiro: No, they were the Crazy Eighty-Eight. They're often confused.

Meanwhile in Costa Verde, after discovering Claire's ability, West reveals his.

West: I'm the Flying Man!

Claire: -What?

West: You know? Flying Man, Flying Man, does whatever a pigeon can. He can soar, from a roof-

Nathan: Okay, seriously how the Hell does HE know about that song?

Commentator: Hey! Revealing knowledge you couldn't possibly know is one thing, but breaking into scenes you don't belong in is another!

Nathan: But-but-

Commentator: (Takes out a stick) Get the Hell-back in the wall! (Ushers him with it)

Nathan: Okay, okay! I was just wondering!

Commentator: It was posted on the Internet.

Nathan: …Yeah, that would do it.

Meanwhile in Ireland, the heist is a success, but Ricky's brother Will turns on him only to be stopped by Peter, who almost kills him.

Peter: I don't think I want to find out about my past. After what I nearly did to Will makes me think that I might have been some kind of sociopathic killer.

Caithlin: I don't suppose it ever occurred to you that it's more likely that you were intoxicated with your powers having no memory of gradually learning them rather than getting them in one go?

Peter: That's more plausible. But I'm going by the former answer in order to lengthen the plot more.

Meanwhile in New Orleans, Nikki and Micah have arrived in order for Nikki to drop Micah off with his relatives while she goes with the Company to be cured.

Micah: Okay, explain to me how these people are related to us again?

Nikki: It's simple, Micah. They're your father's third cousin's uncle's roommate's cousins twice removed. Either that or our dogs are brothers.

Micah: We don't have a dog.

Nikki: Then it's the first thing I said.

Meanwhile in Brazil, Candice tells Sylar that she will take care of him.

Sylar: You do realise that I'm a serial killer who targets people like you, right?

Candice: Sure, but I think I've got you under control.

Sylar: (Grabs a mug) I doubt it.

Mug: GAK!

Candice: Oof!

Sylar: BRAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!


Sylar: So this is how you really look. That certainly explains all that talk you said before about how the world is wrong because it's full of people who judge you because you're different. Wait a minute, how could you possibly maintain an illusion while unconscious? Further more why did you just revert to another illusion after Niki knocked you out instead of your true form? Sigh. All these unnecessary plot holes are going to be the cancellation of 'Heroes' one day. They must really think so lowly of their viewers.

Unfortunately Sylar discovers that he can no longer take abilities, and journeys throughout Latin America, collapsing in front of a car driven by Maya and Alejandro.

Commentator: Okay, how exactly did Sylar manage to walk all the way from Brazil to Mexico within under an episode?

Maya: Alejandro! I believe this man is an angel from God sent to help us!

Alejandro: You got that just because his name is Gabriel? Maya, loads of people are named after angels and saints and significant people from the bible. Many people even have the same name as Jesus, it doesn't mean that they're anything like them!

Meanwhile in New Orleans, Micah's cousin Monica Dawson takes out a robber.

Café Owner: Whoa! Monica! Where did you learn a move like that?

Monica: -TV?

Café Owner: Monica, that has got to be the lamest cover up for knowing martial skills.

Monica: No seriously, I actually learnt it by watching television!

Café Owner: ..Seriously? Wow, who would have thought you could learn martial arts just by watching it on TV? I've gotta go home and watch a marathon of Kung Fu movies!

Professor: Hey, what gives? What's with all the southern accents?

Commentator: Erm, maybe it's because New Orleans is situated in the South?

Professor: Actually Sir the accent of New Orleans is distinct from the rest of the South.

Commentator: -Oh. Really? I knew that. I was just testing you.

Meanwhile in New York, while investigating the murder of Kaito Nakamura and an attack on Angela Petrelli, Matt Parkman finds a photo including both people as well as his dad. When he asks Molly to locate his dad, she freaks out.

Matt: Wait, this is the Nightmare Man? Huh. With the emphasis on the eyes and him saying "I Can see you!" I just assumed that it was Sauron the Great!

Mohinder: Wow. Another mutant whom it never occurred to to tell his or her child that they had powers and one day they would have powers as well! Honestly if I was a mutant, and had a child, I'd let that child know that one day she or he would have superpowers in order to prepare them rather than just keep my ability a secret and let the child grope in the dark not knowing what was happening to them, with the slight chance of them thinking someone else had given them these powers which itself would cause a lot of trouble, wouldn't you agree, Matt?

Meanwhile in New York, Mohinder and Matt argue over whether to use Molly in locating Maury Parkman.

Matt: My desire to find my father is way more important than Molly's state of mind! Besides, it's not like he can trap her mind, is it?


Mohinder: Well what do you know? Her mind is trapped! Oh, if only we saw this coming-

Matt: Shut-up.

Can Matt and Mohinder save Molly from the evil Maury Parkman? Will Monica expand her powers? And will Maya and Alejandro discover Sylar's true nature before it's too late? Find out next time on 'Heroes Abridged (With Commentary)'!