Chapter Two

Gordo stretched out in his bed, opening his eyes directly at a window in his room, where the morning sunlight partly blinded him for a second. He rubbed his eyes and swung his arm across the bed, knocking Miranda's journal to the floor. Gordo forgot about it and was eager to read another page so he bent over the edge of the bed, reaching for the black book. As he lay on his back, he held the book up in the air, staring at the name Miranda must have etched herself in the corner. Although he'd already read a page, Gordo fought with himself to read another. Her first two entries seemed to hint something Gordo couldn't pinpoint yet, but he had a feeling reading more would lead to answers.

A rush of nerves and excitement flowed through Gordo while his fingers shook as he flipped to the second page. He scanned the page and grinned. The first time he had read it, he never noticed Miranda's neat handwriting. Gordo realized he had a book filled with memories of her, all to himself. For some reason that made him feel special.

"Okay, here we go," Gordo whispered to himself. "October eighth, two thousand and two," he read the heading aloud.

October 8th, 2002

The Sadie Hawkins dance aftermath: Yesterday I ended up dancing with Matt at the McGuire's. Gordo danced with Lizzie, of course! Today was okay I guess. I mean, at school Gordo and Lizzie couldn't stop talking to each other. Them dancing must have sparked something in them, because they wouldn't stop talking. I kept trying to ask Gordo stuff, but he ignored me. Maybe today wasn't a good day after all. Oh well. That's life. You can't always have good days. Definitely not in Miranda's world where you constantly seem to have bad days. Wow, how did I get so unlucky?

Gordo sighed after he read the last sentence. Reading Miranda's personal thoughts and feelings made him wonder, did he really know his best friend as much as he thought? He continued to read to find out more.

October 9th, 2002

All three of us hung out at the Digital Bean today so it's all good! Gordo was the first to arrive after me and I got excited. We were actually alone, but it only lasted five minutes before Lizzie walked in and Gordo ran up to her. Gordo wore his light pink sweater, which made everything worse. Not to mention his curls!

Gordo finished the second page wishing the entries weren't so short. He wanted to read more, but he remembered his summer job at the movie theater in town and he couldn't stay in bed all day reading Miranda's journal that he probably shouldn't be reading in the first place. So Gordo dragged his body out of bed, took a hot shower, dressed in his work clothes and while he ate breakfast, called Lizzie.

"Come hang with me at the mall after work. I need to ask you something," Gordo said.

"Is everything okay?" Lizzie noticed heavy breathing through the phone.

"Just meet me at the mall at two okay?"

"Sure Gordo. Love you."

"Love you too."

Gordo hung up and took one last bite of cereal before unhooking his car keys off the rack. He went to his bedroom and decided to bring Miranda's journal with him, hiding it in the pocket of his jacket. He planned on reading another entry during break, if he could convince himself to read it in public for his shift.

Gordo chose a job at the movie theater because of his interest in filming and movies. A great perk was getting money off the concessions and occasional free tickets. He'd get word on new movies showing and got to put up the posters. All those were great reasons to love the job, but something else made it worthwhile. The theater Gordo worked at was the same theater he snuck in with Lizzie and Miranda to see and R rated movie. The same theater where he spent hours trying to beat Miranda at the arcade games and the theater where he saw his first Spielberg film. To say the least, that theater held cherished memories.

Gordo looked at the very placed he stood with Lizzie and Miranda five years ago, while he took a pause preparing popcorn behind the concession counter. He could vividly see himself walking out of a movie, standing next to Miranda with Lizzie opposite. The hilarious movie they'd seen kept them laughing even after the credits. Gordo closed his eyes and could hear Miranda's laugh when Lizzie had repeated a funny line from the movie. He'd give anything to hear that laugh again; anything to have the trio back together, hanging at the movies like old times.

At ten am, the theater opened and a crowed of people came in to see the new Frankie Muniz movie. Gordo had a line of people in front of him at the concession stand. As he filled buckets with popcorn and cups with soda, his eyes darted towards the entrance where he swore he saw somebody with a familiar clothing style, but lost track of them when two people he knew came up to the concessions.

"Yo Gordon," Ethan Craft greeted, with Kate Sanders around his arm.

"Hey Ethan, how've you been?"

"I've been fine Gordo," Ethan beamed.

"Kate." Gordo gave her a nod with a smile.

"Hey Gordo, we'll have a small popcorn and box of gobstoppers for Ethan," Kate said.

"Still love those, huh Ethan?" Gordo smiled and shook his head.

He filled a small bucket to the brim with popcorn and pulled a box of gobstoppers out, handing it to Ethan.

"That'll be eight fifty," Gordo said. Kate fished in her purse for money, but Ethan had already pulled out a ten-dollar bill from his wallet.

"Ethan," Kate said, pushing his arm back.

"Keep the change Gordon."

"Thanks, Ethan."

"No problem, Gordo. Catch you later."

After his shift, Gordo drove to the mall only a few blocks away to meet up with Lizzie at the food court. As he walked inside, he remembered what was inside his jacket. He patted the bulge in the pocket made by Miranda's book. Walking down to the food court, he tried to decide whether he should tell Lizzie he'd pretty much stolen Miranda's journal and started reading it. He felt like Lizzie was obligated to know things about her best friend, but he also wanted to keep it to himself. The journal stayed put when he saw Lizzie sitting at a table.

"So I have a question for you," Gordo said, slipping in the chair in front of his girlfriend. Lizzie put on a puzzling stare.

"Okay...go for it," she said.

"Remember the Sadie Hawkins dance in eighth grade when you tried to get Ethan to go with you?"

"Of course. But why are you bringing that up?" Lizzie asked.

"Well remember he still saw you as a friend and you didn't end up going to the dance?"

Lizzie smiled. "And you came over to my house and danced with me."

Gordo nodded, remembering that special moment too, but he didn't smile because his focus was on something else.

"You remember Miranda and I had no dates right?"

"Gordo I'm not sure I know where you're going with this."

Gordo paused to think about the first page of Miranda's journal he read the night before.

"What would you have said if I went to that dance with Miranda?" he asked.

"You mean you didn't go with her? Gordo, I assumed you two would go together because you were good friends."

That wasn't the answer Gordo had expected. Even Lizzie thought he could have gone to the Sadie Hawkins with Miranda. Suddenly he started feeling guilty.

"Gordo, why'd you bring this up?" Lizzie asked.

"Because, I'm beginning to think I should have gone to that dance with Miranda."

He looked down at his jacket and pulled out Miranda's journal halfway out. Lizzie noticed, leaning over the table to see.

"Is that a journal Gordo? Is it yours?"

Gordo stuffed the book back and whipped his head back to look at Lizzie.

"No it's not a journal."

"Gordo you don't have to be shy about having one," Lizzie said.

"Trust me it's not a journal."

Lizzie scrunched her eyebrows down. "Are you okay Gordo?"

"Lizzie, what if I had gone to that dance with Miranda, she could be here right now? What if that one moment changed everything? and it was all my fault?" Gordo ignored Lizzie's question.

"Gordo where in the world is this coming from? It seems like this Miranda stuff his hitting you four years too late," Lizzie said.

Gordo breathed in slowly and let it out. "I just have a lot of questions and I want to find answers."

"So do I but I don't think there's anything we can do."

"Maybe read her journal and find out more."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Gordo had a strong feeling something in that journal had an answer to why Miranda left and he was going to figure it out if it meant reading the journal, front and back. Every last word. Over coming his guilt would be the hard part.