This took a lot of pacing but I think this chapter will be pretty good. I didn't know how hard it would be to keep the characters in character. Now…let get it on!
The Mystery of the Mr. Peanut and Butters Caper
Chapter Two: Just one Cheesy Poof.
Not many people seemed to notice Butters's random disappearance, not even his parents…then again, not many cared. The school bell rung and the students started to head for home.
"Hey guys, my parents got me Halo 3, wanna play it at my house?" asked Stan.
"Yea dude." Said Kyle.
"Kahl, Kahl, Kahl…when will you learn?" said Cartman. "Jews can't play shooters."
"Shut the fuck up Cartman!!"
"Hey I'm just speaking the truth, aren't I Kenny?"
"…Mwassmoll." Said Kenny.
"Screw you Kenny." Cartman said as they arrived at Stan's house. As they entered they saw Shelly sitting on the couch watch America's Next Top Model. (Like she'll ever be on there…)
"Aw dammit, my sister's here." Said Stan. Kenny then walked over to her. The rest of them just looked in awe as their friend stepped into deadly territory.
"Kssh, what do you wants turd?" sneered Shelly. Kenny then whispered something into her ear. "Are you serioush?" Kenny nodded. "…MOM! I'm going to a…uh...friends housh for the night ok?"
"Ok honey." Said Mrs. Marsh. Shelly then gave Stan a shove and left the house with a peculiar bag. The boys once again stared in awe at Kenny.
"Dude what you tell her?" asked Stan.
"Moo mwucc murmelf." Said Kenny.
"…and she went to go do it?" said Kyle in disbelief. Kenny nodded.
"Wow… wonder how she's gonna do that." Said Cartman.
"Shut-up Cartman." Said Stan as he went to the kitchen and brought out twenty bags of cheesy poofs. He set them on the table and Cartman immidiatyly dove in. Ignoring Cartman glutting himself, they started to play Halo.
"Take this you fucking Jew!" yelled Cartman as he and Kenny where ganging up on Kyle. Stan killed Kenny and Kyle shot a bazooka at Cartman.
"Suck on that fatass!" said Kyle triumphantly.
"Ugh, this is gay now." Said Cartman as he dropped his controller.
"You're only saying that cuz you were losing."
"Your point?"
"Retard…"
"Okay let's watch the Terrance and Philip movie." Said San as he popped I the DVD.
"Mweet." Said Kenny as they all took cheesy poofs. Cartman had finished his thirteenth bag and reached for the last bag that was o the table, but Kyle had beaten him to it.
"Too slow fatass." Said Kyle as he opened the bag.
"Aww-God-DAMMIT! Give me those cheesy poofs!" yelled Cartman.
"No."
"You Jewish Uncle-fucker!"
"What Cartman, lowered yourself to copying movie phrases?"
"Com'on Kahl, at least give me a few."
"No."
"Okay Kahl…just one cheesy poof."
"I said no fatass."
"Aww com'on Kahl. I'm just asking you for one cheesy poof as a little favor to repay all the good things I've done for you."
"Good things…GOOD things!?" said Kyle as he became infuriated. "You mean like letting me almost die when you wouldn't give me your kidney, and then being happy that I got your crappy kidney!? Or always making religious slurs about me being Jewish!? Or saying I have sand I my vagina-!?"
"See, I knew you had one." Cartman said smugly.
"I don't have a fucking vagina! And the time you gave me AIDS! And I hate the fact that you keep calling my mom a bitch and yet you still do it and now it's a famous song on YouTube!"
"It is?"
"Yea." Said Stan as he pulled out his iPod and the song started playing.
"Crap I knew I was famous but now I'm on YouTube? Kickass!" said Catman.
"Aww com-…Ya'know what? Take the fucking cheesy poofs." Said Kyle as he threw them at Cartman.
"Aw sweet. See Jew, you really need to know how to respect mah authoriteh. It would make you a hella better person." Said Cartman as he gorged himself.
"(sigh) Dude I hope you never have children." Said Kyle.
"And why ever not Kyle?" said Cartman who managed to get a cheesy poof in his ear.
"Because this place is bad enough with just you here, now if there were two of you, South Park would be the second hell on earth."
"Second?" Asked Stan.
"Yea, Neverland ranch is the first."
"Oh yea."
"Well Kenny, when my kids grow up I'll make sure to tell them not to beat up your kids that often." Said Cartman with fake reassurance.
"Mwucc moo." Said Kenny. After the movie the boys then left Stan's house.
"Goodnight Jew, goodnight poorass." Said Cartman as they went their separate ways.
"Fuck-off fatass." Said Kyle. Kenny looked both ways and seeing as the road way clear, he crossed it. Just then a random clump of snow plowed onto Kenny's head in the middle of the street. A bit shaken, he still managed t get up and continue home…until a speeding car struck him…followed by the two tailing police cars…ouch… Stan saw this through his room's window.
"Oh my god, they killed Kenny!" said Stan.
"You bastards!" yelled Kyle from the other side of the road as he continued home.
Cartman got home to his home and immediately started to eat again. His cat then walked up to him.
"Meow." Said Kitty.
"No kitty this is my chicken."
"Meow."
"No kitty this is my fuckin' chicken!!"
"Oh Eric, time to sleep sweetie." Said Cartman's mother.
"But mom, I wanna finish my chicken."
"But sweetie it is eleven and you have school tomor-"
"But MEEEEEM!"
"Alright dear." By the time he finished it was 12:34. He got into bed and went to sleep. It felt colder than usual especially since the heat was on high that night. Everywhere went completely black as Cartman squirmed in his bed. Something was approaching him…
"No…get away…" said Cartman weakly in his sleep. "Please Kyle…get away, don't do this to me…THOSE ARE MY FUCKING CHESY POOFS!! Ahh!" yelled Cartman as he awoke from his nightmare. Everywhere was warm once again. "(huff puff) Whoa…I was just a dream…whew." He then went back to sleep. The coolness came back once again…Little did Cartman know he would be missing something important tomorrow.
…I am now really disappointed with myself…when I was pacing this sounded so much funnier…oh well. Please tell me what I could do to improve the humor in this story.
