AN: So. I definitely love writing humor so you can expect me to keep this story up. It should be fairly long by the end. Yeah the chapters are short, but I'm just getting started so I'll work my way up. Reviews are very welcome!

"So Jamsie, tell me. Why exactly are we cuddled up together under the teacher's desk in the Astronomy tower at midnight? I mean, not that I can blame you, but I did have offers from at least three other girls to come up here, and I must say, none of them were quite so hairy or ugly as you.," Sirius spoke from the floor as he flicked his black hair out of his sparkling grey eyes, and in the process almost breaking his best friend's nose with the back of his head.

"Ouch! Damn it Sirius. I already told you. Lily has a study date," insert quotey fingers here, "with that Michael fellow for astronomy but I think he might have things other than Mars and Uranus on his mind," James whispered in a hushed tone.

"Well yeah-" Sirius practically yelled, "Why would he have any interest in my anus?"

He quieted slightly with a quick "Shh!" from James.

He continued, "Unless he swings that way, but once again, can't blame him. I am gorgeous." He struck a model pose, striking James in the nose again in the process.

"Damn it Sirius! Once more and I won't be beautiful anymore and Lily will never love me."

"Aww, don't feel that way Prongsie, she wouldn't like you even if your nose weren't hideous… unless you had my nose, of course. That little bit of sexy would be enough to compensate for even your large head, scrawny legs, big ears, stupid glasses AND hideously ugly nose."

"…"

"…"

"…thanks Padfoot."

"It's what I'm here for, buddy," he said, clapping his friend on the shoulder, narrowly avoiding punching him in the face for a third time.

"You know, no one even uses that line about Uranus anymore."

"Pssh, I-" Sirius started but was cut off.

"Shh! I hear them coming!"

A faint voice was heard from just outside the room, "Thanks so much for helping me, Lily. I'm dreadful at Astronomy," Michael said in a fake helpless voice.

James could see only Lily's slim legs from where he sat, but could imagine her giving him a dazzling reassuring smile.

"That's alright Michael, we can work on it." They settled down to work.

5 minutes went by…

Didn't this guy get an 'O' on his Astronomy O.W.L.? Good God, he's acting slow.

10 minutes…

Wow, he breathes heavily… wait, is he getting turned on by hearing her talk?! That's MY thing!

30 minutes…

I never thought he could pull it off, but Sirius looks smashing with braids…

45 minutes…

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun… BATMAN!

46 ½ minutes…

"As you can see, Uranus is barely visible and it takes a little extra effort to see it," Lily said.

Sirius looked over, obviously itching to say something. Apparently, he wasn't the only one.

"How much effort would it take to get a gander at your anus, Lily?" Michael said while draping his arm lazily over her small shoulders.

"…"

Is he really that stupid?

"…"

A series of things happened in that next moment. Michael crumbled to the floor in immense pain, while Lily stood over him, looking ready to kick him again. Sirius let out a whoop of joy at upon hearing his bad joke used by someone other than himself.

"I told you so James!"

He pumped his fist victoriously in the air, punching James in the face yet again an attracting the attention of an already put-out Lily.

"Oops."

"BLACK, POTTER?!" she yelled, "What the hell are you doing here?" She didn't look too happy.

"She doesn't look to happy, Prongs," Sirius whispered to James.

"Me?" James said innocently, ignoring Sirius' obvious comment, "I'm just looking out for your well-being. I just Knew this creep would try something," he continued in his defense.

Lily looked even more perturbed by this, "Oh you did, did you? So you think that I can't handle myself, Potter?" She began advancing towards the two terrified boys with an evil glint in her emerald eyes.

Both boys were backed away in fear, but were caught between an angry redhead and a thick castle wall.

"Help."

The next day at breakfast, the school was shocked to see the two most popular boys enter the Great Hall hand in hand.

James and Sirius stalked over to the table where Remus and Peter were already seated.

"Lily?" Remus asked with a knowing look in his blue eyes.

Both boys nodded curtly.

"I told you not to get in her way…" he said.

Remus was a tall lanky boy with light brown hair and a slightly sickly look about him. This, however, did nothing to deter the female population. They found his studious, book-loving, reserved self very attractive indeed.

At that moment, Lily decided to grace the hall with her presence, looking rather satisfied as she sat down next to Remus, looking at Sirius and James innocently.

"Now about our deal…"she said mysteriously.

Both boys sighed before standing on top of the table and looking around the hall. Every eye turned to them.

James reluctantly began, "I here and now proclaim my undying love for Severus Snape," then gestured to the staff table at Professor McGonagall, "Minnie darling, it would never have worked out between us."

There was an awkward pause before Sirius started. "Although my immense physical attraction to males (especially James) prevents us from being together," he gestured at their still-clasped hands, "I would like the whole world to know that my heart belongs to Matilda Matchbook." He looked horrified at his own words.

Their hands immediately unstuck and the Hall applauded, while one horribly ugly Ravenclaw by the name of Matilda began sprinting towards her new admirer. Sirius quickly stunned her. Snape shot James a dirty look.

Lily noticed this and was quick to comment. "Well I could be wrong Potter, but I do believe that Severus is either very angry (unlikely of course), very constipated, or incredibly turned on."

James looked at her in horror.

"I'm guessing it's a combination of the last two judging by his face." she said pleasantly.

James and Sirius sank down into their seats and attempted to have a peaceful breakfast.

Seconds later, Lily's two best friends entered the hall.

Adelle Baker was of medium height and had long luxurious dark brown hair and piercing nearly black eyes. She had pale skin with some almost unnoticeable freckles and a spunky attitude. She was naturally intelligent with a quick wit and tongue.

Clearly the most sarcastic out of the three, she was greatly admired by the boys at the school but was usually too much for them to handle.

Lily's other friend, Courtney Darthbrook, had lighter brown hair and striking blue-purple eyes. She was sweet and kind-hearted, as well as very dedicated to school.

Like her friends, Lily was intelligent and beautiful, as much as she liked to deny it. The three made a strange trio but were the closest of friends.

"I hear a congratulations is in order, Potter," Adelle said as she helped herself to some bacon.

He looked at her blankly.

"Heard you got into Black's pants. Of course, you're just one of dozens, so it's not a real big thing is it? But Black," she turned her attention to Sirius, "wow, Potter? We were beginning to think him unattainable. Nice one."

"Except for Lily of course." James added.

Lily and Sirius both glared. He and Adelle were always bickering.

"You keeping track, Baker? I know you want me, but really, is that necessary? Are you one of the next in line?" He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Eww- I'd rather join a nunnery." She promptly rolled up the Daily Prophet and hit him with it.

"Hey Potter," Lily asked, "Why is your nose three times its usual size?"

James took the Prophet from Addie and smacked Sirius in the nose. Sirius merely cocked his head to the side and stated, "Kind of looks like a radish, don't you think?"\

Lily squinted her eyes, "…Nope, that is definitely a potato."

"Maybe a stumpy carrot," Courtney suggested.

James turned his back on the group like a child.

Professor McGonagall, a middle-aged witch with dark hair, began passing out class schedules, which took an exceptionally long time for 6th years, since they had to discuss which O.W.L.S. had been passed.

The marauders (minus Peter) and Lily 'n the gang had all passed most of their O.W.L.S., so they ended up taking the same classes.

"Same classes with Lily? YESS!" James exclaimed enthusiastically, pumping his fist in the air, then hearing a loud crack behind him as he caught his unsuspecting best friend smack dab in the nose.

AN: Ideas would be appreciated, as would reviews.