Chapter 2
Loki lay on the coach, staring up vacantly at the ceiling. His dull green orbs scoured the surface with disinterested, but he felt too numb to do anything else. His arm lay draped over his middle, feeling his body rise and fall with each breath.
Darcy was in the bedroom. He hadn't seen her for a while.
She'd come back. After the fight, the drama, the end that Loki had feared to be final and absolute, she'd returned to the apartment in the early hours of the morning with an empty, defeated look on her face. She looked heartbroken. And her traitorous eyes had been red. Though Loki was glad she was there, it was the manner of her return that so bothered him.
If she'd had come back after weeks, he would have understood. If she'd have come back screaming, he'd have understood. Hell – he would have understood even if Thor had been the one to march her back himself!
But she'd come back lifeless. Too soon, he thought. She should have needed time to get rid of her anger at least… but she hadn't. She was back.
And for all the relieved she hadn't gone for good, it worried Loki deeply.
He couldn't shed it from his mind.
The dull quiet thud of the bedroom door closing eased him from his thoughts, and he listened to the slow soft footsteps that followed. They were scarily calm.
"Are you coming to bed?" a strangely soft spoken voice asked from the head of the couch.
Loki stayed put. That sombre tone really made him afraid and he couldn't bear to haul himself upright and look at her. What if he saw something crushing? The defeatist tone wasn't something encouraging. He wasn't sure he could handle it.
"Loki?"
He could feel her wonder beside him, even if he hadn't caught sight of her out of the fringes of his vision. He could see the same purposely laddered tights she'd lived in since the night she'd left and then returned, the hem of her long night shirt brushing the tops of her thighs. Every fibre of his being was tempted to look, but…
"I don't know what you want to hear of me." He said, training his eyes upward again. His arms stiffened noticeably, hands resting behind the back of his head.
He still wore his jeans and shirt from a week ago, not having the will to change them. Neither of them had left the apartment since their break and make up, both just feeling numb and dead inside. Loki had stayed on the couch, night and day, while Darcy had stayed cooped up in their bedroom. Though it didn't feel like 'theirs' anymore.
"I just want you to come to bed with me." Darcy grumbled, sounding a bit more like herself. "I'm not going to kill you in your sleep, Loki."
"Yes." He sighed heavily, a sadness washing over him – even when she said his name it sounded forced and stiff. "I just wonder if it will lead to another disagreement. Perhaps it's better if I keep my distance for a while."
The small stretch of silence worried him all over again, and he felt Darcy tense beside him. "… how long is a while?" She finally urged.
Loki sighed again, and unlocked his arms from behind his head. He nudged his body upright on the couch until he was sitting, careful to keep his eyes lowered and safely away from Darcy's. Once he was sat there though, he realised the least he could do was look her in the eye while they sorted this out. His green eyes lifted imploringly to hers. "However long it takes." He said, trying to pry behind the hard glint of her orbs to the woman beneath. "I don't want to lose you again Darcy."
A strained looked crossed her face, but she wiped it clear quickly. "I came back." She bit harshly. "Doesn't that mean anything?"
"You wish to give up on us, yes?" The words tumbled uncontrollably from Loki's lips, ignoring her, and he was surprised himself to hear them and the hard edge to his voice. Demanding. "You don't feel happy with me anymore." It wasn't a question.
One look at the glum expression on Darcy's face was enough to confirm it.
She sat back, slumping herself down on the armchair behind her. Her eyes never left his for a moment, holding a strange combination of defiance and glistening misery. "You think we're over?"
"I don't know." He confessed in a rushing breath, swinging his legs from the body of the couch to face her properly. "That all depends on you."
"How so?"
"You left." Loki said simply. "You left me. Not the other way around. I know we may not be the perfect couple Darcy but I would never leave you, no matter how hard it may get. But you did. It made me think…" his gaze fell for a moment, suddenly overwhelmed by just what he was going to ask of her. When he finally picked it up again, drawing a shaky breath, broken hurt cracked his green orbs. "I guess it made me think you don't love me anymore."
XXX
"And what did she say?"
Thor's question felt like a new blow to Loki's heart and he turned to examine a piece of artwork on the wall to hide his heartbroken expression from view.
"That's the worst part." Loki half whispered, fighting to keep his voice level. His fist curled at his side at the memory, using up all of his will not to just collapse on the spot and surrender to wet, noisy tears of despair. "She didn't say anything."
He heard and felt Thor's hulking form lumber closer to his side and forced himself to get a grip. He couldn't let his brother see him so weak. It was purely degrading if nothing else.
He wasn't sure why he'd brought Thor to an art gallery. Sure Loki enjoyed art but Thor… yeah, not so much. It was either this or the antique store though, and Loki was sure they would have been kicked out of the latter rather than leaving of their own accord; he wouldn't trust Thor around delicate antiques either. Still, Loki's plan was failing him – he wasn't getting lost in the painted worlds as he'd hoped, drawing his mind from the depths of his own life's misery if only for a few hours.
He wondered on to the next painting with a sigh, hoping that this one would be the one to drive Darcy's haunting face from his mind.
"Where is she now?"
Loki's eyes scoured the portrait of a woman holding her baby, a white, somewhat grubby, shawl wrapped over her head. He'd once hoped to have children with Darcy. That was proving to be a life quickly evaporating from the future.
"She's at her mothers." He murmured. "She left three days ago. She told me she'd be gone for at least two weeks."
"You've been alone for three days?"
"I've had a lot to think about."
"Yes, but…" Thor searched for the right words. He understood Loki had a lot on his mind, but alone… "You could have stayed with me and Jane. We would have been most glad of your company."
"I fear not, brother." Loki's eyes had turned into glassy orbs as he roamed on across the gallery to the next piece of work, striding past it as if the wall was purely blank. "I have been rather depressed since Darcy left."
"You miss her?"
Loki shook his head. He did miss her but that was not what he'd meant. "I'm afraid she won't come back."
A heavy hand clapped down on Loki's shoulder and while the gesture ached at his bones for how much he loathed it, he didn't have the will to shrug his brother away. He let Thor halt his wondering, though kept his back firmly to the God behind him.
"She loves you, Loki." He insisted in a soft, sentimental voice that Loki thought didn't become him. He felt the arrogant pangs of his dark side rear their heads and fought to quell them. "For all fights and rows brother, she really does love you. You must remember that. For as long as you still love her in return then there is nothing that can tear the two of you apart."
A sad smile flickered over Loki's lips. Thor seemed to live in a fairy tale, he thought. Well, to him it probably was that – after all he already had his mortal wife and home, a kingdom waiting for him to rule when the time came. He probably thought Loki and Darcy were just having a lovers quarrel and it was their stubborn attitudes that swelled it any further. Loki could feel it though. It just felt like him and Darcy were over. The spark was gone. They had no connection to each other anymore.
"I will always love her, Thor." Loki said, stepping forward again, gently freeing himself from Thor's grasp. "But what can I do when what's tearing us apart is each other?"
His heart sank when his brother could offer him no answer.
Loki wondered on through the art gallery feeling his eyes glaze over, surrendering to the thoughts of Darcy in his head. He couldn't help it anymore; he savoured the dark glossy hair, those mysterious eyes that always held conflicting emotions, always bright with life… she was incomparable. Loki felt a wave of ice crash over him, sending shoots of cold he hadn't felt since he'd been in a Jotun body. He didn't want to understand it.
"I'm losing her Thor." He breathed quietly, knowing his brother could hear him behind. "I'm letting her go."
"What?" Thor's voice was sharp, and a hand found Loki's shoulder. This time harder than before. It spun Loki round forcefully to stare into his brothers burning blue orbs. "You cannot." The giant said simply. "If you let her go we all know what you might become."
Loki shrugged him off again, but made no move to turn. "It's not just me I have to think about." He fired back, a defiant spirit lighting up his gaze. "Her happiness is at stake as well, Thor. I cannot just forsake her life so carelessly so that I may live in peace. It is not fair, and I won't do it."
Thor orbs were raging with a restrained fury, and for a moment Loki felt a flicker of fear for Darcy. "I did not cross worlds and fight for you in the courts of Asgard just to have you give up!" The God of Thunder spat with outrage.
"So you would destroy her life to save mine?"
"You are my brother-"
"That's not the point!"
Disapproving stares met Loki's shout and he felt his cheeks flush, a combination of anger and embarrassment. He thought about staying, but changed his mind when he saw the security guard twitch. One more outburst from them and they'd be out; and Loki was certain he and Thor were not done talking yet.
He stormed from the chamber with purpose and Thor followed, the two walking in mute silence until they emerged on the bustling streets again. Still Loki didn't stop. He marched on until they were free of the confining streets and in the open space of the park.
He paused, back to his brother and sighed heavily as he realised where his feet had led him. "This is cruel…"
Thor stepped forward, tense. "What?"
Loki's face lost his anger, eyes scanning brokenly over the park. They lingered on one bench, imaging the two love-struck figures that had sat there, glued at the lips, a year ago. "This was me and Darcy's first date."
Loki was grateful for Thor's silence, losing himself to the memories. They were happy then. Both of them had felt the spark and had agreed to go on a date to see where it led. A picnic, a stroll and a lip locking later, they had confirmed their feelings for each other. Loki had loved it. And he had loved her. He was fairly certain that back then, she loved him too.
Oh, the naivety…
"I cannot understand you, brother." Thor's deep voice finally cut in. "If you love her so, how can you let her leave?"
Loki sighed again. "I cannot force her, Thor. If Jane was unhappy, would you tie her down to the bed and force her to stay? Even when you knew it was killing her inside?"
"Of course not!" the god refuted violently. "I love Jane with all my heart. I could never harm her."
Loki shook his head lightly. Amazing how his brother could phrase exactly how he felt in words, yet still lacked the empathy to understand what Loki was feeling. "Exactly, Thor. And yet you ask me to do the very same to the woman I love. It's not right. I surrendered the right to be a tyrant when the judge's hammer slammed down in Asgard. Destroying the world or destroying one… the burden I would feel would still be the same." His eyes rolled to Thor's and locked with his. "I have changed Thor. And now it is my undoing."
Thor hand twitched and Loki knew he was fighting the urge to shoulder-clap again. He caught himself just in time to lower it to Loki's upper arm. "You must not give up." Thor encouraged softly. "When Darcy returns perhaps things will go back to how they were."
"I agree the space is what we need, but if things are to return to before then it is in vain." Loki's head shook. "We need a remedy, not a delay."
"I will not let my brother sink into such unhappiness."
Loki's eyes shot back up to Thor's warningly. If he was going to do anything to Darcy… "You cannot fight it." He hissed. "Nor can I. This banishment was not meant to be a privilege, it was meant to be a curse." His eyes lowered down to the bench again. "And by Odin, they have achieved it."
For a moment he waited for Thor to say something, almost certain there would be another optimistic remark to come from the god's mouth. The silence near shocked him.
He sighed heavily. A week and a half and his destiny might be decided for him, wholly depending on what Darcy had decided to do by the time she got back from her visit. Whatever happened, he knew something would change – but would it end with he and Darcy together, or not?
