Sara hated to cry, it reminded her of when her mother died.

It was the only thing she had had any control over. Soon after losing control had become even more important.

Sara buried her face into the pillow to stiffen her cries. She knew it wasn't like before, she knew he hadn't wanted to leave, but it just felt the same.

The moment he turned his back to the door her heart broke in just the same way as it had before.

So where were the differences?

What separated the two events?

He had left because of his guilt, she had no doubt. Left her to finish what he considered lose ends, save someone, help someone…but leaving her behind.

Sara curled her fist around the fabric of the pillowcase, a knock on the door made her stiffen the sob in her throat.

She forced herself into a sitting position and wrapped the pillow in her lap. She wiped at her cheeks, "Come in LJ."

The boy stuck his head through the door, a shy smile on his face. "How'd you know it was me?"

Sara gave a brittle smile, "Because your father would consider it betrayal to comfort me."

LJ sighed, stepped into the room then closed the door behind him. Sara watched as he walked toward her and took his place beside her on the bed.

"He's a jerk," he said comfortingly, staring straight ahead.

Sara gave a light chuckle. "Thanks LJ, but-"

"I just don't get it! We're finally safe, we're finally happy…you're finally with us and he has to be this way."

"He feels he needs to do this," Sara whispered softly, surprised to find herself defending him. "You know how he is…he always feels obligated to everyone."

"Yeah but we've already been over this. He sent money to Tweener and Haywire's families. He even sent money to that Nika chick. How much farther does he have to go to

get over this?" LJ asked angrily.

Sara placed her arm around LJ's shoulder, pulling him in she rested her head against his.

"You're Uncle never does anything half assed. You know that…we just have to give him a little-" Sara started.

"But he's hurting you all over again!" LJ pulled away from her. "He promised he would-"

"LJ stop," Sara gasped, "please." She could feel the tears burning her eyes again. She laid her head against his shoulder, "30 minutes ago I was the happiest woman in the world."

"And now you're not," LJ whispered sadly, "Because he left."

"Because now I feel like I'm standing alone on a island. Like I'm living for a reason that

doesn't exist." Sara closed her eyes as tears fell, "Damn it LJ, when did I become this pathetic?"

LJ wrapped his arm around her slender waist, "Not pathetic, Sara. I think it's great. I wish someday I could find a woman who loves me like you love him."

You never will, LJ, it's not possible. Sara thought before she allowed her sobs to fully consume her.

"We intercepted the letter about seven hours before we called. I had some people go over it. We wanted to make sure it was really Bagwell before we called you." Jane explained as she slipped into the waiting SUV.

"How long have you been looking for him?" Michael asked slipping into the passenger seat.

"Well I admit he's not our top priority, so we didn't put our best men on him…"Jane said slowly, glancing sideways at Michael. "We never thought he'd try to make contact with

you. In fact we thought he was up in Alaska."

"I never thought he would either. He must be desperate." Michael glared ahead.

"He's bored." Jane admitted reluctantly.

"What do you mean he's bored?" Michael snapped, finally losing his patience with her.

"How's dr. Tancredi?" Jane switched the subject.

"Sara's fine," He continued to glare at her, "Are you going to tell me what T-bag's letter said?"

"How does she feel about you leaving so suddenly?" Jane ignored his question.

"Sara-Sara's not to be involved with any of this," Michael turned back to his window. "She's been through enough."

"It seems that Bagwell has it out for you," Jane gave in with a sigh, "He knows that Dr. Tancredi is living with you and—"

"And what?" Michael snapped, he could feel his blood pressure rising. The very idea of T-bag getting close to Sara was driving him mad.

"He wants you bad, Michael." Jane concluded.

"Let the bastard try." He growled, "I won't let him near my family."

Jane tightened her grip on the steering wheel, after a moment's hesitation she spoke again. "How are Lincoln and LJ?"

"Their doing good," Michael sighed, forcing himself to control his breathing. "Linc's always asking when your going to come down for a visit."

"Wish I could. Maybe after we settle this I'll come down for a while. Get to know Dr. Tancredi a little more."

"We'd love to have you." Michael responded politely.

Jane was on there their side, Michael knew. She was their friend, and had saved them from many problems. But Michael couldn't bring himself to fully trust her as his brother did. He respected her and trusted her but couldn't like her. Michael knew that view was highly influenced by his father's relationship with her.

"Are you hungry?" Jane asked suddenly.

Michael blinked, of course he wasn't. Whenever his adrenaline started pumping he never thought about food. "No," He answered quickly.

"Just let me know when you are, we'll stop." Jane responded before turning back to the road.

Michael thought back to when they had been on the run. Sara had insist on making regular food stops. Never letting him get away with eating. He smiled as he remembered her forcing granola and water down his throat. He would always insist he wasn't hungry and she never took no for an answer. She was always worried about his health.

At first Michael had found it annoying, but then he realized it was her showing how much she cared for him. She was showing him in the only real way she knew how.

Michael leaned against the chair, god he missed her.

Hours later they finally arrived in a run down hotel. Jane hurried inside to pay for the room while Michael watched from the van.

The moment she stepped out of the office he jumped from the van and followed her into the room. Tossing his bag onto one of the twin beds he lunged for the phone. Jane followed behind him, locking the door and closing the shades.

Micheal punched in his brother's cell phone numbers and pressed the phone to his ear.

He tapped his foot against the dirty yellow carpet bellow, caring less about his surroundings and more about the phone.

After the third ring he began to panic.

Where were they? It was dinner time in Panama.

Sara always made sure they sat down together. Why weren't they picking up. Oh god.

Michael nearly dropped the phone.

T-bag.

Michael slammed the phone back into the receiver then stood, "Jane!"

The woman swung open the bathroom door in a hurry, "What's the matter?"

"They're not answering. Is there any way that T-bag…"He couldn't finish the sentence. He had left them wide open…he should have stayed.

"Michael I have people watching your house…"Jane started, trying to calm him. "It's impossible."

"Nothing's impossible when it comes to T-bag." Michael hissed snatching his bag from the bed and heading toward the door.

Before he could even reach the handle the phone rang causing both to jump. Jane eyed the phone with the same confusion she had Michael.

Michael hurried to the phone and lifted it, "T-bag?"

"What?" A young voice asked. "Who is this?"

"LJ?" Michael gasped. "LJ are you alright?"

"What? Uncle Mike?" LJ's confused voice filled the other end. "Yeah, we're fine. Was that you just now?"

"Where's your father?" Michael demanded. "Where's Sara? Why weren't you guys picking up the phone?"

"Whoa-calm down Uncle Mike." LJ replied annoyed. "Dad's in the shower and Sara's sleeping. Dad forgot his cell phone in the kitchen."

"You guys are ok then?" Michael dropped into the bed. "Thank god," he whispered to himself.

"Where are you?" LJ asked quickly.

"We're almost to the states." Michael answered, "Can I talk to Sara?"

"No," LJ answered firmly.

"What?" Michael flinched.

"I said no," He heard his nephew repeated again. "You can't talk to her."

"May I ask why not?" He snapped, annoyed with LJ.

"Because she just fell asleep after crying on my shoulder for five hours." LJ threw back.

"If you have a message I'll pass it along but otherwise I have stuff to do."

Michael dropped his head into his hands; his nephew had always seemed to take it as his personal mission to protect Sara. At first Michael had thought it was cute…but as time past Michael became annoyed.

A small part of him was still furious, jealous, and even, that She had come to Panama with him instead of Michael. It was silly but he couldn't rid himself of it,

"LJ-"he sighed, "Is she ok?"

"No, not that you care." LJ threw back, apparently insistent on hurting him every step of the way.

"You know I love her, LJ-"

"You just love your saviour complex more." LJ spat into the phone. "You did it with Dad…which was great and all but you never thought of the other people. The people that weren't part of your plan that you still hurt. Just like now…you're going off to fight some crusade-fine-but your hurting Sara in the process."

"LJ-" Michael gasped. He had never heard his nephew speak to him in such a manner.

For a moment he actually forgot who he was talking to. "That's enough." He snapped.

"You know what really pisses me off?" LJ continued, "She may not have been happy in Montana but at least she wasn't getting hurt."

Michael heard LJ give a loud huff then suddenly heard the beeping of the dial tone.

"He hung up on me!" Michael slammed the phone down; unable to believe he was just

lectured by a nineteen-year-old punk.

A punk who made all the right points, Michael reminded himself, leaning against the head board.

LJ was right.

Michael bit back his second wave of tears since he left Panama.

"Are you alright?" Jane asked from the bathroom door. "You look pretty beat up."

Michael lifted his head. "Abruzzi cut off my toes." He stated suddenly.

Jane lifted an eyebrow in confusion as he continued, "I would rather have the rest of

my toes cut then have her mad at me again."

"You should have told-" Jane started.

"What would it have done?" Michael snapped. "She would just worry. So I'm stuck with her either thinking I'm abandoning her for my own guilt or her worrying that I'm going to get myself killed."

The woman dropped her head, "I am sorry, Michael."

Michael nodded and sighed, "I shouldn't have yelled. I'm sorry."

Jane accepted the apology silently then turned back to the bathroom.

He leaned his head against the headboard, and finally allowed his tears to fall.

Two things Sara hated most, 1:feeling out of control. 2: feeling weak.

And a little part of her, just the tinniest bit hated Michael for making her feel both.

She hated how when she was with him she didn't control anything.

She couldn't control her breath, her legs seems to completely ignore whatever she wanted them to do, her entire body responded to his, forgetting she was suppose to be in control.

And oh god he made her feel weak.

Sara blinked back tears. That wasn't true.

He made her feel alive, he made her reach for dreams she had never dared for…but when he hurt her…when he left.

He left her broken, alone and worse-weak.

Sara wiped the residing tears off her face and forced herself from the bed. She hadn't moved from the room in hours and was in desperate need of food. Sara wrapped Michael's robe around her body and reached for the door. Sara froze as a light in the kitchen informed her that she wasn't the only one awake.

"LJ? Linc?" she whispered taking a few cautious steps toward the kitchen.

Suddenly Lincoln appeared, leaning into view on a chair. "Hey, what are you doing awake?"

Sara gave a sigh of relief then continued her way into the kitchen. "I should be asking you the same question."

"Can't sleep." Lincoln muttered watching her take a seat before him.

"Did you even try?" Sara asked wrapping her arms around herself.

"Did you?" he responded quickly.

Sara dropped her eyes to the table, "He's insane you know that right?"

"No really?!" Lincoln cracked a smile. "Must have missed that when he showed up in a maximum security prison to break me out."

"Hey he's your crazy brother," Sara muttered.

"He's my crazy brother, but he's your crazy boyfriend," Lincoln responded gently.

"I should have went for you, Linc. I mean, you're the dumbass, ex-death row inmate, and

he's the amazing, brilliant, beautiful genius of a man. But out of the two he's the jackass."

Lincoln bit back another smile, "Gee, thanks Sara…I feel the love."

"I'm serious. He's always breaking my heart." Sara felt tears well in her eyes. "I'm not sure how much longer I can do this."

"You can do this as long as it takes, Sara." Lincoln reached across the table to pat her hand. "He's yours, Sara. I'm the dumbass and even I know that."

"I wish I could believe that, Lincoln. I really do." Sara gasped back sobs…it was a losing battle. She covered her mouth with a hand as another sob escaped. "But it's just so hard-"

Suddenly Lincoln was before her gently pulling her against his chest and circling his arms around her.

"Have faith, little sister, just have a little faith."