I am very disappointed in my fans. Seriously? How many reviews have I gotten on this story? I'll tell you how many reviews. Three reviews. THREE!!! If you want more of my story, you're seriously going to have to review more. If you don't review, than I feel as though my story isn't worth it. Please, PLEASE!, review.

Chapter 2

Obsession

That night I had an odd dream. A dream that makes you disgusted; but at the same time makes you bunch your sheets together from the happiness. It was a dream that makes you have an epiphany. I dreamt I was at school sitting next to the beautiful Matt. I stared at him and started to get aroused. I looked down to realize that I was completely naked. I tried to hide myself and my protruding shame. The girl next to me yelled, "Troy has an erection! Troy has an erection!" I was completely embarrassed and shivering. I felt so out of place from everyone else. Then all of the girls in my class started to move towards me. They touched me and groped me and I tried to curl into a ball and wished for the blood to retreat from my penis. I didn't want these girls to touch me, I wanted Matt to touch me. I wanted his large hands to caress my chest and abs. I wanted his full, soft lips to part mine. The girls just got closer and closer and they started rubbing my area. Suddenly, a yell came from Matt. I looked over and saw him completely naked as well. The girls ran away and Matt body hugged me. Our privates touched as we felt each other's bodies.

I awoke at around six in the morning with something that could hold a tent up protruding from my blanket. Across the way, I could see Matt sleeping silently; looking so peaceful and horridly beautiful. He was too close for comfort, yet at the same time, not close enough.

I felt ashamed at the dream I had. How dare I put Matt in that way. If Matt didn't feel the same way, then let him be. I could have lived in my own torture. But I felt really good about this. The sun was just starting to rise and the light hit Matt so perfectly. Matt turned in his sleep and his naked torso was revealed. I realized I had begun to massage the tip of my penis. He had no signs of awakening and I didn't know if I could stop.

I wrapped my hand around the entirety of my shaft and began rubbing swiftly. I stared as his chest slowly rose, letting the air fill him. I noticed his beautiful abs stretch to let him breathe. I noticed his adorable face smile as he dreamed. My hand quickly went from tip to shaft and my body quivered.

Suddenly, the sticky white substance erupted from me as I looked at him for one more time and remembered the feeling of his hard on. I quickly cleaned up and tried to go back to sleep.

At first, I hadn't realized how obsessed I was with him. I thought it was just a harmless crush. I had no idea how serious it was. I would think of Matt doing certain things to my body. My relationship with my penis had grown stronger since I started thinking more and more about Matt. I had more and more dreams about him.

I dreamt everyone in school found out I had a crush on Matt and they all made fun of me except Matt. Then we would kiss and everything would be fine. I dreamt about him holding my hand as we lay on the soft grass staring into each other's eyes. The dreams kept getting more and more romantic and less and less erotic. And that scared me. Could I love another man? Could that actually possible? I thought homosexuality was all about sex. Could there be an actual thing as bromance?

The only thing about my dreams that stayed the same was the way it ended. It always ended with a very sad emotion boiling through me mixed with overwhelming joy while I clung to something on the bed tightly as if that article was him. And there of course was the erection rubbing against my bed.

I couldn't help myself. I was falling more and more in love with the man who I never thought would love me back. Why would God do this? How could he make such a beautiful emotion and at the same time never finish the creation of it, the love back. The thought that Matt doesn't like men tormented me. How could that actually be? My feelings for him were so strong, so powerful, how could they never be fulfilled? I thought that my love would only remain something mental and never be brought up to its full physical possibilities.

My thoughts toward sodomy had changed drastically, the reason being that I had never actually thought of sodomy. It was just something I never thought of before. Why would someone choose anal sex when there is an organ specifically for sex? But after I ventured into the unknown territory that was gay porn, I thought otherwise. The noises erupted from the men whose bodies were being penetrated were so…appealing. There was no sense of pain in their voice. They were yelps of ecstasy. But how could that be? Their assholes were being ripped apart. I learned online that the actual act of anal sex is actually quite pleasant if you do it correctly (I learned later that those words are an understatement and that the feeling of the act is so invigorating and so cosmic that you cannot actually describe it). I realized I wanted to try it for myself.

I could no longer look at Matt anymore. It was too hard to look at him without wanting to pounce on him or blab my true feelings about him. That was the worst part; not telling anyone. The feeling killed me inside. But what could I do? I didn't want anyone knowing how I felt about a man. Homosexuality is sort of frowned upon in my school. Every time I looked at him it turned to staring which turned to fantasizing. Life seemed so hard. I tried to stay away from him as much as possible. But that was too hard. He was too big a part of my life. I still hung out with him, but every single millisecond of that paradise was pure torment.

But every time he walked by my heart melted. Every time his smooth, silky, manly voice radiated from his mouth my entire body warmed up. Loneliness is cold and his presence was my blanket. I wanted him so bad. I just wanted to touch him. I wanted to be near him. I wanted him to love me back. And that killed me inside.

I must say now that I never felt that homosexuality was wrong. I was never ashamed of myself because of my love towards men. I found it odd because who doesn't find it odd when you grow up with the pop culture status quo saying boys should like girls. But I quickly accepted myself and learned that I actually did like men. I learned that I didn't like women when Gabriella got naked for me. Gabriella was my last girlfriend. She stripped and I felt nothing. I knew she felt beautiful, but still, nothing. I lied and said that it was stress.

Soon the only things I ever really thought about were Matt and basketball (but a reason for the latter was that Matt was on the basketball team). When my grades started slipping I had to concentrate on those, but mainly my thoughts were on Matt. Every single moment, conscience or not, was dreaming about Matt. His luscious arms, his full lips, his perfect features, his tantalizing muscles. I wondered what he was doing and what he was thinking. I wanted to always be where he was.

One day during class, Matt gave a presentation. I had to hold on for dear life to my desk so that I didn't go and tackle him to the ground. I stared at his body as he gave the presentation. I looked as his lips moved in an elegant fashion. I imagined my hands sliding through his blackish hair. I stared at his delicate eyes and perfect straight yet round nose. I watched as his Adam's apple slowly and enticingly moved up and down. I had no idea that Adam's apples were so exciting. I listened to the silky, deep voice emanate from behind those full dark pink lips of his. I could see the outline of his chest and wanted to squeeze them. I was so in love I didn't know what to do. I just wanted him so badly. I imagined kissing those lips and that almost killed me inside. How could he not love me back? I'd be more than willing to donate some of my love to him. I just wanted him both physically and mentally. I just couldn't understand why he didn't love me back.

This story was a bit traumatic, although it really wasn't. I was just naive and stupid. I had no idea what was really going on. Well, I knew what was happening, but I had no idea what was going to happen in the future. We were in the locker room, and Matt had taken off his shirt. I of course was really excited just to see him near me, let alone slightly naked. He was moving his shoulders up and down and wincing. He said, "Awww...I'm so tense."

I really wanted to help him. I didn't want to see him in any sort of pain. And also it was an excuse to touch him. "I can help you," I said.

"Really?" he asked.

"Oh yeah," I said, my voice trembling a little bit, but trying to hide it, "I have hands that can release so much stress."

"Oh really?" he asked. "Well go ahead." I stood behind him and grasped his shoulders. My fingers pushed deep into his skin. I found several knots and massaged them quite liberally. I noticed that my face was slowly going towards his, but luckily he didn't notice. That was when the pain started. My fingers moved briskly on top of his soft, hot skin. I felt his hard muscles and lightly smelled his perfect scent. My movements were filled with love and gratitude, trying to pronounce myself to him. I listened to his breathing, and the problem was there. He only breathed. No moans. No signs of approval. Just a slight tense of the eyes.

I must say from experience that the most painful thing in the world is unrequited love. Nothing tears you up inside more than not being loved.I felt like I was about to die. I felt like I was going to explode or something terrible would have happened. I felt like life was not worth living. My psyche was breaking in half as I trembled uncontrollably. I had to let go of Matt for fear that I would be found out. I felt like throwing up. I felt like just dieing on the spot. Love is the most bipolar emotion in human existence. Sometimes just being near him I felt like everything in the world was fine. And sometimes I just felt like there was nothing worth in the world. This moment was that of the latter.

The worst part was that he was so close to him. If I wanted to, I could have held him. I could have hugged him as tight as possible and cried my eyes out. I could have expressed all of my feeling at that moment, but I couldn't. I so wanted to just feel every single inch of his body, just touch him and never let of him, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. If there was ever the want to have one thing so badly you'd do anything for that, it would be now. I just wanted to let everything go. Just let the flood gates open. But I couldn't. I ran out as soon as possible. I got home as soon as possible. I ran into my room and cried. I cried for several hours and just let everything go. I screamed my feelings for Matt out into the open. And whilst I cried, a portion of me wished that Matt was outside listening or somewhere inside waiting for me. I just wanted him to know and for him to hold me. Two years before I thought it was a harmless crush and now I cried for him. Like most of the feelings I felt in this letter, I can't fully explain the intensity I felt. So just try to imagine it, because I really don't.

And the funny part was: everything would sort of work out in the end. Emphasis on sort of.

The feelings inside of me at that time were too overwhelming. I really wanted Matt. It was then in my mind I thought that if these feelings were this strong then there must be a reason for them. These crazy thoughts were the push to make me do what I did.

Why did I give him a hand job? I have to wonder, if that never happened, would I have ever ended up gay?

How was that? Did you like it? PLEASE REVIEW!!! YEARG! COME ON! I AM GETTING PISSED AT YOU GUYS! IF YOU READ, THEN REVIEW IT!!! AAAAAAAHHH!!! But the next chapter will be REALLY sexy! I promise! And wasn't that last part super depressing? I thought so, but don't take my word. How about you tell me yourself!!!