Authoress note: Hi. in case your thoroughly confused, yes this is AU, and yes i am planning on making it less confusing...eventually, you'll have to read it to find answers to your questions. also, i cant for the life of me think of a name for Hermione's group. reader suggestions would be the sunshine to my dark and forlorn little world. im also looking for a beta. KTHXBAI

Chapter Two

Trippy

or

The Sue Has Landed

On a sunny suburban street with Cookie Cutter Houses and White Picket Fences, an ominous shadow descended. It landed in a bush. Two other ominous shadows landed behind said bush.

"Merlin potter,you'd think the Savior of the Wizarding World, could apperate without incident." said an irate Severus Snape in a harsh whisper.

The young man in question carefully picked his way out of the bush and brushed himself off and sighed quietly. Harry Potter wondered briefly if the bush would be alright. He shrugged it off, it didn't look badly damaged, it did look a little annoyed though. He slowly edged closer to Snape, casting a weary glance at the bush, Herbology hadn't taught him much, but it did teach him to be weary of annoyed looking plant life. "Sorry Sir, I never can get the landings right." he whispered softly. He looked around with mild interest and looked to his other companion. "Is this the place Hermione?"

Hermione Granger pulled a leaf out of Harry's hair and nodded. "yes, the house right next to this actually."she smiled fondly at her long time friend,wondering at how,even though she had shown him pictures of the house,made him memorize the street and house address,showed him where it was on a map AND gave him a brief history on the small town, he still had to ask if they were in the right place. She suddenly sent a brilliant smile in Snape's general direction. "Did you bring The Pamphlets?"

Snape twitched slightly and nodded after checking his pockets, although unsure as to how he did infact bring them, he thought he had left them on his desk in his office,Miss Granger was getting far too familiar with him, The Pamphlets had mysteriously appeared on his person. He shuddered slightly wondering how she'd gotten so close without him knowing. He took The Pamphlets out and handed them to Hermione. She thanked him and counted them quickly. "Good good, we have enough for the four on this side of the country and a few left over for just incases" she nodded happily and flounced out from behind the abused bush and made her way to the house next two minio...friends followed behind her, one wearily and one gazing lazily at the passing clouds.

"Nice day for it,eh Sev?" Asked Harry glancing away from the sky for a moment to see the expression on his former teachers face. It wasn't a pleased look. Harry hurried to catch up to Hermione before Snape could do something unthinkable to him. When he felt safer near his friend he glanced behind to beam at Snape, then slinged an arm around Hermione's shoulders as Snape started to advance at a frightening pace.

"Harry, stop picking on Professor Snape." Hermione said absently as she pushed Harry's arm off gently.

Snape growled menacingly at Harry and pounced when Harry was close enough then thwacked him upside his head. Harry retaliated by hopping slightly to pull Snapes hair. Snape wrapped an arm around a struggling and squealing Harry's neck and proceeded to give him a nookie. Harry yelped and thrashed desperately causing Hermione to turn around. " Now is not the time to be playing you two! Pull it together,we have arrived." The two men looked chastised and straightened their clothes actively avoiding the others gaze. "We were not playing." Hissed Snape, Harry nodded in agreement. "It was a Manly Battle to the Death,'Moine." Whined Harry.

Hermione, ignoring them, smiled as she walked up the steps to the small light blue house that one of The Targets lived in and knocked on the door. There was a crash a few muffled curses and another crash. Harry and Snape looked at each other then at Hermione who was smiling fixedly at the door, Harry looked back at Snape who raised The Eyebrow and shrugged. They both jumped (Snape vehemently denied this) as the door burst open.

A young women in her early twenties had opened the door. She had dark brown hair tied back in a messy bun, and honey brown eyes that glared at the trio behind slightly askew glasses. she was about 5'7 and was wearing a loose T-shirt and dark blue Jeans, she had what looked like blood splattered across her shirt. It could have been spaghetti sauce. She was giving Hermione a pointedly annoyed look. "This had better be Life or Death, because if its not....its going to be." she tapped her bare foot and glanced down when she saw the strange people at her door staring at her shirt. " I was cooking." she gave them a shifty look for a moment. " Spaghetti. What do you want?"

Hermione stepped forward and held up A Pamphlet. "Before we get started we need you to read this." Hermione said gravely.

The girl snatched The Pamphlet out of Hermione's hand. "OK thanks for the Litter, but I don't like Religion Salesm...people." She gave Hermione a small smile.

"So if you...Hey, do you know who you guys kinda look like?"

Hermione smiled encouragingly and waited for her to connect the dots, so to speak. " Like some of the people from those Harry Potter books and or movies, what have you, Do you know them? I prefer the books personally, Hollywood bastardized the series, It pissed me off hardcore you guys," The girl waved The Pamphlet about haphazardly " I'm STILL mad about it, I mean I was reading the books since I was 14! Right? And the Movies make Harry look like a jackass all emo and shit." Snape snorted at this, earning an elbow in the ribs from Harry.

" I mean yeah he's gonna have problems his Aunt and Uncle abused and neglected him, and if that wasn't fucked up enough the minute he finds out hes a wizard the bastards expect him to save the world! you know? Do you wanna come in?"

She waved them inside and closed the door after them continuing her Monologue uninterrupted. "And after a whole bunch of awesome books, the bitch, J.K Rolling I mean, kills off my favorite character!! Admittedly she waited till the last book, but I think she just did it to make more money, shes a sensationalist I tell you! Sit sit, make yourselfs at home you guys."

At this point they had made it to the living room where Harry and Hermione sat on the love seat that was facing the other longer couch with a coffee table between them, leaving Snape to sit on the main couch with the chattering girl. Snape absently wondered when she had time to breath and settled on the couch. "Do you guys want some thing to drink? I just made some ice tea." Without waiting for an answer she left abruptly and the slightly frighted trio heard small crashes in a different part of the house.

"Shes mad!" breathed Harry. "We gotta guh..." He trailed off when their hostess wondered back into the room carrying a tray with a pitcher of ice tea, four glasses already full with long spoons in each glass and two small bowels that had sugar in one and sliced lemon in another. She placed the tray on the coffee table and handed the drinks out. "I didn't know how you wanted in them so I figured you can sweeten to taste or whatever."

She bounced on her couch a little as she watched Harry and Hermione make their drinks. She glanced at Snape noticing he wasn't fixing or drinking his tea. She poked him on the arm "Not thirsty?" He shook his head with a little glare. "K, so what Religion are you guys with? Are you in a cult?!" She asked excitedly.

Hermione shook her head. "Read The Pamphlet, It will explain everything, dear." Hermione said kindly and watched as the girl nodded and began to read. She stopped and looked at them and raised an eyebrow that could have contended with Snapes. " Yeah OK, your part of a Harry Potter cult, that's neat. But I don't wanna join...I got stuff to do..and Things also." she looked around shiftily. "The Things are important." She nodded in agreement with herself. Harry giggled nervously.

Hermione gave the girl a strange look and shook her head slowly."Nooooo not a cult, Professor if you would be so kind?" Snape pulled his wand out of his robe and glared as Harry giggled again, he lazily waved his wand and the tray on the coffee table rose sedately into the air. The girl stared at it for a minute then blinked a few times she then cleaned her glasses on Snapes robes and looked at the tray again. It was still floating.

"Trippy."