They rented the double, and Sam immediately threw himself onto one of the beds, not even attempting to take off his red snakeskin cowboy boots.
Dean didn't make a motion to the bed; instead he sat in the chair by the table and took out his silver flask. Jo sat down in the chair next to him, looking away from him so that she wouldn't make things awkward by watching him drink the whiskey from his flask like a Greek God. She dropped her overnight bag at the leg of the table. Everything he did made her feel like her heart was on fire, or at least that's how she would describe being in his presence to anyone who has never experienced the combination of his flawless looks and his kick-ass attitude.
"So Jo, what brings you to New York?"
"I'm heading to a case up in Albany, three people died so far, did you hear about it?"
Dean chuckled, "Yeah, I heard about it. Sammy and I just finished that demon off. You remember Meg, Sam took care of her."
"Oh. Yeah, I remember Meg. Thanks for that, and thanks for buying the room too."
"You're welcome" he smiled as his green eyes pierced hers, "How's your mom?"
"She's better, she would probably freak out if she knew I was here. But right now she's alright, I think she's still trying to figure out what got us back…"
Dean was still staring at her; she was never that good at maintaining eye contact. She looked down and started playing with her knife.
Jo was feeling extra self-conscious, as if being near him wasn't hard enough. She knew she loved him for a while, and she knew that he might never feel the same. To make matters worse, she kept on thinking of thinking about the reoccurring dream with him. It always started the same. Him and her alone, a boring conversation runs dry. He gets up from his chair and breaks the silence with a kiss. They kiss for a while, and then they move over to a bed, or the impala. They make passionate love until the sunrise, when he whispers "I love you" and then she wakes up. But she knows that will never happen.
Dean also was feeling very awkward at the silence. Sam has been asking him every morning why he keeps on saying "Jo" in his sleep, Dean always lies saying that he was remembering her dying, or something simple like that. Sam never asked too many questions, but he always teased with his suspicions. In reality, Dean has had dreams about Jo that were very similar to her dreams. They began with a conversation, when she suddenly stopped talking and stares into his eyes fiercely. She mouths the words "I want you" and he gets up from his chair and kisses her. She begins lifting his shirt and he does the same to her. They would stay together making love until the next day, when he would whisper to her as she slept on his bare chest, "I love you." Every time he wakes up he is half relieved that he didn't have a nightmare about hell, and half frustrated that Jo would never take his advances seriously if he ever tried.
When they both snapped out of their memories of the vivid dreams, they both realized how long they had been silent. It was beyond awkward. Dean had not yet leaped out of his chair to kiss her, and Jo hadn't made eye contact since the last time she spoke. Suddenly Sam let out a loud snore as he flipped himself to the other side.
Dean and Jo laughed and looked at each other. Dean finally decides he wants to break the silence.
"I'm running low on rock salt bullets, I'm gonna go to the car and get some shells."
"I'll help you carry them"
He teased, "Jo, I think I can manage carrying a bag of salt and some bullets by myself."
"Stop being so proud, and plus, I want some fresh air anyway."
"Suit yourself"
They walked outside. Jo was staring at the back of his head as he headed out of the motel room. She was very close behind him; it took her a second to stop walking when he stopped. He turned around and they were within inches of each other's faces. She tried to back up a little, but ended up falling on Sam's coat. Dean caught her, pulling her body upright onto his.
"Uhh…Thanks" Jo said, blushing. She was regaining her balance and trying to fix her hair when he started laughing.
"What?" she demanded.
"Nothing, Jo. You're a mess. I swear, I let you out of my sight for two seconds and you start falling apart."
"Yea, well, you're no better. You look like you haven't slept in weeks. My mom worries about you too. Everyone does. You two have way too much on your plates and never have any time to relax. You work all day and all night, and you really need to try to take care of yourself better…"
"Oh please Jo, don't start with a lecture. I get enough of them from Bobby; I don't need one from you too. Sam and I are getting by and we don't need anyone to tell us what we need. We have been trying to keep ourselves together when everything around us is falling apart. When you died, Sam and I felt like a piece of us died. We love you Jo, and it was hard to live knowing you weren't gonna be around if I called."
"Like you would call?" she blurted out, instantly regretting it.
"It's nice to have the option. You don't know how hard it is to be without you. I…Sam and I, we missed you. And to hear from Bobby that you guys are back…I'm sorry if I'm falling apart, but nothing ever stays together."
"What are you saying Dean? That because I'm alive again, you're miserable?"
"No, because you're alive again, I can't handle you dying again. I am out of my mind worrying for Sam, I hardly sleep because I am knee deep in the blood of monsters and I wont let you come here and tell me what I can and can't feel. I was coping with everyone I love dying around me, and you expect the second you waltz back into reality for everyone to go back to normal? Well it doesn't. I can't switch my feeling on and off that fast. I wish I could, but I can't."
Dean stormed back to the table to get his car keys. As he grabbed them, he regretted blowing up on her. She stood there looking at him with a combination of hurt, anger, and confusion on her face. He turned back to her direction.
"I'm going to get some gas, you're welcome to come if you want." It wasn't an apology, but he figured she got the point. He started back to the parking lot. He got in the impala and put the keys in the ignition. Dean was alone in his car, he couldn't help feeling that this was what he was going to end up like. He reached into his coat to get his flask and forget about his problems, but it wasn't there. Suddenly he heard a knock on the passenger window.
He reached over and unlocked the door for Jo.
"I need to pick up some things from the store. And you left this inside." She handed him his silver flask.
"Thanks." He said as he took the flask back from her. He attempted a smile. She returned the gesture.
They drove off into the night, and deep down they couldn't help feeling that they were meant to be sitting side by side every day for the rest of their lives, however short that may be.
