Chapter 2
"Hello?"
"Hey Spence."
"Em, I got your texts. I'm fine, really." Spencer smiled at the sweet texts that Emily had sent her earlier.
"You're not," Emily said. "I know you're hurting. Don't let it bottle it up. Talk to me, or the girls, or write it out or something."
"Trust me, I've let my pain show in my cleaning. I've done everyone's laundry and I've cleaned my room about five times. I'm done studying for all my classes. My emotions are completely let out." Spencer was thoroughly exhausted, emotionally and physically.
Emily laughed. "That's good, I guess. If you want to knock out your feelings through exercise, I'd be happy to join you.
Spencer moaned. "Hell no. Field hockey is kicking my ass." Sitting in a slightly more comfortable position on her bed, she asked, "How are you?"
"I'm great, thanks. Just trying to get this stupid Biology homework done. As much as I like science, this might ruin my love for biology forever. I should've never taken this class." Emily's voice was frustrated, and rightfully so. Former students had told Spencer that their college professors were easier than the famed Ms. Forwright.
"Sucks for you. I got Mr. Brown. So much easier. Do you need help on it?"
"Nah, it's just tedious. And mentally draining."
"If you need me, I'm here."
"I know." It was true, Emily knew. "Did you hear what Hanna did to that guy, Terrence, in her Government class?"
"No; what happened?"
"Oh my god, she hit him with her bag because he was giving her the wrong attitude or being sleazy, as she puts it."
"Well that's Hanna for you."
They went back and forth, giving anecdotes about each other's day as well as voicing their frustrations. Conversation flowed easily since they had a lot in common, particularly their parents' expectations. The Fields were practically betting on Emily's swimming career. It was Emily's ticket to her future and her parents, especially her mother, regularly reminded her of that. The Hastings just expected excellence. Excellence in everything to ensure she had an Ivy League spot. Aria and Hanna, with the lack of pressure from their parents, could never understand them on the level they did each other.
Their phone call lasted for two hours until Emily admitted she was too sleepy to continue. Spencer treasured those casual conversations with the swimmer. It was nice to just have a laugh without any stress, or talk without rushing. Both of them missed how they could just savor the moment and not worry about A.
Thankfully, the drive over to Philadelphia wasn't too bad, just a boring forty five minute journey. Although Spencer knew it was overly cautious of her to do, she always did a full car check before she even hit the road. Once in the car, she checked if her brakes were working as well as turn signals. She didn't allow herself music in case it would distract her for whatever reason. Old habits died hard, it seemed.
The brunette entered Jacqueline's, an ice cream parlor and coffee shop, with the book her English class was making them read in hand. The worn interior of the place was like an old friend. The ugly checkerboard black and white floor, heavily used and abused booth seats, and warm lighting were like a hug from easier times. She ordered and obtained her coffee and placed her order for ice cream, then sat down in a booth to read while she waited.
Veronica Hastings had the pleasure of having her seven year old daughter tag along to one of her client meetings in Philadelphia since her babysitter bailed and Melissa, Spencer's older sister, was gone on a class field trip. In exchange for being so obedient that day, she figured her daughter should get a small reward for good behavior. Fortunately, she had gotten a recommendation to some sort of ice cream parlor near the area from a friend.
Spencer Hastings just wanted to go back home to read. "What are we doing here exactly?"
"Getting ice cream since you were so pleasant with the receptionist that was gracious enough to watch you," Veronica replied.
"Oh. Thanks?" Spencer didn't know how to react to this. Was her mom going to announce a divorce or something?
"Relax Spencer. It's just some bonding time. I know we haven't had that in a while." Or ever, she added to herself. Veronica, in truth, did not know how this was going to go down either. They went to the display of ice cream with an employee at the cash register.
"So what would you like? They have a pretty good variety here."
"Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy it by the tub?" Spencer pointed out.
"Well yes, but there's a certain quality that comes with buying it from a legitimate parlor. At least that's what they say. What would you like?"
"The mint chocolate chip, I guess."
"Alright, mint chocolate chip for you, and butter pecan for me."
Spencer stared at her mother in her business attire talking to the ice cream parlor employee placing an order for ice cream. It was all so strange. Bonding? What on earth does that entail? She hardly knew who her mother was.
Her mother returned with their ice cream, both in waffle bowls.
"So," Her mother said, while scooping some ice cream up with her spoon. "How is school?"
"Fine," Spencer answered.
"Just fine?" Considering how expensive the private school Spencer was attending was, this was not quite the answer she was expecting.
"Yep."
"Any particular reason why it's 'fine'? Don't bother lying, I know when you're lying to me."
Spencer sighed exasperatedly. She knew her mother was going to have a few words with the person behind the issue. She'd seen her kindergarten teacher burst into tears after a parent teacher conference. Spencer had learned to hold her tongue a bit more after that. "It's nothing, really. It's just my advanced math teacher, Mr. Simon, made me do my homework all over again during recess and lunch."
"Are you having trouble with the material? You know if you need help I can get you a tutor-"
The seven year old shook her head. "My answers were correct. But my way was different than what the class is doing. He said my show work was all wrong."
"Why aren't you using the regular way?"
"It takes too long. Too many unnecessary steps"
"I see."
"Yep."
Veronica took a mental note to have a discussion with this teacher.
Spencer sat quietly, savoring the ice cream. Hesitantly, the young girl asked, "My birthday's coming up and I sort of wanted to plan a slumber party with all my friends. Do you think we can do that?"
Mrs. Hastings tried to mask her surprise since Spencer's birthday had completely slipped her mind. "Of course. Who do you plan on inviting?" Spencer knew that was just a snide way of getting to know who her friends were despite the fact that Spencer had stuck with the same group since kindergarten.
"I think I'm going to invite Alissa, Savannah, and Jocelyn. Maybe Penelope. She's new, and nice I guess."
The mother smiled while a sinking feeling of guilt settled in her stomach when she could not recognize any of the names. "Invite everyone you want honey. It's your day." Spencer gave her mother a grateful smile.
Mrs. Hastings enjoyed her ice cream. "This is actually pretty good."
"It is. How'd you find this place anyways?"
"A colleague of mine recommended it."
"Oh."
Veronica couldn't take it anymore. Her daughter kept looking at her as if she was going to use one of her lawyer tactics on her. This wasn't how mothers and daughters acted. She hated herself for neglecting Spencer like this and she needed her daughter to know that this was an attempt to be better.
"Spencer?" Her daughter looked up, spoon still in mouth with a bit of ice cream dribbling over.
"Hm?"
"I'm sorry for being absent for a while." Veronica paused and went with the absolute minimum. "I love you. Constantly, even when you're not near me Spencer."
Spencer responded without looking up, "I love you too."
Veronica took her daughter's hands and clasped them with her own. "I'm trying to be better. I promise."
"You're already doing fine, mom."
Spencer smiled, digging into the enormous waffle bowl that still held her favorite, mint chocolate chip. After that first memory a few more took place at Jacqueline's. They went about once every two months, but it wasn't set. It was their place and her father never intruded on their mother daughter time together. Her mother invited her out to Jacqueline's whenever she and Spencer had time but unfortunately, once high school started, Spencer became busier and busier. One, because of A and two, because of everything she was doing academically to get into UPenn. On her off days, Spencer's mind and body often went to Jacqueline's. She only had good memories associated with Jacqueline's.
With one hand flipping the pages on the book and the other scooping up ice cream, Spencer was primed for some quality reading time.
Emily felt overdressed. She'd spent two hours on her hair and makeup and she wasn't even meeting anyone. It was ridiculous and vain of her but she couldn't overlook the slim chance that she might bump into Paige and she did not want her ex-girlfriend to see her looking like Hurricane Katrina attacked her. Emily wanted to keep up that facade of being above relationships and being able to be independent and to- fucking shit- not fall to pieces after A. It was insane that she was a mess even with A gone. Where was her happily ever after? She felt like a disaster, like everything she did ultimately ended in failure.
The bell went off when she came in, alerting the ice cream parlor to her.
The owner's daughter, Mary, greeted her with a wide grin and a shriek. "Oh my goodness! It's Emmy! Ma, get in the front! Emily's here!"
"Mary," Emily whined. "Why'd you tell your mother? My cheeks are still recovering from last time."
"She loves you so much that she has to pinch your cheeks," Mary squeezed one of Emily's cheeks. "Besides, they're so squishable. How can you blame her?"
The stout, plump owner Jacqueline appeared in front of her, eyes misting with tears. "Goodness, Emily it's been so long! Where are those cheeks of yours?" She rushed in to pinch Emily's cheek briefly then gave her a very strong hug.
"Jacky," Emily gasped out. "You're crushing me."
"Sorry. Where's your Dad?"
"Still in Texas. He's coming back for a week during the summer so you'll see him then."
"Ah. Enough about Wayne. He'll make it." Her cheery older relative act did a U turn when she smirked. "If not, I'll kick his ass." And then snapped back to doting aunt. "What about you Emmy? Are you doing well?"
"I'm doing great," Emily lied.
Jacqueline frowned. "Emily."
"I'm telling you the truth," Emily said.
Jacqueline raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
"Anyways, can I get a scoop of my favorite?" Emily asked with a hopeful voice.
"Rocky road, waffle cone as usual?" A nod. "Some things never change."
"Here, don't drop it," Jacqueline said passing the cone topped with deliciousness over the display counter.
"Thanks Jacky. Really," Emily said with sincerity.
"You're like one of my daughters. That won't change either. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here." Jacqueline had a soft smile on her face, reminiscing silently in her mind.
"I know."
"Alright, I have to run inventory check today. I'll be gone for a little while in the back. Don't scare away any customers Emmy!" She joked.
"I'm not twelve Jacky!" Emily yelled while Jacqueline disappeared into the back of the shop.
"Emmy, my hand is getting a little sweaty, you might want to let go for a while," Wayne Fields said, chuckling when his six year old daughter scrunched up her face in disgust.
"Ew!" Emily wiped her hands down her shirt.
"With that tone it sounds like you don't want ice cream," Wayne teased.
"Nuh uh. We're gonna go to Jacky's because you owe me from last year," Emily argued.
"Alright, it's just around the block."
The father and daughter duo walked into the shop laughing over Emily's knock knock joke.
"Emmy!" Jacqueline smiled at the two laughing idiots. "What's going on here?"
"Tell her," Wayne ordered.
"Knock knock," Emily prompted
"Who's there?"
"Ach."
"Ach who?"
"Bless you! I didn't know you had a cold."
Jacqueline snorted. "That was the corniest thing I have ever heard. I cannot believe you broke your Daddy with that." Wayne Fields was gasping for air and was nearly crying from laughter.
"It's hilarious!"
"Alright, what can I get for you two?"
After getting their ice cream, the duo went back to the park they were at before and sat down on a bench.
"Daddy?"
"Yeah, Emmy?"
"I'm gonna miss you when you leave."
"I'm going to miss you too," Wayne said fondly. "But you can't think like that. You need to enjoy the now."
"Still gonna miss you Daddy."
"I know, Emmy. I know." Emily was the only child he had. When she was born he had cried along with his wife and used to spend hours just watching her sleep. It broke his heart to leave, but it had to be done. He loved her so, so much and he made sure she knew it.
He slung a strong arm over Emily and hugged her. "I love you, baby."
"I love you too, Daddy," Emily said back. She blinked rapidly, tears forming. "I'm gonna miss you so much..." She tried heroically to wipe her tears. "Why do you have to leave? I want you to help me with homework or watch TV with me if Mommy's at work. Sometimes I need help with math and Mommy doesn't have time..."
"Emmy..." Her father had gotten teary eyed as well. His heart broke when his daughter was distraught. "You just have to stay strong and support your mother, okay?"
"Okay," Emily responded, her voice small. The ice cream's cold cooled her burning state, her body warmth skyrocketing when she cried.
"Emily?" The swimmer knew that voice.
"Spencer? What are you doing here in Philly?"
"I could ask the same of you," Spencer said smoothly.
"If I told you I drove forty five minutes to get ice cream would you believe me?"
"I would since I did the same thing," Spencer said, laughing lightly.
"You want me to be alone or can I sit with you?" Emily didn't want to bother the brunette.
"I don't mind," Spencer said.
Emily's eyes flicked from her double scoop waffle cone to Spencer's colossal four scoop waffle bowl. The size was absurd when compared to the skinny brunette that was eating it.
"Need help with that?" Emily pointed with her spoon.
"Nope. I got it." Spencer had done this many times before. "But if you want to have some, be my guest."
Emily glanced at the book Spencer had placed at her side. "Seriously? That's not on the syllabus for another two weeks," Emily scoffed.
"It's important to be ahead of the game. More time to study and all that," Spencer said.
Emily scoffed again. "You're such a smart ass. Don't you ever catch a break?"
"When was the last time you weren't in a pool for three days straight?" Spencer smartly questioned back.
"Fair point, but if you burn out by twenty I get to say 'I told you so'," Emily said.
Spencer smirked. "It's not going to happen."
"Need I remind you of the Starbucks incident?"
Spencer's eyes bugged out. "Don't. I was deprived all day. What did you expect?"
"One crisply cold December morning, Spencer Hastings got up to go to her local Starbucks for her first dose of caffeine. Little did the staff know, Spencer was serious about her coffee. Serious enough to casually walk to the employees only area and make herself a brew. Unfortunately, Spencer was caught and is now on the blacklist for Starbucks," Emily narrated, barely controlling herself from laughing.
"Fields..." Spencer warned.
"All in good fun. You actually impressed me by doing that. You got balls, Hastings."
They consumed their ice cream in comfortable silence.
"So," Emily started and then trailed off.
"What?" Emily said nothing, leaving the single syllable up in the air.
Spencer sighed. "Spit it out. What do you want?"
"Nothing!" Emily held up her hands in surrender.
"That's not true," Spencer said plainly.
"You just seem to be handling your breakup a little too well."
"And your point is?"
"Okay, okay. I know you said you're fine. But that's a front. You don't have to be all noble. It's obvious that Samara hurt you a lot. I mean, cheating is absolutely terrible. If you need to rant I'm all ears."
Spencer was just trying to have an quiet day, visiting her favorite place other than the library and not think about Samara for a while. Why did Emily have to push this so hard?
"Em, it's been a week and I don't even want to talk about Samara. At all. Yes, I am pissed off and disgusted at what Samara did and how she left me with little to no closure. Still, it's been a week. I've calmed down. I'm just done with this entire thing."
"How? She left you with so many unanswered questions and little explanation!" Emily's eyes flared with rage. "God, she cheated on you! Shouldn't you be ready to slash her tires or something?! How can you be so apathetic!" Spencer's eyes widened. Emily continued ranting. "You deserve to be furious right now and yet you're here, studying!" She ran her hand through her hair, a habit when she was upset. "But should you be angry? Maybe it was justified in some fucked up way? Was it her fault or," Emily's voice caught, the pain in her voice significant. "Was it yours? Should you have ended it earlier? Would it have hurt less?" Emily's tone turned melancholy, her anger dissipating like a block of ice melting quickly when dropped into a boiling pot of water.
"Don't you wonder if you could've done that one thing better and then all this wouldn't have happened? Don't you wonder if you were the one who started the domino effect?" Emily's eyes were downcast.
Spencer didn't answer, instead choosing to answer a question with a question. "Em, where is this coming from? Are you and Paige okay?"
"Define okay," Emily mumbled.
"Did you guys break up?"
Emily wiped a tear trickling from her eye. She inhaled and exhaled deeply in order to stop the cracking in her voice, although it was fruitless. "Y-yeah," Emily answered with tears finally dripping freely. "She- she wants to be f-friends," the swimmer sobbed.
Spencer got up to from her seat and moved to Emily's side. She wrapped up Emily in the tightest hug she could do. "I'm here for you Em. Paige just doesn't know what's good for her. That's all." Emily continued to cry into her button down long sleeve. Spencer didn't mind. "Let it out."
They stayed in that embrace with Spencer playing with Emily's hair and whispering kind reassurances while Emily soaked Spencer's shirt with her tears for a long while until Emily's sobs subsided to quieter sniffling. Thankfully the other customers paid no mind.
The swimmer hiccuped. "Sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for her." Spencer poked Emily's nose lightly. "Absolutely nothing." The brunette put a strand of hair behind the other girl's ear.
"Still, I wet your shirt." Emily's face had such an amount of guilt on it that Spencer's heart broke.
"Shirts dry, don't worry about it." Emily released their embrace reluctantly and wiped her eyes.
"You can go back to your seat, Spence. It's a little cramped." Not that she really wanted Spencer to leave her side.
"Oh right, of course." She shuffled back to her seat. At least she could see Emily directly now.
"Well I guess I came to the perfect place for a break up huh? Ice cream," Emily said with a little smile.
Spencer chuckled softly. "Yeah, I guess you did."
Emily's make-up was screwed up and her eyes were puffy and red but Spencer couldn't help thinking that Emily was stunning anyways. It was amazing that Emily had stayed humble when she was so awfully pretty.
"You're really dressed up today. Any plans besides bumping into me at an ice cream shop?" Spencer immediately regretted asking when she saw Emily's face fall in shame.
"Uh, no," Emily admitted.
"I'm sorry Em. I didn't mean to pry," Spencer said hurriedly.
"No, it's not you. I'm just embarrassed that I spent so much time getting all done up just on the off chance I might see Paige and prove to her that I'm not, like, broken." Emily stared at her hands. Spencer choked up a little. Broken? Where on earth did that come from?
Spencer took the swimmer's hands and held them in her own. "You're not. Trust me Emily Lynn Fields, you are not broken. You are strong and brave and everything everyone else wants to be but can't because they are not Emily Lynn Fields."
She stretched her arm to gently poke Emily's nose. "Boop."
Emily giggled. "Thank you for your boops and being the greatest best friend ever. But please stop using my middle name, Spencer Cassidy Hastings."
Spencer gasped dramatically with her hand on her chest. "How dare you!"
"How dare I what, Cassidy?" Emily had a mischievous glint in her eyes. Absolutely adorable.
"You doofus!" Spencer balled up her napkin and tossed it at Emily.
Emily groaned like she was shot. "You are so going to pay for that Cassidy!" She grabbed the napkins container and quickly balled a few up before Spencer shot her body across the table, narrowly missing her waffle bowl, and snatched the napkins container.
"Yes! Supplies stolen!" As she cried out those words of victory, Emily threw a few expert shots at Spencer's face and one even smacked her right on the mouth. "You're going down Lynn!"
Spencer, with speed that would impress anyone, proceeded to ball up napkins with robotic inclination and pelted quite a pile at Emily. The swimmer could only stop the barrage with her arms. "Stop, stop!" Emily squealed. "Peace, no war! Stop this inhumane cruelty!"
"Do you surrender?"
Before Emily could respond, Jacqueline cut in. "What is exactly going on here ladies?"
"Uh..." Emily couldn't deny the fact that the floor had napkin grenades everywhere. "Nothing."
"I told you not to burn down this place, and I'm proud of you for not doing that, but I did not expect you to put a sizable dent in my napkin supplies," Jacqueline said with a serious face but eyes that were laughing.
"Sorry for causing a mess. It won't happen again, and I'll clean up," Spencer butt in. Emily thought it was cute but Spencer really had to stop with the self sacrificing.
"Me too," Emily volunteered.
Jacqueline appeared to ignore them completely as she regarded Spencer for a moment. "I recognize you! You're Veronica Hastings' daughter right?"
"Yeah, I'm Spencer. How'd you know?"
"I'm Jacqueline." They shook hands. Jacqueline was impressed with Spencer's strong grip. "Your mother graduated with my brother from Harvard." Jacqueline smiled fondly at Spencer. "If you've came here before, I was probably in the back or wasn't here at all. I wasn't in America for a few years."
"Oh, where did you travel?"
"Not travel, sunshine." Spencer's eyebrows knit for a moment before Jacqueline finally told her. "I was deployed to a base in South Korea."
"I'm guessing that's how you met Emily's dad."
"That's right." Jacqueline checked her watch. "Sorry Emmy but I need to leave for a meeting. It was nice meeting your girlfriend."
Both of their faces turned red. "She's not my girlfriend," they both said simultaneously.
"Alright, whatever you say, I am late." Jacqueline took off at a speed that astonished both of them.
A tense silence grew between them. Both of them were too uncomfortable to address what Jacqueline had assumed. Considering that they were both gay, it was a viable possibility, making the whole situation even more awkward. Spencer went back to her original activity, reading, and Emily whipped out her phone.
Her cheeks couldn't calm down. They were still a lovely shade of red and were determined to stay that way. Her mind couldn't stop repeating what Jacqueline had said. What if Spencer was her girlfriend?
Without even looking up, Emily could already picture how Spencer looked like right at that moment. The dip of her cupid's bow on her lips, the little cleft on her chin, her flawless cheekbones, and her eyes that were oh so attractive. She knew her so well and she was acutely aware that her best friend was uncomfortably attractive. Everything about Spencer was so perfect. She had always stored it to the back of her mind as harmless admiration, like a girl crush. Purely platonic she had told herself. But today, oh boy. Today was making her question everything. Emily could feel butterflies in her stomach. Her heart had swelled at how adorable Spencer was with their little napkin battle. At the same time, her heart sank at the overwhelming feeling that she was the only one feeling things. After all, they'd been best friends for years and there was no way that Spencer could be feeling something right now when she was. Just because she was strange didn't mean that Spencer was.
Spencer Cassidy Hastings was so gorgeous, inside and out. Her loyalty and stubbornness went hand in hand perfectly. Those qualities along with her sharp wit made her quite the foe in school. Emily had seen her defend the weak and teased courageously, like some sort of Joan of Arc. She was always in awe every time Spencer dealt a cunning blow to some bitch bothering them.
Oh shit. Emily was definitely feeling something.
The lack of speaking was suffocating Spencer. Emily was screwing around on social media for once just to have something to do. She looked like a little puppy as she fiddled around with her Snapchat. Spencer heard her whisper almost inaudibly to herself. "Geolocation stickers? What the fuck..."
Spencer couldn't take it. She blurted, "It's like a filter, just keep swiping left after you take a pic, but make sure you have your location services on." Emily stared at her. "Sorry."
"Thanks," Emily said quietly.
Spencer closed her book. "This doesn't have to be as weird as we're making it out to be."
"No it doesn't," Emily agreed.
"Then it won't be," Spencer said, not believing her own words.
"It won't," Emily repeated.
She shut the door and put her coat on the hook. The ride home had enough traffic to cause a slight headache.
"Spencer? Is that you?" Her mother called out.
"Yeah, just went to Philly," Spencer answered.
"Oh, where'd you go?"
Spencer shifted uneasily. She'd forgotten that her mother wasn't working today. It seemed rude of her not to invite her mother. "Uh, Jacqueline's. Sorry for not inviting you."
"It's been a while. We really need to go sometime together." Spencer nodded and sprinted off to her room.
Finally in the comforting dim lights of her bedroom Spencer could think and sort through the stampede of thoughts racing through her mind. Was she feeling something for Emily? Her best friend was so gorgeous that it was hard to think of a reason why she hadn't felt anything before. What Jacqueline had said back there had really struck a chord with Spencer. Mostly disbelief. Emily was so wonderful that she deserved to be with someone who had her on their mind every single goddamn second. If Emily was her girlfriend she'd be the luckiest girl alive.
Spencer combed through all her past memories with the swimmer to detect if she had felt something before but suppressed or dismissed it. She vividly remembered being annoyed with Emily on numerous occasions since she so blindly followed Alison's words to a T. Could that have been jealousy? No. It was not, she simply did not like how Alison treated Emily, that was all. But what about that one Friday in ninth grade that Alison had asked Emily how she looked and Emily had simply gazed at her, dumbfounded and unspeaking. It had made Spencer's blood curdle.
But with all the pondering Spencer did, possibilities and doubt plagued her own certainty of events until she didn't know how she felt in the past anymore. She only knew what she felt now.
It was way too soon after Emily's breakup confession but Spencer could wait a thousand years if that meant a chance with her soulmate. Oh boy, she was dead if she was thinking like this, this early.
