A/N: Thank you for the few of you who have commented kindly and with support. It makes it easier for me to update knowing I have people looking forward to reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. I know it doesn't make much sense that I made it so Mark would take Lexie home from the Mental Health Hospital due to everything she's been through, but it'll make more sense next chapter, the explanation should clear up any confusion. I promise.
Thanks again, and please leave a comment if you read it :)
After eight weeks in a mental hospital, Lexie thought she'd never be able to see the light of day outside of being escorted out for her daily fresh air time with her group. So when her guidance counselor told her they'd be having her session outside today, she was a little more than relieved as they walked together towards the bright, sunny outdoors.
At first, when they moved her from the hospital into this mental facility fifty miles away, she wasn't sure what to think of it. But she knew her external injuries were finished, the hospital couldn't do much more for her since her broken leg would have to heal itself with time, but they wouldn't release her to her own care and since she refused to give them another point of contact, insisting she didn't have family or loved ones, they sent her to Harmon Health Oasis.
She didn't know why she felt the need to isolate herself from her past, she knew everyone was probably worried to death, probably didn't even think she was alive anymore. She'd been at this hospital for two months, and before that she was at Mercy West for almost a month. She didn't know how she got lucky as to ending up at Mercy West instead of Seattle Grace but she did.
After everything that happened, she thought given some time she'd be able to call them and work through everything that had happened. But then one day turned to two, then three. Next thing she knew it was a month later and she was being transported fifty miles away. And no one had found her. She wasn't even sure anyone was looking for her with the way things had been between her and everyone else. She'd made it a habit to be as invisible as possible after her and Mark had broken up, and Derek and Meredith had been on his team it seemed, everyone thought she was the bad guy.
A month in the hospital and she came to realize that time doesn't always heal, sometimes, it just breathes and swallows memories. That's what had happened to her anyway.
"Do you think we've made some progress since you've been here, Lexie?" Her counselor Michelle asked her as they walked up to some nearby benches giving them a clear, unobstructed view of the pond in front of them.
Progress? Well, if what she meant is if the anti-depression medication and daily individual and group sessions were helping, then yes. It was. But, it was a controlled environment. She knew that. She'd studied this stuff before. People always do well when they have a structured environment, and a steady hand of people to assist them on a day-to-day basis. The real test is when they're released. Whether or not they stick with their programs. Go back to drugs, or alcohol, or stop taking their medications and fall into a deeper depression or addition than before.
"A little." She responds honestly.
She'd been through her crazy, suicidal phase at the beginning. Where she couldn't keep any food down, so they had to force feed her through a tube in her stomach. She'd cried, and screamed her way through so many night terrors, she was sure she left the night, nursing staff at the hospital scarred for the rest of their careers as they held her down and gave her medication, the only way she'd be able to sleep uninterrupted.
"How would you feel about being released soon?... Is that something you think you'd be able to manage on your own? I'd feel much better sending you somewhere, where you'd have a good support system to lean on."
Lexie sighed inwardly trying to imagine explaining everything that's happened to everyone in her life.
"I know. I just - don't even know who to call."
Michelle nodded in understanding. Lexie had told her about everything in regards to her relationships with Meredith, Derek, Mark, Christina, Bailey, the Chief. It was a lot of intense drama for someone with such a fragile psyche to run straight back into without the right person to lean on.
"If you take your medicine responsibly, and you stay in contact with your group, make sure you stay in touch with your individual counseling sessions - there's no reason for you to stay here when you could be at home."
A part of Lexie knew she was right. The hospital could open up her spot to someone who really needed it. But, she didn't know if she could handle being on her own this time around. She didn't know who to turn to for help either. She needed to get back to her life. To the real world. She probably didn't even have a job anymore - or health insurance. Or a place to stay. Or even any stuff, she doubted the asshole landlord of hers kept anything of hers after she missed her rent deadline for the last three months.
She wasn't even sure if she wanted to go back to medicine. Is that crazy? She'd always wanted to be a doctor. A surgeon. That was what she'd worked towards her entire life, only to have it all come back on her the way that it had three months ago. Could there be any more irony in her life than her being attacked with a knife? Being cut open used to be something she considered a healing art, but she missed the part where people could turn it into something horrendously traumatizing. Like had happened to her.
"Okay. I'll try and call someone."
Michelle nodded and squeezed her hand in support.
"That's all I ask."
"Alright, Karev you're with Plastics. Grey you're in the Pit. Yang you're in Neuro. And make sure your interns get actual medical exposure outside of filling charts and paperwork, are we clear?" Bailey walks away before giving them a chance to start complaining. Sometimes she felt like a babysitter, not their boss.
All of the sudden they notice Patricia, the Chief's secretary wandering around the hospital frantically. The only other more calm person outside of Patricia, was Bailey so if Patricia was frazzled then something had to be going on. "Have you guys seen the Chief?"
"No." "No." They all respond quickly as they look around the room, watching as she sped walked towards the surgery board.
"What's going on with her?" Mark asks as him and Derek walk up to the Nurse's station to grab their charts for the day.
"No clue." Meredith responds quietly, watching as Patricia walks out of a room with the Chief, his face looking scared and bewildered. She hands him a chart and they stand in silence for a while as she watches him read over it, all of the sudden she notices someone's hand in front of her face.
"Hey! Mer. You okay?" Derek asks pulling her face so that she was looking at him.
Swallowing the nervousness that just came over her she nods, holding his hand on her face. On the corner of her eye, she watches the Chief walk up to her with Patricia quietly sneaking back up to their office. And she remembered how she'd always felt it, inside, before something bad actually happened. She'd had a sixth sense for these things ever since she was a kid. Like how sometimes – when you are riding your bike and you start skidding across sand, or when you miss a step and start tumbling down the stairs – you have those long, long seconds where you realize that you are going to be hurt, and badly? That's the feeling that had come over Meredith the moment she saw Patricia become frazzled and converse quietly with the Chief. It was the same feeling that had come over her when she had fallen into the ice water all those years ago. The one that left her breathless. Stunned. And nauseated.
"Meredith."
The Chief says as he holds the chart closer to his chest, looking down as he swallows away his emotions. Looking back up he notices the crowd had gathered, nurses were sneaking looks up from their paperwork, the residents were standing silently in support behind Meredith as Derek and Mark and the rest of them looked at him in confusion.
"They found Lexie."
Mark's head snaps up at this remark as he steps into the conversation. "What? Where? Is she alive? Is she - okay?"
"Oh my god." Meredith whispers as she starts breathing slowly to control her overwhelming sense of dread that was taking over her body.
Looking around at the crowd that had gathered, the Chief nods at Meredith, "We can speak more privately in my office."
"OH MY GOD!" Meredith shrieks in paranoia as she starts breathing faster unable to control the fear that took over her. "You don't wanna tell me right now because it's bad right? Oh my god! I'm a horrible sister, I thought she ran away and just needed some time, I didn't look for her for that long and now you're about to tell me she's been lying dead in a ditch somewhere right and I need to go claim her body, right? OH MY GOD!"
"Meredith," Richard responds grabbing her arm lightly but she flinches it away from him, "Meredith!" he says more forcefully. When she looks up at him 'causing everyone else to stop what they're doing as well at the loud tone he had used in order to grab her attention. "My office. Please." He says the last part quietly before walking away, noting for her to follow him.
As she starts to walk away she notices the heartbreak written on Mark's face, the same look that had been following him around whenever Lexie's name was brought up in conversation since their break-up, whenever she was in the same room as him, she knew that look. She'd had it herself many times throughout her and Derek's tumulus relationship. Her and Mark had a dark bond that came from years of shitty parenting. A bond that Derek and Lexie would never understand. He knew he made a mistake pushing Lexie for the commitment and breaking up with her after his ultimatum, she could see it in his face. Every time she walked into the room, she saw that he wished he hadn't done that to her. But his pride kept him away from her, and kept him with Teddy. Just like that, she realized that she didn't need to be in that room alone with Richard, Mark should be in there with her. The dirty mistresses club may be long gone, but that bond was still there. And Lexie just made it all the more obvious.
"Mark." Meredith turns around and watches him look at her with hope and hesitation in his eyes. "Come on."
Not needing to be told twice, he throws his chart down on the counter and rushes up the stairs as they walk into the Chief's office together. As soon as the door is closed and they sit down, it feels as though all the air is sucked out of the room.
Richard looks down and opens up the file in his hand, feeling their gazes burning holes on him, he looks up at the hopeful expressions on their faces. "She's alive."
"Oh thank god.." Meredith responds, and releases a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Where is she?"
"That's the uh, - that's the bad part… she's at a mental health facility about fifty miles north of here. She's been there for the past two months receiving treatment for severe manic depression."
Mark looked up at this, bewildered and stunned. Lexie was the brightest, most shiny, most optimistic person he knew. "Richard, are you sure you have the right person? This is Lexie Grey we're talking about here? Right? Miss bright and shiny?"
"Yes. I'm sure." Richard responds hesitantly. Not sure whether or not he should continue the conversation. The case file had a medical release form Lexie signed giving both Meredith and Mark permission to have information in regards to her health status, so he knew he could discuss it with them, he just wasn't sure how to bring it up. Or if he should bring it up.
Mark looks over at Richard, noticing his uneasy demeanor, and he quickly realizes that something's missing from the conversation. "You said two months Richard. Lexie's been gone three months. Where was she before then? Do you know?"
As soon as the question is out in the open, Richard looks even more uncomfortable if that was possible. And Mark knew right then, he'd hit the jackpot.
"She was at Mercy West. She was attacked, October 2nd, found bleeding in an alley on what they think was her way home from the hospital. " He clears his throat in an effort to maintain control of his emotions, he keeps talking reading her chart as if it wasn't someone he knew. "The file here says that she was raped repeatedly, was found with a broken leg and multiple stab wounds in the chest. She lost a lot a blood but the knife missed most of her major internal organs, so they were able to repair most of the injuries. From what it says here she suffered from extreme bouts of nightmares and had to be sedated on a regular basis in the psych ward. They didn't feel comfortable releasing her, so they sent her to the mental health facility, she's been doing better with daily group and individual therapy sessions and on regular dosage of anti-depressant medications."
Once, when Mark was six years old, he'd fallen from a tree and landed on his stomach, the sensation he felt then was the same as he felt now. As if all the oxygen had left his body and the room simultaneously, and he was stuck in between time not being able to move or feel anything other than excruciating fear and heartbreak.
"I know this is a lot to take in." Richard says looking over his two employees as they sit there in a daze, not making any movements or motions. He couldn't even tell if they were breathing or not.
"She's, um.. being released but her psychiatrist doesn't want her released on her own care she wants her to be near people who can monitor her progress and keep a close eye on her."
With neither Mark or Meredith making any movements, Richard walks away from behind his desk and sits down in front of them, trying to grab their attention.
"Guys?"
As he touches their hands, it's as if they awake from the daze they were stuck in, they both look up at him and at the same time they speak up.
"I'll do it.
"Mark should do it."
Richard looks over at the determination in Sloan's face and nods in agreement. "Okay then." He stands up and gives Sloan copies of Lexie's discharge papers and instructions that Michelle had faxed over with her chart information.
"You two take as much time off from work as you need. Just.. uh..- keep me posted."
As Mark and Meredith walk out in a somber silence, Richard adds "Tell little Grey she'll always have a spot in our program. Whenever she's ready."
Meredith nods in thanks, then rushes to catch up with Mark down the hall. As soon as they enter the on-call room, Mark slides down on the floor, and the sheer amount of emotions that he'd been holding in takes over, he punches a hole in the wall in anger, making Meredith flinch a little as she watches him pace the small room.
Then as she puts her hand on his shoulder, he looks up at her as if he just now realized what he was up against - breaking her heart as she realizes the road that they all have ahead of them in order to heal, and as he starts sobbing and falls on the floor, so broken - so resigned, she just sits in silence with him, sending as many positive thoughts as she could come up with out in the universe.
Because right now, she knew, they'd need all the help they could get.
