I HAVE REWRITTEN CHANGED THE ENDING TO CHAPTER TWO BECAUSE I THINK IT MIGHT HAVE GONE A BIT TOO FAST...

As the crew of the Green Adventurer and Red Dwarf entered the Supply Unit, the Cat turned to Lucy.

"Hi..." The Cat greeted cooly. The girl laughed and stepped towards him. She was only an inch away from him, and her lavender perfume was overwhelming. Slowly she bent forward, her breasts becoming more exposed, her lips puckering up for a kiss, the Cat leaned into her excitedly, as her lips began to move closer, but suddenly she pulled back grinning flirtatiously.

"Little kitties have to behave if they want to have their treat... And I know little kitties like something they can stick their teeth into..." She whispered softly, before following the others who were carrying out the supplies from the Supply Unit to the GA (Green Adventurer.)

Meanwhile Kryten entered the GA with Paul, carrying various supplies, into their Mid-Section.

"I think that should be all..." Kryten said tiredly, placing the supplies on the table in the centre of the room. "Would you like to rest in our vessel for the night, I'm sure you are tired after your long journey... Dinner will be served at 700 hours..."

"Thank you we shall accept your invitation... Have you provided us with any Sleeping Quarters?"

"Oh that has been accounted for sir..." Kryten replied happily, walking out of the GA.

700 Hours. Dinnertime.

The Red Dwarf crew and the guests from the GA, were seated at the Dinner Table. Paul gazed at the meal on his plate, and began to eat dubiously. The food was a very overcooked curry dish. It was filled with various spices so much so, you could taste nothing else. The meal had a reputation for burning the tongue, removing all taste buds present.

"Are you enjoying your meal, sirs?" Kryten questioned them. The GA crew managed a smile though their features were still in a disgusted expression as they found it very hard to stomach.

"Mr. Lister sir?" Kryten asked cheerily to the slob beside him. Lister gave him two thumbs up and responded with a full mouth:

"Brill Krytes..."

Lucy cringed in horror as she saw Lister chew open-mouthed. It was horrid to watch the food churn around his mouth like a cement mixer, curry sauce trickling down his chin and on to his leather jacket.

"Lister I don't think our guests are impressed by your utter slobbiness..." Rimmer muttered angrily, sitting opposite him.

"No it's fine really, anyone can eat how they want." Jack lied, swallowing a piece of meat.

"Eurgh... Gross, I can't eat this!" Cat wailed.

"Perhaps you'd like to join me in my quarters?" Lucy asked sexily. Cat's eyes widened and he stared into Space. After a pause he cried:

"YEEES!"

Rimmer rolled his eyes as the Cat and Lucy ran from view and into the corridor. The remaining GA crew spoke no words and continued eating. Rimmer frowned at his dish.

"Are you not going to eat sir?" Kryten asked.

"Eat that? That looks like something that's been stuck up Lister's nostrils for fifty million years... I'm not eating that... I'm going for a lie down..."

Arriving at his Quarters, Rimmer instantly lay on the bottom bunk.

"Get lost Bog Bot..." Rimmer said dismissing him. Kryten whimpered in sadness and trudged out. A second later he came back in.

"Are you sure there isn't anything-?"

"No, get out!" Rimmer boomed angrily. Kryten sobbed quietly and left the room. Rimmer exhaled and relaxed only to be irritated by the yowling and moaning of the Cat and Lucy in the next room. Slowly, he drifted off and before he knew it...

"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"YOOOOOWWWWLLLL!"

"AIEEEE!"

Rimmer awoke with a jolt, and heard the screams of his crewmates. What was going on? Rimmer hit the corridor, and darted around desperately in search for a firearm. But Rimmer was puzzled and worried and he couldn't find his bearings, he just wondered through the corridor, and stumbled into the Dining Room, where Kryten's lifeless body lay in the doorway. His metal frame was crushed and his circuit boards had been blown to pieces, his head was battered and damaged very severely.

"Kryten...?" Rimmer called to the corpse. No response. "Dead..." Rimmer whispered to himself.

Suddenly he heard a low roar behind him. And Rimmer dawdled through the doorway into the Dining Room, where he found an injured Lister, clutching his bloody arm, a bazookoid by his side.

"Lister...? Lister what the smeg is going on?" Rimmer inquired worriedly.

"Rimmer... Aban... Ship... Abandon... Ship... They... Attack... Us Rimmer..." Lister croaked.

"They? The GA crew? Lister?"

"Rim... Rimmer you smeghead..."

"Don't you call me a smeghead Lister... Lister?"

Lister's groaned and muttered inaudibly.

"Lister I'm going to help you, I'm going to something right for once..." Rimmer responded calmly, and with all the strength he could muster helped Lister to his feet, before retrieving the bazookoid Lister had lost his grip on. The roar sounded again and much louder this time. Rimmer and Lister hit the next turning, and hurtled down the corridor.

"Where are we going?" Lister questioned in confusion.

"To look for the Cat as much as I hate the egocentric chump I can't lose one of our crewmates..." Rimmer replied, coming to an intersection.

"That's not like you Rimmer... That's not like you at all... When you're in trouble you sod everyone else, and jump in the nearest escape pod and bugger off..." Lister argued.

"Yes exactly. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this so I can feel I'm not an utter heartless bastard. I'm doing this because I want to feel brave. I want to feel I have succeeded in something other than being a total failure..." Rimmer responded simply, before turning off into the Kitchen Area, where he heard a small whimper.

"Cat?" Lister called in worry. As they rounded a corner, they saw the Cat curled in a ball, beside the sideboard, blood trickling down his chest from his left arm.

"Help me buddy... This is a disaster... My suit is ruined, red with yellow? This is a nightmare..."

"C'mon Cat we're gonna get out of this mess..." Lister assured him, "Rimmer, where's Kryten?" Lister questioned to Rimmer in concern.

"Dead..." Rimmer replied sadly. Lister's expression was a mixture of sadness and anger.

"Dead? How?"

"I don't know Lister, I found him... Let's say he was in a bad shape..." Rimmer responded, before strolling out of the Kitchen Area. "Come on Listy, Cat to the Cargo Bay..."

"To the Cargo Bay, Rimmer we're gonna fight for this beastly red brute if you like it or not..." Lister said quietly, in a dulcet tone.

"Why fight for this rustbucket, I suggest we get out of here, before are body is torn open and devoured in five minutes time?" Rimmer snapped apathetically.

"Because... I've been in space for so long... It almost seems normal... And this rustbucket carries memories..." Lister stated, pressing his finger firmly on the sideboard, referring to the ship. "Some bad memories, but mostly good memories, and I know you've had a bad time on this brute, but you never remember the good times do ya?"

"... That's because I've never had any Lister..." Rimmer pointed out.

"Yeah well y'know what I mean, I've been in this brute for so long... It feels kinda homey... And I've come to realize this is my home... Now let's go and fight these monsters..." Lister ordered.

"Who are these fiendish monsters, Listy?" Rimmer questioned in puzzlement.

"You mean you don't know... Rimmer... The GA crew, they're a bunch of shapeshifting mutants from their lost planet..."

"And that Planet is?" Rimmer asked.

"I dunno somethin' confusing like Nujubeejafa..."

"Yes, because understanding was never your strong point was it, Listy?"

"They kidnapped me Rimmer... They took me into their ship and they tied me down, they want human life Rimmer... They say I'm part of an experiment, but they won't tell me what..." Lister put brusquely with a hint of anger.

"Why didn't you tell me this before... Now I know I am actually facing a army of malevolent monstrosities, something tells me that being brave is going to get me nowhere quite fast..." Rimmer muttered to himself.

"Just shuddup Rimmer... You said you were gonna do the right thing, well do the right thing, follow me..." Lister demanded, walking away from him.

"... Come on Cat... Let's go, and maybe we can stop Lister from taking the insane option of going to war with these manic mutants, and getting his stomach ripped open, and his guts eaten..." Rimmer told the creature sobbing over his suit. Slowly, the Cat picked himself up and followed Lister and Rimmer down another corridor, just as they came to an intersection, the GA crew arrived still in their humanoid form. Rimmer quickly handed the bazookoid to Lister, and shuffled behind him in fear.

"Stop..." Lucy ordered to the remainders of the RD crew, "And hand us over the human, and we will spare you your lives..." Rimmer narrowed his eyes at her, and stepped closer to her.

"And what do I get out of it...?" He asked angrily.

"You... Get your life spared, isn't that a good thing?" Lucy replied in confusion.

"Getting my life spared? Is that it? Getting my life spared a good thing? Getting my car crash of an excruciatingly cringe-worthy life spared a good thing? What about a holiday on an exotic planet which is three million light years away? I could go fishing for tropical fish, and bathe in the sun... But oh no you're going to spare my life? That's absolutely rubbish, I'm already dead anything, and now what I'm living is a car crash of an excruciatingly cringe-worthy afterlife... The only thing I have to my name is my BSC and my SSC..."

"Bronze Swimming Certificate, Silver Swimming Certificate..." Lister whispered.

"Quiet Lister..." Rimmer snapped, "If you should spare my life, you should do it only if I get a reward to make it a tinniest bit better..." Rimmer interrupted in infuriation. There was a long silence before one of the men Paul cleared his throat.

"Just hand us over the human..." He growled, handling a double-barreled laser firearm, pointing it directly at Rimmer, "Believe me these bullets will cause as much damage to you as they do to humans..."

After a pause, Rimmer cleared his throat also.

"... Ergo, we surrender, totally and without condition-"

"No, Rimmer you smegger!" Lister snapped, and fired a bullet directly into the chest of Paul. As it did so Paul clutched his chest, as green blood began to pour from it, and he fell to his knees, his true alien form growing out of his skin.

"Oh Listy, what have you done?" Rimmer asked, his face an expression of horror, as the monstrous figure climbed out of Paul's skin. He looked like a giant-size green bull with razor sharp claws. Suddenly Paul let out a huge roar, and began to approach Rimmer who screamed at the top of his voice:

"!"

Rimmer spun around and hurtled down the corridor, with Lister and Cat following closely behind him. The rest of the GA crew chased the RD crew also, their true form emerging. Rimmer and the Cat were ahead by now and had rounded the corridor when they halted for a moment. "Lister?" Rimmer called, "Oh smeg!" He exclaimed in worry, and raced back around the previous corridor to see Lister... Out of sight...

"They've taken Lister... Come on let's find us some more weaponry and hurry!" Rimmer mumbled anxiously. Cat picked up Lister's lone bazookoid, and hurtled down the corridor. Finally, where they arrived at the Landing Bay they found Lister's body being carried up the ramp to the GA craft. Slowly the two of them crept around the Bay, and hid themselves behind a pillar.

"Right Cat, we don't want to cause them any suspicion. Do not attack them. We could just we if we could settle the matter first before-"

"Hey you guys, give me back my bud!" Cat screamed cocking his bazookoid, and jumping out from behind the pillar, and shooting Paul and Jack, who were somewhat injured by the blow and collapsed onto the floor, dropping Lister's body, which rolled back down the ramp, and onto the Bay floor. Rimmer put his palm over his face, the Cat had not listened to a word he had said. Hearing the shots, Rimmer observed Lucy exit her ship, and glance around, as she began to approach Lister, Rimmer crept out slowly, and stayed rooted to the spot behind the Cat in worry. The Cat stood by Lister's body, and cocked his gun once more. "Don't you go anywhere near my bud..." Cat snapped angrily.

"We're going to save him... We're going to help him come back to Earth, don't you remember?" Lucy questioned innocently.

"So why sedate him and send him off to Wonderland, while you begin to try and eat our flesh... I tell you it doesn't seem to be innocent to me..." Rimmer put brusquely, "And Listy here told us a different story, what's this experiment you are planning?"

"... That's... I can't tell you that-"

"Oh but you will tell us, otherwise it's mutant spaghetti for dinner..." Cat interrupted, settling Lucy in his firing range.

"Then you'll never know..." Lucy whispered, retrieving a laser pistol out of her pocket, and shooting the Cat in the chest. Before Rimmer could react Lucy aimed her firearm at him. Rimmer picked up Cat's bazookoid and cocked it aiming it at her. "So now it's between you and me... Mr. Rimmer..."

"Indeedy. Oh dear, is that time, must dash-" Rimmer began.

"No... You will stay right here..." Lucy ordered, gesturing with her gun for him to move next to the pillar, he had just come from. "We'll take care of your friend Rimmer, don't worry..." Rimmer still held his gun firmly between his palms. "You can't win... These bullets can travel minutes faster and can do much more damage than yours..."

Behind Lucy, her small shadow was shuffling through the Landing Bay, armed with an extensive firearm. And in a flash, a trigger was pulled, a gunshot sounded, and Rimmer was...

Still standing by the pillar, bazookoid quivering in his hands, looking slowly up he saw a hideous sight meet his eyes...