AN: Thanks you guys. *WARNING*, mention of abortion, for those who don't want to hear about that. Sorry.


''In a way you could say she's not even my daughter, but I-I feel like I owe it to her'', she was starting to tear up and there is nothing Jane hated more than a teary Maura.

''Sweetie, its ok. Just tell me, it's alright'', she stoked her upper arm for a little bit of reassurance.

''The first….and only girl I dated was Margo. I was in France, and still very young and at the peak my adventurous phase. She was three years older, and about the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen'', she said wistfully. ''we were at the university and I met her through a group mate of mine. She was studying journalism'', Maura chuckled a little. It was kind of funny, how two people like her and Margo could ever cross paths. Anyway, they did.

''That's interesting'', Jane added needlessly. She had started hating the woman right after Maura said they dated.

''We were together for almost three years, my longest relationship to this day. I even met her parents. And her mine, like wise. Then ummm…'', she nervously fidgeted, knowing she was getting to the most….complicated part. ''then she fell pregnant''

''She cheated on you?'', Jane's eyes almost fell out.

''You could use those words, yes''. Maura was calm, and it was unnerving to Jane. ''she didn't know who the father was''

''You've gotta be fucking kidding me''

''Jane. Do you have to keep swearing?''

''Sorry, sorry. Go on'', she raised her hands in surrender. Her mind was made up though, she was going to drain the life out of this Margo if she ever saw her. No one had the right to put Maura through all that – no one!

''I was very hurt Jane, more so now than then''

''How is that even possible?''

''I was young and in love. Foolish and naïve. It hurt a little then, but I recovered very quickly. When I thought about it as I got older though, I began to realize the impact of what she had done to me''

''Having a child is a very big deal Maur''

''I know. I was twenty-three then. Everything felt serious Jane. I thought I would be with her forever. She loved me, gave me attention, cared for me, made time for me, listened to me. Those were all the things I yearned for. I had always felt like an outcast, but she made me fit in just a little bit. Maybe she was using me since she was a bit older, I don't really know Jane to be honest. But during that time, it felt real and wonderful''

''So what happened?'', Maura had paused for a rather long time and Jane figured she needed some coaxing.

''She wanted to have an abortion. I couldn't let her do that''

''Not that I condone her actions, but why wouldn't you want that. I would think it would work out better for you. And after she cheated, did you really still want to be with her?'', Jane wasn't seeing Maura's logic yet.

''I don't quite know what I was thinking Jane. It was confusing and I didn't have anyone to talk to except her. I was scared that I'd lose her, furious that she had slept around, and I just didn't like the idea of an abortion at all''

''So….''

''So I told her I would support her. A very ill thought out idea on my part. I promised her I would be with her through it all, that the child would be ours and we'd raise it together''

Jane ran her hands over her face several times, wondering what the best words to say would be. She didn't want to be upset with Maura, she had no right being angry with the blonde. Maura might have omitted this information, but she understood Maura's actions to a certain extent. When a person is lonely and they finally find someone, they want to cling on for as long as they can. If she analysed herself carefully, she would find out she was just like 23 year old Maura. Jane had always been lonely emotionally, up until she met Maura. And she understood that she would do anything for Maura, if the alternative meant losing her.

''I didn't keep my promise Jane'', Maura began to cry once more. Jane quickly gathered her in her arms, planting kisses and offering kind words. She had to be strong and understanding for Maura. ''I have carried this guilt with me all these years''

''You didn't do anything wrong Maura''

''I did. Don't lie to me Jane. I stayed with Margo. We were happy together throughout the whole pregnancy. I did everything I said I would, I was there for her in any way I could be. And the baby was born. Oh Jane….'', Maura cried some more. ''she was so small, and so…..real. I left her in the hospital and never turned back. Who does that?''

All the self-loathing Maura had desperately tried to rid herself of over the years was coming back full force. All the lies she's used to convince herself over the years that what she had done was acceptable all faded into nothing now that she was faced with it all over again.

''Its ok Maur, it will be alright'', Jane tried to sound convincing. She didn't.

''I transferred to BCU and just left her. With a child I had promised we would raise together. I-I'', Maura was choking on her words, trying to get everything out at once. ''I used to sing to the baby. I think she knew my voice. She would kick when I spoke to Margo's stomach'', Maura laughed a little through the tears. Jane was still holding her against her chest and she was glad for the support. Jane was always her pillar of strength. ''we shared an apartment and we had a room already set up for the baby. I enjoyed buying baby clothes Jane. They were so small and adorable. I cut the umbilical cord, held her as she took her first breath, kissed her and fled. I can't believe I did such a thing''

''Shhh Maur. You were scared. It's alright. You stuck around that long, I would have run for the hills long before that''

The first thing about Jane Maura fell in love with was her humour. Never in her life had she met such a funny person. Someone who knew how to find humour in almost everything. That was the most endearing thing Maura had ever seen.

''What about your parents?''

''Well, I can only imagine that Margo's parents were livid, but I can't say for sure. I told my mother not to ever tell them where I was, or tell me what was going on in France with the baby. I just wanted to be completely detached and act as if it all never happened. My mother hadn't been particularly keen on the idea to begin with, so I can safely say it was more of a relief to her. Father couldn't really be bothered''

''I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do''

''Yes there is''

''Anything'', Jane knew she would do anything.

''Forgive me…for not telling you sooner''

''But first tell me why you never said anything''

''By the time I met you Jane, I had long moved on from that period in my life. And truthfully, I didn't anticipate there would ever come a time when I would have to speak of this. I felt like it was unnecessary opening of wounds if it was sure to never have anything to do with our lives. So I just forgot about it, and decided against ever mentioning it. I also concluded that if I was going to say something, I would have had to say it at the beginning of our friendship. By the time you get to year four, it's sort of weird to mention it. And I certainly wasn't going to say anything at the beginning of our friendship. I was so happy Jane. You made me so happy. And the last thing I wanted was to ruin it with talk about all the bad things I had done in the past''

''I understand. I hope you don't mind my asking, but why is she coming here now?''

Maura took a very deep breath. Another hard thing to explain. It really wasn't getting any easier for her.

''Do you remember when I went to meet my mother in New York a month ago?''

''Of course. When I had to babysit your very interactive tortoise'', Jane looked smug at having remembered the name correctly. She always did anyway. When she said turtle it was just to get a rise out of Maura, and maybe a little attention. The detective had a funny way of acting like a child sometimes. Maura loved it though, and Jane knew it – again, the case of the egg and chicken.

''Yes, that time Jane. When I got there, she informed me that Margo's mother had passed away a week prior''

''I'm sorry about that Maur''

''It's quite alright. The problem is that Margo's mother is the one that raised Joyleen, I learned. She lived with the child from after she was born. She was in an accident, and died in hospital a few days after''

''Oh my God'', Jane gasped. It really did seem like the situation got worse after every sentence.

''Margo had made it very clear that she didn't want to have children. I begged her to keep that child, then I left her. I owe so much to that poor child Jane, so much I don't even know where to begin''

''You'll make it up Maur, don't beat yourself about it''

''My mother said Margo was going to give the child up for adoption, but her mother decided to take her instead. Margo went on with her life, while Joyleen stayed with her grandmother. And since she is deceased now, the child has no one to take care of her. Margo's father can't do it on his own, and Margo herself has vehemently refused to do so. She….ummm''

''What Maur?'', Jane saw the hesitancy in her best friend and had a feeling there was more bad news coming.

''Margo told Joyleen that she didn't have a father, but had another mother. Can you believe she never even bothered to find out who Joyleen's real father was? Turns out she told the child quite a lot about me. So when my mother arranged we meet a month ago, it was to inform me that Joyleen had personally called her and asked to be brought to her other mother – me''

''How did she get hold of your mother?''. Jane knew it really wasn't the most important question out of the myriad she had, but it came out anyway.

''Margo gave her the number. She told her that she could ask me to come and live with her, and if I said no she would then work on getting her into foster care''

''How can she not want to take care of her daughter?''

''She never wanted her Jane. And apparently she does journalist work all over the world and doesn't have the will nor the time to look after the child''

''So….''

''So I asked my mother to speak with Margo and arrange that she be brought to stay with me. Permanently''

''Permanently! Are you sure Maur, I mean….''

''I have never been more sure Jane. I abandoned that child twelve years ago. She doesn't deserve to be put in foster care. It may not exactly be my fault that she was brought into this world, but in a way it is. If I hadn't pressured and assured Margo about keeping her, maybe she would have just had an abortion and all of this would not be happening. But I made sure the baby was kept, and then left. So its my turn to make it up now. I have to do right by her. I have to do make it up to Margo too. I hurt her as well, and words can never make it up. This is the only way I can apologize and compensate for my wrong doings. Do you understand Jane?''

''I do Maura''

''Thank you''

Jane smiled sweetly at her. Maura was so cute, all the time. And Jane knew, even without being asked, that she was going to be there for Maura and Joyleen come what may.

''So this is why the room is set up?''

''Yes. While I was in New York, my lawyer sorted the paper work for me. He liaised with Margo and guardianship has been granted to me effective two weeks ago. Once she's here I will work on the adoption''

''Okaaaaaay'', Jane dragged out.

''When the paper work came through I then had someone come to do her bedroom. I was informed that she is a fan of the British boy-band One Direction, so that explains why her room looks the way it does''

''I see'', Jane was trying hard to take it all in.

''She is arriving on November 20th. And when she gets here we have to start looking for places for school and getting her settled in properly. At least-''

''Wow….back up a little. She'll be here in a month?''

''Yes''

''That's so soon. And how did all of this happen without me even knowing''

''In case you were wondering why I have been looking a bit too tired of late, that's your explanation. Sneaking around is not a very easy thing Jane, especially for someone who cannot lie''

''Well, I'm impressed then''

Maura began fidgeting with her fingers once more. Here Jane was thinking they had gone through all the bitter subtopics. Whatever Maura had to add now, was probably even worse than anything else she had said. The doctor was on the verge of pulling apart her fingers with the vigour she used to twist and rub at them.

''I feel a bit cold Jane. Shall I just turn the heating up a little bit more?''

''No!'' Maura's progress was halted immediately. She was standing up very quickly and heading out into the hallway and Jane was very quick to put the brakes on her. ''Spit it out now Maura. I know you aren't cold''

Maura really hadn't lied. She was cold. But it wasn't actually from the weather, it was from fear. The blonde didn't want to have to say this to her best friend, but she was well aware that she had no choice.

''Maura, just say it. You have gone this far already. How bad can what you have to say really be?'', Jane pleaded. Holding onto Maura's hands as she blocked the way for the doctor to escape. ''I can handle it Maura. Let me help you''

''Margo is coming with her. To drop her off I mean''


AN: Oh snap….