AN: ok some of my friends were wondering what would happen if dear dear pein were to ever piss off konan, well here is a day dedicated to him. Also atm I'm working in collaberation with my sister IDontStalkIWatch ( u/951093/) on a FMA story check it out it's called How to Survive the Humunculi for Dummies so check it out.
Konan's Next Day of Revenge
9 Months after Konan's Day of Revenge:
5:00 A.M.
Konan was livid! How could he forget what yesterday was! Of all the Akatsuki Pein KNEW better than to piss her off, yet yesterday he had done that without even thinking about it. Stupid Stupid MAN-DEMON-GOD-WANNA-BE! Sitting up quickly in her bed, Konan grinned, oh yes... it was a new day of revenge... and this time she would have help! Jumping out of her blankets she grabbed a kimono styled robe and crept over to her desk of doom. If she was going to enlist help, she would have to be careful, Pein was not an easy one to get revenge on. Even when he was Nagato, and no Pein, she had Yahiko to assist her. Now Pein was Yahiko and several other people but was still Nagato inside… Ugh too early to start confusing herself.
Sitting down, Konan found her dirty little secrets folder, which had all the guilty pleasures and dark secrets of all the Akatsuki listed inside. Grinning, she never thought she'd have to use it to get them to help her against Pein, but desperate times…
PEIN-
On days when everyone is out of the base, summons all his paths to have 'meetings' (see tea parties) and discuss how to spread the religion of Pein. (Audio Recording)
ITACHI-
Has a secret desire to die at his brother's hands. Still Loyal to Leaf and inform's Jiraiya-Sensei about our activities. Also has a thing for listening to Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, Christina Agulera, N-Sync, and Ricky Martin. (CD's can be located under his bed in the safe)
ZETSU-
Smokes weed and indulges in shrooms
DEIDARA-
Was drunk as hell dressed up as a girl dancing in the bathroom using a hairbrush as a microphone singing I'm A Barbie Girl while dying his hair blonde. (Video Evidence)
SASORI-
(Dead) Sometimes goes into town possessing a female puppet body that has a striking resemblance to what the offspring of himself and Deidara would look like. (Must pursue.)
TOBI-
Is actually Madara Uchiha. And is really … GAY!
HIDAN-
When even slightly drunk does not curse, or believe in Jashin. (Video Evidence)
KISAME-
When we go to the beach, have caught him looking around for the casts from Finding Nemo and The Little Mermaid… I really don't want to know. (Video Evidence)
KAKUZU-
Once a decade, will donate a small amount of cash to his old village. (Discovered this when I stole cash from him by looking in the accounting books.)
OROCHIMARU-
(No longer a Member but can still blackmail his ass) Has an extreme hatred for orphans and love of snakes. Also owns every Michael Jackson CD and can dance like him too. And has a graphic picture of Tsunade and Jiraiya-sensei in the hot springs together.
Sighing, Konan knew that whoever she recruited was going to have to have a lot to lose if she released any of the information she had. Groaning again, Konan's head landed on the desk and her eye twitched. It was time to go see Itachi and Hidan. Putting the Blackmail Files back in the Desk, Konan stood up and looked at her clock, 5:30... Hidan was probably passed out but Itachi has severe Insomnia and was probably muting out any signs of life with his 'music', and entering without some sort of warning would result in a kunai lodge in her forehead. Sucking it up, Konan got up and headed out of the room, Pein had to pay, no matter the means.
Creeping down the hallway, Konan risked a chakra flare outside of Itachi's bedroom door, waited a second, then opened the door. When no sharp pointy objects came in her direction she finished opening the door. The Uchiha Prodigy was bent over hiding something under his bed, and Konan smirked, she already knew. "What do you want Konan?"
"A little assistance in a matter of importance." The Uchiha looked back at Konan curiously, who was grinning wickedly. "I promise nothing will come back to you on this, if you help me. If not, well... some secrets might just come to light." Itachi sent a death glare in Konan's direction, but she didn't even flinch. Granted nothing could compair to an Uchiha death glare, except for her own.
"I doubt you have any secrets."
"Oh? So there isn't a bunch of 90's boybands and girl pop star CD's under your bed? Or perhaps the secrets concerning your bro-"
"What do you want."
"Like I said, a little assistance."
7:00 A.M.
Konan grabbed Hidan by his hair the moment he stepped out of his bedroom, and pulled him in Itachi's room. Upon release the Jashinist glared at both Konan and Itachi. "What the fucking hell is going on here mother fuckers, i need to take a jashin damn shit!" Konan's eye twitched, and Itachi just fell back on his bed.
"If he doesn't help I want the video for payment." Itachi muttered and Konan cocked her eyebrow. She hadn't told him what was on the video but he knew it had to be good.
"Hidan, you're going to help me with something. And you don't want Itachi to have that video."
"And why the fucking hell do you think i give a fuck about some damn video?"
"If its like what she has on me, you do." Itachi whined and Konan grinned, Itachi Uchiha whining was priceless. Hidan just looked shocked to even hear the ever stotic uchiha have an emotion in his voice.
"What she have on you fucker."
"Hn."
"Bastard."
"So you going to help?" Konan smiled.
"What the fuck you want help with?"
"Just a little revenge." Both Akatsuki males looked at Konan with horror.
It was Itachi who asked the dreaded question: "On who?"
"Our ever loved Leader, Pein."
"YOU CAN'T FUCKING BE SERIOUS..."
"We're going to die..."
7:30 A.M.
Hidan and Itachi glanced over at each other, what in the hell could Konan have on them. "Maybe the bitch doesn't have any fucking blackmail." would be fucking likely fucking bitch, i still haven't forgiven her hiding my jashinist scrolls from me.
"It's Konan, and she already informed me what she has on me." Itachi groaned, "I'd rather not chance the rest of the Akatsuki knowing what she does."
"That fucking bad?" Wonder what she's got on him?
"Hn." what the hell does that fucking mean?!
"Fucking Uchiha." The Jashinist growled, "Jashin should strike her from existance." The Uchiha snorted, and Hidan choked. "Did you just snort?"
"Hn." I'm about to smack an Uchiha if he doesn't use some damn words.
"You fucking snorted, oh my jashin you fucking snorted!"
"Don't make me kill you."
"Really? You didn't just say that...Have you forgotten my head can be cut off and I still keep on living? I thought you were supposed to be smart Mr. Uchiha Prodigy." Itachi dead-panned.
"Don't make me stick you in Tsukoyomi with a bunch of buddist monks without your scythe."
"Fucking Uchiha..."
8:00 A.M
Konan was sitting in the kitchen across from Pein, watching him slowly sip his coffee. How was she going to extract her revenge... She now had help but damnit he was always hard to get. They had known each other since child hood and knew almost everything about him. She gave a little smirk, he used to be such a big pansy, oh if only the Akatsuki knew their leader cried over a dead dog. Granted she did too, but still. Then it came to her and she gave a small laugh. Oh yes that would be perfect.
"Something funny Konan?"
"Just thinking on something."
"Don't wanna know, last time that happened you made life hell for the guys. Just let me see what happens." Getting up Pein left.
Once she was sure he was out of earshot Konan started laughing like a maniac, making Deidara freeze midstep and turn around running. Still lauging, but not as loudly, Konan went to find Itachi.
11:00 A.M
"Fucking Uchiha, being so damn hard to find, and Fucking blue haired bitch sending me to find him what do i fucking look like a messanger boy? If it wasn't for that damn mystery video I would have said Fuck her and left. Stupid Fucking Akatsuki and Leader." Hidan picked up a rock and growled, "Not fucking there either. Fucking Uchiha."
"Looking for someone?" Hidan looked up in the tree and growled, Fucking Uchiha hiding in the fucking tree.
"Konan want's you."
"Where is she?"
"Said she'd be at some fucking resturaunt. We're to meet her there, come on bastard."
"Watch it Hidan, I will stick you in Tsukoyomi with Naruto Uzimaki saying 'Believe it' over and over again."
"Bastard." Itachi turned mangekyou activated, "shit..."
12:00 P.M.
"You both are late." Konan poured herself another cup of sake. "Mind explaining why?" Itachi smirked and Hidan shuddered. "Well?"
"Hidan now fears me." Itachi shrugged
"Fuck that shit, I fear the fucking nine tail jinjuriki and his fucking retarded catch phrase."
"Next time it's someone worse." Itachi smirked.
"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL CAN BE WORSE THAN THAT?!"
"You've never been to the leaf have you?" Konan asked knowingly.
"No."
"Then don't ask and don't anger me and you won't find out." Itachi sighed and turned back to Konan, "What do you need us to do?"
"Get contact with a certain someone and see if he still has a certain item which i will require." Konan wrote a name and what she needed on a peice of paper and made an origami butterfly out of it, and let it fly into Itachi's palm.
"Who would that fucking be?"
"Only Itachi is needed for this part, you have something else to do." Taking out another paper, Konan grinned and wrote down a list of things needed. Folding the paper into a bird which came to life with chakra landed on Hidan's head, "I need these items, and a lot of em." The Akatsuki members looked at each other. "Why are you still standing here?" Quickly the two men left, and Konan returned to her sake, which was on Kakuzu... not that he knew it.
2:00 P.M
Konan sat in the living room making origami when she noticed Itachi and Hidan both walking into the base looking slightly disturbed, Itachi more so than Hidan. He probably hadn't expected to be handed an item like that. Smirking she looked across the room towards Peins office, the door shut for privacy. His wish for not knowing what she was plotting was too hilarious, then she remembred why she was going after him. HOW DARE HE FORGET HER BIRTHDAY! Eye twitching Konan stood up and gestured for the Uchiha and Jashinist to follow her.
Inside her room she turned to face the two men, both handed her a storage scroll, Itachi almost shoved his in her hand, but that was below his Uchiha standards. Even though apparently rocking out to i want it that way this morning was not. Smirking again she sat them on her desk of doom and sat down.
"How did everything go?"
"Now i know why i never met him in person, from now definantly sending messangers only again. Even tried to give me one of his books, an autographed copy..." Itachi shuddered and Konan laughed, Jiraiya had tried to give Itachi a copy of Icha Icha. That could have only been more blackmail for her. "I eventually accepted and once he was far enough away i used Amatarasu on it."
"So you fucking burned a book? At least you didn't have to walk into a damn arts and crafts store!" Hidan shouted, "Fucking bitches laughed when i asked for those items! I don't even want to know what you're going to do to Leader, I just want this to be done and over with so i can get whatever fucking blackmail it is you have on me and destroy it."
"Who said i was going to give you the blackmail? I'm just not going to release it to the orginization and general public is all." Konan picked up Itachi's scroll. "So he still had them?"
"Yes, and let me assure you Konan, it was not fun explaining why I needed them." Itachi eyed the scroll, "Why you would need such things is beyond me."
"Simple: Revenge and Blackmail at the same time."
"Whats fucking in there anyway?"
"Would you believe me if i told you this was what the original three akatsuki trained in?" Konan laughed. Itachi looked horrified at the thought having seen the 'training clothes' and Hidan just looked confused. Under his breath both Konan and Hidan heard Itachi mutter green spandex...
5:00 P.M
It was done! After grabbing Kakuzu and blackmailing him she had the outfit 'resized'. Sneaking back into Sasori's room after so many months, Konan looked through his poisions and found one to temporarily knock Pein out even just for a few minutes. That is all she would need. Yes, Pein will pay! Looking through all the lables, she quickly found what she needed and ran out of the room, running straight into Deidara.
"What are you doing uhn?"
"None of you're buisness Deidara, how's growing your hair back out?" Deidara's hand instantly went back to his hair remembering waking up with almost no hair, it now resembled a certain Uchiha's, or a chickens ass. The blonde Akatsuki quickly retreated and Konan hurried downstairs. Pein was still in his office. Before entering, she checked to make sure she still had the storage scroll. Satisfied she opened the door without knocking and saw Pein surrounded by paperwork.
"What do you want Konan?"
"I just wanted to ask you something."
"Well?"
"Do you know what yesterday was?" She asked sweetly. Pein looked at her confused and pulled out a calendar.
"Feburary 20th?"
"Is that all?"
"Yes. Is there a-" Pein stopped and looked at the calendar again. "20th..." Looking up at Konan again then down at the calendar Pein openly shuddered. "Konan, i swear it just went past me faster than i realized. Come on I'll make it up to you I promise. Please Konan, we've known each other for most of our lives. Would Yahiko really condone this? I am GOD!" Deciding against using a sleeping poison Konan just knocked him out with her fist. Smirking she got to work, it was time to get her vengence on a 'God'.
5:30 P.M.
Pein woke to the sound of laughter. Not just a small tinkling of laughter either, it was bellyrolling hysterical laughter. Cracking his eyes open, Pein saw he was surrounded by the members of the was sitting at his desk, reclining in his chair feet up on the desk. Groaning he knew this was not good. Reaching to massage his temples, Pein froze at the feel of fabirc. Looking at himself, he noticed he was wearing a lime green jumpsuit, his Akatsuki uniform missing. Looking around again, Pein noticed Kisame, Hidan, and Deidara were rolling on the floor having issues breathing, and even Kakuzu and Itachi were laughing which was a sight for sure. Zetsu was sticking out of the ceiling with a...camera?! Itachi eventually composed himself to hold up a small mirror, what he saw made him pale considerably. He was in the horrifying toad suit that Jiraiya-sensei had them wear once upon a time.
"KONAN!"
Lauging Konan rose from her seat and stalked over to Pein, still laughing. Kneeling next to him she whispered in his ears, her words filled with poison and promise. "If you forget my birthday next year dear dear Nagato, I will have Zetsu release those pictures i've had him take for the past half hour to all the shinobi villages. As it is now, none of the boys will repeat this event ever again unless otherwise instructed to by myself. This is assured because if i hear even a whisper of it again, i will be releasing blackmail i have on them a well. I hope, this never happens again."
"I'll go get changed and take you to dinner now."
"That's a good boy."
"Did you really have to replicate this thing though?"
"It's not a replica." Konan laughed and left the room, gesturing for all the rest to follow her. Pein hung his head in defeat, you just didn't forget a girls birthday expecally when she's an S-class missing nin trained by one of the largest perverts in existance.
