Awkward Bonding Moments, Chapter 2: Sam

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.


"Hey Kurt have you seen my bl- whoa."

"Um, hi Sam. How are you?"

"Fine, uh, you?"

"Can't complain."

"Good, that's uh, that's good. Are we really not going to talk about this?"

"We don't have to, no. You can walk out and pretend this hasn't happened."

"Yeah, I don't think I'm going to be able to do that."

"I figured you wouldn't be able to."

"Not every day you walk in on your friend slash roommate naked and handcuffed to his bedpost with nothing but a pillow covering his junk. Blaine?"

"He wanted to try something new."

"Ah, where is he?"

"He left the keys for them at his place, he went to get them. Weren't you supposed to be out with Puck?"

"He got called home, his mom needed the car, we had to cut it short. I'm guessing you thought you'd be home alone."

"Kinda, yeah. Was there a reason you wanted me?"

"My blue V-neck?"

"Laundry room."

"Right, well I'm uh, I'm gonna leave you with that and go gouge out my eyes. Later dude."

"Wait, Sam?"

"Yes."

"You think you could pass me that bottle of water, I'm kinda thirsty."

"Uh, I guess. You need me to hold it for you?"

"If it's not too much trouble."

"Sure, are you like totally naked under that pillow?"

"What do you think?"

"I figured as much."

"..."

"..."

"Thanks."

"No problem. You know your wrists look a little red, are those cuffs too tight."

"A bit."

"'A bit?' Dude your wrists are pretty rough looking. Have you got a paper clip or something?"

"Desk, top drawer. Why?"

"I'm going to try and pick the locks for you."

"Where'd you learn to pick locks?"

"Puck taught me."

"Of course he did."

"Alright hold still."

"Watch the pillow. I'm exposed enough as it is."

"Gotcha, trust me I don't wanna see your junk anymore than the next guy. You know apart from other gay guys. I mean I'm sure you have very nice junk, I'm just not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with gay people. But when it comes to -"

"Sam?"

"Yeah."

"Stop talking."

"Thank you."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So Blaine's idea, huh?"

"Yup. I didn't really want to do it, but he persuaded me."

"Yeah, sure."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"I've seen the video."

"Oh God! Not you too."

"You little minx."

"You used to be a stripper."

"I'm shutting up now."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You nearly done?"

"No idea."

"I thought Puck told you how to do this."

"Well Puck isn't known for his teaching skills."

"..."

"Speaking of Puck."

"Oh no."

"He happened to mention what went down in the closet at that party last week."

"He told you that?"

"Oh yeah."

"How much did he say?"

"The Pucker."

"He mentioned that?"

"Went into great detail."

"You have my sympathies."

"Thanks, but you saw it firsthand."

"God, don't remind me."

"If it helps, he has a nasty bruise on his foot."

"That does help."

"I thought it might."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What's that mark?"

"What mark?"

"There, above your nipple, it's like a bruisy scar."

"Why are looking at my nipples?"

"It just caught my eye. What is it?"

"Oh it's a birthmark."

"It doesn't look like a birthmark. And it wasn't there a few weeks ago when we went to the pool."

"I uh, I got bit. By the cat."

"We don't have a cat."

"It was Lord Tubbington."

"Lord Tubbington hates you."

"Hence the bite."

"It was Blaine wasn't it? Blaine bit you."

"..."

"Gross, I just had to ask, didn't I. Moving swiftly on. But you might want to keep covered up in case Burt sees."

"This coming from the guy who removes his shirt with alarming regularity."

"No I don't."

"Last night we were watching a movie. You complained it was too hot. Rather than open a window or turn down the thermostat, you just tossed your shirt away."

"Yeah well I wanted to be –"

"Three days ago at dinner, you spilt some ketchup on your shirt, within 5 seconds the shirt was gone and you were eating dinner as normal."

"But that shirt was –"

"And my personal favourite, last week at glee practice a tiny spider was on your top, next thing we know, the shirt went out the window, spider and all."

"Ok, I get your point. You can stop now."

"..."

"Done."

"Finally."

"Just need to get the other one now."

"If you want you can leave it until Blaine gets back."

"Blaine lives like an hour away; I'm sensing it'll be a while before he's back. I'll just switch over and – whoa!"

"The pillow!"

"Ok, didn't need to see that."

"Sorry."

"Not your fault. Well it kind of is, but whatever."

"Well this just got a whole lot more awkward."

"Pretty much."

"..."

"What?"

"I've just realised I've seen every guy in glee's thing."

"Excuse me?"

"Locker room, and after football practice."

"Ah. Congratulations?"

"Yeah."

"Even Schuester's?"

"That's disgusting."

"Yeah I know, just checking."

"Done."

"Bless you."

"You're welcome."

"Can we uh -?"

"Keep this between us, done."

"Thanks."

"No problem. But for next time ..."

"Be more careful, I know."

"Right, well I think I hear a car pulling up, probably Blaine, so I'm gonna leave, hang out with Artie or something and leave you two to it."

"Probably best."

"Yeah, later dude. Safe sex and all that."

"Bye Sam."

"Oh hey Blaine, wow I never noticed that you such sharp teeth."

"What?"

"BYE SAM!"

"Ha! I'm going."


A/N: Tell me if you loved it (or hated it). Next up, Mike!