Author's Note: I really liked that last chapter and I only hope that this one can own up to it as well. I really loved the reviews(: They made my day. Soooo, I have something new for you. Yes, yes, I already have Tumblr, but I've made a new one. If you love Tiva & you have Tumblr, go to my profile, you'll find the link to the page. :D I always follow back. xtivadivax.


Ziva felt alone and scared inside of the vehicle with Tony. Not that she was scared of him, but just scared for her life in general. If whoever killed her father for some unknown reason, they might be after her as well, but she was still only being paranoid. She didn't really truly have anything to worry about, except getting over these feelings she keep having.

I have been told that I do not have these so called, feelings.

But she does. Ziva does feel, with her being, she feels. She feels pain and sadness, she feels happiness and loneliness.

"Tony... I have not meant anything I said," she broke the silence. "Except that I am what you call the old Ziva." She quickly gripped the seat of the car, trying to stop herself from speaking. "I never meant to say the hurtful things I did, but most of them are true about myself. I am disgusted with what I let myself turn into. I let myself turn into my father, into the monster he is... Or was."

He held onto the steering wheel a little tighter than normal and his eyes focused a little more. Tony knew his anger was unbearable, but it was anything but right in the situation. He knew that Eli deserved to die, he knew all these things, but it was Ziva they were talking about. He didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was. He'd been a apart of that.

Tony took one hand, slowly, off the steering wheel to lay gently on her thigh. An act of caring and a dare of romance. He cared for her, no matter how many times he denied it.

"Ziva, you are not your father. You could never be your father." He shook his head, "no. Your father made you think you're someone that you're not. He lied to you all these years. Eli took you for granted, a lot of us have. We don't mean to, but you're so strong and you give like no other." Tony slightly chuckled from the feelings he were admitting out loud. "I didn't mean the things I said, I like you just the way you are. Don't change just because your father told you to, or even because I told you to. Nobody controls your life, but you."

His speech meant a lot to her, even with her so emotional. Ziva didn't feel the need to rip out his vocal cords, she felt the need to have his arms wrapped around her while she cried.

It's not in her nature to cry, but she does it. Everyone breaks at some point, even her. Ziva decided she couldn't always hold together – what hardly was ever there. She needed to let go of all the things that caused her pain and except what didn't.

"I feel I am. I feel like I am a monster than no one can stop."

She never admitted that Eli didn't lie to her, because they all knew he had.

Eli left me to die and lied to me about it. Tony's right, he always lied to me.

"But you're not, Ziva. You're not a monster."

Tony pulled off to the curb and unbuckled his seat belt. He felt rude trying to talk to her while the car was in motion.

"You've never been a monster in my eyes..."

Ziva was close to his face, leaning. She felt a natural pull, but it wasn't time. She was too vulnerable right now. Too many things were running through her mind and this would just be another distraction that could very easily end up just like her father.

Her reflexes slowed over the past few months, her timing was off by a few seconds. While others would say it wouldn't matter, it could get Ziva killed. She was always too fast for her own self in the past, slowing down now would be dangerous on her.

"I have killed," her eyes pleaded.

"I have, too."

She pulled her head away, afraid of the proximity of the two of them. Ziva wanted this just as much as the next person, but she couldn't. She feared she'd lose all hope and trust.

Most of all, she feared she'd lose her partner.

"It is different, I was trained."

Tony turned it around, "we all are trained to kill." He silenced her again. "Any way you go with this, our jobs are going to turn out the same. You can't be a monster, we'd all be monsters." He ran a hand through her now down hair, "Ziva, we protect people."

"I- I guess you are right. We come from two different worlds, you were there to console, I was there to seduce and kill." Ziva hated those words, she hated using her body as an excuse to con someone out of information. "I tried not to let myself do it, but it was either that or my life. I had to do the latter choice."

"Of course, Ziva. We all would. Don't put yourself down for your choices, they were what you chose." But Tony knew that wasn't the truth, he knew who's choices they were. "But they weren't yours, were they?"

She shook her head, "no."

Her voice broke again and she could feel the tears coming on again.

"Will you take me on to my apartment, please?"

Tony had been so close to cracking into her shell, but she shut him out once again. I'll get through to her some how, I can't let her keep shutting me out.

He continued to drive her home in silence, awkward silence.


"Abby, run this DNA analysis." Gibbs marched into the lab, "I need it in two hours."

"In two hours! Gibbs!." She crooked her head to the side, "but it takes like a day, maybe a little more."

"Two hours, Abby. You heard me the first time."

She turned back to her computer, a saddened look. Abby knew she could do it in time, but, it would be hard.

"Hey, Gibbs... Urhm, is Ziva alright?" Her fingers quit moving across the keys, "I mean, okay enough to be the same functional Ziva we know and love?"

Gibbs didn't know how to respond. He'd never been that well with emotions, and he knew Ziva hadn't either.

"She went home."

"Oh, I take it she's not doing very well then."


"McGee!." She screamed over the phone, "get down here. Don't tell Gibbs."

"Why?" He stretched the question out, knowing better than with Abby.

"You know why, just come one."

McGee looked around the Bull-Pen, Tony still hadn't returned from taking Ziva home.

Was he suppose to? Was he staying with her?

"I'll be on down, don't worry. Calm down, this will still be here when I get there."

She hanged her phone up. Abby knew Tony was up to something with Ziva, she just didn't know what.

She only hoped that McGee would know.


Author's Note: I know. I know. Boring squad room junk that we all have to go through to get to the Tiva, but it's necessary. I don't like explaining things, just because I'm too lazy to research and spell it out, so, this is pretty much all you'll get for a while. I need new ideas for this!. Send me something in my messages, you'll get credit. I promise. (: R&R. I got my Tiva ideas, but how about the case & all that? What is a girl suppose to do? Don't forget to check out my new Tiva Tumblr- link's in my profile.

-kiss kiss, hug hug. :D