This AU fic was inspired by the brilliant work of aimmyarrowshighin "Five Loaves of Bread: Dark Toast". .net/s/7294215/1/Five_Loaves_of_Bread_Dark_Toast

This isn't a collaboration or co-written piece, just my spin on a possible continuation of that story that I loved dearly. Takes place three months after the aim's story ends.

(While you're at it, read "Dark Toast" and everything else aimmyarrowshigh has written. They're awesome. For real.)

Enlistment

"This is right decent, Mellark," Donnel barked, nodding towards Peeta while he finished the last of the molasses loaf with his dinner.

"Thank you, sir," Peeta smiled. "I can bring you another loaf tomorrow; I have three more baking now."

Donnel waved him off. "A lot more people need that than I do; you give that to the refugee families."

Peeta nodded. "Yes, sir. Can I get you anything else?"

"Actually, I was wondering if my daughter would join me on an evening stroll."

Katniss looked up from her tea to her father's eyes. He smiled at her. "I'd love to," she said, setting down her mug on the uneven table.

Their home was set up exactly as all the other shelters here, but the hand-made tenderness of each furnishing lacked the coldness impersonal feel of their Capital townhome. The front door opened into a four-seat dining room table with mismatched chairs. To the right was a seating area with a loveseat her father had snuck from the operations center and to the left was a makeshift kitchen with a coldwater spigot and small woodstove. Across from the kitchen, a thin wall separated an area to be used as the bathroom. A large washtub was placed inside, as was a bucket with a wheeled base - standard in each home - to boil bathwater. A set of rickety stairs lined the back wall, leading up to the bedroom on the upper floor. Tiny, just large enough for their bed and one rack for clothes that their meager donated clothing didn't fill. But its coziness made her feel safe.

Donnel stood and watched warily as Peeta helped Katniss into a heavy military issue coat. They laughed as her small arms got tangled in the oversized sleeves.

"See you later," she smiled.

He grinned at her and swiped her teacup from the table and walked back to the kitchen. She caught her father watching Peeta's retreating form, but as they stepped outside he smiled again.

She inhaled the cold late winter air as she walked along, memorizing each moment of her first day here in the base camp.

"Is your cabin all right?" Donnel asked.

"Yes, it's perfect," she answered.

"It's not those Capital homes," he started.

"That's why it's so perfect!" she laughed. She sighed and they continued strolling, further away from the houses.

She watched three children throwing snowballs across an open field and began to count the houses circling their village center until she couldn't keep the question back.

"Dad, what happened?"

He stopped. "The mine collapsed." He went on, "It wasn't an accident. There was an explosion. I just didn't die like they planned. We got away by another tunnel Winze had started digging, just in case. He and I got out into the woods and made a run for it. We ran into Haymitch Abernathy when we tried to sneak into the Hob a few days later to steal food. He got us out here; Aurelius was the doctor that patched him up when that girl went after him with an axe.

"Katniss," he turned to her. "There's a war going on.

"Winze and I joined up as soon as we got here. We've been sabotaging the Capital's contract system ever since, placing people sympathetic to us so we can take over ports here and there. We're going to take down this government."

She staggered. This was not at all what she had imagined.

"I know it's hard to understand right now," he sympathized. "You're so young. But you know awful things happen when they shouldn't. This life isn't right. This isn't how it's supposed to be. Years ago, we had a choice. We didn't live under an iron boot, telling us who to be. Or who to love. I wanted that. For all of us, you too.

"The explosion was my chance to escape. They thought I was dead. I could get out here and fight, away from it all. I had to go."

"You've been gone for five years, Dad. Why didn't you try to get a message to us? That you were alive?" The anger was rising.

"I couldn't. It wasn't safe, Kat. You and Prim were so little. If they took Larkspur, you'd die. I had to leave you behind."

"She lost the third baby," Katniss said through her tears.

"I heard," Donnel said, looking away. "I'm…sorry about that."

She wasn't sure why she was so frustrated. It had been five years after all, and he hadn't been there for the loss. But she was still cross. "We took Winze's fourth."

His eyebrows rose. "Yeah, I heard you call her Posy."

"Gale named her. Does he know Winze's alive?"

"Katniss, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I couldn't risk getting caught. Or you getting caught. I wanted a better life for you. So you could marry whoever you wanted. Not get stuck with a stranger. Or that soft baker," he scoffed.

Katniss stared at him. "Peeta's a good man. He risked his life to protect me."

"I know he's a good man, Kat. I can see he's kind to you. But would you have picked him?" he stared her in the eye. "If you had a choice. Would you have picked him?"

She looked away. Of course not. She had barely known him. "I don't know."

"I just want to give you the chance Larkspur and I never had," he said, taking her hands. "You're still young, you don't have children. You have time to find what you want. I tried to get back to you before you were Contracted, but…I did what I could." He inhaled deeply.

She nodded slowly, trying to hide her confusion. What was being asked of her was unclear.

"Hey, it's okay," he said, pulling her in for a quick hug. "It's not anything you need to figure out today, Katniss. That's what freedom is. Life on your own terms." He paused and pulled away, looking mischievous. "I actually brought you out here for a reason. I have a surprise."

He pulled her back towards the houses by her hand, laughing at her curious expression. He hurried her along the rows of houses away from where hers stood to one with light pouring out of the windows, even at this late hour. As he knocked, she read "Hawthorne" on the door.

"Winze!" he called, knocking again. "We're here!"

It wasn't Winze who answered the door.

"Gale!" cried Katniss. She rushed towards him, wrapping her arms around him. She smelled the coal dust in his skin, the woods in his hair. He was laughing and she joined him.

"Come on in, you kids," Winze was behind them, grinning. She pulled away, wiping her runny nose on her coat sleeve.

Gale offered Katniss the shabby sofa and sat next to her. Her father and Winze moved over to the open kitchen to talk quietly.

"When did you get here, Gale?" she asked excitedly.

"This morning," he smiled eagerly. "I went out to hunt and suddenly-" he laughed incredulously "there was my dad. Alive in the woods. I thought I had gone insane."

"Believe me, I know the feeling," she laughed. "When Peeta and I got here-"

"Peeta's here?" Gale looked surprised.

"Of course! Isn't Johanna?"

Gale took a deep breath. "No. She's not."

Katniss gaped at him. "What about…your children?"

"I had to leave them. It's too dangerous for them here."

"You left them?"

"Dad helped me kill a boar and we smeared blood all over a clearing near the fence. We ripped up my jacket and left my butcher knives. They'll think I've been killed and…get help from the neighbors."

Katniss' face flushed. "You know that's not enough to live on." She snuck a look over to their fathers and dropped her voice. "Gale, you can't do what they did to us."

"It's only for a short while, Katniss. Just until we earn our freedom. Until we finish what Madge started." His voice caught and he looked away, his eyes glassy.

She'd forgotten that he surely watched her die. His childhood companion melting and dissolving into ash in front of his eyes. She looked back to his red face, the pain visible as he recalled her horrific death.

"Gale, I'm so sorry," she murmured as she put her hand over his clenched fist in his lap. He looked up at her with red eyes. "You're right. We should honor the Girl on Fire."

"I'm so glad you're here, Katniss." He leaned in and hugged her again. She wrapped her arms around him and sighed happily, squeezing her eyes shut. When she opened them she spotted her father and Winze joining them.

She stayed for an hour, listening to tales of home and how his children were growing. How her mother, Prim and Posy were well but missed her. She saw her father's jaw tense when Gale noted they always seemed to have bread when he brought game to the house.

The night dragged on and Katniss began to yawn. "Gale, I should home. Peeta's going to worry."

Gale's face clouded. "Oh," he said.

She flushed with guilt. "I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked eagerly. "When you've rested."

He smiled. "Of course."

Her head was buzzing as her father walked her back the scruffy house marked with "Mellark" scribbled across the door in fresh white chalk. She realized she was smiling.

Her father hugged her at the door. "It's a whole new life out here, Kat. I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too."

He held her at arms' length and examined her face.

"What?" she asked.

"I can see me in you," he said proudly. "You look like my daughter. I can't wait to get to know you."

The lights were off when she slid inside. She shrugged off the ill-fitting coat and hung it on the nail inside the door. Unlacing her boots, she left them by the stairs as she slipped over to the sink basin to wash her face and clean her teeth. The stairs creaked as she climbed, and she winced, hoping she didn't wake Peeta.

Slipping under the covers, he stirred and his eyes opened. "Katniss?"

"It's me," she whispered, feeling wrong although she couldn't say why.

"Everything all right?" he yawned.

She curled into him, unsure of how to answer. "Go back to sleep," she soothed. He nodded off. She watched him sleep.

When she woke up, Peeta's side of the bed was made and the smell of breakfast was wafting up the stairs. Low voices were murmuring from the kitchen. Her father must be back over; Katniss daydreamed in her hazy state. Stretching and yawning, she swung her legs over the bed and tied her hair back loosely. Pulling the scratchy wool robe from the bedpost, she secured it over her clothes and opened the door to come downstairs.

Reaching the first floor, she wished she had dressed. Gale was butchering a turkey on the counter, a fresh kill from the woods this morning. Her father and Peeta were sitting at their small table, nursing cups of bitter coffee.

"Good morning," Donnel smiled. "Hope we didn't wake you."

Katniss blushed at her appearance. "No, no. I slept far too long. You should have woken me," she told Peeta.

"You looked so peaceful," he countered with a smirk. There was something sad in his eyes. She heard Gale cough.

"Hope you're hungry," he said. His sideways glance at Peeta was not missed on her.

"Very much," she said, crossing to the stove to pour a cup of coffee.

"I thought you didn't like coffee," Peeta said.

"You didn't either at first, I remember. But it grows on you," Katniss smiled, nodding her head towards his own cup.

"Where is the bakery in relation to the tunnel?" Donnel had turned abruptly back to Peeta.

"It's not far, I think," Peeta began. "It was very dark when we left, but I would say the tunnel couldn't be more than a mile from Aurelius' house, felt like less, and my bakery is on the adjacent street. Maybe a mile and a half at most."

"How many people could we get into the oven rooms?"

"Maybe ten, thirteen max in the front," Peeta said thoughtfully. "The storefront would fit another twenty. If they haven't destroyed it. Burned it or something to look like I died in a fire."

Katniss felt a pang of guilt. She hadn't even considered that her prep team could have been killed to cover her Disappearance. "Do you think they'd do that?" she asked her father, taking a seat at the table across from Peeta.

"Couldn't say. They don't want anyone to know they're not fully in control, which makes them dangerous. Well, I guess no more than they already are," Donnel shrugged.

"Is Dr. Aurelius all right?" Peeta asked.

"Yeah, he's fine," Donnel responded. "Chaff says they were harder on him this time since you were definitely spotted there, but with the old woman talking up a storm they couldn't say one way if it was legit or not." He laughed. "She's a character, that one. She'll outlive us all."

Peeta's look of relief made Katniss warm. She was grateful they hadn't cost anyone their lives during their escape.

"Think you can be ready next week?" Donnel asked Peeta.

Katniss' brow furrowed. "Ready for what?"

Peeta looked up at her with a look of fear she didn't want explained. "I'm…I'm leading them back. I delivered to the higher ups in the Capital; I know where they live. Your dad needs me to take the soldiers in," he said hesitantly. "That's why we're here."

Her coffee cup splashed as the table jarred and her chair smashed to the floor and she leapt to her feet. "No!"

Peeta was up, trying to catch her thrashing hands. "They need me to! They need a guide who's seen it all in daylight. Your dad explained it all to me," he said, looking back to Donnel. "Tell her!" he called over Katniss' wails.

"He's our best chance," Donnel said firmly. "He's seen the homes of the top generals, walked around their homes. He knows where the servant entrances are, he can get us in more safely than any of our secret spies."

"We just escaped!" Katniss cried out. "They're looking for you; they'll kill you if you go back!"

"I won't be alone," Peeta tried to reassure her. "Some of the best soldiers are going with me. Your dad will be with me. I'll be okay."

"Fine. I'll go too, I know the city layout," Katniss wept.

"No," Peeta said. "You're staying here."

"I won't let you go!"

"You've got to stay here if their retreat comes this way," Peeta sounded frantic. "Gale is going to need your help to get the families into the dense woods. They've been preparing to run for weeks, but the two of you can manage wilderness better than anyone here; you'll keep them alive and fed until we can get back."

Katniss looked up at Gale. He'd stopped chopping up the bird and was watching her. "You're staying?" He nodded.

"That's why we had to get you all out here now. Why they were watching you so carefully. We infiltrated the last of their supply ports fell last week. We're ready to stage the final attack on the President himself," Donnel said. "Surrounding the entire mountain are other camps like this. We can do it this time," he said, clearly believing it. "But I need Peeta to lead us in."

Katniss stopped struggling, but continued to cry, lowering her face to her hands.

"Donnel," Gale said quietly from behind her in the kitchen. "Let's give them some time." He moved over to the dining area and righted her chair. Katniss sat down heavily, letting her misery envelop her.

Donnel and Gale left; Donnel telling Peeta to come by the operations shelter as soon as he could to learn basic defense. Peeta agreed and closed the door after them. He returned to the table and sat across from Katniss. His eyes were puffy but he attempted restraint.

She stared at him despondently. "Why?" she whispered.

"Your father needs me to, Katniss," he struggled out. "If I'm there, it's less likely those soldiers are going to get lost and killed in an ambush."

"But you could get killed!" she burst out, propping her elbows on the table and sobbing into her palms.

She felt his hands creep forward to rest outside her propped elbows. "I'm doing it for you," he whispered.

She raised her face. "What?"

"We're free now, but for how long? Your dad told me they've been looking for the runaways relentlessly. They're going to look for us, too. We'd spend our whole lives running. I don't want that for you. For us," he implored, leaning his body towards her and sliding his hands to close over hers.

He looked down at the table for a moment and she thought she saw him regrouping his thoughts. He spoke slowly, and with difficulty. "I…I could not make it back," he said, looking up at her sharp intake of air and fresh tears. "But I'm okay with that, if it means you'd be safe. You could be free. And happy. Forever."

"I'm happy with you here," she whispered.

He smiled sorrowfully. "Let's eat some breakfast," he deflected, moving to the kitchen to roast the turkey Gale had left for them.

She insisted on going to the training center with him. If he really expected her to lead out the families if a Capital retreat rampaged through their makeshift village, she needed her own training. She thought it was a clever excuse to see him as much as possible, but when she arrived they were immediately separated. She called for him to see her at home that evening, but he was gone before the sentence had fallen.

It was Alma Coin who led Katniss to the forest that jutted up against the housing development. She smiled to see Gale and Haymitch Abernathy waiting for them as they approached. Her grin broadened as she saw Gale held two bows and two quivers, full of arrows. They were going to hunt.

"Everdeen," Haymitch nodded a curt greeting.

Katniss blushed, "Technically, it's Mellark."

Alma rubbed the spot beneath the band of her eye patch. "Not if you don't want it to be. Coin is my name, my family name. I've earned it back, I think," she said proudly. "You can be who you want to be here."

Katniss smiled at the thought. "Everdeen," she repeated her father's name. She looked back to Haymitch. "All right. Call me Everdeen."

"Well, you'll be Private Everdeen, so we don't confuse you with your father anyhow," he said gruffly. "And you're Private Hawthorne," he said at Gale.

Gale handed her a quiver and a bow. "Ready to show them what we can do?" he grinned.

Their first day would be showing Haymitch and Coin just how well they could handle themselves in the woods so they would know where to start training. And to gather as much food as possible to get the strength of the soldiers up, Katniss expected. Most everyone in the camp looked lean and hungry and more people were trickling in every day.

She climbed trees for them to retrieve eggs and show off her natural agility. Gale took out three flying ducks through the tree branches. Squirrels piled up at Haymitch's feet. A wild boar. Two turkeys. When they both caught the stag in the neck and eye, Coin decided that was enough. Katniss thought it may be just too much to carry back to camp.

When they arrived back to camp, all four laden down with bloodied game bags and dragging the field-dressed deer, a shout went up. Hungry faces appeared at windows with joy in their eyes. Katniss laughed at the twin children who ran out to try to help pull the large kill that was five times their size. She looked for Peeta and her father but didn't see them among the soldiers arriving to relieve them of their bags.

"There's going to a party tonight," Haymitch whistled, seeing young men already dragging kindling to the center of the village to build a bonfire.

And he was right. It was more food than most of the villagers had seen in weeks, for the soldiers it had been some months. The fighters were given their choice first and loaded up eagerly, trying to be conservative in the face of so many to feed.

Katniss considered taking a plate of boar ribs, but when she saw the woman with four children lining up behind her, she gave the little girl her plate and stepped away from the bounty. She had enjoyed luxurious food during her short time in the Capital that these people had never dreamed of. She could eat at home later with Peeta.

Her eyes scanned the crowd for the twentieth time, looking for his blond curls to catch her eye, but again she couldn't spot him. The sun had set nearly an hour ago; she was surprised he remained absent. She decided to go looking for him.

Rounding the tall guard tower and walking down the darkened path she knew led to the operations center, a voice queried, "Going so soon?" in her ear.

"No," she smiled at Gale as his face came into view next to hers. "I'm going to find my father…and Peeta. They haven't been around."

Gale nodded. "Probably still at the center. I'll walk with you."

"That was an impressive haul today, Private Hawthorne." she complimented him.

"Thanks, Private Everdeen. I never stopped, you know, at home," he paused. She wondered if he was thinking of his Spouse and children, and all the others his hunting no longer fed.

"It's been too long for me. I missed too often."

"Your arrow hit the buck's eye."

"Mine?"

"Yeah," he said, looking at her as they walked. "You're still…you." He smiled. She was glad to hear it.

They reached the operations center, a makeshift house that had been expanded multiple times with canvas tents as their forces grew. Katniss ducked under a loose tent flap with Gale close behind to find the center appeared abandoned.

She heard Gale's breathing in the dark and whispered, "Maybe I just missed them."

"But I didn't see them either," he returned. "We wouldn't both miss them."

The low hum of voices from a distance made her stop. "Listen."

"Over there," whispered Gale and they crept quietly to the opening of the tent and into a hall created by the tents' not quite reaching one another. She wasn't sure why they had gone silent and were operating under their stealth mode from home.

"I think you understand where I'm coming from," she heard her father saying.

She heard what sounded to be a stifled sob, then Peeta's voice say, "Yes, of course."

"And who knows how it will all end anyway, right?" Donnel was continuing. "No one knows. Once we all have the freedom we deserve…who knows."

Katniss and Gale reached the entrance to the original house, but could only see shadows on the wall. Donnel and Peeta must have been out of their field of vision, she figured, but she didn't dare poke her entire head in to the room.

"I understand," Peeta's voice croaked. "I would do the same. For her. Or if I had a daughter."

"Glad to hear it. Let's go get some food. We can revisit the maps tomorrow."

Gale and Katniss ran silently back down the hallway and ducked out the flap. Rather than running back to the party, Katniss ran to the edge of the woods on this side of the village. Gale followed close behind.

She felt panicked by his presence, her mind muddied. "What…" she panted, "were they talking about? Why was Peeta crying? Are they going to die?"

Gale shook his head. "No, Katniss. They're going to be with the best detail here. Don't say that."

"Then what?"

"I don't know, Catnip. Donnel's been visiting my father a lot and they whisper all night. I just…don't know."

Katniss let her heart slow down and her breathing steady. "Let's go back. They'll be looking for us."

And they were. Donnel and Winze called out to Gale and Katniss as they appeared from the dark pathway. Katniss saw Winze nudge Donnel with his elbow and jut his chin in their direction with a smirk. She saw Peeta on Donnel's other side look away quickly. She ran to him.

"Where were you all day?" she asked, taking his hand. "We were taken to the woods to go hunting," she told him, not liking the way he wasn't grasping her hand back.

"At the operations center," he sighed tiredly. "They had me do some basic physical training in the morning, but all afternoon we mapped out the best path into the Capital city center." He glanced up to meet her eyes, then away at the bounty of food. "I see you were very successful," he gave a small nod to a soldier chewing on a duck bone walking by.

"Did you get a chance to eat?" she released his hand and gestured towards the table.

"Actually," he said, swallowing hard. "I'm just too tired. I'm going to go to bed." He had turned away from her and was walking away already.

"He's had a long day," her father appeared beside her, draping his arm over her shoulders. "Strategy is no easy task. Let's eat! I'm starving," he laughed, heading to the table.

"I ate," she lied, glancing back at Gale and Winze. "I'm going to go too, it's late. And I'm sure tomorrow will be more difficult training." She slipped Donnel's arm, bid good night to Gale and Winze, and hugged her father. "Really," she said to his protest, "I'm very tired. Good night. See you tomorrow." She hurried after Peeta before anyone could demand she stay.

He was inside when she reached their door; she could see the lamp was lit in the kitchen. She smiled as she pushed the door open, but was greeted by Peeta's face streaked with tears looking up startled from the sink.

"Peeta! What's wrong?" she slammed the door and hurried over.

He turned to the sink before she could embrace him and splashed cold water on his face.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just more tired than I thought," he muffled behind the dishtowel as he dried his face. "Um," he said nervously, "I'm going to sleep down here tonight. On the sofa."

Their first night on the train flashed into her mind. She felt herself alone on the cold bunk bed. Just a few feet from her new Spouse but a cavernous distance between them. "Why?"

He forced a laugh, "My brothers told me I snore when I'm extra-tired, I wouldn't want to keep you up. We'll both have busy days tomorrow," he said, walking the long way around her to the bathroom wall.

"Peeta."

He turned back to her reluctantly.

She stared at him, her eyes imploring explanation but unable to voice the question.

"Good night," he mumbled, and disappeared from view.

The next night was the same and the night after. She lay awake, not hearing snoring and knowing he was lying to her, but when she woke in the morning he was already gone. The third night when she planned to corner him at a late dinner, he didn't return home until after she was in their bed alone. It continued.

Relief came in the days she spent training with Gale. She felt like herself in the woods. Even Coin and Haymitch urging them on to find faster and safer routes while dodging the mild traps set for the trainees didn't dampen the joy of running free in the forest. The cold air bit at her nose and ears and she found herself smiling even as she clapped her gloved hands to get feeling back into her fingers.

"Faster!" yelled Haymitch's voice from a blind to her left, and a rock flew past her shoulder. She dodged to the right and rolled up with an arrow set in her bow. The arrow flew into the neck of the dummy hanging fifty feet behind her.

"Well done!" called Coin, appearing with Gale from the other side of the forest. "How are you feeling?" she asked them. "We've only got two more days before the strike. I'm comfortable with your skill, but you need to be more so. What do you want to work on?"

"Two days?" repeated Katniss. She hadn't realized the time had passed so quickly. Her father and Peeta would be leaving tomorrow to get the rendezvous point by the next morning. She winced at the fear squeezing her heart.

"Yes. Finnick got through to his contact in Four that they'll be landing around the same time as our group is entering. Comm from the other districts says we'll have reinforcements within an hour of first strike."

"It's going to be that big?" a smile was playing at Gale's mouth. His shining eyes turned to Katniss. "We really could win this thing, Catnip. We really could," he grinned.

"The retreat is going to scatter in all directions," she realized out loud. "They're going to come this way."

Haymitch nodded. "Probably. This side is actually the least steep incline if they take the outside route of the mountain. There's also a Capital-installed evacuation route only five miles from our own drainage pipe. It's easier terrain this way, part of the reason we chose this for base camp," he huffed. "It's likely the more inexperienced soldiers will head this way."

"Or civilians," Katniss pointed out. Coin caught her eye.

Ama fixed her mouth in a thin line. "Let's do more target shooting."

"What do you think will happen if we win?"

"When we win."

"When we win?" Katniss tried again. They were keeping ahead of Coin and Haymitch on the long walk back to camp to prove they remembered the escape route.

Gale frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Where will we go?"

"You mean, for home? For good?"

"Yeah," Katniss nodded. "I don't want to go back to the Capital. Not without Cinna and Portia," she added quietly.

"You should come back to Twelve," Gale said. "Your family will gladly take you back."

She thought of sleeping in the cramped bed with Prim's elbow in her back and Posy kneeling on her hair. "I can't stay with them," she laughed. "I'm married."

Gale looked at her. "You'd stay with him?"

"What do you mean?"

He stopped walking. She glanced back and saw Coin and Haymitch pause, watching them curiously. Gale saw them and resumed his stride.

"I mean, I don't think you'd have to stay Contracted if you don't want to."

Her steps faltered. "You mean…"

Gale cleared his throat. "My dad said the plans include destroying the Contract database; it's housed in their mainframe in the security sector. It's going to erase everyone's contract."

She remained silent for a long time. When she spoke, she looked up at her friend.

"What would you do? I mean…your children."

Gale's eyes found the ground. "I think Joh…the kids…I don't know, Katniss," he said, shrugging. He looked to her. "My dad says…I think I want…I don't know." His voice sounded like it carried the weight of the world. Katniss felt a stirring of pity and longing for him.

"You can do whatever you please," Coin's voice interjected over Katniss' shoulder.

She spun to see Alma's smiling face close behind. Haymitch scowled a few steps back.

Gale looked furious, "This was a private conversation."

"No, it was a conversation between two Privates who are currently under the supervision of their Trainers." Gale scowled and moved to speed away. Coin caught his elbow and put another hand on Katniss' shoulder. She wanted to squirm free.

"Your fathers are very eager for your freedom, both of you. I know their leaving was very difficult, but it is for your own benefit that they fight. You should remember what they've sacrificed to give you this chance."

She released them and strode ahead as they reached the camp. Katniss and Gale stopped walking; watching her go as they flesh crawled. Haymitch pushed past them, bumping both of them purposefully with an angry grunt.

Annie was at her garden at the end of the forest, pulling potato roots. She waved to them then saw Haymitch's face. She stood and said something to him, but Katniss couldn't make out the words. Her expression fell and her hands covered her large belly. Looking over at her and Gale, Annie turned and followed Haymitch into her house.

"This place is starting to feel less like freedom every day," Gale said through gritted teeth.

Katniss was home well after nightfall but the house labeled "Mellark" was still dark. She looked at the smudged chalk on the door and sighed, pushing the door open.

The cold outside had begun to permeate the cracks in the wall slats, and she moved to the living area and started stacking logs in the fireplace. The dry kindling caught and she shrugged off her thick coat and moved to hang it by the door.

Rubbing her arms until the warmth of the fire reached the kitchen, she opened the icebox and looked to see if there was anything left to eat before much-needed sleep. She squatted down to peer deeper in the dark room and her legs ached with effort. She poked through the wrapped leftover food and spotted a bit of roasted turkey slipping from a bit of waxed paper. She remembered Gale carefully butchering the bird on the counter just a few days ago and smiled to herself. He had taught her the cleaning technique she had always followed at home after a hunt. She pulled the paper from the icebox and started to tear pieces right from the chunk and pop them in her mouth. She turned back to the fire and saw the loaf sitting on the counter.

It was swaddled in two towels against the cold and a plate with a small knife was carefully set next to it. Her appetite waned as she thought of Peeta, standing in this very spot, leaving this so he'd know she had food ready for her when she got home. She returned the turkey to the icebox and unwrapped the loaf. Molasses. Her favorite.

Nothing had made sense for six months. Every day since the Reaping left her less and less sure of who she was and what she wanted. She felt a powerful urge to run out the find a quiet spot to sit and remember herself, only then rejoining the world full of pulling and pushing forces.

She abandoned the bread and wandered over to the fire. She thought of Madge, burning brightly as she refused to live by someone else's terms. She closed her eyes and saw Cinna's eyes watching her as he was dragged from the studio. Annie scrawling her name on Finnick's wrist. She imagined the storm they spoke of that night, rolling and tossing her and then Finnick's arm reaching into the water to pull her into his embrace.

She wearily got to her feet and stumbled to the bathroom. Refusing to turn on the lights, she located the wheeled bucket with her shins. Cursing, she pushed it to the spigot on the wall and filled the bucket. She wheeled it into the living room and poured the bucket into the large pot hanging over it.

Peeta would be gone tomorrow. In just a few hours. She rubbed her wrist where his name was scripted. It would be there forever. Even after he had left with her father, she would carry his name on her body. She wrapped her fingers around her wrist bones and closed her eyes.

The sound of the bubbles breaking on the water surface came to her. She sighed as she lifted the pot from the spit and poured it back into the bucket and wheeled it back to the bathroom. Adding cold fresh water from the spigot, she stepped into the empty basin and washed herself down, scrubbing her face with a washcloth and pouring cups of water over her long hair.

She shivered as she stepped out of the basin and emptied the bucket down the drain. She dried herself hurriedly and fumbled for her robe in the dark. Wrapping her hair in her towel, she heard the scraping at the door. She saw Peeta squinting in the dim light of the fire before seeing her in the bathroom. They stared at one another. She glanced down and realized she had put on his robe.

"You're still up," he finally said, awkwardly removing his coat and hanging it behind the door.

"Just got home a few minutes ago," she replied, her eyes fixed on him. "Thank you for the bread."

He looked over to the counter, frowning. "You haven't eaten any."

"Not yet," she smiled. He didn't smile, but his frown softened.

"I should wash up too-" he started.

"I've missed you," she blurted out.

He didn't speak. "I'm sorry," he muttered after a time, unsure of what to say. "It's been so much…getting ready for tomorrow," he faltered. He looked to her. His shoulders sagged. "I've missed you too."

She took a step towards him with a smile. "Will you eat with me?"

"Yes." He returned her smile.

They sat in the dim light, cutting slices of the molasses bread and eating greedily.

"It's like our first night in the Capital," she said fondly.

"A little colder," he grinned.

She laughed. "And no butter, running water or comfortable bed."

"Or comfortable sofa," he chuckled. She watched the corners of his eyes crinkle with his giggle while she chewed.

"You slept on that sofa too long," she said wistfully.

"It really was comfortable," he offered.

"No, I mean…" she scooted her chair closer to his. "I should have known I could trust you. I can trust you."

"I don't have any regrets," he said, putting down his bread. "You didn't do anything wrong. You were perfect."

She looked at him sideways. "Perfect?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Perfect for me," he said. Then his smile fell and he looked away, a pained look crossing his young features.

When he spoke next his tone frightened her. "I've…I've loved you for so long, Katniss." She stared at him. "I imagined us together so much, sometimes I forget you haven't loved me." She started to protest, but he cut her off. "It's okay, Katniss. You didn't even know me. But this fight, this…war. It's is a chance for you…to live the life you choose. With…," he fought for the words. "With whoever you want."

"I want you to come home," she said levelly. A sudden panic overtook her and she leaned forward to grip his shoulders hard, not caring if she was clawing him with her broken fingernails. "You come home to me, Peeta. Whatever happens in the Capital, you come home!"

She grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him to embrace her.

"I promise," he murmured, running his fingers through her tangled damp hair. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her across his lap. She rested her head in the crook of his neck and ran her hand across his chest as he stroked her back.

She gathered her courage over a few minutes and finally spoke. "Sleep upstairs with me tonight."

She heard him to inhale and felt the rejection coming. She lifted her head sharply, letting him see her earnest face. "Please." She offered a little smile. "I want one more night beside you."

His gaze pierced her, searching for confirmation. "Are you sure?"

She leaned in and kissed him her answer.

He washed up while she wrapped up the remaining bread, holding it against her body for a moment. For a short while, it would be a reminder of him. Then it too would be gone.

She slept fitfully and woke up frequently, gingerly stretching out a hand each time to feel Peeta's arm and listen to his breathing next to her. When the first gray light of morning crept across the floor his eyes opened to find hers still watching him.

He smiled sleepily and brought up his hand to brush a lock of her dark hair away from her forehead.

"Don't go," she whispered.

"I'll come home," he whispered back.

He turned around four times to look over his pack as he set out next to her father. She counted each time, praying for one more look into his eyes as she waved, tears spilling down her cheeks. Her father turned around that last time, smiled regretfully at her, then clapped an arm around Peeta's shoulders to pull him along.

The hours passed agonizingly slow. Coin and Haymitch tried to keep her mind in training, but with each passing hour she wondered where they were on the tracks. In the mountain tunnel? In the cellar? Making their way in the darkness to the doctor's house? To the bakery to wait for the signal to strike? They finally let her go home when she shot a distracted arrow that only missed Haymitch's head by a few inches.

It was raining as she stomped back through the mud, Gale supporting her on one side. When she reached the door, she saw the rain had washed away the chalk name on the door. She collapsed and Gale had to carry her inside.

Laying her on her bed, he pulled off her coat and draped it on the bedpost while she cried into her pillow. She didn't help when she felt him loosening her bootlaces and setting them by the door. He sat on the mattress behind her and rested his hand on her arm.

"Katniss, it's okay. Your dad will bring him back. He'll be okay," he murmured, leaning over to whisper in her ear. She couldn't respond.

He brushed a kiss on her temple and rolled away.

"Will you stay?" she asked, rolling towards him, crying so much it was hard to get the words out. "I can't stay here alone without him," she rasped.

He looked mournful. "Of course," he said, sitting to pull off his own boots and coat.

He lay down beside her. She held his hands and cried herself to sleep.