Okay I have a few things to say –

First, holy hell thanks for the warm welcome into the fandom. As a fanfiction virgin who so recently cashed in her card I can now honestly say that my first time was utterly satisfying. Gracias and merci à vous.

Second, your over-kind reviews are so very greatly appreciated – and feedback or suggestions will always be welcome.

Third, to my anonymous new friend lytab5, I was actually thrilled that you picked up on Bianca's nickname for Marissa as I have very specific reasons for including it, not the least of which being that I wanted to add an extra level of camaraderie between our two favorite girls and I'm a believer in the casual nickname clause, which I believe the AMC writers sort of overlooked. Kind of a small thing, but there you go. You'll also notice Marissa's nickname for Bianca in the following chapter, and I'll continue using both as I write more.

And lastly, a thousand apologies for ending where I did but I swear to you that I won't keep you waiting too much longer. Though as I already said, this fanfiction thing is merely a guilty pleasure of mine and so it will not continue to take precedence over my actual work, but I promise not to leave you hanging painfully before I at least get to the really good part.

K – done with the rant. Onward.

And Speaking of Forevermore…

"I'm fairly certain that movie wasn't really worth the five bucks I paid for it," Bianca laughed happily as she stumbled after Marissa onto the back porch, the warm night air making her take a compulsive deep breath as she felt a bit more of her sobriety return. I must be such a lightweight, she thought blandly. If I'm this bad after just one margarita. Either that or Riss just got a little tequila-happy…

"I didn't think it was that bad," Marissa replied good-naturedly, sinking down next to Bianca on the outdoor sofa. "I mean, the part about the rocket-launchers was a little out there, but the scene with the sperm whales was kind of…"

But Bianca burst out laughing so loudly that Marissa couldn't finish her thought, watching as her friend bent at the waist and lost herself in an uncontrolled laughing fit and by the time Bianca had tears streaking down her face Marissa had joined in as well.

"You do realize that you just used the terms 'rocket-launchers' and 'sperm whales' in the same sentence in defense of a movie," Bianca finally sputtered out, her laughter only multiplying as Marissa's equally infectious giggles joined her own. "Are you still going to stand by your 'I didn't think it was that bad' or would you like to make an amendment?"

"No I'll amend it, you're right," Marissa chuckled, wiping her own tears that had streaked her eyeliner. "That movie was one of the worst I've ever seen."

"Yeah maybe next time we should reverse roles," Bianca suggested. "You pick the movie and I'll make the margaritas that won't make me fall over with one sip."

"They weren't that strong!" Marissa defended herself, though she had to admit that she may have poured a little too heavily with both the tequila and the Grand Marnier, her thoughts while mixing the ingredients a little more scattered than normal…

"They were a little potent," Bianca teased her. "Although don't get me wrong I drank every last drop."

"Lush," Marissa said with a playful nudge to Bianca's ribs, who burst out in another fit of giddy laughter and grabbed her side dramatically and Marissa couldn't help but join in again, both women suddenly laughing so hysterically that after a few minutes they were each clutching their stomachs.

"Whew okay I've got to stop before I pass out – I'm already getting the spins," Bianca heaved after a while, launching herself back up onto the couch properly as she'd partially slid off in her cheerful frenzy and she landed against the cushions with a soft thwomp.

"Ahh – thanks Bee, that's exactly what I needed tonight," Marissa said airily, sinking herself down comfortably next to Bianca. Both women folded their legs up underneath them and their bare feet intertwined in the small space of the couch.

"What – to watch what is arguably the worst movie ever conceived by people who make too much money?" Bianca asked playfully, but Marissa shook her head.

"No, to laugh like two school-girls at a slumber party with my best friend," Marissa told her, making sure to follow it up with her widest and sincerest smile. "Do you know that you've been my only real source of happiness outside of AJ for months?"

She said it before she filtered it and the immediate realization that she'd let it slip caused her eyes to grow to the size of discs as she stared in silent horror at her friend, who went suddenly rigid from her deep trench inside the plush cushions. Marissa opened her mouth to try to say something but absolutely nothing came to mind and so she just sat there with her mouth hanging in a small "o" as she waited for the brunette to react.

Did she really just say that? Bianca thought wildly, feeling all her muscles suddenly tense at Marissa's words but completely unable to do anything about it. Her breathing hitched but she forced her body to grudgingly unclench, not wanting the instant embarrassment she saw flash onto the redhead's face to ruin the comfortable rapport they'd had going. She chuckled quietly and forced her eyes up to meet Marissa's. "Ditto," she said with a smile, relaxing completely again when she felt her friend's muscles do the same. "Except, you know, flip Mimo and Gabby for AJ. Although he definitely still makes the list."

Marissa smiled weakly at Bianca and allowed herself to settle down inside what the brunette had managed to make a comfortable silence, twirling a strand of her slick red hair between her fingers as she gazed upward at the star-studded night sky.

Okay, Marissa Tasker, quit breathing so damn hard or else Bianca's going to think you're having a heart attack, she told herself evenly, but the end result was her only becoming more winded as her nose started whistling every time she forced a tense breath and eventually she was left with her mouth slightly open, breathing like she had a sinus infection. She didn't completely freak out at your embarrassing confession so you're really fine, there's nothing at all wrong with whatever it is that's happening tonight. Bianca's your best friend – whatever is going on with me will be okay with her… But what the hell is going on with me?

Breathe, breathe, close mouth, breathe…

Okay – it's no big thing that your feet are snuggled up underneath Bianca's, that's not any big deal. We do that all the time when we sit out here together, so that is completely normal. Right – her warm, smooth feet covering mine is supposed to feel this… tingly. And then of course it's perfectly normal for me to sit here obsessing over Bianca's feet...

If I could mentally slap myself then I should probably do that right about now… good god, quit fooling yourself Tasker, or else you'll only wind up miserable again like you did with JR. What's so scary about facing this possibility?

"Nothing," she breathed aloud, and Bianca's head rose slightly off her hand, obviously returning from her own star-stricken trance.

"What?" she asked the redhead, registering immediately the glossy look in her eye that meant only that Marissa had just taken off somewhere.

"- what? Oh… nothing," Marissa mumbled, glad for the darkness outside that hid the slight blush she knew had risen to her cheeks. "I was just… losing myself." Bianca nodded knowingly as Marissa's silent thought corrected herself again. Maybe more like finding myself.

"You know this is a good porch for doing some quality thinking," Bianca pondered aloud pleasantly. "I've had many good thoughts on this very couch."

"Hmm, you know I quite agree with you," Marissa replied wryly, playing along with Bianca's faux-meditative musings. "There's not a thought that's crossed my mind that hasn't had me questioning the very meaning of life, and it has all to do with this very porch."

"Ah yes – the Thinking Porch," Bianca dubbed it with a sardonic look of declaration. "As it shall henceforth be known."

"Hear hear," Marissa agreed, raising a hand into the air in mini-celebration. Bianca brought her own up and their knuckles gently grazed together, each pulling back fingers that were hyper-aware of the slight touch.

"So where did you get to just now?" Marissa inquired curiously, finding that despite her escalating inner chaos at her puzzling – and absolutely terrifying – new daydreams she was actually calmer when talking to Bianca, her constant steadiness and comfort more than enough to get Marissa to jigger the hell down no matter how worked up she got. And as Bianca replied Marissa felt that same tranquility wash over her again, a feeling that only escalated the flood of emotion that had started boiling in the pit of her stomach.

"I was actually just thinking about what I'm going to tell Ryan about his judgment in movie suggestions," Bianca replied with a half-lie – she had been thinking about Ryan's awful taste in films when she'd heard Marissa whisper something, but for the large majority of the silence before that she had been lost in her own growing terror of the woman sitting beside her.

Don't be ridiculous, you're not scared of Marissa, she assured herself sternly, feeling her fingers bunch into fists. Marissa is my best friend – she genuinely cares about me. In fact she cares about me more than anyone else ever has – she's become a better friend than anyone before. I recognize her; there's something between us that's familiar – easy. Simple. There's a connection there that… that I'm terrified of losing. That's what I'm scared of. Of trying to make more out of this just because I want to see it that way. Marissa's straight – she's good at being straight and she likes it. Or at least I think she does – I've never actually asked her outright. I feel like that could be an awkward conversation…

'Hey Marissa, I know this is kind of out of the blue but would you ever consider switching teams at all? I'm not curious for myself or anything… I was just… just wondering because of… you know… general curiosity… in a general way… having nothing to do with the fact that I'm a lesbian. Swear.'

No, definitely better to just keep my mouth closed a little longer, Bianca almost smirked. She's never shown any interest at all in anything related to the ways of the lesbians and the last thing I need is to chase off another friend with some dramatic declaration of love.

"Yo – earth to Bianca," came Marissa's voice, startling the brunette from her contemplation and her eyes snapped upward, her breath immediately hitching painfully at the beautiful spectacle that was Marissa in the soft light of a glowing moon. "You keep getting lost on me – are you okay?"

"No yeah – I'm fine," Bianca tried to say convincingly but her voice cracked slightly on the words and Marissa raised a bemused eyebrow.

"'No yeah'?" she challenged lightly. "Isn't one a complete negation of the other?"

"Ugh, don't use big words tonight Riss – it's Friday and my brain doesn't want to have to keep up with you."

"Ooh… apologies. Just tell me where you keep running off to. The look on your face makes it obvious that there's something pretty heavy on your mind."

Oh do you mean the fact that I'm madly in love with you and can't tell you because I'm petrified of losing you? Bianca thought listlessly as different words tumbled from her mouth. "I'm just wondering what you're planning on doing after you move out of the mansion again," she lied, completely oblivious to the way Marissa's face fell at her words, too preoccupied with gazing intently at her own knees so she wouldn't give herself away.

"Oh," Marissa sighed. I thought that maybe you were trying to figure out why the hell there's this weirdly charged energy around us right now. "I haven't thought that far yet – I've been having too much fun with you. But I guess I'll get a temporary room at the Yacht Club for a while until I can find a place of my own. I really don't want to move back into the Martin's again."

Or I could just tell you I'm in love with you and then you and AJ could move in with us – problem solved. "Yeah that's probably a good idea," Bianca quietly agreed. "Just as long as you get out from under JR's thumb as soon as possible. Don't let him guilt you into forgiving him this time."

Why are we still talking about JR? Marissa wondered. He is so not what I want to focus on right now. "I won't Bianca, I swear. This time I feel like there's really nothing to forgive – I've seen him for what he's always going to be and so it's over. End of story."

Any chance that you'll possibly start seeing me a little differently too with this newfound clarity? Bianca thought desperately before swiftly shutting it down. She took a deep breath. "I'm glad to hear that, really. You have no idea how wonderful it is to see you this sure of yourself after everything JR's put you through."

Sure of myself? HA! "Well… I think the only safe assumption I can make about my future is that I will never again fall prey to JR Chandler."

"I'd call that progress," Bianca replied, offering the very serious looking redhead a reassuring smile. Marissa nodded slowly, her hazel eyes fixed heavily on her friend's face as if in a pensive trance, completely incapable of looking away from the dawning realization that coursed through every single bone in her body.

Whoa – she thought dreamily, her mind momentarily falling utterly still as she gazed at her gorgeous friend reclined so comfortably right beside her, unable to form a coherent thought for the long expanse of time in which she sat there unmoving, blinking only occasionally so as not to disrupt what she realized was quite possibly the most incredible view she'd ever seen. This is my comfort. I hate this drafty old mansion but somehow with Bianca inside it it very easily feels like – home. How in the hell have I missed all of this – this whole time?

Huh – I thought I'd decided to quit fooling myself. I've missed nothing, but I've spent a good deal of time running from it. Running back to JR just to reassure myself, but every time just chomping at the bit to see Bianca again. And after Ricky… Her heart started pumping double-time as Ricky's evil face slid across her beautiful reverie making her inhale sharply. Bianca noticed but merely grinned reassuringly again, her heavy eyes mirroring Marissa's making the redhead wonder if perhaps she was reliving the same horror as well. Her eyes drifted down to Bianca's wrists and a painful chill crawled down her back like a swarm of fire ants when she saw the puffy remainders of her wounds and Marissa's jaw clenched in reflex. How dare he hurt her, she thought savagely, the blazing anger from earlier that evening returning instantly with a vengeance and she allowed herself a brief moment of mental retaliation against the monster who had hurt a woman who had already been through so much, grinning almost wickedly as the images of what she'd like to do to him danced through her head. But as quickly as they came they were gone again, Marissa's countenance shifting easily back into quietude as thoughts of Ricky dissolved against the stunning backdrop of Bianca's peaceful face.

Why has it taken me so long to finally allow myself to see what's been right in front of my nose? I mean, who do I always want to see at the end of the day, no matter how it's gone? If I'm having a bad time then I want Bianca there to talk me through it; if I'm having the best day of my life then I want Bianca there to share it with me. AJ and Miranda are best friends and Bianca loves my son like her own – she loves everyone so unconditionally and she's supported me through everything. We got each other through that nightmare and tonight's the first time that I've seen that old familiar spark come back into her incredible chocolate eyes, her impenetrable strength finally bouncing her back after her struggles this morning in the hotel room…

"Oh my god Bianca you were going to tell me something this morning," Marissa said, suddenly sitting bolt upright as she ripped herself out of her daze. "At the Yacht Club earlier when I had to run out and save JR – what were you going to tell me?"

Oh shit – Bianca's stomach bottomed out, her eyes skating from side to side as she tried to figure out which direction she should go with her answer.

I could lie again… she thought languidly, but the idea of just looping around in another giant circle made her feel like she could throw up. Unfortunately the prospect of spilling the truth seemed like it would likely cause the same effect. No – just tell her the truth you scared little hypocrite. Quit running all the time and quit holding all your past pain against Marissa; you've already figured out that she's different. She's different from all of them…

But she's straight! the annoyingly logical side of her brain protested loudly.

Yeah – and so was Maggie…

Okay stop it. Once again you cannot hold Marissa accountable for someone else's mistakes.

But you also can't assume that she'll react well to this… A life-long straight girl hearing a confession of attraction from a gay girl would send anybody into a tailspin…

But this is Marissa. Why do I have to keep reminding myself of that? That in itself says everything.

But you've been sitting here in a silent funk for the past ten minutes trying to dissect every look that crossed Marissa's face, scouring her perfect details for anything that might indicate that she too is aware of this cotton-thick energy that's settled over this couch ever since we sat down...

And where is this energy coming from exactly? Am I somehow creating it… no. Shut that down. It takes two people to create a feeling like this, only am I feeling the same thing that she is? She's not telling me something… something about her face during our discussion earlier told me that she wasn't really saying everything that was on her mind.

Kind of like yourself, hypocrite.

"Uh – hello in there…" Marissa interjected timidly when Bianca still hadn't looked at her after almost two minutes. "Once again you've flown off someplace and it's starting to worry me. Tell me what's on your mind."

"It's… it's not really a big deal, I promise. You don't have to worry," Bianca assured her, although the painful jab in her lower abdomen reprimanded her for lying again. "I just… I was having a hard time this morning, that's all."

"Yeah I kind of gathered that," Marissa said with a bemused grin, raising an eyebrow in question. "So then why don't you talk to me about it? I mean if there's anyone who can help you deal with your lingering fear after the attack it'd be me right? Cuz – you know – I just might have had the same kind of experience. Plus you're my best friend – nobody means more to me in this world and I hate seeing you hurt like this."

Bianca's lungs filled with air which she held in until she couldn't any longer, her whole body reacting to the compassion that dripped from the redhead's mouth. "I… I'm not really… It's not exactly… dealing with the attack that I'm having trouble with," she finally managed to say, her whole body becoming suddenly granite-still as she spoke, realizing that she was maybe – finally – on the verge of starting to speak the truth to the one person who she really needed to hear it.

"Then what is it?" Marissa asked, leaning forward slightly and Bianca had to force herself not to slide away so that she wouldn't lose the last lingering feathers of her resolve. "Bianca whatever it is you can tell me. Like I tried to tell you before, there isn't anything that you can say that will change the way I feel about you." Although they've already changed, she finished internally, this time allowing a small smile to creep to her lips at the thought. She had a brief moment of raging desire to lean into the brunette and take her stunning face in her hands to comfort her, smiling wider still at the realization that she wouldn't be opposed to closing the distance between them entirely… No – focus on Bianca right now. She's struggling with something and you need to be here for her. Whatever you're feeling can wait to be talked about – Bianca's wellbeing is frontrunner to everything.

"I… I'm just… I'm trying to get some things sorted out in my head," Bianca told her lamely. "I can't… it's not something that's easy for me to…"

"For you to what?" Marissa encouraged her after her voice trailed off, finally sitting all the way forward and taking Bianca's hands in hers again. Only this time when their fingers entwined a shockwave pulsed through both sets of arms as two pairs of eyes locked onto the small embrace, each gazing in a stunned daze at their fingers wrapped so easily together.

Okay – ignore the burning feeling of Bianca's hands in yours, stay focused, Marissa told herself as steadily as she could manage through the hazy cloud that instantly filled her brain. Probably a bad idea under the circumstances to touch her, but you can't pull back now so you can get a hold of yourself again…

Stay focused here Bianca, the brunette was telling herself with an equal amount of forced determination. You've held hands with her before… this is nothing new. Only she really picked a bad time to test my self-control while I'm right in the middle of coming out with an insane confession…

"Bianca…?" Marissa started again, her voice a gentle whisper that the brunette barely heard. Marissa dipped her head low until she was able to see Bianca's eyes and she tried to give her friend a look that said "it's going to be okay" but the strained look in her ever-expressive brown eyes made the redhead falter, once again losing herself in her own abrupt clarity.

Holy shit – I've fallen in love with her, she realized with a sudden roaring clearness, trying to keep her eyes from widening to the size of baseballs as Bianca's finally lifted to meet them. She felt like a giant boulder landed with a painful crash on her chest as fragmented thoughts zoomed around her brain, realization after realization hurtling at her heart like gunfire. Seeing her in this kind of pain is literally hurting me. She's the most incredible woman I've ever known – will ever know. All the comfort and safety I've been desperately searching for has been right here all along with me just too blind to see it. I've actually fallen in love with my best friend…

"Marissa I…" Bianca tried to say, but seeing the redhead's hazel eyes flare suddenly she stopped herself. "… what? What's wrong?"

"Erm… uh… ahem… nothing," Marissa stammered, but Bianca knew from the stunned look on her face that she was lying again.

"No, it's definitely not nothing," Bianca pressed, thankful for the small distraction so that she could – once again – put off her own feelings. "What's wrong?"

"There's nothing at all wrong, Bianca," Marissa said with a smile, gently squeezing her friend's hands tighter. Everything is absolutely perfect actually. "We're talking about you. Please tell me what's been bothering you so much lately. If it's not the attack then what is it?"

Bianca sighed heavily. What now? "It's just… I'm really… everything's kind of…" but Bianca couldn't force herself to go on no matter how hard she tried, the words catching at the back of her throat every time she opened her mouth. She realized that her hands were shaking inside Marissa's comforting clasp and she squeezed involuntarily to steady them, her heart soaring into the starry sky when she felt her friend's return the gesture. Good god just open your damn mouth! she shrieked inside her head. This is Marissa – it's not like she's going to go screaming into the night if you tell her how you feel!

But I can't just say it like this, she realized suddenly. I can't just throw it out there in the middle of nowhere and just see how she reacts. What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to explain to her that I fell in love with her without even realizing it?

And then suddenly she heard Kendall's voice echoing in her memory, once again recalling their conversation from that afternoon.

"Okay, I don't know Marissa that well, but maybe she's still in love with JR," she'd said. "Maybe not. Maybe she's in love with you."

"I'm glad we've narrowed that down."

"What I'm saying is Binx; you don't have to ask her. Just give her the music box and see how she reacts. Maybe then you'll get your answer."

"I have something for you," Bianca said, instantly returned from her daydream and overjoyed at the realization that she did have another option. "This could be the most important gift you've ever given anyone in your whole life…"

"Uh – what?" Marissa asked her, completely thrown. "I thought you were going to tell me…"

"It'll wait," Bianca told her airily, rising from the couch and releasing Marissa's hands. "I'll be right back…"

As Marissa watched her glide around the couch and disappear quickly into the house she couldn't keep the shocked confusion at bay as she tried to ignore how cold her hands felt without Bianca's in them. "What the hell just happened?" she asked into the still night. A cricket chirped in response and Marissa sighed heavily.

She's like a bank vault, she thought sullenly. She locks her feelings away and acts like everything's fine just because she doesn't want anyone to worry about her. Well I'm not worrying about her – I don't have to worry that Bianca will find the strength to overcome whatever this is because I know it's already there. I'm just trying to care for her and she's not letting me.

No Tasker – you're trying to love her…

Marissa leaned back into the cushions again, allowing them to swallow her and muffle the gentle sounds of the night. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself to beat back the chill that coursed through every nerve in her body, though it had nothing at all to do with the warm breeze that drifted across the backyard.

Settle down. Calm your nerves. Breathe. Quit freaking out over all this and be strong for Bianca – she needs you right now.

But I'm not freaking out – I'm finally seeing clearly for the first time in my whole life…

And with that blissful thought Marissa unconsciously began to hum quietly, the smooth tones of her voice mixing harmoniously with the natural symphony of the peaceful night.

"All through the night, near and far, we will be together…" she sang, and her body reacted to the melody. Her muscles relaxed, the tension of the past few hours melting out of her limbs like lava, and she breathed a serene sigh. "So hush – don't you cry. In my arms we will be together – forevermore."

/

"Get a freaking grip on yourself," Bianca breathed into the stale air inside the foyer, making a beeline for the table where she'd left her purse and the gift bag with the music box inside. As her fingers hooked around the ribbon handles of the bag her stomach turned over violently and she almost dropped it, reflexively clutching her abdomen. Okay really Bianca – enough with the dramatics. It's not like I'm declaring war or something; this is not an awful thing to admit. And you're not even admitting anything – you're giving your best friend a present, a present that you bought her before you ever really realized the real reason why you found it in the first place…

She forced her legs to cooperate and turned around as quickly as she'd come, crossing back through the house while mustering every ounce of her remaining gumption. But as she approached the open back door she could just make out what sounded like soft music coming from outside, and she immediately recognized the melodic hum of Marissa's pure voice.

"All through the night, near and far, we will be together…" Bianca heard her sing. The air inside her chest slammed outward painfully as Bianca held it in, the sound of Marissa's low yet completely breathtaking song momentarily stealing her ability to breathe properly. "So hush – don't you cry. In my arms we will be together – forevermore," she finished quietly before continuing on, and as she did Bianca reached instinctively into the bag in her hands and pulled out the box inside. Silently she lifted its contents from the tissue paper and tossed the bag aside, stepping out into the warmth of the backyard to rejoin her friend as her fingers pulled the top from the porcelain music box and wound it up.

The music floated into the still air and joined seamlessly with Marissa's soft tune, but the redhead soon fell silent as she turned slowly around and locked eyes with the woman behind her.