The Detective and The Doctor

"I like when you stay the night," she said as she nuzzled his ear.

Jay had his eyes closed but he grinned at the softness of her nose against him.

"You do huh…maybe I'll stay tonight."

"Or we can stay at yours?" Camila asked.

Jay let out a sigh and broke away from her. He sat and turned his back to Camila, his feet planted on the floor ready to leave.

"It's not exactly a place…I crash on my pop's couch," he answered.

Camila sat up and wrapped her arms loosely around his neck, trailing the back of it with little kisses.

"Well, that means getting to hear some very embarrassing little Ryan stories, right?"

"My dad has never had much to say about me," Jay answered coldly.

"Mine either, Luis was like a father, brother, protector," Camila answered forlornly.

"He was great guy, how about I stop by the bar and we can end up here again?" Ryan proposed.

"Okay," she answered giving him another quick kiss.

Jay stood up pulling his shirt over his head. He had to be at work in forty minutes, much longer than his regular commute. But he had found a strange addiction in Camila. He could've backed off, but he needed to find some kind of salvation for what his actions had led to. Voight might have been ready to live with anything to get to the greater good, but it was a house Jay found uncomfortable to inhabit.

When he arrived at the station and headed to the Intelligence Division's portion of the office it felt like any other day. A quick rundown of the current cases and the next one a homicide on the west side.

"Upton, Burgess, you're up," Voight commanded.

Hank strolled back into his office. Usually at the sound of Hailey's name Jay was ready to go but he stopped. The two women walked past him, coffees in hand, as if working together was the norm. Jay marched towards Voight's office pulling the door behind him.

"Sarge what heck, why am I not going?" he asked.

"Because frankly Halstead there's been some talk and it's a little unsettling,"

"Did Upton say something?"

"Why, did something happen Jay?"

Jay situated his shoulders glancing over quickly enough to not make his eye-roll so noticeable. Just then a knock came.

"Come in," Voight answered gruffly.

"Detective Halstead this Dr. Sarah Reese," he announced.

"We've met," Jay answered tamely.

He wouldn't look Sarah in the eye.

"Detective," she said trying to meet his eyes.

"Dr. Reese is going to do a psychiatric evaluation on you," Voight declared.

Jay's jaw tightened as he glanced Sarah's way. She had been staring at him with a neutral gaze.

"There's an office down the hall you can use," Voight said before taking a seat to begin his paperwork.

Sarah immediately took the cue and walked out of the office following the direction down the hall to the secluded space Hank had shown her fifteen minutes before Jay's arrival. The office might as well have been an interrogation room. There was a slick desk with just a couple of drawers. One chair to it's front and the other facing it. No pictures adorned the walls and no windows allowed for light. This was a room of seclusion and secrecy. The harsh drag of the metal chair against the concrete was another signal to Sarah that Jay was not at all happy about being here. It stole Sarah's first segue into asking him to sit down.

"Sergeant Voight didn't tell you I was doing your evaluation before today," Sarah remarked.

"No, but you knew huh," Jay stated coldly.

"Does the range have anything to do with why I'm here?" she asked.

"Why were you at the range?" he prodded.

"I like to shoot; the better question is why you were there. I toured this precinct and your shooting range is a lot more impressive than the one I shoot at."

"Did you follow me?" Jay asked.

"That's the second time you haven't answered that question…hmmm," Sarah stated as she jotted down something on her notepad.

"Evasive, irritated, bordering on hostile."

Jay huffed and sat back in his chair.

"So, what's the goal here? Why am I here?" he asked.

"Why do you think you're here," she countered.

"Jesus Christ, we aren't going to do this are we?!"

"That's entirely up to you Detective Halstead," Sarah answered.

His anger was to be expected. Most people react in all kinds of different ways if you tell them you suspect something may be unhealthy about their bodies but the reaction to even the slightest assumption that something might be wrong with their head is enough to start wars.

"Than not," he replied.

Jay stood up and walked to the door slamming it. Sarah jotted down a few more notes.

"Unresponsive to basic psychotherapy, agitation, anger."

It wasn't much, but she had to turn in this little amount to Dr. Kwon. Sarah got up stuffing the notepad in her bag and heading out to the hall. She passed Jay at his desk tapping a pen atop the surface.

"I'm heading to the hospital if you change your mind," Sarah offered softly.

"I won't," Jay grumbled.

Sarah drove to the hospital, parking in a guest spot. She was suspended and needed to get to Sharon's office without being spotted. She slipped in virtually unknown to the staff, taking stairs and careful routes to Goodwin's office to deliver her notes.

"How'd it go?" Sharon inquired.

"Not well, he doesn't seem receptive to treatment, but he's hiding something," Sarah responded.

"Voight thinks so too, your evaluation will determine his future, try and get him to talk to you."

"With all do respect Ms. Goodwin if a patient isn't ready to receive treatment no matter what the ailment than they won't seek help."

Sharon nodded.

"He's a good cop he just needs help," she said before sitting in her chair, "I'll make sure Dr. Kwon gets your notes."

Sarah nodded and stood up ready to leave when she asked.

"How is Dr. Charles?"

"We're getting there Dr. Reese, just handle this case."

Sarah thought about heading home but she wondered if she should stop by the gun range. There was a chance she could get another crack at Jay there but if not shooting gave her the rush and release she craved more and more each day.

Hank was coming from his office when he noticed Jay sitting at his desk, half twirling in his chair, tapping his pen in agitation.

"What are you doing Halstead?"

"We're done…all good," he said nonchalantly.

"Get in here…now," Voight hissed.

Jay stood up trying his best to hide the attitude burgeoning under his skin.

"Sit down!" Voight yelled.

Jay honored the command and plopped down in the chair facing Hank.

"You really don't get it do you? I have her evaluating you because I'm not sure about the psych eval you're supposed to get from our psychologist!" he lectured.

"I just haven't had time to schedule it-," Jay began.

"-Yadda yadda yada please save those lies for someone who doesn't know you! For someone who hasn't seen you talking in sleep like a ghoul or acting too aggressive in a staged fight at a bar or pointing a gun in the face of your partner!"

Jay looked down at his fingers like a child being chastised in the office of the principal.

"You better find Dr. Reese and tell her exactly what she needs to hear so I know you're prepared for our people, now get out," he finished.

Jay stood up and left.

Sarah had just fitted on her earmuffs when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"He doesn't normally come here on Mondays," Hailey said.

"Detective Upton?"

Sarah was shocked to see her.

"Who?" Sarah asked.

Hailey smirked from the corner of her lips.

"I saw you last week…it was smart of you to take the bus last time but today you drove…same car," Hailey said.

"I've been looking for a range," Sarah said, avoiding Hailey's observation.

"Has he been able to open up?" Hailey asked.

"Detective Upton you know I can't tell you that."

"It's Hailey," she corrected her.

"Hailey, I can't even tell you if I'm treating whoever you think I'm treating," Sarah said with smirk to match Hailey's.

Sarah situated her earmuffs and got in her ready stance. Hailey watched but just before she shot she felt Hailey's hand upon hers. Hailey pulled one side of her ear muff away.

"If you hold it like this," she started as she laced her fingers through Sarah's, "You won't clip yourself again."

She let her hands linger a tick too long, her breath tickling Sarah's ear. Usually the build-up to shoot was momentary but this time her heart raced. Sarah took a deep breath and fired. Hailey was still next to her.

"That feels good," Sarah all but whispered as she swallowed.

Hailey grinned and then walked away.

Sarah hadn't been with a woman since undergrad and she almost chalked it up to it being an "experimental" thing because she hadn't dated any women since. It was almost as if the women who dated women knew she slept with men too and it was like some kind repellant. But not since college had she felt what she felt at that range. Dr. Charles would say to her that she needed to keep a distance between herself and his colleagues. Anything else even after his evaluation could stink of impropriety and damage her reputation. But it was fun to wonder. To fantasize that Hailey might actually be flirting with her. She knew Sarah had followed them so what game was she playing at? Maybe it wasn't Sarah at all that Hailey fancied but Jay. And just like an incantation to think of him or say his name he was there. Standing in Sarah's hallway knocking on the door.

"Detective Halstead," Sarah said perplexed by his visit.

"Doc, I stopped by the hospital, but you weren't there," he admitted.

Sarah nodded and unlocked the door. Jay took in the tiny space. It was almost a studio but for two doors, one of which could be a bedroom the other obviously the bathroom. The walls were covered in books upon the floor to ceiling shelves, a small clean kitchen, a comfy white sofa and an arm chair adorned the room. It was cozy.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Sarah asked as she took off her jacket.

"Uh water," Jay answered.

Sarah filled two glasses and sat them down on the table. She sat in her armchair across from him; watching him study her place; taking her things to memory. The silence grew in the room until Sarah asked.

"Why do you think you're here?"

"Being a detective is one of the most fulfilling roles I have ever taken on. I need to convince Voight I'm fine, so I can go back to doing that," he answered.

Sarah grabbed a notepad off her coffee table and began writing. Jay stared at her intently as she scribbled his life down on that paper; his future.

"So, what do I need to tell you so that you understand that I don't need to be here?" he asked.

"To begin with, Detective Halstead I am a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, I am here to see if there is anything going on with you mentally that can be treated medically, it's less psychotherapy but more of an assessment of your needs to determine if a diagnosis for mental illness is even appropriate and if so what medical regiment you would need to follow to manage your symptoms."

Jay let out an annoyed sigh. Sarah stared at him and realized that even though she wasn't a psychotherapist Jay could be the perfect candidate for her to try her psychotherapy skills upon. Gaining experience in psychotherapy would make her a better diagnostician in psychiatry and she was ready to prove to everyone just how wrong Dr. Charles was in suspending her. This would be her chance; Detective Halstead would be her guinea pig.

"Okay…how do we start?" he asked.

"First, some ground rules," Sarah began, "We meet here and only here, I need to see you as Jay Halstead, not the detective and not the brother of a doctor who works at my hospital, second, we must meet everyday for the next two weeks, and finally, I am not going to spoon feed you the right answers because there are none, do you agree to these terms?" Sarah asked sternly.

Jay looked as though he wanted to get up and run again but he let out a defeated sigh and nodded his head. Jay looked at his watch.

"I can't really stay right now, I have somewhere to be…but what time tomorrow?"

Sarah and Jay agreed upon his lunch hour. Jay got up immediately and headed to the bar Camila worked at.

The twitch in Daniel's hand was back. It was the anticipation of another mini-intervention. Lydia had paged him to let him know Connor Rhodes was in his office. Daniel walked around the corner and took a deep breath before opening the door. Hoping to steady himself for the onslaught. However, Connor was standing and a man he didn't recognize was sitting.

"And there is the hospital's brilliant Chief of Psychiatry," Connor announced.

His tone was both an introduction and patronizing coddle of Daniel. He was one of the few who knew about Daniel's rocky adjustment back to the ED.

"Dr. Rhodes what can I do for you?" Daniel asked as he sat down.

"This is Dr. Robert Haywood, he is in late stage heart failure and the wait to get a heart has left him bereft," Connor answered carefully.

"-Depressed, Dr. Rhodes so elegantly side stepped the words depressed," Robert announced from his chair with a strange smile.

Daniel let out another breath of relief, an infirmed-depressed patient was exactly what he could handle. He knew a thing or two of the fears of mortality.

"It's nice to meet you Dr. Haywood," Daniel finally said, "Let's see what we can do for you."

Connor took those words as a perfect exit and left the office.

"So, what seems to be the hardest part of this for you?" Daniel asked.

"Besides being able to barely go up and down the stairs without seeing flashes of the pearly gate?" Bob joked.

The quip made Daniel laugh and Bob too.

"My sex life is dead in the water, I miss classes, you see I teach, I'm no saw-bones," he admitted with another peculiar smile.

"One of my old undergrad students works here…do you know Sarah Reese?"

Daniel nodded awkwardly.

"Is she around, I'd love to say hello."

"-Uh, no Dr. Reese is actually out for the next two weeks," Daniel answered sharply.

Bob nodded slowly, "Ah, I see…students," he remarked before giggling a bit.

Daniel's face softened, and he joined him in the odd laughter. Until Bob started coughing and then wheezing.

"Let me get you something to drink," Daniel offered.

He got up and went to the hall to get a cup of water from the cooler. Bob stood up and looked around the desk for a rolodex. He scanned it quickly and grabbed the card out. He heard the door and started coughing.

"Oh, thank you, you're very kind," he said clearing his throat, "Ultimately I know there is no hope for me, I'm too low on the transplant list and I just need to come to grips with things, with people," Bob admitted.

"Who do you feel like you don't have closure with?' Daniel asked.

"I have a daughter, her mother poisoned her against me in the divorce and it was easier just to stay away…well I guess easier for me," he said as he lowered his head in shame, "I need to make amends but I'm not sure how to," he explained.

"I would say they first step is to reach out."

Sarah got up every morning for a run. Exercising every morning before eating was recommended for weight loss. Not that Sarah needed to, but it had become ritual. Even in medical school when sleep was scarce. Followed tentatively by black coffee, Splenda sweetner, and a grapefruit with dry toast. However, the man at her door was not a part of her morning ritual. When she answered the door, he stood there and so did she. She looked at him like a bad memory and he saw her as a salvation.

"Hi, I know it's been a long time but I'm-," he began.

"-I know who you are," Sarah swiftly said cutting him off.

"May I come in?"

Sarah was almost keen to say no but she finally stopped looking through her rage colored glasses to see him. His yellowish skin, matted hair from sweat by the smallest excursion, and the dark colors under his eyes.

"I'm not on drugs if that's what you're thinking…Well I am but I take them to prolong what's left of my life."

His eyes held a fear and a vulnerability Sarah couldn't shake away. She opened the door wider to allow him in. Bob drank in her apartment.

"I play too," he disclosed at the sight of her keyboard.

"It's been over twenty years since I've seen you, not card, a phone call…a letter," Sarah said as her voice cracked.

She inhaled deeply to control any tears that might form.

"I know, and I'm deeply sorry, children shouldn't have to pay because of the squabbles of their parents."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'm in heart failure…it's only matter of time," he said with another misplaced smile.

"I don't want money or anything I just want a chance to get to know, you have always been in my heart Sarah I just want into yours."

He seemed sincere through the yellowing of his skin and his sallow eyes. A frail man wishing to cross an item off his bucket list.

"Dinner, I can do dinner," Sarah answered succinctly.

She stood up and opened the door.

"Thank you, I'll pick you at 7."

Sarah closed the door and tried to eat her breakfast, but she'd lost her appetite. She snatched her cell phone.

"Laura Reese, yes I'm well aware she's probably very busy, will you please tell her that this is her only child Sarah."

The smooth jazz played as Sarah waited and waited with the recorded operator stating intermittently.

"The party you are calling will be with you in a moment please continue to hold."

Enter smooth generic jazz, she watched her toast turn to ice cold as she waited.

"Sarah Danielle Reese you know how busy I am so this better be an emergency," she said tightly.

"Dad showed up this morning at my house, he wants to have dinner."

"What? That son-of-a bitch listen to me Sarah, you stay away from him!" she ordered.

"You never say why," Sarah implored.

"-Yes Donna, I know, listen Sarah you're a psychiatrist you'll see…he's dangerous," she said before hanging up.