CHAPTER ONE
THE SEARCH IS ON
'This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late'
-- Far Away – Nickleback
Hotch walked through his office door and turned and found Reid sitting in the chair that was close to the window. "Reid." He nodded.
"Where would you like me to start?" Reid looked up into his leaders eyes with open knowing brown eyes.
Hotch walked to his door and shut it, he turned around and faced the youngest member of his team. "From the beginning, when Emily first arrived." He said as he leaned against the door with his arms folded across his chest.
Reid nodded and sat up a little straighter, he knew that this was a long over due meeting between him and Hotch. A long over due much needed meeting. He raised his right hand and pushed it through his shaggy brown hair. "I didn't like Emily Prentiss." He said looking up to meet Hotch's eyes. "I was angry at her for taking Elle's place on the team. I was angry at her for taking Elle's desk."
Hotch nodded.
"But I would have been angry at anyone who took Elle's place, male or female." Reid said. He sighed. "That doesn't give me the right to write someone off before I got to know them."
Hotch nodded firmly as he walked over and sat down behind his desk. He leaned forward and folded his hands in front of him. Reid sighed deeply, "When I went though my – problems." He looked into his bosses eyes and Hotch knew that Reid still wasn't ready to vocally voice his drug problem. He kept his eyes firmly on the youngest member of the team.
"I didn't want anyone from the team to help me, and you all left me alone. To deal with things on my own. All expect Emily." Reid said still looking in Hotch's eyes. "I hated her for her caring about me."
He raised his right hand to stop Hotch from saying what was on his mind. He slightly shook his head. "I started to accept her in the family after I heard about how kind she was too JJ at the cabin when everyone else seemed to have been blaming her for my rushing off like I did. Only Emily seemed to know that JJ needed a shoulder to lean on – although JJ didn't accept it."
Spencer sighed as the picture of JJ came to his mind. He didn't realize that he started smiling a very sappy smile and his face soften into a young boyish look. He became lost in his thoughts of the woman whom had stolen his heart. Aaron was pleased with this as he always was – but he had more pressing things on his mind and heart at the moment, "Reid." He said in a harsh voice.
Reid snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Hotch in the eyes once more. "I have fully accepted Emily as part of the team and the family when I watched her at the hospital with JJ." His eyes gazed over once more – but he quickly snapped out of it with one firm look from Hotch. "I know you blame me for Emily leaving." He said in a soft voice.
Hotch sighed deeply, "I don't blame you Reid." He sighed deeply. "There's more to Emily leaving than your past attitude towards her." He said.
"Because she was going to dish some dirt on you too Strauss." Reid said with a knowing look on his face. He saw the surprise in Hotch's eyes. "The entire team knows, Hotch, we also know that Emily quite the first time so she didn't have to ruin your career."
Hotch leaned slowly forward, "Have you or anyone else on the team say anything to Emily? Or even hint anything?" he demanded in a hard voice.
Reid shook his head. "We never would." He shrugged his shoulders. "We have seen how stressed out and depressed Emily was during that case after her meeting with Strauss, we knew that something heavy was laying on her conscious. We weren't even all that surprised when JJ told us that Emily had resigned when we were flying with Strauss."
Hotch tilted his head to the side. "What had happened in the weeks before Emily quite and left her home?"
"Nothing. Everything was fine." Reid said.
"Everything wasn't fine, if it was than why did Emily quite and run away." Hotch said with a deep frown. Reid read how truly angry Hotch was by his brown eyes. "I don't know?" Reid softly said as he stood too his feet.
Hotch looked down and Reid knew the interview was finished, he walked to the door and with one last look at his boss he turned and left the office closing the door behind him.
II
JJ looked up at the knock on the door and she smiled softly at the sight of the hang dog look on Spencer's face. "Come in Spence." She knew that he had an interview with Hotch and it looked like it didn't go real. Not real at all. She watched as the genius walked into her office and stopped before passing the door his hand on the knob. He turned his soft coffee brown eyes onto her. She nodded her head. He shut the door softly behind him and moved over to sit in the chair opposite her desk. He let out a deep sigh.
JJ lowered the pencil down onto the file and she leaned back in her seat. She simply looked at Spencer Reid. She felt sorry for him. He didn't really do disappointment from others well. Especially in those he looked up as his parental figures. She pushed her chair back and stood to her feet and walked around her desk. She walked over to the chair and sat down on the right side of the chair, she put her right arm around Spencer's shoulders and pulled him a little closer to her side. "What to talk about it?" She gently asked.
Spencer lifted his eyes to look up into her kind baby blue eyes, "I told Hotch that we knew about what Strauss was doing to Emily." JJ's eyes widen a little, "How did he take it?" Spencer sighed. "He asked if I made it a point to let Emily know what I knew what she had to do to Hotch."
"You know that I wouldn't ask, Spence, if it wasn't important." JJ sighed. "But if Strauss had been
manipulating Emily from the beginning, would you have gone out of your way to tell Emily what you thought of her?"
"Yes." Reid simply said without lowering his eyes from JJ's frank stare. "I wanted Emily off of the team and out of the BAU and I would have used the information to do that." He looked questioning up into JJ's eyes. "Why aren't you angry JJ? Why aren't you right now throwing me out of your office and screaming that you will never forgive me?"
"Why would I do that, Spence? I have known that you didn't like Emily Prentiss from the very beginning. When I learned about what Strauss was doing to her I wouldn't have been surprised even than if you had used the information against Emily." JJ squeezed Spencer's shoulder. "Am I happy about that, no. Am I happy that I wouldn't have tried to talk you out of it, no." She shook her head.
Spencer pulled himself out of JJ's arm and stood to his feet and walked over to where the window that faced the outside world was. He stared out side the brisk March day. He didn't notice anything that was going on outside. "I hate myself for my past feelings for Emily, I shouldn't have treated her the way I did until I got to know her better." He sighed. "I shouldn't have treated her the way I did period."
JJ stood to her feet and walked over and stood next to Spencer. She reached over and took his hand into her own. She felt for the young genius. She knew that he was feeling these feelings deeply, most people had learned these hard lessons in their teenage years and were past it in their adulthood. But Spencer Reid didn't have a typical normal childhood, how could he when he was genius and his mother was having a mental breakdown. He had to deal with his over sized brain and taking care of his mom. He didn't have time to have a childhood. He was making up for it somewhat in his adult hood.
She knew that he was still very much in love with her even after their so called date. The Red skins game that Gideon got tickets for. JJ had felt awkward throughout that evening and she very well knew that Reid felt awkward also. She knew that was Reid's first date ever – but JJ didn't have the heart to fake that the night truly was a date. She didn't want to hurt Spencer so she gently told him after the game that she thought of him as a friend – a very special and good friend. That nothing would come of his feelings for her. She gently encouraged him to get past his crush on her and find a woman who was his other half.
She had felt a tint of jealously when Lila came into the picture and Reid went to protect her full time. She just told herself that she was concerned for Spence because Lila was truly way out of his league. That Spence couldn't truly fit into her world and she couldn't fit into Spence's world. She hadn't missed the cover where Spencer was in the pool kissing Lila, she had felt heat rise to her face and she wanted to grab the magazine and ripe it to shreds, or throw it in a fire. She managed to gather control and she turned and continued to walk down the isle so she could finish her food shopping.
Than Spencer had been taken by Tobias Hankel. JJ had blamed herself for allowing Spencer to run around the barn and she remained at the front. She replayed that scene over and over in her head. She still did. How could she not. She was the senior agent at the scene and she should have stopped Spencer and kept him at her side. When she had watched the video feed of Spencer in Tobias's cabin she knew that she had loved him and had since the first moment she had meet him.
When she finally got him back in her arms in a tight hug all she could do was say she was sorry. It didn't make her feel any better when he said that it wasn't her fault. Of course it was her fault. She allowed it to happen – she should have followed him around the barn and covered him. Than both of them would have ran through the corn field and perhaps they could have gotten to Tobias when Tobias was himself and not his father, Charles.
She knew that Spencer was on drugs. How could she not. She knew the signs. But she did nothing. Yet again she failed Spencer. So how could he continue to love her? When all she did in his times of need was nothing?
Spencer suddenly turned and looked at JJ's right side of her face and he very well knew that she was thinking of all the times that she had failed him. But that was just it – JJ never failed him. But he could he make her see that. He wished Gideon was still around, than he could talk to him. But he was alone now and he had to figure this problem out on his own.
"Hotch isn't going to give up tracking Emily down," He finally said after twenty minutes of silence. "I am going to help him." He felt JJ's hand tighten in his own. "I'm going to help also." She said in a far away voice.
"I knew you would." Spencer said returning the squeeze. Still with his eyes firmly outside, "We are going have to keep this from Strauss."
"Of course." JJ said as she also stared outside. "Gracia will be able to get the information that we need."
"How when all of Emily's information is in her file." Spencer said with a slight tilt to his head.
"Emily's file is useless to us." JJ said. "Where ever Emily is now, and what ever she is running from has nothing to do with the information that the FBI has on her."
"Of course." Spencer said as he turned and faced JJ's profile, he gently reached up and touched her shoulder. She turned and faced him fully; she looked up into his brown eyes. "We are going to get Emily back home where she belongs." He reached up and gently pushed back some lose hair from JJ's right side of the face. "I promise."
"Spence." JJ whispered.
Spencer leaned forward and was about to touch JJ's lips with his own when,
KNOCK KNOCK
Spencer managed to pull away just as the door opened and Strauss walked in. He and JJ dropped hands before the section chief could notice and they stepped apart as Strauss raised a hard right eye brow in Spencer's direction. Spencer stepped forward and moved over so he could protect JJ from Strauss.
He felt JJ's hand on his back and knew that JJ could handle herself just fine with Erin Strauss so he turned his head and nodded. "Thanks for the information, JJ, I'll let the rest of the team know that you will be ready for the briefing in an hour." With one last longing look at JJ he turned and nodded at Strauss and left JJ's office, he made sure to the leave the door open.
III
"Ma'am," JJ said with a firm nod of her head as she walked over to her desk and stood behind it. She felt more comfortable behind her own desk in her own office when someone who was a high rank in the FBI chose to come and see her. She picked up the pencil and closed the file that she had left open on the desk when Spencer had come by. She never allowed her eyes to leave Strauss's face. She and Erin Strauss were not on good terms, not since JJ had the nerve to reprimand – gently of course – but reprimand Strauss on her contact at the crime site.
"Agent Jareau," Erin nodded at the young blond agent. Whom in her mind truly wasn't an agent but just a liaison officer who's sole job was to keep the press at bay. But she knew that both Hotch and Gideon believed that Jareau would make a good profile and would be an asset to the team. She disagreed and she was privately and public ally pleased that Jareau quite agreed with her. "Now that Agent Prentiss has quite, don't think that you will fill her space."
JJ blinked rapidly, "I never thought that, Ma'am." She said as she stared a little incredibly at Strauss as the older woman spoke as if she hadn't heard what she had said.
"Your job at the FBI is Press Liaison, not a profile. I very well know that Hotchner and Gideon have allowed you to join them in the field, the excuses was to allow you to have fuller information so you could be more success ful at keeping the press at bay." Strauss's eyes harden. "I'm here to inform you that this practice is now come to an end. You Agent Jareau are to remain at the police stations and when you are needed at the crime scene – your job is to be in front of the press."
"I'm sorry Ma'am but that's not really your call to make." JJ said in a firm voice. "Hotch has informed me that he went to the top of the brass and got permission to allow me at the crime scenes whenever he needed me to be."
"When did he do this," right hand clenched at her side. Strauss felt her anger boil higher than before she entered Agent Jareau's office. This meeting wasn't going the way she had planned it to. She hated losing ground, especially with someone who was on such a much lower status than herself was.
"He told me that he went to the top brass soon after he and Gideon first allowed me at the crime scenes." JJ said feeling slightly relaxed since the first time Strauss had entered her office. She had the upper hand here and both women fully knew it.
"Why haven't you taken the classes to be a profile?" Strauss asked with a raised right eye brow.
"I'm not a profile." JJ simply said.
"Aren't you?" Strauss asked.
"No." JJ said with a slight shake of her head.
Strauss remained silent as she simply studied this younger woman in front of her. She turned and left the office without a goodbye. She didn't brother to shut the door behind her. She didn't like this development, not one bit.
JJ simply had watched Strauss leave her office and suddenly felt her legs shake, she sat down and just stared at her open door.
IV
Erin walked into her office and stiffened at the sight of Aaron Hotchner in front of her desk. "I didn't call for you!" She said in a hard voice as she walked around her desk and took her seat. She looked up into Hotch's hard face.
"I just have one question for you, Erin, than I'll leave." Aaron said in a mono toneless voice.
Erin just simply lifted her right eye brow.
"Have you been manipulating Prentiss once more?" Aaron demanded.
"Why should I tell you, what I do is my own business." Erin said. "And if I have play dirty to protect the FBI than I will."
"Have you been manipulating Prentiss once more?" Aaron repeated in a hard voice.
Erin looked into Aaron's eyes. "No, I have not." She said.
Aaron nodded and turned and left the office closing the door behind him.
Erin sat back in her chair and lifted her fingers up to her chin and thought that the situation was interesting. She herself felt the lose of Emily Prentiss. Agent Prentiss was one damn good profile and she had been a true asset to the BAU team – and not just as another tool in Strauss's game of ridding herself of Aaron Hotchner and Jason Gideon. Erin had been deeply surprised when she returned to her office after a month's leave and found a note that Agent Emily Prentiss had quite the day after she left for leave.
V
JJ knocked on Hotch's closed office door and waited for him to allow her to enter. As soon as she heard his enter she opened the door and walked into the office closing the door behind her. She walked and stood at his desk.
"We are ready for the briefing, sir," JJ said with a nod. He nodded. "And sir, count on my help on bringing Emily back home where she belongs." With that she turned and left the room.
Aaron smiled a thin line and nodded his head, he stood up and followed JJ from his office and to the conference room where the rest of the team was. He looked around the table and managed to keep the frown off his face at Emily's empty chair. He walked to his own chair and sat down and listened as JJ went over the case. Life went on. As it always did. They had to find the monsters and put them away before they could get down to what truly mattered to each and everyone of them.
END CHAPTER ONE
