Chapter Title: Hippocampi


"Dear Ford,

'Journal entry number one.

Even though these are my private thoughts, I won't disclose the whereabouts.

I can understand that this will piss off my brother, Ford, who I intend to send this too, but it can't be helped.

Part of it is a habit. Another part is that it's an order. I'll have to skip anything about my day job, even if I am being creative in sending this out later.'

Ford paused as he frowned at that. Part of him was irritated that Stanley was leaving out such an important piece of information such as location! Another part of him was just worried. As time passed and Ford has reevaluated everything in his life, from his own life choices to the people he has around, or lack thereof, it all goes back to Stanley in the end.

In Ford's mind, Stanley always needed him. Stan was impulsive and a trouble-magnet. Always has been and always will be. Sure when he was young he was the same way. But he grew up.

Stan grew up too. He just wasn't there for it.

Ford was there by Stan's side when they were kids causing trouble together. As they entered their teen years and Ford saw his own potential and what he wanted from the future, he didn't see anything for Stan. He always assumed that Stan would figure himself out without really thinking how he'd do it. He got used to carrying Stan, as his father implied, but he didn't care that much right? He would have complained or done something sooner if he had.

He would have taken Stanley anywhere if he'd just been good and let Ford have what he wanted. Ford knew it sounded selfish and childish, and when he was 17 it was justified because he was still a child. It wasn't a crime to want something different than Stan. It wasn't a crime to want to part from his brother eventually. But for as clever and smart as he was, he never did anything to prepare Stan for it.

Deep down he knew he wanted to leave New Jersey for a better life. Hell, everyone there did. Stan was charismatic and could befriend normal people and he would have been okay. Maybe met someone, open a garage, get married, have kids. The 'standard' life. In theory, Ford could have insisted Stan be more active in his dating, to have more friends.

He'd been too afraid of being alone that he kept Stan by his side. The fear of being a freak didn't seem so bad when he had Stan by his side. Stan reassured him that being different wasn't a bad thing, that it was cool and amazing. Even as they got older, he still needed Stan's constant comforting. Stan had been on his side through it all. So had it been fair when he stood by and let their father throw him out? No. Not now, and not then.

His resentment and 'I don't need Stan anymore' mentality pushed him to survive any social interaction. Not that he cared much for them. He had so much work making up for not getting into his dream school, that it all really just drifted by. But for Stan? His whole purpose in life had been to be his brother. To care and protect him from the rudeness and cruelty of people who would mock him. Ford did nothing to prepare Stan for their separation and just expected him to be okay after turning his back on him.

"Stanford!"

"Huh! Oh, uh...yes?" He asked, turning to his friend.

"I've seen you read thesis papers faster than that. You've been on the same page for the past twenty minutes."

Ford was quiet for a long moment. "I'm just thinking."

Fiddleford scoffed, "When are you not?" When Ford glared at him, he lifted his hands in an 'I surrender' gesture. "Sorry. What about? Your brother again?"

Ford sighed as he leaned back into his chair. Lifting his glasses he rubbed his eyes tiredly. "The person I remember him to be...the person I remember being mad at...isn't the same person that wrote this. For starters, the penmanship is way neater."

Fiddleford offered Ford a soft smile as he topped off his coffee. "That happens when you haven't seen each other for so long. Has he mentioned when he'll be back?"

"No. But I haven't really gotten far."

"I gotta admit. I thought you'd be through that journal in less than half an hour. Compiling your own notes in a new journal."

"Me too. I just...I've spent so much time not feeling, just thinking about mysteries and the paranormal..."

"Everything you've denied yourself from feeling is hitting you all at once?"

"Yes. Stanley and I were so close. Best friends. But after he ruined my project I only ever felt one thing towards him."

"For ten years? Ford...for such a smart guy, you can be so stupid sometimes. But go on."

"Thanks." Ford deadpanned. He knew he was emotionally stunted and he sometimes sees that as a plus, he knows it can also be a shortcoming. "To sum it all up, I remember I was angry and that I had a good reason to be. But I can't remember it anymore."

"So now you don't even have the anger just a lingering memory of anger."

"Exactly. I don't even know what to do with all I'm feeling. I don't know what I'm feeling!"

"You miss him," Fiddleford said plainly. When Ford was about to protest, Fiddleford stopped him. "You do. Put up your big boy panties, and admit it. You said so yourself. He was your best friend. For a long time your only friend. It's okay to miss you, you doof. Look. This is complicated. But nothing with you was ever simple, so I'm used to it. I'll help with this too. For now, we can't do much, but start by getting to know him, the present him."

"How? I don't know where he is. Or have a reliable phone number."

Fiddleford tapped on the notebook. "No matter what's written, each author has its own flare. They put their thoughts into it. These are your brother's thoughts. Start here."

On the page is a sketch. It's a bit childish, but there's effort. It looks like a seahorse...sort of. Well, almost literally. Like half horse and half mermaid. But on the side is a bar with a number on the side. If the numbers were to be believed, this seahorse was a little under 6ft tall and 3ft wide.

After a bit of research, I realized that the creature I ran into today after some training was called a Hippocampus.

I'll be the first to admit, I thought that was part of the brain. Kudos to me, because it is. It's the elongated ridges on the floor of each lateral ventricle of the brain, thought to be the center of emotion, memory, and the autonomic nervous system. But this is something different. I was swimming in rougher waters when I ran into him.

I don't know if he thought I was drowning and wanted to help me, or thought I was drowning and thought he'd found it's next meal.

He was pretty and shiny and didn't eat me so I'll do with the heroic version of him. I call him Rainbow. Not manly, I know, but the name fits.

Hippocampi(plural form) are creatures that resemble a combination of a horse and a fish. If you believe the mythology books, they're under the jurisdiction of the Greek sea god, Poseidon.

Hippocampi are creatures that from the waist up have the body of a horse and from the waist down, have silvery fish bodies, with glistening scales and rainbow tail-fins. They were used to draw Poseidon's chariot and seafoam was created by their movement.

Majestic creatures for sure. Very pretty to look at. Not the smartest though. They remind me of dogs. Can be dangerous, but sometimes you just can't see it.

And with how they act, you kind of forget they can be dangerous.

Not sure if I'll see Rainbow again, but I had fun with him. Pretty nifty first encounter.

Signing off,

Stanley P.