BPOV
It was just past 6:30 Friday morning, and Edward and I were laying in my bed, dragging out our goodbye. Emmett and Edward's wrestling had been even more amusing than I'd suspected it would be, and I'd almost forgotten my foreboding feelings entirely. Almost. Not enough to feel comfortable with Edwards departure, though.. Although truth be told, I doubted I would ever feel okay when Edward was gone for days at a time. He gave me a safety nobody else had ever come close to. I felt a part of myself missing when we weren't together. We laid there on our sides, contentedly staring into each others' eyes as Edward traced designs on the back of my hand with his finger. I smiled as he pulled my hand forward to give it a kiss. "They're waiting for me outside," he sighed. "I should probably go." As if to drive his statement home, I heard Emmett not so subtly, and very loudly, clear his throat below my window. We both grinned at that, as we sat up and he gathered me in a tight embrace. "I love you. Please be safe, and take care of my heart.." He pulled away from me and gave me one last kiss, laced with passion. "Bye, love." he whispered, and before I could blink, he was gone - the only evidence of his passing were my curtains gently swaying from the unnatural breeze. "I love you more" I whispered into my empty room, knowing full well he could still hear me outside.
It was now well past noon, and Alice had just dropped me off at the treaty line to hang out with Jacob. We had agreed on me meeting her back here at 5. It seemed fair enough to me - she hid it well, but I knew her leaving me with a young werewolf, while being blind to my future, caused her concern. But I wasn't worried. This was Jacob, my best friend who would protect me in every way possible. I knew I was safe. Jacob swooped me up into a too-tight hug, interrupting my thoughts and making me smile at his energetic attitude, even if it did take away my ease of breath. "Bella! I'm so happy you came to hang out today!" he nearly yelled as he set me back down. "What do you want to do?" His ecstatic energy was catching. "I'm glad I did too, Jake! I don't mind. Whatever you were doing before I got here is fine." He opened the passenger door of his car for me and nodded happily in reply to my words.
Fifteen minutes later found us settled in Jacob's garage, where he put all his effort into focusing on fixing his motorcycle. I didn't think anything was wrong with it, but when I asked him about it, he dove into an explanation far beyond my knowledge of anything motorized. I'll admit that I tuned him out after a while, though he didn't seem to notice. He continued to work away, and I was content to watch him and listen to the music softly playing on his radio. Being around Jake was always easy. There was never a need to fill the silences, or come up with something interesting to say. We talked a few times about random things; the girl Embry was falling for, the awkwardness of having Leah in the pack, even how he was doing in school. We eventually found ourselves immersed in our own thoughts, and neither tried to start much conversation with the other, though our silence was still far from awkward. That's just the way we were together.
I'd been at Jacob's for 3 hours when he finally let the wrench he'd been holding fall from his hands. The loud clang of it hitting the cement floor caused me to jump in surprise and look up at him questioningly. He was staring at me dead on, a new and unnerving fire in his eyes. He broke our comfortable silence with a very uncomfortable question, "When is the wedding, Bella?" My mouth fell open automatically, and it took me a minute to regain my composure enough to shut it. How did he know about this? I'd only gotten engaged days ago! Then it hit me - Billy. Of course. Charlie would have told him, and he would have relayed the message. I cast my eyes quickly to the floor, picking at the edge of my shirt. "Uh.. um.. we don't know yet, Jake. We've only decided on it being before my 19th birthday.." I nearly whispered. After a minute of silence, I risked a glance up at Jacob and noticed how much he was shaking. The longer nothing was said, the more his shaking increased. "Jake, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you.. I just haven't seen you, and I didn't want to ruin our time today.." My words must have pushed a button, because he immediately stood up, clenching his fists and seeming to bare his teeth. I froze. This was not my Jacob.
"Oh, well how convenient, Bella," he sneered my name, like it disgusted him to have to say it at all. I cringed. I had known he'd be angry, I had not expected a reaction of this magnitude. "You sicken me, Bella. All I ever offered you was a long and happy life with me, and you threw it all away. I love you, and you threw my heart back in my face!" he screamed, slowly taking a few steps towards me. I stood, knowing I needed to defuse the situation, and fast. He could phase at any moment and we would have major problems in this small garage. "Jacob, I'm sorry! I told you I didn't feel that way about you. I love you, but I'm not IN love with you. Edward is my life, Jacob, and I can't just ignore that. I'm sorry.. I never meant to hurt you.. Please calm down, Jake." I took a slight step backward, instinctually sensing the danger.
"Really? Is that so? You 'never meant to hurt' me, did you? Well then, maybe I should apologize. Because I am going to hurt you, Bella. But you know what? I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry at all. In fact, I'm glad. Because this is what was supposed to happen all along, you just never gave it a chance. And now, I finally get to show you how much I truly love you." He eyed me up and down, lust obvious in his face. "He may get to take you from me, but I get to take this from him AND you. And trust me that this will make me someone you ALWAYS remember. You won't ever forget me, Bella. Neither of you will." I was shocked. What was happening? Jacob would never hurt me, right? Or would he? Tears began to swell in my eyes as the extent of how much I may not have ever known Jacob hit me. How much was that lack of knowledge going to hurt me?
He took a few steps closer, and I turned and bolted for the door. I knew I'd be too slow, but knew I would hate myself for never even trying. I was right. I hadn't even taken 2 strides towards my escape before I felt his hand clamp down on my upper arm as he yanked me backwards so hard that I was amazed my shoulder wasn't dislocated. That act effectively dropped me to the ground though, and I cried out as I heard a crack from my head hitting the corner of something sharp. My vision swam with blackness for a moment, and then I could feel the sticky warmth on my head. Between my blood and Jacobs actions, I was already holding back vomit. I attempted to right myself and began crawling, hoping - praying - that he would show some mercy. My prayers were left unanswered, as he gripped my lower leg and pulled me towards him, his hand holding my leg with enough force that there was no doubt he would break it if he squeezed any tighter at all. He roughly flipped me over on my back and slid me all the way under his body, having me cowering under him like a beaten dog. I was shaking violently, knowing my fight against him was useless. Jacob was stronger than I would ever hope to be - as a human, at least - and I could not get out of this situation I had put myself in. Even Alice wouldn't see this, her visions blinded by his presence. There was no rescue coming for me this time, and the only one at fault was me.
"Jacob, p-please stop, don't do this. You don't want to do this, you c-can't hurt me, Jake..please" I pleaded with him, fearing there was no point, but remaining desperate enough to try. He laughed out loud at my pitiful attempts of deterring him, and leaned in closer to my face. "Look, Bella. I'm going to take what I want. What any guy only wants from you. Edward doesn't love you, you're just such an idiot you don't even realize it yet. He only wants your body. So now I'm going to take the only thing that keeps Edward with you. After this, he's only going to leave you again. You'll see.." His rant slowly faded as his eyes wandered down my body. Lust overtook the rage on his face, and his expression showed how eager he was to begin.
I was clinging to the hope that he could be talked out of this, and began pleading with him again. "Jake, please. Please. I trust you Jake, I'm so sorry, please don't hurt m-" I was stopped mid-sentence as his hand came crashing down on my face. I heard the sound of his strike before I felt it, but as soon as I felt it, it was a searing pain that knocked the breath out of me. It felt like I had been beaten with a pot straight off the stovetop. I put my hand to my face, crying. I was shocked when I withdrew my hand and found only a few patches of blood. It had felt like my skin had been torn off entirely.
Jacob grabbed my wrists in one of his hands and pinned them above my head, restraining me agonizingly tightly. He tore his own shirt off, before quickly clawing at mine, and eventually tearing it to shreds. He hastily unbuttoned my jeans and released my wrists to pull my pants down. He stopped to marvel at my body, and seeing a chance of escape in his distraction, I tried to get up and run. Before I could get anywhere near standing, he had thrown me back to the floor, snarling at me. "Where do you think you're going, exactly? Nobody is coming to help you, get over it and stop trying, you pathetic piece of shit!" his anger only made him rougher, and I now felt disgustingly exposed in only my bra and underwear. He gathered my wrists in one of his hands again as I wriggled beneath him, trying to cover myself as much as I could. As he tore off my bra and underwear, I panicked and began hyperventilating. I could barely see through the overwhelming panic, but managed to catch a glimpse of the smirk he cast at me. How had I ever trusted this person?
He leaned down, locking his mouth onto mine and forcing his tongue inside to explore my mouth. I closed my eyes, praying to be saved, but knowing I wouldn't be. I felt his hands groping my body, and wanted nothing more than to disappear into the hard and cold cement floor. This shouldn't be happening.. It couldn't be. And yet, it was. I felt Jacob slip his fingers inside of me, and pain shot through me as my body and mind vehemently rejected what he was doing. I groaned in pain and squirmed, trying to force myself back and away from him, with no luck at all. He continued kissing me, but removed his fingers from inside me. I was momentarily relieved, until I felt a different pressure, and realized he was positioning himself into me. His mouth stifled my scream as he thrust into me in two unbelievably hard shoves.
I felt something ripping inside me and could feel liquid seeping quickly down my legs. My pulse was pounding in my ears, but above everything else, I could hear a shrill and piercing scream that I soon recognized as mine. Jacob clamped his hand down on my mouth, and stared into my eyes with a look of satisfaction as he continued thrusting into me, sparing me no mercy at all as his fast and angry pace never slowed. The pressure of his weight on top of me, and the heat his body was releasing was unbearable, the combination of everything not helping my ragged and unsteady breathing. It felt like I was being crushed. I could almost hear my ribs crack as they barely held him on top of me. I felt myself becoming numb, physically and emotionally, and welcomed it. Anything over this. Anything. Why? I didn't understand. What did I do? Why was this happening to me? Why would Jacob want to hurt me so badly?
It felt like it lasted forever, as he turned and twisted me however it pleased him, using me however he wanted. I had never felt so humiliated, degraded, betrayed, and ashamed. I wanted to fight back more than I did, but I couldn't force more than the panicked struggle my dying mind could give every so often. I had wanted to live, for Edward. But the more he hurt me, the more I was praying he would kill me and end my pain now. Why prolong it? I didn't want to live with the memories that would undoubtedly haunt and hurt me. And in turn, they would hurt Edward because they hurt me. Maybe if I didn't tell him.. he wouldn't hurt? Maybe I could block this from my mind and wash it away? If I just could get clean again, things would be okay. Wouldn't they? My broken mind was dragging itself in circles, hopelessly mulling over anything that wasn't what was happening to me at this moment, clinging to any temporary distraction.
I didn't want to tell Edward mostly so I could save him from the pain of knowing. But a large part of me couldn't help but feel like he would hate me after this. Even I hated myself, now. How could he not? I had let Jacob take away the one thing that ever kept us on par with each other. I had nothing left to give him, and it was purely my fault. I knew it was, so he would know, too. All that was left of me now was an empty and broken shell of someone who once was. I was a ghost. No longer truly living, I was stuck barely existing between two worlds - the unbroken life I had led, and the shattered life I had been hurled in.
I could feel it already.
The emptiness.
And then the unending, unforgiving, darkness overtook me, and I was lost.
