Nutmeg - Kiryuu Ichiru
"Zero, what is it?" Ichiru looked over his brother's shoulder and out at the tall woman under the cherry blossom tree near their home. "Wow…" He breathed. "She's pretty…"
She was beautiful. Against the pitch-black sky peppered with glowing stars, her radiance seemed only to magnify, though Zero felt even someone like her shouldn't feel so right being left alone and under the vastness of the sky.
"She's crying."
"She's sad…" Ichiru tugged at his brother's sleeve. "Zero." He whispered worriedly. Why was she crying?
"Someone important to her is gone." Zero answered. It was written in the lines of her face. She saw nothing but Loss…and a deep, desperate sort of anger.
"Gone…?"
Zero cradled his brother's cheeks. "Someone important to her died." They had died and literally taken her with them. Zero remembered attending the funeral of another hunter and the way the hunter's wife had looked, staring through the face of her husband in the coffin. She hadn't looked any different from the woman they saw now.
Ichiru sent the woman another glance and covered his brother's hands with his own. "Like grandma and grandpa?" All that was left of them were their cold graves, names and dates carved with pretty curves and loops.
"Yes."
"Her important person can't come back. That's why she's crying?"
"Yes." Zero gently pressed their foreheads together. "She's someone that lost her Wish."
Ichiru's eyes widened, awash with sympathy. "Then…she's going to die too, isn't she? You said people couldn't live without their Wish."
Whatever Kaito had said regarding Ichiru's weaknesses, Zero would never believe for a moment the solid ache Ichiru could feel for others' pain was a weakness at all. His brother knew what crippling emotional torment felt like, he was under them everyday, and could easily recognize it in other people. His sympathy wasn't out of politeness. It was very real.
Zero kissed his cheek. "Yes." She was already dead, in a way. Her life was almost gone. He flicked another look towards the woman still enjoying the night breeze under the tree. "Let's go home."
. . .
"Zero, can someone have more than one Wish?"
Zero pulled the covers up to their chin after reaching for the bedside lamp to turn it off. "Do you mean one at a time, or at once?"
Ichiru frowned in thought before answering, "…Both."
"Yes." Zero said simply. "Though usually when there's more than one at once, they're tied together in some way. Connected Wishes. And it's okay to find a new Wish if an older one is fulfilled properly." It was how people lived, day to day. The Emptiness would never lessen unless a Wish was there to fill it.
"Then…then what about the pretty woman we saw under the tree?"
The woman… It would be just like Ichiru to care about what might happen to her.
Zero held his brother's hand between them. They were the same shape and size, but Zero's were already calloused and his grip was firm, strengthened by the rougher hunter training Yagari assigned him. He absently rubbed his thumb over Ichiru's soft knuckles.
He didn't know if his brother had noticed the woman they had seen was a vampire. He could tell, clear as day, but whether Ichiru knew or not, he looked so amazed Zero couldn't bring himself to say anything. The woman's Loss seemed recent, fresh. Her tears didn't have the same weary, seasoned grief he'd seen in older hunters who had outlived their loved ones for years.
Or did the hollowness that came with losing someone remain so raw, no matter how much time passed?
He could search out a few memories ingrained into his soul from past lives to see if that were true, but he didn't want to know just yet.
"…Sometimes," he said slowly, "sometimes people invest all they are into a single Wish. When they lose that Wish, they lose themselves with it."
"Oh…" His brother didn't understand the full weight of his words, but he seemed to have a vague, conceptual idea. "But that's not what you did, right Zero?" Ichiru looked anxious. "You said you Wished I would live, and then I did, and your Wish was granted, but you're not going to be sad like her, are you?"
"Losing a Wish and fulfilling one are two different things." Though in his case, Ichiru was more accurate in using the term 'granted', as it wasn't Zero who'd saved his brother's life before they were born.
"Do you have a new one now?"
"Yes." Zero smiled. One just as bright as the one She had granted.
"Can I ask what it is?" Ichiru asked shyly.
"For you to be happy."
Ichiru stiffened, his expression cooling. "…I am, Zero." His voice was flat.
Zero sent him a knowing smile, strained and tinged with pain. "I know." He whispered. "I know." Ichiru wanted to be happy. But Zero saw how devastated he was when their parents heard Zero's progress report from Yagari in comparison to his own. How furiously frustrated he was with not only Kaito for his cutting remarks during training, but with himself, for not being able to counter them.
And…more than anything, Zero could tangibly feel Ichiru's resentment of him, for being healthier, for being better, for being the light in their parents eyes whenever they saw how well Zero performed any hunter tasks assigned to him. Zero deserved it. Ichiru had every right to hate him, for taking what could have been Ichiru's as his own. It was then, in their mother's womb, Zero knew this couldn't stand. That whatever biological instincts were making him hurt Ichiru, had to stop.
He could feel his brother's life, his twin's life fading, and he tried to reach out, with the old soul he hadn't even known he'd possessed, for answers, for a way to save his little brother. And as if in response to a prayer, She had reached back. She'd held together whatever pieces of Ichiru's life were left after Zero had stolen everything and promised him Ichiru would be whole again. What Zero took wouldn't be easy to replenish, and it would take time, but it would happen.
Eyes hard, Ichiru buried his face into Zero's chest. "I am." He repeated stubbornly, voice muffled. "I have you, and I've been getting better. I'm stronger than I ever was when I was younger. I know that. I don't know how She's doing it, but I do know."
"And you'll keep getting better."
Ichiru's progress wasn't as visible to anyone who wasn't watching him closely, but compared to the level of endurance and skill Ichiru had had years ago, what he was capable of now should have been impossible, considering his physical condition shouldn't have changed. It was a gradual process; there were no instant developments or obvious jumps, which not only would have been suspicious, but damaging to Ichiru's growth.
If Zero were to name anyone other than Her or himself, who'd noticed on Ichiru's physical condition, it would be Yagari, who had looked after them since they were little. Now that he was constantly overseeing their training, Zero could tell Yagari was inspired by Ichiru's increasing progress, and was very careful with how he taught him. While he knew Zero would most likely turn out unscathed against anything thrown at him, he didn't want to risk setting Ichiru back by even an hour's worth of training if he could help it.
Laughing bitterly, Ichiru tightened his fist in Zero's pajama shirt. "…But I can't feel Her like you can. I've tried." He sighed. "You make Her sound so special. I want to know what it's like too."
"You will. She said soon." Zero said firmly. Please believe Her. Please believe me.
"She keeps saying that."
"It's the truth." Zero stressed. "She loves you. She's wanted you to feel Her since you were conceived. And She—"
"She calls me your Little One. I know. She never calls anyone else that." Ichiru then snickered. "Well, you said She calls you little one, but it's because you are little."
Zero simply shrugged at the slight and kissed his brother's forehead. "Yes."
Thin fingers lightly picking at the buttons on Zero's shirt, Ichiru curiously noted, "Doesn't She love all hunters? They're made from Her flesh and blood."
"No." Zero gently rubbed Ichiru's shoulder. "She isn't a goddess. She's not obligated to love every one of us." He could already imagine Her nose wrinkling in distaste at something so unreasonable. "Just like there're people you like more than others, She has Her preferences." It wasn't given freely, Her love. Being a hunter didn't automatically guarantee Her blessing.
She had chosen to watch over him and his brother, Ichiru especially. While Ichiru might not feel Her yet, he was in actuality, the closest living hunter to Her. His soul had been touched by Hers; directly by Her power, and She shared a personal connection with him that She had with none other.
"Do you know why She loves me?"
"You'd rather She has a reason?" Zero closed his eyes and tucked his nose in Ichiru's hair. They insisted on using different hair products, much to their mother's exasperation, and Ichiru's smelled like fresh pine. "I love you because I do. She's the same."
Ichiru slowly nodded. "I…like Her, I think, but only because you do. I'll like Her more if I could feel Her myself."
Zero nodded. And since he knew his brother and why the questions suddenly started cropping up, he said, "Ichiru, about the woman we saw – be careful." She's angry, she's got nothing left, she's a vampire, be careful.
Pouting into his shoulder, Ichiru grunted out a sullen, "Yes, okay. I can never keep anything from you, can I?"
Zero smiled a stiff smile Ichiru couldn't see and told him to go to sleep.
. . .
Three weeks and two days after their twelfth birthday, Zero was pulled violently out of sleep with a gasping groan. Ichiru had collapsed on top of him, the covers still between them. A dazed look to his eyes, Ichiru slowly sat up and straddled Zero's waist as Zero turned to lie on his back and yawned.
"What's wrong?" He couldn't sense any immediate danger and Ichiru didn't look frightened, so what was going on?
"Zero… Zero, I think She spoke to me." Ichiru whispered. "I went into the kitchen to make us hot chocolate and someone said 'good morning'. There was no one else in the room. Mom and Dad are still sleeping, and so were you, so…" Eyes wide, he leaned forward, his hands on Zero's chest. "Was that…was that Her, Zero?"
Zero was frozen stiff long enough Ichiru started to look worried. "Hey—"
Reaching up, Zero abruptly pulled Ichiru down and squeezed him with all the strength he could muster this early in the morning. Burying his face into his brother's shoulder, he tried to hide his stinging eyes.
"Ichiru," his voice was wet. "Ichiru…!"
"What? What is it? Is it Her? It is, right?" Ichiru patted one of Zero's arms. "You're going to strangle me if you keep this up. You're a lot stronger than you look, you know."
Zero loosened his hold, but kept his face against Ichiru's shoulder. "Sorry." He whispered. "But I—She's waited so long for you. We've waited so long, Ichiru." Twelve years… It had taken twelve whole years to return Ichiru to who he should've been the day of his birth.
Thank you. He thought it as loudly as he possibly could.
"Zero?"
"Shh." Zero rubbed his brother's back. "She's trying to tell us something. You have to let Her touch your mind. Let Her come to you."
Ichiru nodded cautiously.
Soon enough, they both heard a radiant: Hello, little ones.
Ichiru looked around their room as if trying to spot where Her voice was coming from. "She's so warm…"
Zero smiled. "You can talk to Her out loud if you like. She can hear you."
Ichiru coughed lightly. "Um, hello?"
I am pleased beyond measure to finally being able to speak to you this way. The only other who has longed just as desperately for this is Zero. He loves you with the fierceness worthy of ten mother bears.
Ichiru laughed. "Then I love him a lot more than that."
She made as if to hum. Because you've despised him just as much. Zero has unwittingly made you feel helpless with how bright he shines. She said bluntly.
Ichiru's smile turned grim. "Yes."
He is aware, She said, like it didn't matter at all. To Zero, you shine the brightest out of anyone. I would never have been able to help you if not for his strong need to keep you alive. Even in the womb, his foremost thoughts were of you.
"In the womb…?" Looking down at Zero, who looked back at him with a contentedness he'd never seen on his face before, Ichiru swallowed softly. "Is that true?"
Zero would never forget the despair that had shaken him at the realization his other half, his identical half, was dying. "…Something was making me steal from you." He quietly admitted. "Siphoning off your life. I was given a twin for a reason, and it wasn't so I could watch you die." The memories he could trace within his soul had never resonated with this amount of emotion for a single person – not once in the numerous renewals he had gone through. He didn't know if he'd ever loved anyone as much as he did Ichiru. It was different from the parental, from the familial, from the romantic.
Ichiru held his very life in his hands, and Zero wouldn't have it any other way.
"You're strange, Zero." Ichiru's smile was playfully wicked. "Are you saying you wouldn't miss our parents as much as you would me?"
"If that's how you want to define it." He'd had many 'parents' in past renewals ranging from one end of the spectrum to the other, and he treasured each and every one of them, but there was none like Ichiru. Something like this came once and only once. Zero doubted his future renewals would have the same chance.
Expression dropping, Ichiru narrowed his eyes. "You mean that." He stated. "You mean it." He poked Zero's cheek and suddenly said, "If you keep this up, you're going to be a dangerous seducer one of these days. You say some pretty outrageous things. The girls won't see it coming." His tone seemed forced, an underlying solemnity that belied the light joke.
Bemused, Zero tilted his head at the complete change in subject.
He can be completely unaware of the impact his words can have on others. She said amusedly. You, out of anyone, should know this.
"What?" Zero's eyebrows lifted slightly in startled surprise. "Really? Are you saying I'm oblivious?" He asked worriedly.
Considering the age of his own soul, he tried to be watchful of his words and actions, but from Ichiru's and Her expression and tone, it seemed he needed a little more work. He had no recollection of saying 'outrageous' things, as Ichiru stated, but maybe he just hadn't noticed…?
"Never mind," Ichiru sighed. Rolling to the side and off of Zero, he propped himself up by his elbow. "…I guess uncle Yagari really wasn't lying when he said you had a brother complex." He muttered.
"Ichiru?" Zero blinked. A brother what?
I've heard of these family complexes and I'm sure you've the same, Little One. She laughed. Do you recall your jealousy for that young boy Zero tried to take care of? You hate to see him act as an older brother to anyone but you.
"Complexes…?" Zero was still confused. What was She talking about?
Ichiru groaned. "Don't bring that up. That bloody idiot didn't deserve Zero fussing over him like a baby! I had worse injuries than a stupid scrape on my knee and I never cried about it. Zero even wasted the last of his ointment on him!" He huffed. "Some hunter he'll turn out to be."
Zero vaguely noted he didn't deny the jealousy.
And the girl he carried to the infirmary?
"It wasn't that serious!" Ichiru protested. "'Oh no, I feel faint!'" He mocked. "She just wanted to be carried by Zero, and managed to get him to do it with really underhanded tactics." Then he turned to Zero. "And you! You make yourself so easy to take advantage of. They think all they have to do is whine about feeling unwell and you'll wait on them hand and foot. You're not Nightingale, Zero, just leave them to their pain and misery and they might learn how to wipe their own dirty behinds. Got it?"
"…Yes?" That girl had said she didn't think she could walk, though…
"Ugh."
It was strange, but lately, somewhere around the last year or so, the wide berth that Zero had long since gotten used to, was gradually shrinking. Boys and girls alike, though mostly girls, he supposed, took the time to speak to him more often, inviting him and Ichiru out to play. Zero hadn't minded, merely assuming they had gotten used to his presence that they weren't so cautious or afraid. In certain situations, however, Ichiru's endearingly protective streak came through, as if to ward off any of those who he deemed were not up to his standards for playmates.
You little ones… She tittered.
. . .
OMAKE – Bloody Rose and White Lily
"It's time you chose your weapons."
Zero and Ichiru exchanged a glance and stared back at Yagari. "Okay."
"Don't look so excited," Yagari said dryly. "Come on." He led them down the wide halls of HA HQ. "The anti-vampire weapons are placed in different rooms and moved around every now and then." He explained. "Most of us just pick something we're skilled at using, but some have a 'calling' for a certain type and become well tuned with it." His brows creased. "It's not uncommon for us to treat it like a trusted partner."
The best, She preened.
Zero held in a smile.
"Here." Yagari stopped in front of tall double doors and reached to push it open.
"Wait, uncle Yagari." Ichiru tugged at his shirttail. He pressed his hand against the door for a few moments before stepping back. "You have to ask for permission first. This is a place She's resting in. The weapons are a part of Her."
Squinting down at him, Yagari shook his head. "I won't disagree with that, but you're becoming a lot like Zero." He sounded baffled.
"I'll take that as a compliment." Ichiru snorted. "I already know I won't find anything here, though. I need a long blade."
It would suit you extremely well. Lily especially wouldn't hesitate to work with you.
Raising his brows, Yagari shrugged. "All the better you know what you want. And Zero? Your girl in here, or what?"
Nodding, Zero went inside, heading straight for what he had sensed was his to wield, having been long since promised to serve a very specific Lady. "…Bloody Rose." He whispered, trailing his fingers along her barrel. Faint outlines of what seemed like vines rose from its surface in curious curls as if to greet him the instant his skin came in contact with the metal, but they vanished the next second, leaving only the engraved warm metal he had touched.
Do you like her?
She was perfect.
She's the first of my extensions, She hummed, the oldest. It means much to me for you to be her owner.
He nodded in a show of respect for Her and Her choice before taking Bloody Rose in his hands.
Yagari chuckled as he came back out. "Figures she'd let you use her. She rejected all the other idiots that dared to come close enough for a zap." He snapped his fingers in emphasis. "Must've been waiting for you to pop up all these years. Temperamental to everyone but her owner, that one."
Rose is very loyal and a little one-track minded. She defended.
Zero and Ichiru shared an amused smile. "Let's go find your Lily."
Hung proudly in a room on the floor below, Lily, unlike Rose, had a cool disposition, but had a fair bite of temper of her own if provoked – evidenced by a scowling Yagari waving his hand limply. Even poking experimentally at her handle wasn't welcome.
Snickering, Ichiru slipped her into the carrier he had brought with him. "She does like you, uncle Yagari, but it's been years since she was placed here, she's a bit touchy." He tilted his head as if to listen to something before obligingly relating, "She also wants me to know it'd be sacrilege to waste her on weak vampires; it's source for a lot of pride to be made from a pureblood, she won't tolerate tarnishing that by 'cutting trash'. Then warned me she'd give me what-for if I didn't use her properly. She's very opinionated." He sounded fond of her already.
Checking his watch, Yagari closed the door behind them and said, "Hell, that was fast. The shortest, least climactic weapon choosing I've attended. Let's skedaddle, little devils. Got places to go, people to see."
An incredulous silence followed his statement, and Zero and Ichiru simultaneously narrowed their eyes at him. "…'Skedaddle'…?" Ichiru whispered, a pitying twist to his mouth. "Seriously? Why would you…? Oh." Daintily pressing a hand to his chest, he faked a horrified gasp. "Oh my god, is it girlfriend troubles again? I thought you got over Yurika-san. You weren't good for each other." He made a poor imitation of a concerned mother.
"He must be watching too many kiddie cartoons with Cross." Zero murmured. The girl Cross had adopted loved her weekend programs and Yagari had been subsequently roped into enduring the thirty minute monstrosities along with him. "It's okay to refuse him once in a while. Whatever blackmail he has on you, it can't be that bad." Zero paused. "Unless Ichiru's right and you are having relationship problems—"
"You two really know how to bring out the most violent homicidal urges in a man." Yagari grinned, shark-like and feral. They hedged back. The muffled laughter from eavesdropping bystanders was hardly helpful. "Not a word out of either of you until I dump you back at your house or I'll cut your training hours in half."
As he stalked off, Zero looked down and muttered, "We shouldn't have mentioned his (ex)-girlfriend." It was obviously still a sore spot. Could they have had another argument?
Ichiru laughed. "I don't know about you, but I reminded him on purpose. Did you see his face? Hilarious."
They both tensed when Yagari threw them a suspicious glare over his shoulder. "Hurry up!"
"…Sometimes, I swear he has eyes on the back of his head and ears everywhere." Ichiru giggled.
. . .
A/N: Wow, it's been a while. Just thought I'd get back to these stories a bit and finish up or add what I could. Hope this was enjoyable! :)
