Thx for reviewing...and an extra special thanks to Caroline for all her words of encouragement and the inspiration for this story's title! You're awesome!


Part 2

The next few months passed like a midnight train. Kirsten began to return to the person she used to be. She found that she smiled more, laughed more. But there were still moments, reserved just for her, that she still cried. Since Sandy's death, the range of emotions she had experienced stretched anywhere from grief and sadness, to loneliness and guilt. She tried her best to make the most of each day that passed. Seth was still being so distant. Kirsten knew that he partly blamed her for what happened to his father. He had actually told her that, not in so many words, when he lashed out in his anger one night. If you hadn't been drunk, then maybe you and Dad wouldn't have been fighting in the first place! His words hurt so badly, because she felt that what he said was the truth. Kirsten felt like her drinking contributed a great deal to her and Sandy's problems, and she wasn't sure if she could ever forgive herself for that.

Ryan had told her that she couldn't keep blaming herself. Bad things happen sometimes, just look at what happened to me. My family was so screwed up that I had to find a new one, he had said to her, tilting his head and smiling that sheepish grin that always made her heart leap. It amazed her that no one else in her life had the ability to light up her day like Ryan did. Amazed and scared her all at the same time. She knew that there was something of substance between them. The looks he gave her were filled with too much hidden meaning to be considered innocent. But there was no way that anything could develop between them. It would never be accepted, and it would only do more damage to what was left of her fragile family. Seth would never forgive either of them. It was just out of the question.

Despite the facts, Kirsten could not seem to help it when she let her gaze linger a little too long, or when she simply stared at him, out of eye line, only to meet his eyes and realize that he was doing the same thing. It was disconcerting sometimes. It felt like he was really inside her head instead of across the room. There were no hidden thoughts when they were together. They could read each other like a favorite book.

Her thoughts turned again to Seth. It made her sad when she thought about the upcoming holidays. It was usually Seth's favorite time of year, but now he wouldn't even return her calls. She couldn't remember the last time they had a conversation that didn't turn into yelling. She wanted to fix things between them, but she honestly didn't know how. Ryan had served as their go-between many times, but that could only last for so long. Maybe she could try his cell again later. She knew that only time and a lot of good luck would patch things up between them.

Ryan came home to discover several large, taped up boxed scattered around the kitchen. He could hear rustling coming from the master suite, and he called for Kirsten.

"You in there?" he shouted.

"Ryan, I'm in the closet. Could you come and help me?"

Anything for you. He walked to the bedroom, and his heart sank a little. He saw Sandy's clothes and shoes littering every surface. His ties, his surf shorts, laying haphazardly about like his entire life had exploded inside this room. Ryan found Kirsten in the closet on her knees, digging through a drawer. He leaned on the door facing and she turned to him, giving him a faint smile.

"I'm packing up his things." As if this needed an explanation. "I guess this isn't really how you want to spend your Friday night, huh?"

Ryan smiled, "It's fine, really. I know this is something you've wanted to do for a while. Well, not really wanted to, but–" his words trailed away.

"Yeah, I haven't really been looking forward to it, but it's been nine months and I think it's time. I don't want to have to keep looking at this stuff everyday of my life. I'm just going to give it to charity. I don't know what else to do with it." She stood up, facing him, hands on hips. He watched her tentatively, unsure of exactly what he should be doing, so he reached and took a filled up box from the closet and moved it to the kitchen. He studied the boxes that were already there, saddened at the reality of what was happening. Sandy was out of their lives, almost completely now. Ryan leaned against the fridge, exhaling a deep breath. He returned to the bedroom, where he found Kirsten sitting in the floor, legs crossed Indian-style. In her lap was a box filled with pictures. He stood at the door, watching her unannounced for a minute or two. She leafed through them, stopping occasionally to study them, smiling and tracing her finger across them. Ryan, unable to bear the distance between them anymore, moved across the room and slowly sat down next to her. She moved closer to him, their shoulders touching. They looked at the pictures together, some of Sandy and her when they were younger, some of Seth, and surprisingly, some of Ryan. They were from the first Chrismukkah he had spent with them, the card they made with all of them together. Ryan watched as Kirsten traced her finger around each face, as if seeing them for the first time. She moved on to the others, pictures of virtually every event that had taken place through the years. Ryan smiled to himself when he thought about Kirsten, always buzzing around with her camera, wanting to capture every special moment in a still frame. She dug out another photo, one of her and Sandy at Berkeley. They were so young, Ryan almost didn't recognize them. But as he studied the picture closer, those familiar features shouted out at him. Her pronounced cheek bones, that button-like nose, those eyes. God, those eyes.

He was so consumed in his study of the photo, that he hadn't even realized that Kirsten was crying. His heart leapt, partly from the uncertainty of what to say, and partly from how much it hurt him to see her cry.

"Kirsten," he managed to say, placing his arm around her shoulder, and hugging her close. Nothing else needed to be said, he just sat there, rubbing his hand up and down her arm, and letting her have her moment. They were becoming less and less these days, but sometimes he knew that it was just too much. The memories were all around them, and it was impossible to forget. She turned to him, burying her head in the hollow of his shoulder. Instinctively, his arms were around her, cradling her as she sobbed gently into him. He stroked her hair, and without realizing it, kissed her on the top of her head. Being close to her came so easy to him, so natural. He froze after the reality of that hit him. They had never had very much contact besides a brief hug now and then. Now, here they were, sitting together in a full embrace. He couldn't make his thoughts make sense. Everything else felt a million miles away as he held her. After a few minutes, her sobs had quieted. But she continued to cling to him, and he wasn't complaining. He didn't want to ever let her go.

She lifted her head to look at him, wiping the remainder of her tears away. "I'm sorry you had to witness my meltdown. It's just so hard to look at those photos, and think that things will never be the same again."

Ryan smiled, "I know. It scares me to think that we'll never see him again." Ryan hung his head slightly, "I don't feel like I ever thanked Sandy for doing what he did. I don't know where my life would have taken me if he hadn't brought me here. This family saved me."

Kirsten tilted her head at him and smiled sweetly. His words were so genuine, so heartfelt. The average person would have no idea how deep of a soul Ryan was. He didn't open up to anyone else the way he did with her, and it made her heart soar. She knew the feelings she was having for him were getting uncomfortably out of hand. But she couldn't remember the last time she had felt so alive. When he was around, her pain was manageable. Knowing that he was there, it was just the thing to get her through each day.

They sat together for a while, not speaking, but just enjoying the company. Eventually, Kirsten got up and began putting away the photos. Ryan found an empty box and began to fill it with the rest of Sandy's thing that were laying about. His heart was heavy, and his moves deliberate and slow. They continued until everything was boxed up, out of sight. Kirsten brought the photo box into the closet. He watched her as she sighed one last time, and climbed the step ladder to put them away. Her footing seemed very unsteady, and Ryan walked over to stand in the doorway, feeling his services might be needed.

"Let me do that," he said to her, and she turned, losing her balance in the process. In one quick movement, Ryan caught her, but the impact forced them both to the floor. Ryan grunted after the fall, but immediately began to laugh. Kirsten, once she realized that they were both okay, soon followed. They lay together, Kirsten on top of him with her face buried in his chest. They were both shaking with laughter.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Kirsten asked.

"Are you kidding?" he responded, "you're light as a feather. I barely noticed you land on top of me." He had meant for that to be a light statement, funny even. But the look of shock that came across Kirsten's face let him know that it wasn't funny at all. But even though her expression changed and she realized where she was, she made no effort to remove herself from him. They were glued together, by an attraction that was sure to destroy them both.

"I'm sorry," Kirsten said, climbing off of him and situating her clothes again. She got up and held out her hand to assist him. He propped on his elbows and just smiled. "You realize that if I take your hand you're just going to be right back down here."

Kirsten furrowed her brows, not really understanding whether he meant because of the sheer physics of it, or if he wanted her back on the floor for another reason. He continued to smile as he picked himself up off the floor, standing close to her, almost reading directly into her thoughts. His close proximity rattled her composure and she felt the sudden urge to run away. Ryan could see the flight in her posture, and he couldn't decide whether he should grab her or just let her go. Her eyes met his again, understanding briefly what she was feeling. She had to get out of here.

"Ryan," she said, a little breathless. "Thank you for catching me. But I really need to get this stuff to the car." Ryan moved a step closer, almost pinning her to the shelves. "Why don't you let me take care of all of this. You shouldn't have to; you've already done enough." He swallowed hard as he fought the urge to kiss her mouth. His eyes traveled to her lips over and over, and his heart began to race.

Kirsten, suddenly realizing that she was trapped, stared at him with a helpless look. She wanted so badly for him to kiss her. She let her gaze travel to his lips, parted softly, waiting for her response. Her body ached at the prospect of having him so close to her. But she knew there was no way that anything could happen.

However, they soon realized they wouldn't get the chance, as the phone began to ring in the background. Kirsten sighed and rolled her eyes, thankful for the interruption and irritated by it at the same time. Ryan stepped aside as she left to answer it, another perfect moment broken. Ryan sank back against the shelves, unsure of how many more of these moments he could withstand.