AN: Hey everybody, I'm back and I'd like to go over. First is that I have yet to decide a pairing for Percy, as I do want him to have a girlfriend in this story, and I'm trying to decide who it's going to be so any suggestions will be listened to as will arguments of single pairing vs. multi pairing. The other thing is that I do want to keep my promise and break as many of the clichés of this genre of Percy Jackson fanfiction there are but I might not know all of them so if there are any clichés you want me to break or any jokes you want me to add just put them in the review box.

The REAL Guardian of the Hunt

Chapter 2

-Percy-

Sighing Percy Jackson, son and General of Poseidon, Champion of Hades, Apollo, and Hecate, defeater of both Gaea and Kronos, as well as slayer of who knows how many super powered pissed of monstrous entities flopped onto his bed in tentlantis after seeing one of the most disturbing things of his adventurous if short life. Pinching the bridge of his nose he grumbled out "Thalia's never going to let me live this down." as he remembered what had just happened.

-Flashback-

Sighing he moved over to his selected area of the designated 'camp' for the hunt until they move again. It had been two months since he had started his job as the Hunt's official 'Guardian' and while he did get to spend more time with Thalia and a few of the gods on occasion he also had to deal with Artemis and her girl scouts from Tartarus who were determined to make his life harder without going overboard as they knew if he quit being their guardian Zeus was likely to dissolve the hunt. Throughout the days march to the new are for their next hunt the hunters had been shooting him mocking looks and he was positive that they were using a nature magic blessing from Artemis to cause the nearby tree roots to trip him and the local animals to mess with him.

Stepping inside he propped his hiking stick, a simple oak branch he found a few weeks ago, against the wall next to the 'door' and went over to his bedroom to check the map of the local area before grabbing some dinner. It was a routine he had started with every new area the Hunt went to but as of yet the map hadn't shown any signs of buried treasure, gem mines, or veins of precious metals. It did show a few moving groups of monsters which he told Thalia about who, in turn, informed the rest of the hunt and Artemis as they would just brush it off if he told them.

This time though he was surprised to see a small gem mine about a half mile from the camp, the entrance covered up by some rocks and trees. Grinning he put on a watch he had requested from Leo that would connect with his map and let him know about anything that showed up within a certain radius of the camp before slipping a box that he found a few weeks ago along with a note from Hephaestus saying it was for if he ever found gem mines or ore veins.

Stepping out into the camp, ignoring the shocked looks from the hunters as he only ever left his tent to give his usual reports to Thalia or Artemis, if the Hunt was moving, or if he was leaving to go somewhere with Thalia. "Yo Lightning Rod," he said with a grin as he walked over to Thalia "according to the map we got something fun about a half-mile from here. Care to join?".

"Well today is my day off from chores so sure," Thalia said with a shrug as he began moving off towards the area that the mine was, Thalia matching pace with him as she eyed him curiously "what did the map show anyway?".

"Gem mine," he said with a smirk "it's not that big but hey, gems are gems.".

"That's great Perce but, uh, we don't exactly have mining equipment or experience." Thalia deadpanned causing him to roll his eyes.

"Hephaestus and Leo like using me to test their inventions remember?" he asked with a raised eyebrow "They gave me something to use for mining a few weeks ago…haven't opened it yet though.".

"Well let's get going then Barnacle Beard!" Thalia said with a grin before she sped up her pace.

"Don't mock the beard!" he yelled in mock anger, chasing after her as she cackled gleefully.

Finally getting to the area the map indicated held the mine he pulled out the small box and set it down before pushing the button on top as it began to whir and hum, expanding as it did so until it was three feet across and clearly larger on the inside than the outside as he a staircase going down into some sort of pit. Before he could check inside he heard a group of voices begin singing:

"We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig

In our mine the whole day through

To dig dig dig dig dig dig dig

Is what we really like to do

It ain't no trick to get rich quick

If you dig dig dig with a shovel or a pick

In a mine! In a mine! In a mine! In a mine!

Where a million diamonds shine!

We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig

From early morn till night

We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig up

Everything in sight

We dig up diamonds by the score

A thousand rubies, sometimes more

But we don't know what we dig 'em for

We dig dig dig a-dig dig

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

It's home from work we go

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho

Heigh-ho"

As he listened to the song he saw seven bronze dwarf automatons march out of the open 'box', each with a shovel or a pick over their shoulder as they marched over to the area that contained the mine and quickly began digging their way through and into the mine as he just gaped at what he was seeing, an action that was being mirrored by Thalia.

Snapping out of it he slapped a palm to his forehead and groaned "Well that answers that question." He grumbled, an act which snapped Thalia out of her daze as well.

"What question?" Thalia giggled, still getting over what they had just seen.

"When I got the box of…dwarves there was a note saying that it was for doing mining but another one that said it was the result of what happened when Leo and Hephaestus got drunk during a 'father son bonding night' and how both Aphrodite and Calypso had banned them from doing so again…now I can see why. Those two are crazy enough on their own sober, and I can handle one of them at a time drunk, but both of them drunk together is apparently a force that the universe can't handle too much of.". Thalia only laughed in response to his plight as the song continued to repeat as the gems were mined.

-Flashback end-

"I just hope she doesn't bring it up at cousin night tomorrow," he muttered with a shudder, imagining what Nico, Jason, and Hazel would say about that particular invention.

-Cousin Night-

"And then these seven little automaton miners walk out and they're actually singing the song from that old Disney movie!" Thalia laughed as she told Nico, Jason, and Hazel what had happened yesterday while he was repeatedly slamming his forehead into the table with a groan.

"I hate you." He grumbled, flipping off his semi-immortal cousin as he did so.

"Love you too Tuna Fish." Thalia said, patting his head like he was a dog while the others snickered.

"You do realize that this means war right lightning rod?" he asked with a raised eyebrow which got a smirk from his cousin.

"Of course," she said with a confident smirk "and I look forward to defeating you.".

"Terms of engagement?" he asked seriously as Thalia took a minute to think before replying.

"If I force you to admit defeat you have to go out with a girl of my choice." Thalia said with a smirk causing him to gulp, nervous about who she would pick, a nervousness that was slightly lessseneed when she added "And don't worry, I won't pick Annabeth or any girl that already has a boyfriend.".

"Alright then," he said, thinking of an idea "if I make you admit defeat then you have to help Apollo out with one prank of his choice and do whatever parts of it he tells you as long as you don't break any laws or oaths.".

His cousin's eyes narrowed at him "Those are some high stakes Percy…let this be a battle for the ages.".

"Aye, terms of engagement?" he asked causing her to grin sadistically "Anything as long as the other person isn't too injured, we don't break any oaths, and we don't destroy any property belonging to the other one. Also, we can't get help from any outside source.".

"We have an accord then." He said with a nod as they shook on it while Jason and Nico simply shook their heads in amusement. "But let's begin tomorrow," he said after a pause "tonight is supposed to be our fun night where we can all get together and just catch up.".

"Why'd you pick this place anyway Perce?" Nico asked as they looked around the small mortal diner which only had a couple customers here or there that weren't paying attention to us as well as a cook and waitress in the back.

"I came here on my first quest and I have to say, the milkshakes and burgers are amazing," he said with a shrug before wrapping his arms around Hazel and Thalia who were flaking him and pulled them into one armed hugs "plus there's an abandoned waterpark a couple miles away that we can troll around in when we're done…I just hope Hephaestus removed that booby trap of his.".

"Aphodite and Ares?" Hazel asked with a raised eyebrow which got a nod.

"Yep," he said with an amused grin "they had an 'extreme' tunnel of love ride and the starting pool was ringed with mirrors which would allow those two to see their favorite people, themselves, when they made out. Hephaestus set a trap so when they broke a trip wire the mirrors would open and release a few hundred automaton spiders while the cupid statues flanking the giant pool would shoot their arrows across to create a net so you would be trapped with them.".

"How romantic!" Hazel mock sighed in an overly dramatic voice before draping herself across him, an act that Thalia copied as well as they struck and over-dramatic pose while Jason and Nico laughed and called out 'Bravo' and 'Brava'.

Before they could continue the door opened and they saw some local 'thugs' enter before making their way over to their table. "Hey there hot stuff," one of the wannabe thugs said with a lecherous leer at Thalia and Hazel who were still draped on him, both of them too stunned that this idiot had the balls to actually walk up and say that "why don't you two ditch the dorks and come have some fun with some real men.".

Looking calmly at his cousins who were frozen in shock he asked, "You want to handle this, or should I?" which snapped them out of their shock as the two girls began snarling and rising out of their seats, an ominous air coming from them.

While Hazel stood up and got out of their booth Thalia climbed over the side but both were snarling at the trio of thugs like lionesses and looked even more dangerous as Thalia pushed the first thug back by pushing his chest with her finger "Shove off piss ant," the daughter of Zeus snarled, "you're interrupting my lunch with my cousins!".

As his two female cousins began chewing out the three wannabe thugs he stood up from his spot to give them back up if they needed any, keeping an eye out for any threatening movement. After a moment of shock the three thugs snarled at them, the lead one pulling back his hand as if to backhand her "Listen here you little B-" the thug began before he shot out his own hand and grabbed the fool by his throat, finally standing up to his full height of six foot five as he towered over the thugs and snarled.

"Now I know you weren't about to strike or curse my precious cousin…right?" he asked with a feral growl, tightening his grip at the last word as the thugs two friends were backing up and stumbling over themselves to get away from him before he tossed their leader at them, causing all three to hit the ground before they took off running out of the diner.

"Our Hero!" Thalia and Hazel cheered with a laugh before he wrapped an arm around each of them and pulled them into a hug.

"You guys are precious to me," he growled, glaring in the direction of the still retreating idiots "and nobody hurts you guys while I'm around.", a statement that was quickly backed up by Jason and Nico while a few of the people in the diner nodded in their direction respectfully, the thugs actions having not been the most subtle.

-Tentlantis-

-Next Day-

Sitting in his kitchen he waited for the raging storm of destruction known as Thalia that he expected to come charging into his tent at any moment after the 'prank' he pulled on her, having wanted to get in the first strike. Sure enough, not five minutes later he heard the tent's 'door' slam open and his enraged cousin yelling "PERCY!".

"In the kitchen Thals!" he hollered back with a laugh as he flipped a pancake, his cousin's thundering steps meeting his statement as she charged towards him. As soon as she stormed into the room he slid a plate of blue pancakes towards her on the counter as it slid to a stop just in front of her as she paused and eyed them warily. "Relax Thals," he said with a roll of his eyes "I wouldn't use blue pancakes for a prank, they're sacred.".

That seemed to calm his cousin, she knew how seriously he took his mom's blue pancake recipe, before she happily dug in, moaning in bliss at the sheer deliciousness of what was before them as he prepared his own plate and sat down next to her. "That prank was cruel Percy," Thalia got out between bites as he passed her a carton of orange juice "why on earth would you do that?".

"I wanted to hit hard and hit fast," he said with a smirk "and you can't deny it was effective.".

"You woke me up with five hundred bobble-head sized automatons singing 'it's a small world after all'" Thalia said with a deadpan stare as he whistled happily and buffed his fingernails on his shirt.

Deciding to try and make it up to her, as even he would admit that his prank was a little cruel, he said "How about this, you can keep them to use for a prank against someone else besides me.".

"I know just the thing," Thalia said with a sadistic grin that made him shiver "I've been trying to find the best way to get back at Hermes for a while.".

"What he do this time?" he asked with a raised eyebrow at what his divine cousin did to earn the wrath of Thalia.

"I overheard him talking to my dad to try and convince him to have another demigod daughter so he could sleep with her, his exact words to dad were 'you're daughters are hot and since Thalia's a hunter you should have another girl so I can get with her'. The idiot was drunk and dad hit him with a lightning bolt but I still need payback." Thalia explained which caused him to growl at the idiot's stupidity.

"I'm more than willing to help with that but we won't be using those automatons," he explained and, when Thalia opened her mouth to protest, he continued "we'll be using the versions that shoot lightning and will chase him around…and I have a thousand of them.".

Thalia's response was to grin and hug him tightly as she nuzzled his cheek with a slightly freaky cackle, "Can we have Hephaestus record it for us?" she asked happily which caused him to nod and grin sadistically like her as she cheered.

-Two hours later-

Leaning against a tree outside of Hermes' palace along with Thalia he smirked as he heard a loud scream from the god of messengers from their prank before Hermes flew, literally, out of his palace with a horde of a thousand bobble head sized automatons singing 'it's a small world after all' that were shooting lightning at him. "Best cousin ever!" Thalia laughed happily as she jumped on his back for a piggy back ride causing him to grunt.

"Didn't feel like asking?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

In response Thalia cheered "Mush Pony!".

Getting an idea he grinned and gripped her legs before telling her "Hold on tight Thals!" before he took off running, ignoring the giggling nymphs that saw them pass as Thalia laughed happily from his back before he entered into his father's district and turned towards a large pool as Thalia realized what he was about to do before he leapt into the air and hit the water before quickly shooting out before Thalia could zap him as he sat on the sidelines while his cousin glared down at him angrily as she surfaced before he informed her "Percy two, Thalia zero.".

"Asshole." Thalia grumbled as she climbed out of the pool before he mist traveled them back to the hunter's camp. "I will win this competition Percy!" Thalia hollered at him as he went back to tentlantis "I will be victorious!".

"Keep telling yourself that lightning rod!" he called back over his shoulder before walking back into his tent to plan his next prank.

-Next Weekend-

Grinning he walked into the restraint in New Rome where he was meeting Jason, Nico, Leo, and Frank for guys night. Yesterday Thalia had finally admitted defeat after he used a magic spell he learned from Hecate to curse her so that all of her clothes turned hot pink with the words 'I love Barbie' on them and said that he would only reverse the curse if she surrendered…she caved in a half second before he sent Apollo an Iris Message letting him now about how she now had to help him with a prank.

"Alright," he said with a smirk as he walked over to the guys "we've got the spooky scary skeleton, the light bulb, the teddy bear, and the Zippo lighter.".

"Hey there aqua man." Leo said with a grin, not at all bothered by the nickname he gave them.

"Light bulb?" Jason asked with a deadpan as he grinned at his Roman cousin "Really?".

"I'm not a teddy bear!" Frank protested which got a deadpan stare from the entire group until Frank relented with a pout.

"And you couldn't come up with a more creative name than…" Nico began only to stop, blushing in embarrassment, when the son of Hade's phone went off and the ringtone was the nightcore version of 'spooky scary skeletons'.

"Nico's ringtone aside," he said with a grin as his cousin glared at him "you guys ready for guys night?!" which got a cacophony of cheers from the others as they walked over to their table.

"So you guys ready for the festival next week?" Frank asked once they were settled. The festival was something the gods had been doing for the past few years where all the gods and the majority of the world's demigods would go to New Rome to celebrate the victory of the last two wars and honor those that had fallen.

"Hell yeah man," he said with a grin "I heard that Apollo's setting up a poker tournament for one part of the festival.".

"How much you wanna bet that he'll try to turn it into strip poker the moment a girl joins?" Jason asked with a raised eyebrow which got a unanimous 'I don't take sucker's bets' from the rest of the group.

"So has Thalia helped Apollo with his prank yet?" Jason asked as they relaxed at their booth, "I've been wondering what it was going to be.".

"Not yet," he said with a shake of his head "Apollo said I would know what it was when it happened which either means that it will happen ear me or to me…my guess would be too me.".

"Probably." Jason said with a nod that was mirrored by Leo as Frank went to the bathroom and Nico ran outside to the person who was about to key his motorcycle.

"Can I take your order?" a new voice said to his right as they turned and saw a nymph waitress with a notepad waiting for them.

"Yeah I'll take a cheeseburger and- AAAAAAAAHH MY FRIEND'S ON FIRE! GET ME A BUCKET!" Jason began before freaking out when Leo sneezed and burst into flames causing him to sigh and draw the moisture from the air to drench the hot head across from him.

"Sorry about that," he apologized to the shocked waitress with a nervous chuckle "I'll pay for the damages." Which got a hesitant nod before they placed their own orders as well as ordered for Frank and Nico.

"Never a dull moment, is there?" he asked with a grin as the others shook their heads in agreement. But that was okay in his books, normal is boring and sanity is overrated.

-Next week, day of the festival-

Sighing he walked towards bunker nine with Frank and Hazel as they went to collect Leo at the request of Calypso who was parking Festus back in New Rome. Walking inside the bunker they saw Leo standing on one of the raised platforms, throwing a fireball at a spider automaton yelling "Muahahahahaha! Burn Baby! Burn!" as Hazel held her hands to her mouth in shock at the sight of crazy Leo, Frank stared confused, and he deadpanned.

"And everything changed when the fire nation attacked." He said still staring at Leo's rampage.

"Was that really necessary?" Hazel asked in exasperation as she slapped a palm to her face while Frank chuckled weakly.

"Don't underestimate the fire lord." He said seriously which was too much for Frank who burst out laughing causing Leo to finally notice them and walk over.

"Hey guys, what's so funny?" Leo asked confused while Hazel groaned in annoyance, he smirked in victory, and Frank rolled on the ground laughing.

After finally calming down Frank enough they mist travelled back to New Rome for the festival as the group split up, Hazel dragging Frank off to go on one of the rides some children of Vulcan and Hephaestus has built while Leo went to go find Calypso.

Shrugging he wandered around, enjoying the sights and having a good time with good friends while also trying to steer clear of the kissing booth Annabeth had set up in desperation…an action that most people were doing althought that might have been because the daughters of Aphrodite and Venus had done the same type of booth at another area and were stealing all of her business.

Finally though he ended up at the poker area and saw the few dozen tables set up and, to his surprise, the table where Apollo sat talking to Thalia, Hazel, Clarisse, Rachel, Reyna, and Hylla. Deciding it was in his best interest to avoid that table at all cost he sat down at a different table and quickly began playing and clearing out his opponents.

As the night drew to a close he walked over to the coliseum to take part in the last event of the festival which was a combat tournament and was selected to fight in the first round against a son of Mars. As he stepped out into the arena he felt a chill go down his spine as he turned and saw Thalia, Hazel, Rachel, Clarisse, Reyna, and Hylla all wearing bright red and blue cheerleader outfits that had the letters PJ on the front and wearing pom-poms and holding a banner in front of them which said 'Team Percy' while Apollo sat smugly next to them causing him to groan which only got worse when they began to cheer.

"P-E-R-C-Y! He is such a super guy! Goooooooo Percy!" they cheered, jumping up and down while the attention of several male demigods were drawn to their cheer uniforms.

"Note to self," he grumbled as he readied riptide, "kill Apollo later.".