It was late into the night and I wasn't really aware of what I was working on at this point, I was just getting work done. I was going to be in an extremely bad mood tomorrow seeing as I wasn't going to be getting any sleep, but I felt that sometimes I either worked myself to death or I lost my mind and since I needed common sense to get work done I just did what had to be done. I was in love with Haruhi but Haruhi was dating Tamaki. Sometimes thinking of the two of them together in the middle of the night made me want to commit a heinous such as murder and that wasn't an option because despite the fact that a lot of people thought that I didn't have a soul, I did, and I felt things.
It was the soul that damned me to the hell that I was currently living in. I couldn't kill anyone, and I couldn't tell the one person on the planet that I loved that I loved her. I was in a state of… nothing. Whereas, I had once been ignorant of my state of nothingness I was now currently aware of it and if I thought for one second that sleeping with random women would assuage the feeling of missing something important in my life then I would turn myself into a male hooker. …Sadly, I had tried sleeping with random women and although I found it highly pleasurable at times and even made me feel better for a short period I was always left with the feeling of missing an important part of myself.
I was in love. At its strongest it was a weak emotion. It left you with holes in your emotional being that could never be healed. The state of nothing sucked. I was used to being able to do anything and accomplish anything that I wanted, and if I so desired, world domination even though the task itself would work me to death. I sometimes wondered why that would be a bad thing.
I was in the middle of something I was sure was important but something that I had accomplished so many time I could and was doing it on auto pilot. I was probably doing it well to.
I wasn't sure what was in front of me but I was annoyed when the doorbell chimed though out the mansion and pulled me out of my working state and into the real world. I rather preferred not knowing what was going on around me to any other state. I ignored the chimes and went back to what I was doing and because I paid someone else to deal with that, even at the ungodly hour that it was. I didn't find it un-normal to have people at my house at ungodly hours. I had weird friends, and associates who work just as hard as I did.
Only one person was allowed to pass through those doors and I somehow doubted that Haruhi was giving me a visit at 2 in the morning. I went back to my work and almost killed the person who opened the door to my office. Until I saw that it was Haruhi, and then everything was okay because whatever the reason for her being here, I would fix it for her even if I had to kill to get it done. I was wondering if I would have to kill someone when I saw the tears in her eyes. I was wondering if I was going to have to kill Tamaki and weather I would feel remorse for killing someone I was so close to. I hadn't been able to think about killing before, but that was before he made Haruhi cry. I doubted I would if he had made her cry like she was at that current moment.
"Is there a reason that you are visiting me at two in the morning Haruhi or did you just have the urge to disturb me? I am currently in the middle of something" I could feel emotion but I could never show emotion because it was a weakness that I could not afford to show.
Haruhi wiped her eyes and let herself into my office and dropped into a chair, "I always know that you'll know just what to say." she said in a broken voice.
I made the pretence of going back to work. "I was in the middle of something important."
Haruhi laughed through broken tears, " I know. You always are."
I made I hmming noise and went back to work.
"I had an argument with him again and I needed to get away for awhile and before I knew it I was here. I'm sorry if I interrupted something."
"You know that my door is always open even if it is at an inconvenient time." Haruhi never cried. Never.
I saw Haruhi fight to grin despite it all. "You always know just what to say. I think that might have been a sentimental statement just now."
Haruhi had no idea what I would do just to make her smile and she would never know. I went back to work as if I didn't feel anything having Haruhi sitting right in front of me.
"Would you care you tell me what the idiot did or shall I guess."
Haruhi shrugged, "It's not really a big deal. We just got into an argument and I was trying to get my point across and Tamaki continued to act like an idiot until I had to get out of the house."
I knew that it had to be something more to make Haruhi cry but I didn't ask again because she didn't want me to. I did exactly as she wanted me to. I said nothing. But I did make it so that you could only see the reflection of the computer screen in my glasses so she wouldn't know that I was getting upset. For awhile I worked and Haruhi sat there, with her mind of something. I ignored my feeling of helplessness because I knew it would get me no where helpful.
Eventually time passed and even though it was late I didn't make a move to go to bed. I hadn't planned to get to bed tonight before she had walked in and I wasn't going to act like I wasn't an insomniac now I didn't act for anyone, not even someone that I was in love with. Although, it was different went it came to Haruhi. Slightly different.
"If you desire to stay in one the spare bedrooms tonight you can. I'm not using them."
Haruhi paused for a second, "I think I will, but do you mind if I stay here for a little bit longer. I find the sound of typing relaxes me somehow."
I found this strange but if she wanted to stay in my office and watch me work then she was welcome to stay. "I don't mind you staying as long as you don't get in the way."
"Thank you." She said somewhat sarcastically.
I didn't say anything. She didn't say anything and the typing continued. At this hour my mansion was even more silent than usual. It was like a tomb in my house at this hour, and that was comforting to me but I wondered what Haruhi thought of it. I wondered if she thought my home was cold and then cursed myself silently for wondering.
"Are you alright?" Haruhi said.
I looked at her and not the computer in front of me. "Of course."
She shrugged. "You just stopped typing for a second and I wondered."
It was hard to get work done and berate myself at the same time, even for me it was a hard thing to accomplish. I would change myself for no one.
Eventually, the hour got late enough that I thought Haruhi should get to bed and since I had come to realize that she wasn't moving until I was, I closed my laptop and got up.
"I do believe that I am going to bed now. Do you want me to show you to one of the spare rooms?"
Haruhi shook her head. "No. I know where to go." She got up and followed me out of the room. I went down the hall to my room and Haruhi chose the same room that she always chose when she stayed over for one reason or another. It was the room right next to mine and it killed me every time. She was so close and yet she would never be mine.
I cursed myself again for wanting the unattainable. "Goodnight."
Haruhi smiled, "Goodnight."
A/N: This was rather a boring chapter, or so I thought, but I'm setting up for something. Anyway, I hope you liked it. It took longer to write then I thought it would but some stuff happened at home and I really haven't felt like writing. As always R/R! I'm off of work tomorrow so hopfully I can start work on the next chapter right away. With me though who knows.
