September

The rock music streams through his car loudly. Dean nods his head to the beat, letting his music roll through him and wash off all his worries. When he gets home he's going to have to deal with Sam, and he doesn't want to think about that just yet. His brother is moping on the good days and downright bitter on the bad ones.

The house on the beach that Dean had been eyeing up has been bought, and Dean's not surprised. He looks at it for a second when he drives past, and sees that the new owner has already begun moving in. There are boxes on the front porch, stacked precisely next to the closed door. The owner must be out, exploring their new town. Dean doubts that anyone would try and take their stuff. It's quiet in Rhyll.

He sighs as he passes it. Buying it was just a fantasy, anyway. He's still in debt to Charlie, even though he's been taking shifts at the Roadhouse over the last six months. It means that he gets little sleep, and little time at home with Sam. Sam works at the Roadhouse as well, but they rarely get shifts at the same time.

Dean is sure that Sam needs help, and he's also sure that Sam won't accept it from him. Dean also knows that he doesn't have any money for a rehab program. He's been trying to help Sam on his own, but he doesn't think it's working.

He pulls up outside his house, and frowns when he sees someone making their way towards his door. They've stopped, probably because they heard his Jeep, and Dean narrows his eyes as he tries to place the figure. They seem familiar.

Dean gets out of the car and walks around to his driveway, only to freeze. The man has turned around, and Dean realises why he looks so familiar.

Cas's eyes are still piercing blue. That hasn't faded over the past six months, and Dean finds himself stunned. He hasn't been remembering them wrong, after all.

Cas swallows. Dean can see it from where he's standing.

"Cas?" Dean asks, and he's proud of the fact that his voice doesn't tremble. Cas didn't call. Not once, in six months, and he thinks he can just show up at Dean's house? His jaw tightens as he looks at him.

Cas starts walking towards him slowly. When he's close enough so they can talk, he stops.

"Hello Dean," he says in that deep voice of his, and Dean stops the quiet longing that had started in his chest.

"What are you doing here?" His voice comes out rougher than he had thought it would, and Cas flinches slightly.

"Dean, I…"

"What, you think you can show up at my house after six months of fuck all? That's not how it works, Cas."

Cas nods sharply, once. "I know. I've just come to apologise."

Dean blinks and his eyes narrow. "For what?"

Cas looks down at the ground. "I lost your phone number. It was in my wallet, and it was stolen as I made my way back to my house. I am truly sorry."

Dean doesn't move. He looks Cas up and down. He doesn't seem to be lying, but Dean wants to believe him, and that's skewing his judgement.

"Right," he eventually says. "So why are you here? I'm sure you didn't fly across the ocean just to talk to me."

"No," Cas says. "I received a job offer at the Wildlife Clinic, and I took it. I bought a house and am currently in the process of moving in."

Dean feels his stomach sink. The house he had always wanted to live in. Cas had bought the place, Dean knows it.

"I simply wanted to come over and talk, Dean," Cas tells him, a slight pleading tone entering his voice. "I only flew in today and – "

"And what?" Dean asks him.

Cas flounders for a moment. "I just wanted to know how you are, and how Sam is."

"We're fine," Dean says, even though he's sure that they're not fine. "You should go and keep unpacking."

Cas sees the dismissal for what it is. His forehead crinkles and he shifts his weight between his feet before nodding jerkily. "Very well. I hope I will see you soon."

"Don't count on it," Dean tells him, and Cas's shoulders tighten. He turns, but before he can start walking, Dean opens his mouth. "Cas."

Cas turns around, eyes flat. "Thanks for the tickets for back home," Dean says gruffly. He's not that much of a dick that he isn't going to thank him for the flight back to Aus.

Cas's eyes soften slightly and he nods before turning again. Dean doesn't watch as he walks back down the road. Instead he goes inside and closes the door after him, sliding down against it and putting his head in his hands.

"So why have you been avoiding the Clinic lately?" Charlie asks him. "You normally don't mind going down there."

Dean shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant. "I haven't been avoiding it."

"Um, yes you have. Last week you told Benny you couldn't drive down there to check on the penguins he was asking over because you had to watch over Krissy. Dean, Krissy's been here for a year now. She knows what's going on. And yesterday you turned down Garth's offer to go down there with some deliveries, even though on Wednesday you were telling me that you wanted to spend more time with him. And just then when Annie chose someone to go down there, you hid in the supply closet so she wouldn't see you. Yes, I did see that. So, why are you avoiding the Clinic? Did you have a falling out with Jo or something?"

"No," Dean mutters. He hasn't spoken with Jo since Cas had arrived besides a few curt texts to her, telling her that he and Sam were fine. But she wants a lift to the Roadhouse tonight because she's spending the weekend there, and Dean works on Fridays, because the tips are usually good. Dean's sure that she's going to ask him about Cas.

"So then why?" Charlie presses.

Dean shrugs. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Dean Winchester, don't you lie to me," Charlie warns. Dean shrugs again. She narrows her eyes. "I will find out what's got you so on edge lately," she continues, before walking off. Dean sighs quietly and rubs a hand over his face.

How on earth is he meant to tell Charlie that Cas showed up on his doorstep? It's giving him a headache just thinking about it. Just thinking about Cas.

He's had plenty of time over the last few months to think about Cas. Dean had finally just written him off as a rich know it all that was looking for a fling. Except they'd only kissed. There hadn't even been any groping. Dean groans to himself and finds a box of penguin magnets to put out. He needs something repetitive to do so he doesn't have to think.

So he came back. So what? He's got a job here, and honestly, who would turn it down? He's a vet who specialises in birdlife, and the conservation program at the Clinic would make sure that he had plenty of money and the penguins always needed more help. He said he'd lost his phone number, and Dean is starting to think that it might have been the truth. He hadn't come around, hadn't turned up at work, hadn't been at the Parade. He'd been trying to stay out of Dean's way, and that doesn't seem like someone who's in it for the sex. Dean shakes his head and sighs quietly. Maybe he'd been overreacting. Maybe. But even if he had been, there isn't a space in his life for Cas right now. Sam and work is taking up all of his time. As soon as he's paid off Charlie he's going to quit working at the Roadhouse. The late night shifts are really taking a toll on his sleeping time, and he has no spare time whatsoever.

No time for Cas.

He grits his teeth and starts unpacking the penguins faster. Maybe he's gotten to the root of the problem. No time to spend with Cas, even if he had wanted to spend the time with him.

Dean sighs and stops, staring at the magnets. There are far too many stuck to the display now, and he packs up the box of them and puts it away. He tries not to think of black hair and blue eyes.

"How's Sam?" Jo asks. They've been driving for an hour, and exchanging small bits of news on the way.

"He's getting better. I think," Dean says. Dean is sure that Ellen doesn't need two extra people working at the Roadhouse, but she offered them jobs without Dean having to ask, as soon as they got back from America. He's certain that it's both her way of looking after them, and a way to have them under her watch for several hours a week. Ellen is too good for them, even if she hides it under a mask of casual comments and silently offered help.

"That's good. With the holidays coming up, there's probably going to be more shifts, so you can pick and choose among them."

"That'll be nice." Dean should have his debt to Charlie gone by the end of the holidays. It'll be good to look at her and not have to think about it.

"Say, why haven't you been around the Clinic lately?" Jo asks.

"No particular reason," Dean tries to say, dodging the question, but Jo knows him too well.

"Dean?" She says, eyes narrowing. "You haven't been avoiding coming down, have you?"

Dean doesn't say anything, getting into the lane that would take him into Melbourne.

"This hasn't got anything to do with Cas, has it?"

"It has nothing to do with Cas," Dean replies sharply, and even as he speaks, he knows he's dug himself into a hole and now he's gonna have to lie there as Jo piles the dirt back on top of him.

"If it had nothing to do with Cas, you probably wouldn't even know Cas is here. He's a hard one to read," Jo says simply. "It's like he's playing poker all the time. I invited him to the Roadhouse tonight," she adds casually.

Dean controls himself, just so he doesn't run the car off the road. "You what?" He asks, disbelief in his voice.

"What, I can't have friends?" Jo asks him. "I asked him if he wanted to come for drinks, and he said yes. When does your shift end?"

"Three," Dean mutters.

"Are you spending the night?"

Not now! He wants to shout, but Jo would hear that lie as well. "Yeah," he tells her.

"Good, he is too," she says. Dean wants to crash the car so he can get out of it. He really doesn't want to meet up with Cas, not after he basically rejected him outside his house. How embarrassing.

"You on bar?"

"Yes."

"Awesome," Jo says, and Dean is certain he isn't imagining the sinister note in her voice. Great. Now he's going to have to put up with Jo trying to set him up all night.

Dean parks the Jeep in the Roadhouse's car park and they get out. It's prime time when they walk in, and Dean immediately gets behind the bar and washes his hands. Ellen is already there, and she gives the main spotlight to him immediately, and he in turn begins charming the three girls sitting at the bar. Everything's going fine for half an hour, and that's when Cas walks in.

Dean falters in the story he's telling, but picks it up again with only a slight jolt in the sentence. One of the girls notice, and looks over at Cas, but Dean asks her a question to get her attention back on him. Cas hasn't seen him yet.

Jo is sitting in a booth at the back, and Cas heads over there. Jo's face is open and friendly, and a part of Dean calms slightly. Jo is a good judge of character – if she had been wary of Cas, then Dean would have taken a step back. But they seem to be getting on fine, even if Cas's face is stiller than a stagnant pond. Dean's been watching and he hasn't smiled yet.

"Who's over there?" One of the girls ask, and Dean yanks his eyes away from Cas.

"No one important," he quickly covers. Ellen raises an eyebrow at him and looks over.

"Is that Castiel with Jo?" She asks him.

Dean nods mutely and grabs a glass for a beer a man has just ordered.

"The Castiel that you dated for a few weeks and then never called you after he left for America?"

"Jeez Ellen, you make him sound skeevy."

"He didn't call you."

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me."

"It doesn't to me."

"Really?" Ellen's voice is loaded and Dean flushes slightly. The girls are smiling at them and Dean flashes a strained smile at them.

"Yeah."

"That is bullshit, boy."

"Hey!"

"Don't lie to me, Dean. I raised you, I can see right through you."

Dean blusters for a second before grabbing some glasses to restock his supply on hand. The girls are laughing now, and Dean tells himself that they're drunk.

"Go talk to him," Ellen says, softer this time, so only he can hear.

"I'm on shift," Dean shoots back.

Ellen rolls her eyes. "I'm sure I can function without you for five minutes."

Dean licks his lips and looks over to where Jo has just gotten up. Probably to go to the bathroom.

Ellen pushes him out from behind the bar and Dean goes reluctantly. Cas is facing away from him, so he approaches the booth and then takes a breath. Dean blinks and then focuses on the one arm that he can see from where he's standing. There's a tattoo curling out from his shirt, ending just above his elbow. Dean can only see feathers, but he would bet that Cas has a set of wings under his shirt. Dean slides into the seat opposite Cas, who looks up from where he's going through the menu.

Cas's eyes widen. "Dean?" He asks.

"Hey Cas," Dean says, picking at the wood of the table, so he doesn't have to look at him.

"Why are you here?" Cas questions, startled, and Dean feels a touch of sadistic humour. That had been nearly the exact words that he'd said to Cas two weeks ago.

"I work here," Dean says, flicking his eyes up for a second to see his reaction.

"You quit your job at the resort?" Cas looks confused, and Dean shakes his head.

"No. This is an extra job. I'm still paying Charlie off for helping me with Sam."

"How much money did you borrow from her?" Cas asks, eyebrows pinching together.

"Too much," Dean sighs. "But she's good about it. Doesn't stack any interest on."

Cas nods, and silence falls between them. It isn't the easy silence that Dean remembers, from when they had first been getting to know each other, but more a loaded, tense, angry one.

"Sorry for avoiding you," Dean says eventually. "I was kind of… surprised to see you on my front lawn."

"Yes, that may not have been the best course of action," Cas admits.

"Did you really lose my number?"

"Yes."

Dean searches his eyes. There isn't any falsehood in them, and Cas isn't guarding anything. Dean sighs heavily and rubs the back of his neck.

"Sorry for telling you off like that."

"It's fine," Cas replies, shrugging with one shoulder. "As long as you don't do it again."

Dean nods slowly. "Okay."

"I'm guessing that if you're here on a Friday night, you don't have much spare time," Cas continues.

"Yeah," Dean says. He's tired, most of the time. "None. Sam's at home, refuses to do anything that isn't working and scowling at me."

Cas frowns slightly. "After everything that you did for him?"

"He doesn't see it that way," Dean says. Sam blames him for taking him out of Stanford, for not completing his degree in the US. He doesn't blame Dean for Ruby, though. Takes all of that onto himself.

"You should find someone for him to talk to," Cas advises.

"I know," Dean replies. "But I've got no money to send him to rehab, which is what I'd like to do. It isn't like there's a raging drug culture on the island, but since he's working in the city, I can't control what he does when he's not with me. I'm fairly certain that he wouldn't go out seeking a dealer. He has that much self-control. He doesn't want to relapse, but…"

"But what addict wants to relapse?"

Dean nods. "Exactly."

The next silence is warmer.

"Jo told me that you have been avoiding coming to the Clinic."

Dean ducks his head. "I haven't."

He looks up for a second to see Cas looking vaguely amused. "Of course."

"I just didn't want to see you and for things to get even weirder between us," Dean mutters.

"You didn't want me to think you didn't want to talk."

"I just wouldn't have had the time, Cas," Dean tells him. "I should be working right now." He looks over to the bar, and is surprised to see Jo working beside Ellen. "I should get back to it," he says, and stands up. Cas watches him from his seat as Dean retreats. He can feel his eyes on the back of his neck.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asks Jo.

"Well you were talking with Cas, and I didn't want to disturb you," Jo says. Ellen rolls her eyes at them both.

He works the bar for the rest of the night, and watches as the patrons eventually disappear. Most leave as soon as one o'clock comes around, and Dean starts packing up the bar. The new laws that had just been implemented are a drain on business, but Dean personally thinks they're sensible. No one needs to be drinking after one in the morning.

By three o'clock, he only has to usher a few people out. Then it's just Ellen, Jo, Cas and Dean that are in the Roadhouse. Dean cleans up everything quickly, glad that for once no one threw up while he was on shift. He tries not to be too aware of how Cas and Jo quietly bid Ellen good night and go upstairs to the bedrooms on the third floor.

"I'm glad you talked to him, Dean," Ellen says quietly as she passes him, and Dean feels a little better. His family approves of Cas, even if he doesn't decide to go after him again.

Dean sighs quietly to himself. Who is he kidding? He's already thinking of ways that he can squash some time into his week to accommodate Cas.

He is so screwed.

October

Dean starts seeing Cas around. They exchange smiles at the Clinic and talk for a few seconds when Cas comes to the resort. One time they happen to both be shopping at the same time, and Dean had spent an hour in his company, drinking in his eyes and smile and the one quiet laugh he had managed to get out of him.

He still doesn't have any extra time. The majority of his contact with Cas is through texts. He had given Cas his number again, and Cas had immediately put it into his phone. That very day they had started texting each other, and it's rare that a day goes by without several texts sent back and forth between them. Dean is learning Cas's dry sense of humour and the things that interest him slowly. The words on his phone aren't as good as having the real thing, but Dean will take anything he can get. A particular favourite exchange had Cas puzzling over why people would watch the entirety of the Bathurst 1000 when the cars just raced around the same track a thousand times. Dean had told him that it's just something that Australians do, while trying to smile. John had watched the race religiously every year, and it can't come up in conversation without Dean thinking about his father.

The holidays come and Dean spends two weeks franticly running around the Roadhouse every opportunity he can. He gets a good amount of tips and hours, and finally decides that he can let up some hours without feeling guilty about it. He decides to let Sam work, and pay off his own debt.

Dean stops taking every shift he can at the Roadhouse and spends more time sleeping. He even gets to go surfing for the first time in four months, and that does more for his temperament than anything else could have.

Three weeks after he had spoken to Cas, he finds himself with a day off. Ellen had cancelled his shift today only last night, and he had texted Cas right away, wanting to know if he's free today.

Dean checks his messages to finds one from Cas.

I'm not working today. Why? (7:59am)

It had been sent a few minutes ago, and Dean doesn't do anything besides yanking some clothes on before he runs down the street, covering the five hundred metres between their houses quickly. He knocks on the door and waits for a minute, shifting his weight between his feet. He huffs when he hears movement, and then Cas opens the door. He's dressed in nothing but boxers and a dressing gown, and his hair is stuck up everywhere. There's a slight scowl on his face that disappears as soon as he sees Dean.

"Dean?" Cas asks him.

"I'm free today, if you want to do something," Dean tells him. Suddenly feeling a bit vulnerable, standing on his front porch, Dean shuffles his feet.

Cas's eyes light up, and he smiles, opening the door wider. "That would be nice," he says. Dean walks in, and he looks around. He'd never been in this house before, not even for the open day. He hadn't thought that it'd be good to show himself what he'd never have.

The entry way is open. There are steps leading to upstairs in the entrance and Dean can see that there's an open space at the top that leads to more rooms. On the ground floor the entrance goes two different ways. One heads into a hall with rooms branching off, and the other to an open space that Dean supposes is the kitchen. It's a large house, larger than the one that Dean and Sam are living in, and only Cas is here.

Cas walks into the kitchen, and Dean sees the coffee mug on the table. There's a half-eaten piece of toast on a plate next to it, and Cas sits down behind them, obviously in the middle of eating his breakfast.

"Ah, sorry for interrupting you," Dean says, smiling to hide his embarrassment. Cas must see it though, because he does that thing where he doesn't smile with his mouth, but smiles with his eyes instead. Dean finds that he had missed it.

"It is fine, Dean. If you want any breakfast, you can help yourself."

"I ate at home," Dean replies, and Cas nods.

"Tell me about what happened when you went to pick up Sam, then," Cas asks.

Dean nods slightly. "Sure. After I left you, Brady picked me up and took me to Sam. Then I confronted him about everything – Ruby, the drugs, the money. I had all the cash he said he needed, and Brady took it. Turns out he'd just been waiting around to make sure that Sam didn't make a run for it." Dean shakes his head. "Thank you, again, for the tickets."

"It was nothing," Cas murmurs.

"Then we went and packed up Sam's stuff and left. Sam still isn't over it. I want to get him into a rehab program or something – maybe that'll help. He won't talk to me about what happened, so maybe he'll talk to someone else about what happened." Dean sighs to himself, and jumps slightly when Cas's hand touches his. Cas looks at him silently for a few seconds before taking his hand away to keep eating his breakfast. Dean remembers to breathe.

"That seems like a good idea," Cas replies. Dean nods.

"Yeah, but I have less than no money right now. I pulled all of the money I had stored up in my offset account for my house, as well as all my savings, and I still had to borrow off Charlie."

Cas's forehead is pinched in that way of his that shows he's worried. "I could always –"

"No, Cas," Dean tells him flatly. He's already in enough debt, and if he and Cas are going to be something, then he doesn't want that hanging over their heads.

Cas looks at him for a long second. "Very well."

Dean nods sharply. "Not much has changed since then. I'm taking the shifts that I can at the Roadhouse, and Sam works as well, which is good. It gives him something to do." Dean runs a hand through his hair. He really isn't qualified to help Sam, and he knows that. Knows it, and fuck does it hurt, the fact that he can't help his little brother, like he's supposed to. The fact that he let him get into this situation in the first place hurts enough.

"Dean?"

Cas voice makes him shake his head. "Yeah?"

"You were staring at nothing." Cas's pinched look is directed at him now, and Dean shrugs slightly.

"It's just been exhausting, these last few months."

"Then we should do something that is the opposite of exhausting. Something pointless," Cas declares. "Something fun."

Dean raises an eyebrow. "Okay. You have anything in mind?"

Cas's eyes glint, and Dean knows that for today, a least, he can drop the worries that weigh so heavy on his conscience.

"Where were you today?"

Dean doesn't slow in taking his boots and jacket off, but he does sigh slightly. "I was out, Sam. People do that."

"Out where? I wake up, you're gone. I come back from work, you're still gone. Dean, it's nearly ten o'clock."

"Just out, Sam." Dean walks over to stand in front of his brother. Sam is frowning at him.

"What, like on a date?"

Dean doesn't say anything, and Sam seems to pick his answer from that. "Seriously? That's what you're wasting time on? Spending time with this Cas guy?"

Dean swallows down his reflexive defence of Cas. Sam hasn't met him, he reminds himself.

"I need some time for me sometimes, Sam. I can't be here all the time."

"Still," Sam mutters.

Dean shakes his head, suddenly feeling tired. He'd had an awesome day with Cas, going down to the beach and screwing around in the waves and the sand, eating ice-cream for lunch and telling Cas off for unobtrusively feeding the sea gulls chips. They hadn't kissed, hadn't touched beyond what was normal, but Dean had felt it closing the rift between them with every minute that passed. He doesn't want his good mood ruined by Sam questioning it.

"So what, you want to leave?" Dean asks him.

Sam shakes his head after a second. "No, Dean. I'm grateful for you letting me stay here, and I appreciate it. I just want to spend some more time with you. You're always out, and the times that you're not, I am. I don't like it."

Dean feels himself thawing slightly. "Okay. We can make time for us, Sam."

Sam nods. "Good."

With a few goodnights, Dean heads into his room. His younger self stares at him from his wall, and Dean wonders why he doesn't just tear the poster down. All it does is remind him of a better time.

Dean settles into bed and lets thoughts of Cas swirl in his mind until he falls asleep.

November

"So, yeah, it went well. I think I want to do something like it again," Charlie confides. Dean's been treated to her retelling of her and Jess's dates, and this latest one sounds pretty good to Dean. Charlie had taken Jess to the actual course way for the Melbourne Cup. Dean is looking at some of the photos that Charlie had taken on her phone on the day. Charlie and Jess are completely dressed up, fascinators in place to go with their stunning dresses.

"Everything was going really well, but then we went, well, a little too close to the racetrack…" Charlie giggles as she shows Dean the next photo. It's a full body shot, so someone else must have been taking the photo. The first one is a lovely pose of Charlie and Jess, but the second one that Charlie shows him has both of the women in disarray, laughing while clinging to one another.

"That's one for the photo album," Dean laughs, looking at the picture. Charlie grins at him.

"I know! It was so fun. I've never actually been to the actual race track on Race Day, only watched it on the TV. So it was pretty awesome actually being there. Let me tell you, there are heaps more people there than it looks," she confides.

Dean smiles at her. "I'm sure you and Jess handled it."

Charlie nods. "Yeah. It just meant that we had to walk everywhere with our arms linked. You know, so that we wouldn't get separated."

"Of course," Dean replies, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Jess and Charlie are a cute couple. "It sounds interesting, in any case."

"Yeah, I really liked it."

Dean is glad that they're still together. It provides some sort of stability to his life, so he knows that he can always count on Charlie and Jess's misadventures to distract him for a while. He had been slightly worried that when Jess heard that Sam was back, she'd go back to him, and obviously Charlie had been worried about that as well, because she had talked her head off for an hour about the date Jess had taken her on the weekend after Dean and Sam had flown back in. Dean's glad that Jess had moved on, really. Charlie is one of the best people that Dean knows.

Dean checks his watch. "I really should be going out," he says, and Charlie nods.

"Yeah, probably. I'll see you later, then."

Dean hugs her goodbye and grabs the key to his buggy. As soon as he walks outside, he grimaces. It's early November, and the heat is beginning to pick up again. He thinks that it's going to be one of the first few days of the real, scorching heat, today. He's not looking forward to it.

There's a caw from above in one of the blooming Jacaranda tree. Dean looks upwards, and sees a magpie almost hidden amongst the vividly coloured purple blooms.

"Don't you do what I think you're about to do," Dean warns. The magpie tilts its head at him and caws again. Dean takes a detour around the tree. He doesn't need to get swooped today.

Someone is leaning up against his buggy. Dean narrows his eyes and startles slightly when he realises that it's Cas. He'd seen the other man a few days ago, when they went to the beach. Cas must have Tuesday's and Friday's off.

Dean can't stop a smile coming over his face as he approaches. Cas must only just have gotten here, because he's still putting sunscreen on. Dean can see the tips of feathers poking out from the sleeves of his shirt, but it has a collar, so he can't see any of his back. Dean comes up behind him and helps him rub some into his neck. Cas jumps a little but his hand falls away and Dean finishes rubbing it in. He leans into Cas, making him take a step forward, and frames him between his arms as he pumps more sunscreen to put on Cas. He smooths it down his arms and then starts putting some on himself, keeping Cas pinned.

"Hello Dean," Cas says. There's a hint of amusement in his voice and Dean grins.

"Hey Cas. What cha doing here?"

"I was hoping to spend some time with you," Cas says.

"Well, I'm about to go around the island, check up on everything."

"Can I come?"

"Sure," Dean says. He grabs one of his extra hats and puts it on Cas, and grabs his sunglasses, which are next to them. "Ready to go?"

Cas wriggles around in his grasp and Dean can't stop a smile when he sees him. Not only is Cas here, willing to spend time with him, but he has a large white streak of sunscreen running down his cheek.

"Whenever you are willing to let me go," Cas says cheekily, and Dean takes a step backwards.

"I don't think I'll be letting you go anytime soon," Dean replies, and then turns to get in the buggy so Cas won't see his cheeks flush.

When Cas gets into the buggy, he's smiling shyly at Dean. Dean starts up the buggy and reverses out of the parking spot. The radio turns on of its own accord, and the soft strains of Waltzing Matilda come out of it. Dean keeps the buggy radio on instrumental frequencies so they don't distract from his search of the trail, but it's mainly to give him something to listen to. With Cas here, he doesn't need it as much, so he turns the volume down.

The road he follows turns into a track, and then gets even bumpier as they start following the trail that only Dean traverses every few days. He keeps his eyes open for any penguins, and he knows that Cas is doing the same.

"So how are things?" Dean asks him. It's probably not the most interesting conversation starter, but he needs to start somewhere. He has no idea what's happening in Cas's life, why he wanted to move somewhere to get away from his family, what exactly he got his degree in, or even how old he is. He wants to get to know him better, wants to know this man who cares about Dean, for some reason.

"Things…" Cas replies, seemingly not knowing what to say. "Things are good. I like working at the Clinic, and I'm getting to know the people there, both those who deal with the veterinary side of things and those who deal with research. Things have been slightly dramatic lately because of Kevin and Channing breaking up, though. I'm led to believe that it makes things awkward around the workplace, although I don't feel like anything's different."

Dean huffs out a laugh and Cas looks at him and tilts his head slightly. "What?"

"It's just kinda funny," Dean replies. He can imagine Cas being completely oblivious to the awkward tension between people.

"That's what Jo said as well," Cas says, frowning slightly. He shakes his head slightly and continues. "I like this island. It is calm, peaceful. I can go to numerous beaches and every one has its own personality."

Dean feels something inside him warm. "Yeah, I know that. When I surf all the beaches around here, you have to know each one, personally, to get the best waves. That's why I change things up each time I surf, don't go to the same beach twice in a row. Haven't had much time lately, though." He frowns, and it deepens when he sees a few pieces of rubbish on the side of the trail. With a muttered curse he slows the buggy and gets the big plastic bag for trash out of the back. Cas helps pick them up, and soon enough they're back on the trail again.

"Why haven't you had much time to surf?" Cas asks, and then the confusion on his face clears. "Ah. Sam."

Dean nods sharply. "Yeah," he says shortly.

"I'm sure you miss it," Cas says softly. Dean shrugs.

"Yeah, I guess. I don't do it as much as I used to."

"When you were champion of the competition around here, correct?"

Dean flinches and looks at Cas. "How do you know that?"

"I saw the poster on your bedroom wall."

Dean is silent for a minute. The last time Cas had been in his house was over six months ago, when he was here in March. That means that, not only had he looked around Dean's room, he had remembered enough of what was on his walls to talk about it, over half a year later.

"I saw it when you were passed out," Cas tells him.

"When you carried me to my room," Dean says, blushing slightly.

"Yes," Cas says. "I was curious. I apologise if I should not have been looking…"

Dean shrugs. "Don't worry about it." After all, he had then slept next to Cas for the rest of the night. It was okay if the guy had looked at the posters on the walls. It's Dean's fault for keeping something like them that shows his past so clearly.

Cas nods. "Very well."

They ride in silence for a few more minutes before Dean speaks again. "Why become a vet? Why penguins?"

Cas blinks at him. "I always wanted to become a vet," he says. "My family had different plans, but…" He shakes his head. "I just want to help. Humans were always too complicated, though. Animals are always easier. They do not try to deceive you. They're honest."

Dean bites his lip. He doesn't want to ask why Cas has such obvious trust issues. After all, who is he to talk?

"I like birds, in particular. Penguins just happen to fall under that category. This island is good for that. I don't have to leave, there are lots of animals that need help, and I can help them."

Dean blinks and he feels his forehead furrow as he realises something. Cas is hiding. He isn't sure what or who from, but he's using the island as a refuge. He doesn't have to leave for his job or for any of his needs, and so he's hoping that here he won't be discovered.

Dean has the feeling that whatever Cas is hiding from, it won't stay gone forever.

"And you? Why did you want to become a ranger?"

Dean brushes thoughts of Cas lying aside to look at later. "I grew up here," he tells him. "My Dad was a ranger before me. When I was younger, before he died, I thought about going professional with my surfing. Win international comps, go around the world to do what I loved. But after Dad died…" Dean trails off and shakes his head. "After he died, things got hard. Ellen had to fight for custody over us, and she only won because Bobby was supporting her as a second custodian, even though he lives in Perth. If it hadn't been for him, I'm sure that Sam and I would have been put into the system. We went and lived with Ellen and Jo for a few years until I turned eighteen and could take up guardianship of Sam, and we moved back here. We both like it better than the city."

When he doesn't continue, Cas prompts him. "What happened next?"

Dean shrugs. "Life happened. I finished school and completed my degree – Bachelor of Conservation Biology and Ecology. Sam finished high school, and started his law degree. I got a job here, and everything was going fine until…"

"Until what?"

Dean shakes his head and doesn't say anything. Cas doesn't push, which Dean is grateful for. He rolls Cas's question around in his head for a few minutes before answering. Some of this story isn't his to tell, but it wasn't like Sam could protest at that moment. Dean doesn't think that Cas is the type of person to go around flaunting information, so he decides that he can tell him about what happened.

"Sam was dating Jess. You know Jess, she's a vet as well."

Cas nods. "I like her. She's very nice."

Dean nods. "Yeah, she's good. Well, they were dating, and Jess was gone on Sam, and I thought that Sam loved her back. Until I come home one day to find Sam making out with this other girl on the couch. Her name's Ruby, and of course I kick her out, talk to Sam about it. Except he won't talk to me. I ask him, 'What happened with Jess?' Do you know what he says back?" Dean huffs scathingly to himself. "'Nothing.' Like he can just cheat on his girlfriend and not have any consequences. I told him that he can tell Jess or I would tell Jess, and he tried to persuade me not to, like there was nothing wrong with it. I refused to be quiet, and told Jess the next day. She was heartbroken, and they broke up. I don't see Sam for a week, and I can only assume that he's staying wherever Ruby is. Then he turns up to tell me that he applied to finish his degree at Stanford. In America." Dean sighs. "Ruby lives in America, and I can only assume that that was the main reason why he wanted to move, which meant he had to have been cheating on Jess for some time. Jess finished her degree and got a job, only to have Sam move back here, except now she's dating Charlie and he's stopped going to uni, has been using and selling drugs, and only just managed to pay off his debts with my money. He's not looking all that good anymore, and to my knowledge, they haven't spoken since he got back."

Dean's left feeling too open, and he closes his mouth with a snap. He hasn't spoken about his past in so long, and the lingering feelings of rejection and desperation are surfacing in the back of his throat. He keeps his eyes fixed on the track in front of them intently so he won't have to look at Cas. He can feel Cas's eyes on him, assessing, sifting through what Dean had said and what Dean hadn't.

"Well, I don't think that my own story is as interesting as that," Cas tells him. "I'm the youngest of all my siblings, although Anna is only five minutes older than me."

Dean looks at Cas in surprise. "You have a twin?" He doesn't know why that seems like such a strange idea; after all, he hardly knows anything about Cas's family. It's entirely possible that he's got a hundred siblings that are all twins. Okay, maybe not a hundred. But if Cas is in a sharing mood, then this is a good opportunity to try and pry some more information out of him regarding his family.

"Yes. Fraternal, not identical. She always thought that it was her job to look after me, just because I'm younger than her."

"Tell me about your other brother and sisters," Dean asks.

"There is not much to tell," Cas says. "Michael and Lucifer are the oldest. They are twins as well, and in business together, and are a powerful influence in their community. Gabriel is a therapist who has a sense of humour. I've been told that it's strange. Samandriel's strengths lie in his skills with people, and he's highly sought after wherever he goes. Anna is a highly skilled masseuse, and she's looking to start her own business soon. And I am just a vet."

"Just a vet? Cas, a degree in vet science takes four years to complete. It's a hard degree, and those who get it are devoted people. You love the animals, I can tell."

Cas smiles shyly. "Like I said. I think they are easier to deal with than people."

By the time Dean's coming back into the car park at the resort, it's just after midday. He had started that morning at five o'clock, and his shift ends at one. A solid eight hours.

"If you stay around for a bit, I get off at one," Dean offers.

"That sounds good," Cas says, eyes crinkling.

The next Tuesday, Dean pulls into Cas's driveway. They've organised to go out for lunch, and Dean has everything they'll need in the boot. He knocks on the door and waits nervously. He's dressed in jeans and flannel, nothing fancy, and he hopes Cas doesn't mind.

When the door opens, Cas is standing behind it, already smiling.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. He's too busy staring at Cas.

The other man is wearing a blue shirt that brings out the colour in his eyes, and dark, tight jeans that makes Dean glad that he's facing him, because if he wasn't, then Dean is sure that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from staring at his ass.

"…Hey," Dean finally manages.

One side of Cas's mouth curls upwards slowly. Dean stubbornly keeps his eyes on Cas's face, which means that he has to watch him smirk.

"Come in," Cas invites. He turns, and sure enough, Dean's eyes fall against his will to stare at his ass. Cas flashes a look over his shoulder and his eyebrow lifts when he catches Dean at it. Dean feels himself blush slightly as he follows Cas inside. Dean can see more of his wings than he had ever before, and he takes the few seconds that he has to appreciate the artistry in the details of them.

"You ready to go?" Dean asks him. Cas nods.

"Yes." He picks up his wallet and opens it, checking something inside it and then putting it in his pocket. "I'm ready."

"Good," Dean says, and he doesn't mean anything by letting Cas walk in front of him. Nothing at all.

Cas gets into the passenger side and Dean makes sure he's belted in before turning over the engine. Cas had tasked him with coming up with somewhere to eat, and Dean is nervous about his choice. Cas is probably expecting some sort of restaurant, but that isn't what Dean is comfortable with.

Cas doesn't ask where they're going, but he does ask the small questions that make up conversations. He asks about work and Dean talks about what had happened in the few days that they hadn't seen each other. It's quiet, it's nice, and Dean thinks that he could get used to just talking with someone. Everyone around him seems to want something from him these days – Sam just wants him to fix his problems, Charlie wants to talk to him about Jess, Jo wants him to get with Cas, Ellen wants him to get back into surfing. Cas doesn't seem to want anything besides his company, doesn't seem to want anything besides having him next to him. It's relaxing and freeing, and Dean is quickly becoming addicted to it.

When they turn off the road and onto a dirt one, Cas raises an eyebrow at him, but still doesn't ask where they're going.

Dean parks under a tree. He gets out and peers up at it, but it isn't windy, and the gum shouldn't drop any branches on the Jeep. He pops the boot and gets out a bag, and that's when Cas understands.

"A picnic?" He asks, and Dean can see that he appreciates this. Appreciates the effort that he's gone to, to think about this and where he'd take Cas.

"Yeah," Dean replies. He rubs the back of his neck and offers a smile to Cas. "I hope it's not too low scale for you."

"It's good," Cas tells him. "I take that you've been here before?"

"Yeah. It's a good spot." Dean shoulders the back pack and walks up beside Cas. Cas takes his hand casually, like they do this all the time, and Dean wonders if that's the secret to it. Just act like it's normal until it becomes normal.

Dean leads him up to the picnic point. There's a small trail going up the hill that's far too narrow and steep for the Jeep, but it isn't long and then they're looking out over the island. Dean takes a second to drink the scenery in, the deep blue of the open ocean contrasting with the vibrant purple of the Jacaranda trees that are scattered among the land and the deep green of the bush. There are small spots of yellow where wattle trees are in bloom, and they complement the purple trees, which are much more visible.

"It's beautiful," Cas says simply, and Dean can only nod.

"Yeah. It is. And it has the upside of being in the middle of nowhere. I found this place when I was first learning to drive; I chucked a U-e at the wrong place and ended up driving around here. I haven't made the habit of bringing people here often."

Cas nods, and Dean puts the backpack on the ground. He quickly pulls everything out and sets it all up. It's not fancy – just some bread with a choice of a few dips, a small salad for Cas, and some bacon for him, since Cas is a vegetarian. He bites his lip nervously, but Cas looks happy, and that makes Dean relax slightly.

It's a late lunch – Dean hadn't wanted to catch the heat of the day. It's mid-November, summer has already announced its presence, and soon Dean's job is going to get hellish. The heat is intense, and he has to be out in it almost constantly. Cas looks happy, talking animatedly for him, eyes lighting up as he speaks about some of his travels. Dean thinks that he won't stay here for long, even if he's hiding from something – he loves to go places and visit undiscovered worlds (or at least, places he hasn't been before) too much to just give it up.

PIC!

"I just love seeing new things," Cas says, eyes slightly unfocused, and Dean thinks that that sums it up nicely.

"Yeah," Dean says softly. "I can tell."

Cas's eyes crinkle. Dean swallows. They've eaten and have just been talking, but now Dean is staring at Cas and Cas is staring at Dean and Dean can't help himself anymore.

Cas's eyes flutter shut as Dean ducks his head. The first brush of their lips is timid, barely there, like they're both testing the waters between them. Cas's lips are just as chapped as Dean remembers, and he's hit with a heady vision of them wrapped around his dick. Cas sighs against his lips and Dean fastens his against Cas's firmly.

Cas slides a hand up to the back of Dean's neck. It makes Dean put a hand down to steady himself, which then lands on Cas's thigh. Not really complaining, he tilts his head and feels his nose brush against Cas's skin.

Their other kisses hadn't lasted as long as this one is, and Dean is starting to notice that Cas is lacking in some of the finer points. He smooths a frown off his face before it even appears and brings the hand not on Cas's thigh up to cup his face. Cas lets out a small, startled sound when Dean bites his lower lip. Dean savours it as he sucks it into his mouth, nibbling along it slightly.

When he pulls away, Cas is looking at him with wide eyes, and Dean can't resist winking at him. Cas's face transforms from the innocent wonder he had been displaying to an amused kind of annoyance that makes Dean happy.

Dean laughs, and it comes out as a deep chuckle. Cas smiles as well, an actual smile, and that quiets Dean as he stares in wonder at it. He can't help but kiss it again, and Cas's grin stretches wider as Dean presses their mouths together again.

Cas leans backwards and Dean resists the urge to follow him. Cas sighs, eyes flicking away from him, and Dean frowns.

"Is everything fine? Is this…" Dean waves a hand between them vaguely. "Okay?"

"Yes," Cas says immediately. "But, um, there's something I uh, need to tell you."

"Yeah?" Dean asks, trying not to frown. Cas didn't usually stumble over his words like that. "What's up?"

"I just want you to know that…" Cas takes a deep breath. "This is the first time that I've been involved with anyone."

Dean leans back slightly, surprised. "Not even when you were a teen?"

Cas looks aside. "My brothers were very controlling. And I never found anyone I wanted to try this with, anyway. So…" Cas pauses for a second, flicking his shirt edge up and down nervously in his hand. "Can we just, take this slow? I don't know…"

"Yeah, of course," Dean says immediately. "That's fine, Cas." He smiles at him. "I'm glad you told me."

Cas flashes a smile up at him.

Slow is good. Dean can do slow.

Dean looks out to sea, the waves lapping at the shore steadily. The growing chaos behind him is testament to the holiday season coming closer. It's late November, and even the heat doesn't dismay the people who are coming to see the fairy penguins.

Dean pulls his phone out of his pocket and calls Cas. The phone rings for a few seconds before he picks up, and Dean can't help the smile that comes over his face as he hears his gravelly voice answering the phone.

"Hey, it's Dean," he greets.

"Hello," Cas says, and Dean hears the note of light that only comes out for him enter his voice. "Aren't you at work?"

"Yeah, just about to go down to the Plus tour tonight. Look, I know that you're free tonight, and if you want to come down, I can make sure that you're let in…" Dean trails off. He just wants to spend more time with Cas, and even though he's quite sure that Benny wouldn't really approve, Dean's also sure that he won't mind if it only happens once.

"Sure," Cas says, sounding happy. "When are you getting off tonight?"

"Early," Dean tells him, and that's why he's called, really. "Around seven."

"Good," Cas tells him. "I'll be there soon."

Cas hangs up and Dean pockets the phone. Caleb is checking people's tickets as they head down to the Plus platform, and Dean hurries over to him.

"Caleb," he starts, but before he could say anything else, Caleb is nodding.

"Charlie already told me."

Dean pauses for a moment. "Told you… about what?"

"About your boy coming by. It's fine, don't worry, I'll let him through."

Dean blinks and Caleb ushers him through to then check the people behind him.

Dean follows the boardwalk down to the beach, looking through all of the foliage to see if he can spot any chicks yet. It's a bit early, but Dean's hopeful for a nice, healthy year this season. It was a cool summer last summer, with temperatures rarely reaching the normal averages for this part of the world. They've had more over forty degree days this November than they had the entirety of last summer, and Dean's bracing himself already for a scorcher. This summer is going to be one on the records, he can already tell. He can only thank whoever was out there that he's not living in one of the hotter states. Western Sydney is one of the most populated areas in all of Australia, and it's also extremely prone to heat waves. Dean has the sea and living on the coast is usually enough to dilute the heat a small amount.

He makes it to the bottom of the boardwalk and goes over to Charlie. She's going to be the one who's leading the Tour tonight, and she's already talking to several people. Dean waits, sure that she can see him, and answers the questions that a few kids come up to him to ask shyly.

When both of them are free, Dean approaches Charlie.

"Hey," she says, smiling at him.

"Hey," Dean answers. "How did you know I'd be calling Cas?"

Charlie smirks at him. "As if I can't predict that," Charlie says. "He had to be called in to work on Tuesday so you didn't get to spend any time with him then, and you've been working late every day since, so you've had no time after work to go and meet up with him. I know he's got Saturday's off, and I know that you're getting off early tonight, because I swapped shifts with you. So, yeah. When's he coming by?"

"He's probably coming now," Dean mutters, sighing to himself and looking out to sea. He just really needs to relax, and being around Cas always helps with that.

"That's good. You've been tense all week," Charlie comments, before she starts talking to a woman who had come up to her. Dean talks with the customers, and just as Charlie has them all sit down and had just started talking to them, he sees Cas walking down towards them. He silently cuts past the seated tourists and comes to stand next to Dean. Dean doesn't touch him, but he does inhale the scent that drifts past as Cas walks by. The soft lavender smell is overlaying the deeper scent that is Cas, and Dean thinks that he could recognise it anywhere.

"Hello Dean," Cas greets him softly, just loud enough for Dean to hear. Dean's lips twitch up into a smile for a second.

"Heya, Cas."

They stand in silence until Charlie finishes her presentation. Dean can see the penguins coming in closer to shore, although the tourists, who had likely never seen penguins in the wild before, hadn't picked them out yet.

Cas presses a little closer to him, and Dean smiles at him. Cas turns and looks up to sea when a man comes up to him and starts asking questions. Dean answers them and starts talking, using his years of knowledge about the land and the animals in the surrounding area. He soon has a few people in his audience, but what would normally seem to fly drags. Dean thinks it has something to do with Cas leaning up against the railing next to him and touching his hip slightly with his own. Dean just wants this to be over, so he can take Cas out and kiss him senseless, to wipe away the stress of the week. Somewhere along the way Cas had taken the place of his surfing, because he very rarely has the time for it anymore, and he still needs to relax somehow.

The penguins start coming in and Dean cedes his place at the barrier to the people who are gathering to watch the penguins come in. Cas comes back with him and sits down next to him.

"You do anything today?" Dean asks him.

"Nothing much," Cas says. "Did some cleaning around the house. It's amazing how dirty everything gets, even when there's no one else in the house besides me."

Dean chuckles. "Yeah, that happens."

"What about you?" Cas asks, and he seems genuinely interested, even though Dean's day had been completely ordinary.

"I did some stock counting. Krissy wasn't in, so I called her. She said that she's sick, so Benny's going to have to find someone to take over her shift tomorrow, because she sounded like shit. Charlie swapped around my shift because she thinks it's past time that we get together and she wants me to go and spend some time with you because apparently I'm easier to deal with after I've seen you in comparison to when I haven't seen you –"

Cas laughs at that, and Dean raises his eyebrows at him.

"What?" He asks, slightly put out. It's mellowed by the way Cas' eyes are shining, and Dean can't find it in himself to be even the slightest bit mad at Cas.

"I like Charlie," Cas simply says, and Dean nods after a second has passed.

"Yeah, she's a good person," Dean replies.

The sun gradually sets as the penguins come in slowly. The people on the boardwalk gradually disappear, and it becomes closer and closer to seven. As soon as it clocks over, Charlie is ushering them up the boardwalk and shooing them away. Dean smiles at her and grabs Cas's hand as they're going up the path. Dean grabs his stuff and Cas follows him back to his place.

Dean pulls up in front of his house. He gets out as Cas parks his car.

"We'll take the Jeep, yeah? I'll be out in a minute."

Cas nods and Dean gets out of his Jeep, heading inside. Sam isn't inside, and Dean quickly changes out of his uniform and into some plaid and a pair of jeans. He rakes a hand through his hair, trying to take away the wind tousled look. He's got nothing on Cas, but he still wants to be presentable. He grabs his wallet and heads outside, pulling the door closed behind him.

He slides back into the driver's seat, and starts the Jeep back up. The drive into Cowes doesn't take that long, and Dean is soon trying to find a parking spot. He parks near the beach, and gets out of the Jeep. Cas walks over to him, and Dean smiles at him. They cross the road, Cas not knowing where they're going, but trusting Dean to lead them. Dean walks into the café, and Cassie immediately comes over to him.

"Hey Dean," she greets him.

"Hey Cassie. Can we grab a table and some dinner?"

"You know you're always welcome," Cassie says, and leads them towards an empty table. Dean sits down and Cassie is quick to grab them both menus before hurrying off to another table.

"Cassie owns this place, but she likes to keep an eye on things while waitressing," Dean explains. "They make some of the best food in town here, and Cassie always gives Sam and I a discount."

"How come?" Cas asks him.

"Dad pulled her dad out of the ocean when he fell off a cliff in a landslide years ago. She refuses to let us pay full price, so I always come here when I can, to pay what I can."

Cas nods slightly and his eyes flick down to look at the menu. Dean doesn't open his, already knowing what he's going to get, but he lets Cas look over the entire thing. Cassie must have the same idea, because it's another ten minutes before she comes back over to their table to get their orders.

"You just want the usual, Dean?" She asks him. He nods, and she scrawls something down onto her notepad. "And you?" She asks Cas politely.

"Ah, the Greek salad please," Cas answers. Cassie nods and goes over to the kitchen to give the cook their orders.

"How's Jo?" Dean asks, because he hasn't seen the blonde girl for some time.

"She's good. She went up into Melbourne a few days ago to spend the night and her day off with her family. She complains that you don't text her enough. Maybe you should, just so I don't have to listen to her grumble at work."

Dean snorts. "Yeah, I'll get around to it. And Jess? What's she saying about her and Charlie? Anything about Sam?"

Cas takes a few seconds before he answers. It's long enough for Cassie to come back with two glasses of water and put them on their table. Dean smiles at her in thanks.

"Jessica doesn't often talk about Sam, and when she does, it's like she's talking about an old friend that she fell out of contact with. I think that she'd like to be on speaking terms with him again, but she doesn't know if he'd be open to that. She speaks of Charlie often. I think they're well suited for each other."

Dean nods. "Yeah, I think so. Charlie's crazy about her, I know that for sure. But Sam's still a topic that both of them are touchy about, and Sam hasn't helped with that. The months that he's been here, he hasn't made any efforts to connect with Jess, Charlie, Jo, Ellen, anyone. The only one he's really been talking to is me. I'm worried about him," Dean admits, looking down at his hands.

"Dean," Cas says. Dean looks up, and Cas reaches across the table to touch his hands. "You can be there for Sam, but your brother has to make the decision to come back into his life. From what I've gathered, he still thinks that he's in the right for leaving, and even for what happened in America. You need to sit down with him and talk about what happened, so that you can both move on."

Dean sighs. He leans back in the chair and rubs the back of his neck with one hand, keeping the other in contact with Cas. "I'm not that great with talking," he confesses.

Cas shrugs slightly. "You don't have to be. Just let your brother know that you're willing to talk, and I'm sure that Sam will come to you."

"Yeah. Okay," Dean says. "I will. Thanks, Cas."

Cas's eyes crinkle. "No problem," he replies.

Their food comes shortly after that, and Dean digs in, hungry. He'd skipped lunch and he'd been doing things all day, so the burger that Cassie sets down on their table tastes even more delicious than it normally is. Cas eats his Greek salad, and he must find it good as well, because he complements it a few times. When Cassie is in earshot of the compliments, she beams happily.

Dean still tries to pay the full amount when they're done eating, and Cassie still refuses.

"Let me at least tip the waitress," Dean argues. "She was awesome."

Cassie rolls her eyes. "No. Get out of here, Dean. Take your date somewhere cute to finish off the night."

Dean blushes slightly but nods. "Okay. I'll see you around, then?"

"Course," Cassie replies.

Cas is waiting by the door, and Dean grabs his hand on the way out. He walks past the Jeep, down further to street just before the beach. The sun is getting lower in the sky as Dean pushes open the door to one of the other restaurants on the street.

Cas grins when he sees what's inside. "Ice cream?" He asks, amused.

"Of course," Dean says, acting like there was no other option. "What else?"

"Nothing else," Cas says softly.

Dean gets mint choc chip, which he swears is the best flavour in the entire shop. Cas goes for a caramel flavour, which is nearly as good, Dean grudgingly admits. They eat them outside, on the tables that the small shop provides, watching as the sky turns gold as the sun slowly sets.

When Dean pulls into his driveway, there are lights on inside, and Dean can see movement behind the curtains. Sam must be home.

Cas gets out and Dean goes around to the back of the Jeep where he's waiting.

"Thanks for coming round," Dean says, quirking a smile at him.

"Anytime," Cas says.

Dean slides his hand to the back of Cas's neck, and brings him in so that Dean can kiss him. Cas hums into his mouth happily as Dean presses Cas's lips apart with his tongue. He tastes like caramel, and Dean chases the flavour, licking out as much of it as he can until there's only the taste of Cas. Cas sucks on his tongue, which makes Dean groan and step up against him, pushing Cas back against the Jeep. Cas twists his fingers into Dean's hair, trying to find some purchase in the short strands. Dean's hands settle on his hips for a few seconds, as he kisses him. They still haven't gone any further than this, even though Dean wants to. He can tell that Cas is nervous about it, even if they haven't exactly discussed it.

When they break apart, Dean can take in Cas's appearance happily, lips rouged red and hair messier than normal. Cas licks his lips and Dean follows the motion before dragging his eyes back up to Cas's.

"Talk to Sam," Cas says. "It'll make things better."

Dean lets out a breath and leans against Cas for a few seconds before stepping back and letting him go. "Yeah, I will."

Cas nods and reluctantly walks back to his car. Dean watches him drive down the street before he turns back to his own house. As he walks towards the door, he steadies himself. He's going to talk to Sam about everything. Cas is right – they need to have it out between them.

But when Dean puts his key into the lock of the door, he realises that voices are coming from inside. Sam isn't alone. He can't hear anything from outside, the heavy door muffling the sounds, but he thinks the other person sounds feminine.

He unlocks the door slowly and opens it to the lounge room, and a scene out of one of his nightmares.

"I love you, Sam," Ruby says. "Please, come back to the States with me. We can start over there, and you can leave all of this behind you."

Ruby slowly turns her eyes to him, and Dean sees the deep loathing in her eyes when she sees him. It's mutual. Dean takes a few steps into the house before Sam can respond, rage blurring everything except the girl in front of him.

"What are you doing in my house?" Dean says, voice deceptively soft. Ruby swallows, and then tilts her chin up.

"I came to visit Sam. He lives here as well, you know."

Dean looks over at Sam for a second. His brother's face is pained, and Dean just aims the anger that that raises at Ruby as well.

He stalks over towards her, hands balled into fists at his sides. Fear comes into Ruby's eyes, but just as Dean lifts a hand to drag her out of his house, Sam grabs his arm from behind. His brother is strong, and Dean had forgotten how much until he can't take another step forward because Sam is holding him back.

"Ruby, you should go," Sam says quietly. Ruby nods and darts around them, Dean attempting to glare a hole through her.

"If I see you again, I'm calling the police," Dean warns.

The door clicks closed, and Dean rounds on Sam.

"What the fuck was that?" Dean growls at him. "Why did you let her in?"

"I wanted to hear her explain her side of the story, Dean," Sam tells him.

"What was there to tell?" Dean says, trying not to yell. "She ran off with your drugs, leaving you with a heap of debt, and then you never heard from her again? She's just trying to get more money off you!"

Sam looks down at the floor. "She explained her side of things Dean… Her dad needed the money for an operation, and she thought that I would stop her from taking the drugs, so she stole it and sold it all to help her dad. He's better now, and she wants to start afresh."

"Yeah, afresh so she doesn't have to own up to the fact that she owes you thirty thousand dollars," Dean tells his brother. "She's playing you, Sam."

Sam scratches his head, running his hand through his bangs, and Dean feels a spike of doubt in his stomach. "You're not actually taking her seriously, are you?"

"No!" Sam exclaims. "I know that she owes us money, Dean. I'm not stupid. Look, I won't get in contact with her again, alright? Don't worry about it."

Dean stares at Sam for a few seconds until his brother gets up and goes into his room. The door shuts behind him with a solemn thud, and Dean fights off a growing sense of despair.

He's going to lose Sam again, and there's nothing he can do about it.

December

"What is up with you lately?" Charlie asks him.

Dean puts the box he's carrying down on its shelf with a thump. "Nothing's up," Dean says, keeping his voice level.

Charlie snorts. "Uh, like I'm going to believe that. You've been acting weird all week. Cas texted me, and he was worried about you as well. You haven't called him, and when he's gone over to your place, only Sam's been home. He hasn't come around here, just because he doesn't want to intrude if you don't want him around, but I think you should call him. And you should also tell me what's gotten you into this funk."

Dean sighs. Charlie's ability to make him feel dumb for keeping his problems to himself is something that she's always been able to do, even when they were both teenagers.

"Ruby showed up the other day," Dean finally says.

Charlie sucks in a breath. "Shit," she says lowly. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Dean says, his frustration with the situation coming back to the forefront of his mind. Sam refused to talk about Ruby, no matter how Dean brought it up, and while he wants to believe that his brother has forgotten about her, there's an uneasy part of him that's getting ready for Sam to leave again. "I walked in on Sam and her talking – apparently she wants to make nice with him again."

Charlie shakes her head. "That's a terrible idea. Even for an ex, Ruby is bad news."

"I know that, but Sam refuses to talk about it." Dean slams his hand down on the counter, relishing the sting of his palm. "He won't talk to me about it," Dean repeats, softer.

Charlie puts a hand on his shoulder. When he looks up, her eyes are soft. "Go talk about it with Cas. He might have some ideas about how to deal with him. He does have half a dozen siblings."

Dean shrugs her hand off and continues stacking boxes. But he resolves to go and visit Cas after work.

When he rings Cas' doorbell, the door opens within a few seconds. Cas stares at Dean for a few seconds before opening the door a bit wider.

"Hello Dean," he greets quietly, and Dean is suddenly left feeling like shit. He hadn't talked to Cas in almost a week and yet Cas hasn't pushed, hasn't pried into his life any more than he'd been invited.

"Sorry for not calling," Dean mutters as he walks inside. It's raining, the soft patter of the water making a soft background noise to their voices.

"Are you alright?" Cas asks him, looking concerned. Dean pauses before slowly shaking his head.

"Not really," he says. Cas closes the door behind him and then wraps his arms around Dean's waist. Dean sighs and relaxes, burying his face in Cas's hair. Cas leans into him, and Dean is hit with a vision of pushing Cas back until he's up against the wall, and of Dean fucking him senseless with his pants around his ankles. Dean bares his teeth at himself, irritated and angry. He'd always looked down at people who go to sex as their comfort when things are wrong, and he's tried to stay away from that for the majority of his life. He's not going to start now, with Cas, who is just trying to comfort him.

"Come sit down," Cas murmurs, and Dean lets him go. He takes off his shoes and socks as well as his jacket, following Cas into his house.

"Thanks," Dean says, curling up against Cas. Cas draws him in closer and Dean closes his eyes, sighing silently.

"What happened?" Cas asks.

Dean doesn't say anything for a minute. "You remember Ruby?" He eventually asks.

"Yes," Cas replies evenly. "She was the one who ran off with Sam's drugs, and left him in debt. Why?"

Dean twists his head so he can look at Cas. "She showed up last week," he says. "Tried to convince Sam to leave with her, to go back to America. Said that she wanted to start things over, fed him some story about her father needing the money for an operation or something. He ate it up and now…"

"You think that he may be considering leaving with her," Cas finishes for him. His eyes are sympathetic and there's a crease between his eyebrows that Dean only sees when Cas is worried. "Dean, from what I've seen of Sam, and from what you've told me, he seems like an intelligent young man. I'm sure he can see Ruby for who she is. He's already been taken in by her once, and I'm sure he'll think harder before committing to any action regarding her again."

"He's only like that around facts and things," Dean mutters. "He gets lost when it comes to people and emotions, and I think he thinks that he was in love with Ruby. He might… I don't know Cas. He might go with her, consequences be damned." It's the first time he's admitted the possibility out loud, and having it out in the open doesn't do anything to help with his gut feeling of apprehension.

"Well, I suppose you're going to have to trust him," Cas finally says. "He is your brother, Dean. Do you think he's worthy of that trust or not? Only you can decide. And if he is, then trust him to do the right thing. And if he isn't…" Cas trails off, and Dean doesn't want to hear the rest of what he's going to say. So instead of letting Cas continue, he leans up and kisses him, not letting any other sounds escape his mouth as he tries to distract himself from Cas's question.

Is Sam worthy of his trust?

Dean doesn't want to think about the answer that he immediately gives.

The next week is tense. Dean doesn't know what to say when he's around Sam, and he spends a lot of his time texting Cas. Charlie doesn't ask him about how things are going, even though she can see how tired and snappy he is at everyone. She must have said something to everyone else, because no one asks him about his shitty mood, and in return Dean tries to dampen down his feelings at work.

Cas must have told Jo, because she manages to corner him when he goes down to the Clinic to drop off some files.

"Sam is doing what?" She hisses as soon as they're alone. Dean sighs silently to himself. He had wanted to talk with Cas for a few minutes, but with Jo seething in front of him, that plan's gone out the window already.

"Cas told you?" Dean asks, just to get some breathing room for himself. There's no one else that could have told Jo. She nods stiffly, and then turns around, threading a hand through her hair.

"Is he really that stupid?" She asks, shoulders coming up defensively, her voice on the verge of shaky. Dean sometimes forgets that she's Sam's sister as well. Jo cares for them both.

"Sam doesn't get that Ruby's a backstabbing bitch, that's all," Dean says quietly. "Look, he hasn't even said anything about going, or even anything else about Ruby. Jo, there's no reason to be worried. He isn't leaving again." Or at least that's what Dean is trying to convince himself of.

Jo bites her lip. "If you say so," she mutters, shifting her weight from leg to leg. "But if you think that anything's going to change, you tell me, okay? If you leave me out of this again, I'll punch you into next week."

Dean smiles slightly. "Yeah, okay. I promise."

Jo nods again and then hugs him. Dean buries his face in her hair, breathing in the familiar smell.

"I've got to get back to work," Jo says. "I'll see you around, okay?"

Dean nods, and watches as she disappears around the corner. Dean lets out a breath and goes to drop off the files. He wants to find Cas, but he has no idea where he is, and he's wasted enough time talking to Jo. He reluctantly leaves the building, not wanting to go back to work, but not wanting to go home to Sam; just generally feeling off and being unhappy about it.

He heads back to work and spends the rest of the day doing his job. Even the wind and the penguins don't cheer him up. He heads home later than he usually does, expecting the rest of the night to be normal.

His eyes narrow at the strange car parked in front of his house. It doesn't belong to the neighbours, and he doesn't recognise it from anywhere else. Nervousness kicks its way into his stomach, and he closes the door to the Jeep loudly. There's movement behind his curtains, and Dean feels a wave of foreboding wash over him.

When he unlocks the door, the first thing he sees is a bag, looking so full he's surprised that Sam got it closed. When he rounds the corner into the living room, Sam is standing there, looking extremely guilty but also remorseless at the same time.

"Sam," Dean says lowly. "What are you doing?"

Sam sets his jaw, and then Ruby comes out of the back rooms. Just seeing her makes anger start to curl in him, and Dean doesn't say anything, simply crossing his arms and staring at his brother.

"You think that you can just leave again?" He asks, trying not to spit the words out. Sam flinches slightly while Ruby looks unmoved.

"Sam's in charge of his own life, Dean. He can do what he wants." Dean watches Ruby's red, red, mouth shape the words, and tries to fight down the urge to scream.

"Yeah, and he's not dumb enough to do something that is obviously, colossally stupid, because he's a smart person. Smart enough to trust his brother, at least," Dean says, not taking his eyes off Sam.

"Dean…" Sam says slowly. "Look, me living here isn't working out for either of us. I need to be on my own for a while."

"You see, I might've accepted that," Dean says, trying to keep his rage under control. "But you're not going alone, Sam. You're going with her. And she's bad news, just like Jody said, two years ago. She stole from you, Sam! She can't be trusted."

"We've gone over this, Sam," Ruby says softly. "I've explained everything to you."

"Maybe you should explain to Dean as well," Sam says, looking uncertain. "He paid off the debt, you know."

"I'll explain to him if he agrees to sit down and have a civil conversation," Ruby replies, but she's looking at Dean, and Dean can see nothing but deceit in her eyes, and he snaps.

"Get the fuck out of my house," he growls. "Sam, don't be an idiot. Stay here with me. You're getting better, you just need a little more time. Ruby, if you ever come near Sam again, I'll rip your throat out."

"Dean, calm down. You need to give her a break, okay? Her dad –"

"I don't give a fuck about whatever bullshit story she fed you, Sam," Dean spits. "She needs to leave."

Sam draws himself up to his full height, and takes a breath in. "Dean, I've already made up my mind. I'm going with her. Now, we can part happily, or you can try to stop me."

Dean just starts to shake his head slowly. No. This can't be happening again. "You can't," he says, voice breaking slightly. "You can't leave me again, Sam."

Sam looks away guiltily, but doesn't say anything else. Dean watches, despair rising thick in his throat, as they pick up the bags in front of them. Ruby walks past him, but Dean grabs Sam's forearm as he tries to follow her.

"Don't leave," Dean says, voice low and begging. "Please, don't leave me."

Sam looks at him levelly. "I have to, Dean. It'll be better for both of us."

It'll be worse for both of us! Dean wants to scream, but Sam pulls out of his grip and follows Ruby to her car.

There's the sound of doors slamming, and then they drive off, leaving Dean to sink to his knees slowly and bury his head in his hands.

Castiel is just about to go to bed when someone knocks on his door. Frowning slightly, he gets up and puts his book down, heading towards the door to see who it is.

As soon as he opens it, he's hit by the stench of alcohol, and it takes him another second to realise that it's Dean standing on his porch, leaning against his wall with his head hanging lowly and looking like he's about to fall over. Castiel doesn't know how he managed to walk the few streets between their houses, but he's suddenly very glad that it isn't more, because he's afraid to think about Dean driving in this state.

"Dean?" Castiel asks slowly, not sure what's going on. He knows that Dean isn't averse to alcohol, but he's only seen Dean smashed when he had learnt about Sam overdosing in America. Dean takes a step forward and staggers into Castiel, Castiel only just catching his weight.

"Cas," Dean slurs, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Castiel and nearly punching him in the process. Castiel tightens his grip and pulls Dean inside. "Cas, he left me again. Left me for that bitch." The last word is weighted with so much venom that Castiel flinches from it. As he shuts the door behind his partner, he uneasily realises what Dean's words must have meant. Sam is gone, has left with Ruby once more. The reason for Dean's drunkenness suddenly becomes very clear.

"Oh Dean," Castiel says softly. "I'm sorry. You can sleep here, sleep with me. Everything will be clearer in the morning."

Dean must accept that, because he leans heavily on Cas as they walk up his stairs. He's grateful for the fact that he had already brushed his teeth and gotten ready for bed, as Castiel tugs off Dean's shoes and socks. Dean collapses back against his bed, and Castiel awkwardly looks at his jeans. He knows that it isn't comfortable sleeping in them, and that Dean's probably going to have a bad enough day as it is tomorrow, so he reaches up and unbuttons them, pulling Dean out of them and folding the denim at the end of his bed.

Castiel pulls the covers down, and he encourages Dean to come up under them, as hot as the night is. Dean quickly buries his head under Castiel's chin when he lays down next to him, and Dean wraps his arms around him quickly, obviously wanting as much contact as he could get.

"He's gone," Dean says, voice cracking on the words. To Castiel's dismay, he feels tears start to wet his skin, so he brings a hand up to rub Dean's head, and one to move in calming circles on his lower back. He starts murmuring to him, nonsense that eventually disintegrates into Castiel repeating 'It's okay, I'm here.' Dean doesn't stop crying for a long time, and when he finally falls asleep, Castiel stays awake, staring at the wall and holding Dean close to him, determined to provide whatever comfort he could through the night.

Dean wakes up with the familiar feel of a hangover clouding his temples and hammering at his brain. He doesn't groan, knowing that it will only make it worse and increase his headache. He lies there for a few minutes until the urge to use the bathroom becomes too much, and he shifts and opens his eyes slightly.

There's someone else next to him, and he's curled up into their body heat. Dean tenses for a second and opens his eyes to find Cas lying beside him, arm slung over him casually.

Shit. He didn't sleep with Cas, did he? He remembers coming over, but everything after that is a bit blurry. He blinks again, but both of them are wearing clothes, and Dean lets out a breath of relief. He doesn't want to have sex with Cas when he can't remember it. That'd just be awkward.

The curtains are drawn in his room, and Dean spends the next few minutes trying to wriggle out of his grasp without waking him up. He eventually manages it, and goes through Cas's upper floor until he finds what he's looking for. He sheds his clothes and steps into the shower, washing off the smell of whiskey. He opens Cas's cupboards when he's done, trying to find some aspirin, but if Cas has any in the house, he doesn't keep it above his sink.

Dean walks back to Cas's bedroom with a towel wrapped around his hips, opening the door quietly so he doesn't disturb Cas. The other man is still in bed, and Dean swears silently to himself as he tries to find something to wear in Cas's wardrobe. He eventually ends up putting on his shorts and jeans from the day before and not bothering with a shirt.

Cas is still sleeping when Dean checks on him, so he goes down to his kitchen to see if there is anything that he can cook for him. There are a few eggs in the fridge, but no bacon, so Dean finds some bread and a pan and starts cooking the eggs, trying to distract himself from the pounding in his head. In his opinion eggs without bacon is sacrilege, and isn't going to help with his queasy stomach and headache, but he can't exactly expect Cas to have any meat in his house when he doesn't eat any.

Just as he's buttering the toast and getting ready to put the eggs on it, he hears footsteps coming down the stairs. When he looks over his shoulder, Cas is coming around the corner from the entrance, hair completely ruffled and seemingly surprised to see Dean in his kitchen.

"Hey Cas. I couldn't find your coffee, so I didn't start any yet. And you don't have any Vegemite in your house. I can't believe it."

Cas grumbles something unintelligible and heads towards one of the cupboards. He makes quick work of putting it all together, and the smell of perforated coffee begins to seep through the room.

"How do you like your eggs?" Dean asks. Cas comes over slowly and narrows his eyes at the eggs before taking the spatula from Dean's hand and flipping one of them over. Dean slips an arm around his waist and Cas rests his head on his shoulder and wraps his arms around him while Dean takes the cooking utensil back and keeps poking at the eggs. He smiles slightly as Cas keeps hanging onto him even when he moves over to start pouring a cup of coffee for him. There isn't enough for him yet, but he makes one for Cas, who gratefully takes it from him and leans up against the counter so Dean can tidy everything up a bit and then give Cas his plate. There are seats at his kitchen counter, and Dean sits down in one of them and eats his eggs, watching Cas pick at his breakfast.

"Not a morning person?" Dean teases, keeping his voice soft. Cas shoots him a glare which only makes Dean smile. "I suppose not," he continues. Cas still doesn't say anything, but he starts eating.

The food doesn't make him feel much better, and he's avoiding thinking about what happened last night. Dean gets up and makes himself a cup of coffee and another one for Cas, who offers his empty cup up wordlessly. Cas has his black, but Dean likes some milk in his, so he raids the fridge and then sits down next to Cas again. He's looking a bit more human already, and when Dean smiles at him slightly, he smiles back.

"Sorry for barging over here last night," Dean says.

"It's alright," Cas replies. They sit in silence for a few more minutes while they finish their breakfast, and Dean lets himself relax slightly. It's Tuesday, so neither of them have to go in to work, which means that they can relax here for as long as they need to.

"Is Sam…" Cas starts, but he doesn't say anything else. Dean nods once, and keeps his eyes fixed on his empty plate. Cas's hand comes up to rest on his shoulder and Dean welcomes the support from him.

"He left," Dean says, and then lets out a shaky breath. Cas doesn't say anything else, but he doesn't have to. He squeezes Dean's shoulder and takes a sip of his coffee.

Cas helps him put away the dishes and clean up the kitchen. He disappears upstairs to get changed into some clothes, and Dean uses the opportunity to check his phone. There aren't any messages from Sam, no matter how hard Dean stares at it.

He's startled out of it by Cas putting his hand on his arm and pushing it down to lie on the table.

"You shouldn't keep thinking about him, Dean. He made his choice."

When Dean looks at him there's something in his eyes that makes him feel a bit better.

"He'll call you, later," Cas tells him softly.

Dean nods mutely, looking at his phone. When Cas takes it, he only resists for a moment, and then watches as Cas tucks it into his pocket.

"We should go out somewhere," Cas tells him.

"Somewhere quiet," Dean says. He doesn't feel like dealing with heaps of people right now. Cas nods, and they end up on the lookout on the cliff near one of the many beaches on the island. There's a single weathered bench on the top of the bluff, and Dean and Cas sit there silently, watching the waves and the people on the beach. It's not too hot today, which is good, because otherwise they wouldn't be able to be sitting here in the open. It is windy though, and that's why Cas is pressed up against him with Dean's arm wrapped around him. Yeah. Windy. As if Dean needs an excuse to touch Cas.

Dean leans his head back slightly. He doesn't know how to think about Sam leaving him again. Again. He feels that the last addition to that sentence isn't needed. He closes his eyes and tries to find comfort in the sea breeze and Cas's warmth, but all he can think about is how Sam had looked when he had walked out the door.

It'll be better for both of us Dean.

His arm tightens around Cas and Cas shifts slightly.

He has no idea what Sam is planning on doing. Going back to America? Trying to get Stanford to accept him again? Get into drugs again?

He sighs quietly and Cas pushes his head under his chin, breathing against him slightly. Dean starts running his hand up and down his back, just to keep his himself occupied.

"What am I going to do with him, Cas?" Dean asks.

Cas doesn't have to ask what he's talking about. "Dean, he needs to make his own mistakes. You can't always be there to pick up the pieces after him, or he won't accept the consequences of his own actions. You can't be there for him, forever, and he needs to learn that."

Everything in Dean rebels against that notion, hearing his father's words echoing in his head.

Protect Sam.

Don't let anything happen to your brother, Dean.

Sam comes first.

You need to be there for Sam, Dean.

You need to do better than that.

Sam is counting on you.

"Dean," Cas says, snapping him out of the past. He doesn't say anything else, so Dean opens his eyes and looks down at him. Cas looks worried, and that's enough to shake Dean out of it.

"Maybe you're right," he murmurs, looking out to sea. Maybe it is time to let Sam make his own mistakes. Live his own life, without Dean there to take care of him.

He grits his teeth. It's not like Sam is giving him a choice, but it looks like he's going to have to accept it. His brother is gone, and there's nothing that Dean can do about it.