The sounds formed delicate layers in the ballroom. A light chatter floated up to dwell with painted clouds and cherubs, and a string quartet performed ethereal music just dense enough to exist underneath the feathery voices. After such a celebration, one always departed with an odd sensation of surreal buoyancy.
And yet, Julianne still felt heavy, perched on the edge of a cushioned bench, her new blue gown smoothed out in front of her. Normally, someone would have complimented its deep midnight color, or at least commented on the intricate, swirling designs embroidered into its fabric, but today, no one had. Julianne daintily sipped from the small crystal cup in her hand and listened to the musicians, simultaneously eavesdropping on snippets of conversation and attempting to ignore the clenching in her chest.
"That lace is just splendid on you!"
"-three large boars and a dozen pigeons, all with his rifle-"
"What a delightful flavor! Marvelous cream!"
By all appearances, everyone in the ballroom was in a festive mood. Some couples danced a minuet, light on their feet as fairies, the rich colors of the ladies' ballgowns even brighter against the impeccably solid pigments of the gentlemen's suits. Groups of men conversed near the large but lace-clothed table, laughing jovially and occasionally partaking of the various pastries and bubbly beverages. Though supper had already passed, no one seemed too full to sample the sugar-glazed desserts, topped with vibrant jams and fresh herbs.
However, the combination of all the voices made slight vibrations in the air, revealing an undercurrent of tension that the nobles of Wall Sina were so skilled at concealing. One blow, and the fragile peace could shatter. Julianne's stomach churned when she realized she hadn't an idea what would be left if it fell away.
She spotted her mother laughing nervously with the other ladies, waving one hand at them as the other rested on Felix's arm. He smiled politely, his moss-colored eyes disturbingly unreadable. Her father was sternly shaking his head at a group of his fellow gentlemen, his clipped mustache moving precisely as he spoke. Alexander, Julianne's oldest brother, was also standing near their father, his back even straighter than usual and his face calm and collected. Certainly he was proud that he'd made the Military Police at Felix's age, third in his class.
Julianne looked away and simply listened again.
"Felix Hochberg joined the Survey Corps…"
"What a fool…To go into the military only to fall short!"
"Those high-and-mighty Hochbergs...This will surely put them in their place!"
"Poor Lady Hochberg...I'm glad it isn't me!"
Plenty of fluttering laughter.
Julianne pursed her lips and squeezed her glass until her fingernails turned white, heat rising to her face. Finally, she stood, placing her cup on a table nearby with forced gentleness. She held her chin high as she walked past all the party guests, her expression a practiced mask of dignity despite the fists she had involuntarily formed. Perhaps some of her friends or acquaintances would be mingling around the dancing area, and would be willing to converse with her.
Julianne approached and locked eyes with the three young ladies standing by the dance floor; they had chatted with her quite amiably at the last event. She met eyes with them for only a second, but all three turned away without acknowledging her.
"Miss Hochberg?"
Julianne turned and gazed haughtily at the group of young men addressing her, careful to keep a disinterested face and an upward-tilting chin. She recognized only two or three of them, but assumed that they were acquaintances of her brothers. "Yes?"
"We've heard that your brother, Felix, enlisted in the Survey Corps," said Martin. He was just a year older than Felix at seventeen, and a nosy young man, with beady, prying eyes and a large nose to match. The ladies frequently whispered that he always knew the gossip even before they did.
Julianne raised one eyebrow loftily, folding her hands primly in front of her despite their shaking. "That is corre-"
Suddenly, there was a heavy hand on Julianne's arm. She glanced upwards out of the corner of her eye to discover that it was Alexander, gripping her arm firmly.
"Julianne." His voice was smooth as cream, but his hard gaze weighed on the other young men with the metallic presence he'd inherited from their father. Alexander wasn't usually so protective of his little half-sister, but today everyone in their family was on edge. "Would all these young men really like to dance with you?"
Martin looked away from Alexander's harsh green eyes and politely intimidating smile, acknowledging his lower status. Though Julianne had never felt much affection for Alexander or his manipulative faces, a surge of triumph made her hands tremble even more, and the corners of her mouth twitched with the effort of maintaining her expression.
Most of the young men dispersed, but one boy, about Julianne's age, replied to Alexander's question. "I–! I would love to."
The boy was barely any taller than she was, still retaining a round, childish face. A single strand of blonde hair stood straight from the top of his head, ruining his otherwise well-groomed appearance. Julianne thought his name was Ralph, but she wasn't completely certain. In truth, he'd been trying to court her for months, but she always politely refused his advances.
Even so, Julianne agreed to dance with him after Alexander nodded his assent, and Ralph gently took her hand.
Julianne made a half-hearted attempt to waltz with him, but he repeatedly tripped over his own feet and nearly trod on hers. Not only did she have to lead the dance, but she had to keep it from falling apart. Occasionally, she was able to catch glimpses of Alexander talking to those boys over Ralph's shoulder, and eventually Felix joined them. They laughed and talked just like the adult men; they pretended to enjoy each other's company, but all of them hid knives in their smiles. Though she disliked Felix joining the Survey Corps, it bothered Julianne to see him with the other gentlemen, too. A strange sensation churned in her stomach when she realized it: he simply didn't seem to belong anywhere, anymore.
"J-Julianne," Ralph's clumsy voice called her back to reality. "It's alright if you don't want to dance."
"It's my pleasure," Julianne insisted sweetly, offering him a gilded smile.
Ralph's face erupted in a splotchy blush as they continued dancing, but he still seemed uncomfortable, his hands seeming to grow sweatier with each second. His eyes roved around the floor as though he hoped to find words to say beneath their feet.
Finally, he spoke. "D-did Felix really join the Survey Corps?"
Somehow, coming from Ralph, the question didn't seem like an attack. And yet, Julianne couldn't help but avert her eyes to the floor, avoiding the scrutiny of even her own reflection in the polished marble. "He did."
"Oh."
They danced in silence for a long time before Ralph spoke again, hesitantly. "M-my father thinks it's s-shameful...to waste noble blood on a lost cause, but...it's really very b-brave that he chose the Survey Corps. Y-your brother's no coward."
For a moment, all she could do was stare, her heart pounding louder with indignation. Ralph blushed, his hands sweating yet more as he tried to look everywhere but at her. She could feel his pulse quicken in his thumb, in time with her own.
Finally, she replied, looking at the ground again, her face growing hot and her voice hardening as water into ice. He only wanted to offer comfort with such a radical statement, but tonight she could not accept it. "No. Felix was weak. And now everyone is asking questions."
Ralph merely bowed his head in response, too kind-hearted to contradict her further.
At the end of the dance, he kissed her hand and left to find his elder brother. She wasn't sure why, but Julianne almost felt sad that their dance was over.
"Did you enjoy your dance?" Felix casually inquired once they were inside their carriage. Normally, Julianne enjoyed the carriage ride she and Felix had to themselves, but today...
"I was asked only about you," Julianne stared out the window, through a small space between the red velvet curtain, watching the slivers of clean, stone buildings pass them by. Now that their carriage was well into town, the only truly impressive building among the commoners' residences was the local church, its pillars cast in a soft blue glow from the evening sky. Though it was in her sight for only a moment, she spotted several faithful worshippers climbing the steps to the door. Slowly, her finger traced the fuzzy fabric of the cushioned bench she was seated on.
Felix was quiet for a moment before asking, his straightforward tone designed to hide. "Were you ashamed of me?"
Julianne lowered her eyelids and focused more on the curtain obscuring the window, looking through her long eyelashes. The simple uniformity of its fabric failed to comfort or distract her. Slowly, her fingers curled into her palm. "Don't ask me that."
When he failed to respond, Julianne looked at him sideways, but now Felix was the one avoiding her gaze. He gave a small scoff. "I wouldn't like the answer, would I?"
"You're lucky the rest of this family has such grace." Julianne's voice began to rise, quivering with rage. Something in her chest clenched, tighter than a fist. "Everyone wanted to know how a Hochberg could be such a fool, especially after Alexander graduated third in his class! Think how embarrassed poor Mother must be! All...all my friends ignored me, Felix!"
Felix stared at her for too long.
"What?" she demanded sharply.
"Nothing." Felix looked at his boots. He offered no apology, and no explanation.
Finally, Julianne spoke again, enunciating each word slowly and clearly. "What was your class rank?" In truth, she hadn't bothered to ask until now; if one failed to achieve marks in the top ten, then rank was considered irrelevant, but now Julianne had to know.
Felix looked at the ceiling now. "Eleventh."
"E-...Eleventh!" Julianne stared at him, but he refused to meet her eyes. Her fists clenched and shook in her lap, and she could feel her face growing even hotter. Small tears formed in her eyes, but teetered on the rims, not daring to fall. "Eleventh! No one would have laughed had you chosen the Garrison! You could have been in unit under Military Police command! No one would laugh if they knew you were eleventh!"
"No one laughed, Julianne," Felix interrupted her firmly.
"You're right." She tilted her chin up and away from Felix, forcing her voice into sudden composure. "They did worse."
The empty space seemed to swell between them. They sat in agonizing silence for a moment before Felix suddenly moved. He yanked his jacket off and tossed it carelessly on the seat, and even undid some of the buttons near the collar of his shirt. A glimpse of his face revealed a stony indifference as he crossed his arms and looked outside his window. Julianne's eyes widened at his behavior. Felix simply didn't care.
Julianne turned toward the front of the carriage and pursed her lips, hands folded tightly in her lap. She pretended to look outside, again, past the curtain, but this time she did not see anything at all.
Eleventh.
A/N:
I'm so sorry about the delay in updating; it's been hard to find time to write, much less polish a chapter enough to post, but here's the next chapter, so I hope you like it! Don't be afraid to let me know what you think, good or bad! :D
**Thanks so much to Shekame for beta-reading for me! :D
