Hidan jolted.
The Jashinist looked wide-eyed in disbelief at Deidara's annoyingly girly ponytail. Okay, what the fuck was that? Why was his heart doing flips at the sight of the blonde Akatsuki's smirk? (After all, only Hidan was allowed to smirk.) The Hidan part of him repulsed and went crashing into a deep dark part of him and hid in a moment of shame and guilt. The other part of him continued to do flips on his heart and settle around his abdomen, all warm and fuzzy.
Hidan was genuinely confused. He had just diagnosed himself with rapid progressive degenerative necrosis detection disorder (RPDNDD) which, he further assumed, exhibited no prior symptoms before the disorder actually set in. But was this a symptom? His old familiar self was fighting against his new self, trying to subdue the rapid doki-doki's and resurface his old manly qualities… but to no avail.
Every time he thought back to what happened with Deidara, his heart would beat faster, and then his brain would tie itself up into knots just to push the weird feeling away.
"Hidan!"
The other two stood looking at him almost half a mile away.
"Gah! Jashin dammit I'm coming!" he yelled back, picking up the pace and mumbling curses to himself.
Kakuzu turned and started walking. "You're being exceptionally annoying today," he grunted.
Hidan poked his tongue out at the old man from the safety of his shadow.
He looked at Deidara, who was still waiting for him to catch up. The artist held an expression of utter annoyance, one that he usually wore around Tobi.
Hidan glared.
Deidara returned the expression with a "hnn" as he looked away.
Doki doki
The zealot was now getting extremely annoyed with his 'condition'. He'd have to stay the heck away from Deidara if he didn't want to feel any more of that weirdness, because apparently it all started to happen whenever blondie looked at him or spoke to him. He cursed the leader a jillion times over for letting Deidara in on their mission. Why the hell am I the one to get stuck with a stupid cross-dressing weirdo?
Meanwhile he let out a very audible "Tch!" to which Deidara turned around, smirked again, and held out his left palm which, in turn, poked out its tongue and grinned at Hidan.
"Gross!"
"Hnn!"
"Godammit you're so annoying! … And gross!" doki doki
"Shut up dammit, you're pissing me off!" the artist retorted. "You're the one who put us behind schedule because of your lousy long ass technique and now you're picking a fight with me?!"
"What the hell?!! You're the one with the girly hairdo and slobbery hands, and how dare you insult my religion you sick cross-dresser!"
"I'm wearing the same thing as you are, idiot! So how the hell does that make me a cross-dresser?! And my hairstyle isn't girly you airhead, I need it to cover up my lense!"
"What the hell kind of excuse is that? You could have just gone and worn your forehead protector around it instead of growing out your hair. And why do you have a ponytail? What do you have back there that you need to cover, cross-dresser butthead?!"
"Call me that once more and I'll kill you."
"HYAAAHA HA HAH! Like you could pull that off!"
Deidara winced. "Tch!" He detested the sound of Hidan's diabolically villainous psycho laughter.
"Ooh ooh, have you forgotten? I'm immortal, cross-dresser butthead!!"
"I don't care! I'll blow you up anyway!" Saying which, Deidara threw one of his clay bombs right at Hidan's face.
"Gah! What the hell is this?! It's a spider! Get it off! Get it off!" Hidan danced around wildly trying to pull off the offending eight-legged explosive from his face.
Deidara chuckled, thoroughly enjoying the scene, and quietly made hand signs to complete the job.
That was when a fist as hard as steel pounded right into him, knocked him off balance and threw him about fifty yards away from his spot, his hand signals and jutsu concentration also lost in the attack. Stunned, Deidara slowly opened his eyes and faced Hidan, who was also lying on his side, shocked and speechless. The clay bomb had shattered and fallen off.
Two big hands lifted them up by their cloak collars.
"Alright children, just stop fighting and start hauling your asses out of here. We've got work to do and we're late by a light year." Saying which, Kakuzu dropped them onto their feet, slapped their heads, and proceeded in front of them, map in hand.
Deidara took the opportunity to shove his left arm in Hidan's face, his hand-mouth grinning.
"Get that shitty thing off me!" Hidan yelled, grabbing his scythe.
"Stop being so jealous Hidan!" Kakuzu thundered.
"Eh?"
Deidara's hand-mouth poked its tongue at the zealot (which obviously riled Hidan).
"Why you little…!"
"And Shut. Up!" added Kakuzu. "Shut up or I'll seriously beat you up into a pile of toe jam. I won't hold back."
"But he started it and…!"
"I don't want to hear it," the waterfall nin interrupted. "Besides, Hidan, you're the older one, so you're supposed to take responsibility for your actions."
"What the f—"
"You're not allowed to speak." Kakuzu's green eyes glinted dangerously.
Deidara chuckled.
Kakuzu caught his eye and glared. The bomber quickly broke off eye contact, looked down, and quietly started walking.
I hate being the middle child, Hidan mumbled to himself.
That was when our Jashinist decided to make a side-mission out of picking on Deidara for as long as he was going to stay with them. However, unfortunately for our zealot, the hitchhiking life force within him which he picked up during his previous ritual decided to purr and raise never-before-experienced reactions in his body at the very mention or fleeting thought of the blonde Akatsuki member.
Now that was a problem that he really needed to resolve. Fast.
