Act II – In between wondering why and finally knowing

They didn't become friends. At first, that is. It was a mere acquaintance, really, what with Ruby being close friends with Margot, which in turn made her friends with Tilly and allowed her to know more about Killian in a not-so-subtle way. For Emma, of course.

No, Emma couldn't deny she fancied Killian Jones, but that was it.

Only, well, it wasn't it, because she always hoped she'd impressed him that night at the Party a month ago, but nothing happened after that if you didn't count Emma and Ruby having a girls' night out with Margot and Tilly once or twice.

Emma knew it was hopeless, that she was hopeless: during the last month, she'd started fantasizing about Killian Jones more and more, always trying not to act on her feelings unless she was home alone. In her bedroom. With her toys. But that was it. For real, this time.

So when she picked up her courage and asked Killian out, it wasn't because she had a month – okay, years, but it all started to become much more after she met Killian – of pent up sexual frustration, but because of what she saw in his eyes at the second Party she was invited to.

That night she'd already performed with Graham, singing A crowd of thousands – to say the audience went nuts when he kneeled and called her "your highness" would be an euphemism, they probably had some kind of orgasm – and was now nursing a Cuba Libre as she laughed at Jasmine and Al onstage talking about how Alan Menken decided to change the intro of A whole new world overnight.

Aladdin was one of her favourite musicals, not only because she adored the movie and the songs, but also because she loved Al like a brother from another mother. They'd lived in the same foster home for a year and a half in Cincinnati; unlike her, he got the part of Aladdin pretty soon, stealing it from another singer as easily as the actual Aladdin stole apples from vendors.

Anyway, Al found love in Jasmine – seriously, what was with Disney hiring people with the same names as the characters they had to play? – and they were now married and still on the show. It was adorable but also a great effort, yet somehow they made it work.

«You must feel trapped inside these walls, we'll run away just you and me.» Emma's breath caught in her throat as Al started singing; although she knew every verse of the song, that part made her feel so exposed, because she did feel trapped inside the walls she'd created to protect her heart, because no matter how much they kept out pain, they also kept out love. «Why not escape as evening falls, there's a whole world you've yet to see.»

«If I go with you, will I be safe?»

«Sure, do you trust me?»

«What did you just say?»

«Do you trust me?»

«I'm not sure why, but yes.»

Whom Emma didn't trust was herself: she wanted to open herself up, and of course was scared of being betrayed once again, but she didn't trust herself not to run away when things got serious and too much.

She couldn't help but glance over to Killian's table, tonight too accompanied by Tilly and Alice. Immediately, her eyes met his and she glanced away, blushing so much she could almost feel the heat coming off her cheeks. Needing to cool down, she took a long sip of her cocktail.

Graham gave her an amused look, evidently knowing why she was so flustered and unnerved. Sometimes she hated how much he knew her, the need of keeping her feeling a secret prevailing. «You know, he asked me if we were together.»

Emma choked on her Cuba Libre. She started to cough violently, Graham patting her on the back with a smirk on his face. The bastard.

After she'd resumed breathing correctly, Emma mastered her best death glare, squinting at her friend. «Why would he assume so?» Why does he care?

In response, Graham just shrugged. «Honestly? I don't know. But hey, be glad I've not told him we were madly in love just to see how he reacted to that.»

Yeah, I'm glad indeed, she thought rolling her eyes skywards. God, there was a difference between pining – she hated the word but she had to give that to Ruby, she was pining after Killian Jones – and him having an interest in her.

Because he had an interest in her, didn't he? Otherwise it wouldn't explain why he'd asked Graham if he had a relationship with Emma. Unless he was interested in Graham, of course. She snorted at the thought, that would be fun.

«I actually didn't expect him to be here tonight.» Graham's voice made her look at him, her brows furrowed in confusion. Her friend looked back questioningly at her. «You don't know today is the anniversary of his brother's death?»

Apparently, she didn't. Emma didn't know many things about Killian Jones, to be fair, and she preferred it that way, there was no beauty in dating someone you knew everything about because you'd read about them on the internet.

She felt sad for him, such a personal detail left out to the open for strangers to know. Honestly, she would feel so angry, and she was, because people knew about her past in jail, a freaking tip to the media by the girl Emma stole Anya's role from. Oh, it had been bad, really bad. Emma had sued her, but the damage had already been done. However, many letters had come from fans, sweet and encouraging words that had brought her to tears, words she thought she didn't deserve.

But a brother's death? It was so much worse.

Emma shook her head, looking at Killian as he made his way towards the stage, his shoulders stiff and his expression unreadable. She sighed, knowing how much she would've liked to hear about his brother's death directly from him, much like her betrayed heart was a secret only she should tell.

After a quick exchange with Will in hushed tones, Killian nodded firmly and sat on the stool next to the piano. He took a deep breath, a smile creeping up his face, extremely fake, a mask to conceal the pain, and Emma's heart broke at the sight.

«Good evening,» Killian said politely, shifting uncomfortably on the stool, «tonight I wasn't supposed to be here, many of you will surely know why. Will has been a good friend of mine for years, my own personal Fairy Godfairy, somehow-»

«Aww, I love you too, mate,» Will said with a high-pitched voice, probably to drive attention away from Killian so he could collect himself and fall into character, building walls all around himself. It was something Emma was known to do, that she still did out of habit.

Killian managed a smirk, winking at Will and blowing him a kiss. Emma chuckled fondly, not knowing why she felt her heart warming up at Killian's antics but relishing in the sensation anyway. «Anyway, this is a tribute, and Al will hopefully forgive me for stealing his songs-»

«Anytime, mate!» Al shouted from the other end of the room.

Everyone laughed, and Emma could see a crack on Killian's façade, utter gratitude for his "mates". With a last smile, Killian nodded at Will, who started playing. Immediately, Emma knew what Killian was singing. She was grateful Ruby had introduced her to waterproof make-up. «Where has the starlight gone, dark is the day, how can I find my way home?» Emma closed her eyes, focusing on Killian's voice, on the feelings he was pouring into the song, on the words he spoke as if he'd written them himself. «Home is an empty dream lost to the night, brother I feel so… alone

Fuck. No, she had not thought he would change the lyrics, but he had and fuck, Emma was going to cry all the tears in her body. She had never wondered whether it was worse to never have had someone who loved you or to have had a family, friends, lovers and then losing them all forever, she had just always felt jealous of those who had a family, but the thought of losing it was as much unbearable as not having one at all.

And then, Killian Jones changed song. «I've wasted time, I've wasted me, so say I'm slow for my age, a late bloomer, okay, I agree.» If there was one song she particularly loved in Aladdin, it was Proud of your boy, so damn powerful and painful at the same time.

Tears were running down her cheeks, clouding her vision of Killian, but she didn't need to see him to feel his pain. It was almost as if they were linked, bonded. It couldn't be, yet she couldn't shake off the sensations she was feeling.

«You'd promised you'd be there whenever I needed you, whenever I call your name you're not anywhere. I'm trying to hold on, just waiting to hear your voice, one word, just a word will do to end this nightmare

She heard someone sob, not realizing it was her who emitted that sound until Graham passed her a handkerchief. Though she should have, Emma didn't feel pathetic, she just ached for that young man whose brother had left him so soon, much like she cried even now for the little lost girl who had never had anyone's shoulder to cry on.

«Tell me that I've been a louse and a loafer, you won't get a fight here, no ma'am. Say I'm a goldbrick, a goof-off, no good, but that couldn't be all that I am

I'm not nothing, I was never nothing!

Those were the words Emma had shouted at the woman who'd publicized her file. Before she found her place, she'd dare say her home in Anastasia's crew, Emma had believed for years she was nothing, that she wasn't worth loving. Slowly, she had changed her view on herself, but it had taken years and lots of prodding and loving gestures from her friends to break down most of those walls she'd built around herself. Somehow, Killian Jones was breaking down the ones around her heart with that medley.

«When will the dawning break, oh endless night? Sleepless I dream of the day. When you were by my side, guiding my path, brother I can't find a way.»

It was then that Emma realized why she felt a connection to Killian Jones: he, too, was an orphan. Yes, he'd had a brother, but it didn't change the fact that he spoke of said brother as if he'd been a father to him; dedicating him such songs was a statement. She couldn't imagine the pain of losing both parents and then the only other living relative whom you loved so deeply.

«Water flows under the bridge, let it pass, let it go. There's no good reason that you should believe me, not yet, I know but, someday and soon, I'll make you proud of your boy, though I can't make myself taller or smarter or handsome or wise

Emma couldn't help the watery chuckle that escaped her lips as she tried her eyes, the ache in her chest not diminishing, but increasing instead because Proud of your boy was a song Aladdin sang to his mother, someone Killian hadn't anymore either.

«I know that the night must end and that the sun will rise, and that the sun will rise, I know that the night must end, I know that the sun will rise and I'll hear your voice deep inside. I know that the night must end and that the clouds must clear, oh, the sun, the sun will rise

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise, Emma instinctively thought hearing the lyrics. She'd always adored that verse from Les Misérables, main reason why she'd tattooed it on her ribcage, right under her left breast. It had taken her years to understand what it meant, many people letting her down, in the darkness, but in the end she'd seen the sun rise and her world fill with light.

«I'll do my best, what else can I do, since I wasn't born perfect like Liam or you; mom I will try to, try hard to make you proud of your boy

Emma almost tripped standing from her stool to applaud him, tears still shining in her eyes. As whistles and clapping sounds filled the room, Killian gave the audience a small, grateful smile before his gaze wandered, locking with Emma's.

Although they were strangers, Emma felt a connection with him. It should scare her, and it did, but it also thrilled her. Somehow, she knew she'd found a kindred spirit, an orphan who didn't want to risk his heart yet at the same time ached to.

She smiled at him, butterflies fluttering in her stomach as he lifted a corner of his lips in an attempt of smiling back at her. It was all so instinctive, so scary, so exciting. Honestly, Emma wanted to wait to ask him out; tonight there was too much going around, and she didn't want Killian to think she was acting out of pity.

The night went on, and Emma downed another Cuba Libre along with an unhealthy amount of onion rings while listening to more "princesses", Jasmine popping on the stage to sing Colors of the wind with her magnificent voice, Belle singing a medley of various Beauty and the Beast songs, a guest that had won the contest to sing here tonight, Sabine, sang Almost there from Princess and the frog so greatly Emma was stunned she was a simple baker. She also felt the urge to go down to New Orleans to taste her beignets: if she cooked like she sang, they would be simply heavenly.

At last, the Party came to an end, Emma going towards the stage thankful for her high alcohol tolerance: high heels – pumps this time, phew – and alcohol didn't match well. Plus, no matter how much she tried to deny it, she wasn't much coordinated when wearing heels; she decidedly wasn't Ruby.

Somehow, she ended up standing next to Killian once again, this time behind the first row. As Will spoke, thanking the audience, Emma felt a warm, large hand on that part of her dress which was made only of lace, no white fabric underneath. She whipped her head to her right, eyes wide and a bright pink shade on her cheeks.

Killian was looking at her, a tentative, embarrassed smile on his lips. «I'm sorry I made you cry,» he apologised, his thumb tracing circles on her skin.

Who the hell apologises for that?!, Emma asked herself, eyeing him as if he'd grown a second and a third head. He was unbelievable, and it made her like him even more. «It was something worth crying for.»

His bright blue eyes widened at her response. He was about to say something when Will started playing and they were forced to turn away from each other, his hand never leaving her and his thumb somehow never stopping tracing circles as they sang.

Once again, Killian's voice was right in her ear, so warm and strong like a fire capable of warming her up and destroying her at the same time.

Perhaps… perhaps it was the right time to ask him out.

Emma waited until she'd descended the stage, Killian motioning for her to precede him like a true gentleman. She didn't wait too much before turning around so suddenly he stepped into her space, bumping into her and Emma would lie if she said she didn't enjoy the contact, how his body felt pressed against hers.

«Sorry, lass.»

«I wanted to ask you out.»

Well, so much for taking it calmly.

Killian's eyes widened and his – hopefully, definitely – soft lips parting as he exhaled. He blinked a few times, searching her face; Emma hoped he wasn't searching for a lie, for a deception, knowing she would, knowing she would doubt whoever asked her out because she wasn't that interesting, not for someone like him.

«Shouldn't I be the one asking you out?»

At that, Emma laughed, shaking her head. Oh, he really was old fashioned. It was sweet, truly. «What are you, three-hundred?» she couldn't help asking with a playful, fond smile.

Killian chuckled, shaking his head. He was still so close to her, his body heat radiating off him. «Aye, some days I feel so.» He turned serious, looking down at her. «Are you certain?»

Emma licked her lips. «I- don't ask me why, but I want to try.» She wasn't good with words, not good with emotions, but she was willing to put herself, her heart at risk.

For a long moment, Killian looked her in the eyes, searching, thinking, wondering, fearing. «I accept,» he said in a whisper, as if he feared saying it too loud would break the fragile confidence he'd mustered up to put his heart at stake, too.

A smile spread on Emma's lips, soon mirrored by Killian. «Good,» she said, «tomorrow's evening sounds good to you? Around ten, perhaps?»

Probably, Emma had thought about the date a bit too much, already kind of planning it, fantasizing on what she wanted them to do. She already had an itinerary in her head, a day for the two of them to enjoy – hopefully – and know each other.

Killian raised his eyebrows, clearly wondering where she had intention of going at such an ungodly hour, but he did something that made Emma's heart flutter: he trusted her. «Alright, love, tomorrow at ten it is. Will you pick me up at my apartment?»

Oh, he's cheeky, Emma mused, her smile widening. «Aye,» she replied, trying and failing to imitate his accent. It made him laugh, a loud, crystalline and joyful laugh that caused wrinkles to form at the corners of his eyes. A strange sensation warmed her from the inside, something Emma would even call happiness.

«Care for a drink, in the meantime?» he asked her, scratching behind his ear.

Emma squinted at him. «Is this your way of having a first date you can claim as yours?» Of course she was joking, she would love to have another drink with him, but she was drained and had been dreaming of her bed since the moment she left it that morning. «I'd love to, but I'd risk falling asleep on the stool. Sorry.»

He shook his head. «Don't worry, love, I perfectly understand. It's been quite a stressful day.» This time, his smile was tight and laced with anxiety.

Blindly, Emma reached for his hand, squeezing it. «They would be proud of you, Killian Jones.»

His breath hitched in his throat, Emma could hear it. For a moment, she feared she'd said too much, that she'd made a step too far, but Killian surprised her, bringing her hand to his mouth to kiss the back of it. «Thank you, Emma.»

There was a moment in which Emma found herself in some kind of afterlife where angels sang and unicorns wandered around. Nothing could describe the way she felt in that moment, when Killian called her Emma and placed his very soft lips onto her skin, his whiskers pleasantly scratching the delicate dermis, and his bright blue eyes boring into hers with so much intensity she would otherwise feel violated.

«Just the truth,» she breathed, her heart pounding so fast the blood pulsing in her ears almost deafened her. It took her almost a whole minute of gazing into his eyes before getting a hold on herself and getting down to business. «I'll need your address if I have to pick you up.»

There should be nothing awkward about asking someone for their address or their number, but Emma had never had any experience in the dating territory. Part of her wondered if, had she been seeing a shrink about her relational issues, they'd tell her taking the first step was progress.

The corners of Killian's lips curled into a cheeky smile. «I'm afraid I'll need your phone number to do that.»

It took Emma aback. «Why can't you just tell me?» There was a tinge of accusation in her voice, the sudden fear of being rejected flooding through her even if she'd decided to try and trust him.

As if he'd picked up on her fear, Killian turned serious, concern etching his face. «Apologies, love, I didn't mean to sound like an idiot.» He inhaled deeply. «I've been out of the dating game for so long it appears I've forgotten manners.»

Emma snorted at that. «I honestly doubt that,» she retorted with a soft smile, her hand still in Killian's; she wasn't in any rush to pull it away, his thumb once again drawing circles on her skin. «It's alright, it's been so long for me as well.» After a deep breath, she added: «Having your number wouldn't be that bad, actually.»

With that, she fished out her phone from the purse dangling from her wrist just when he handed her his, their hands still linked until they both chuckled, realizing they had to use both. It didn't diminish the immediate sense of loss Emma felt inside, so absurd yet too real to not mean something.

Stifling a yawn, Emma took her phone back. Killian must've noticed, though, because he bit the inside of his lip to stop himself from smiling. «I'll let you go back to your bed, Swan, I wouldn't want you to fall asleep on our date. Not at the beginning, at least.» He even winked.

Cheeky bastard. She squared her shoulders, looking at him with an air of challenge. «I don't pillage and plunder on the first date.»

He raised his eyebrows, his lips twitching, wanting to curl up into a smile, much like hers wanted to do, too. «Well, that's because you haven't been with me yet.» Only then Killian allowed himself to smile, a twinkle in his eyes that confirmed he was excited about their date. It made her smile back, happy. «See you tomorrow, love.»

Emma nodded, awkwardly waving her hand at him and smiling before turning around. And if she put a bit of sway in her step, feeling his eyes still on her, well, who could blame her?

What she'd not told Killian was that she was tired because that morning Emma had succumbed to Ruby's power and went shopping with her.

Emma only hoped her idea of first date wasn't too silly and didn't drive him away. She wondered what could make him walk away when her rough past didn't. Hopefully, she'd never have to find out.


With two paper cups, one of hot chocolate and one of coffee in a tray and a bag containing two chocolate donuts – thanks to Tilly, she had discovered Killian had somewhat of a sweet tooth – Emma waited for Killian to come down.

After he'd texted her his address – preceded by a banter that resulted in Emma bursting out laughing so loudly Odette got startled – she'd found out he didn't live far from her at all.

Although she didn't want to be too casual, her dress choice was strategic: they had to walk around a lot, so she'd chosen comfortable but stylish light brown ankle booties and a light pink dress that fell just below her knees, the skirt a bit sparkly. At first, it'd looked a bit too girly, too pink, but once she wore it, how it hugged her and gave her freedom of movement sealed the deal. Over it, she'd worn her usual red leather jacket, which with the light shade of pink didn't clash.

Her hair tied in a low ponytail, some bobby pins keeping a few strands in place. Ruby had kept it simple, just like Emma had desired; Emma, though, was already contemplating letting it down and throw the pins away. What Ruby didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

«Sorry I'm late, love.»

Killian's voice made her twirl around, only to discover he was holding a tray with two paper cups and a bag. Oh.

«Looks like we've had the same idea,» she smartly said, internally shaking her head at her own stupid choice of words. «Well, we've got half an hour of walk ahead of us, I guess we can burn both off. Not that I care, especially if there's a hot chocolate in one of the cups and whatever you have in the bag has chocolate on it.»

He looked at the paper cups he was carrying. «There is, in fact, and it makes me owe Tilly marmalade sandwiches for a week.»

Emma raised her eyebrows at that. Her eyes wandered, noticing how Killian was dressed. She'd told him to dress comfortable, ready to walk a bit – Emma didn't hate going to the gym per se, but if she could avoid it by burning calories as she ate them, well, all the better.

From what she was seeing and Ruby had told her, Killian seemed not to own anything lighter than a dark green shirt, unless you counted grey and the occasional white shirt for public appearances. Not that she minded: dark colours suited Killian pretty well. He was wearing black boots, skinny dark jeans and a dark blue shirt underneath a black leather jacket. Nope, she wasn't complaining at all.

«Ruby demanded I make her breakfast for a week before telling me you love coffee with three spoonful of sugar and chocolate donuts.» At her words, Emma was delighted to see his cheeks redden in embarrassment. She wasn't judging him, far from it; it wasn't him the one who would be enjoying two cups of hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon on top. «Ready to go?»

So they walked, Emma already knowing the way but not letting Killian know about where they were going. She wanted to surprise him, hopefully in a good way. They talked, getting to know each other over the late breakfast they were having, light topics such as favourite book or movie – or musical.

Emma was finishing the last bite of her second donut when they arrived in front of the MoMath. Expectantly, she turned to look at Killian, blinding hope in her eyes, hope that her first choice wasn't too stupid or too boring for him.

«The National Museum of Mathematics?» Emma held back a snort, he obviously would refer to it with its extended name. When he returned her gaze, she was pleased to discover his eyes were sparkling with withheld joy, the same eagerness you'd find in a child's eyes on Christmas' morning. It suited him, and Emma liked that look on him, a look of pure happiness.

Cheeks aflame, she shrugged, sipping the last of her second hot chocolate before replying: «Ruby was ordered to tell me you were a bit of a science nerd and, well, I'm not big on math, but I thought it would be nice to combine math and fun.»

Once again, Killian surprised her, shaking his head and grabbing her hand. «This is perfect, Swan. I've never been here before but always wanted to.»

Perhaps she should consider calling the 911 because her heart was doing absurd things. She also feared she was high on happiness. «What do you say, Jones? Talk math to me?»

Killian threw his head back and laughed. In that moment, Emma realized she'd fallen in love with his laugh.

They exited the MoMath almost three hours later, Emma's head so full of information about math she was likely to forget as soon as she stopped thinking about it and tried to find a logic in everything Killian had explained. It didn't take much, especially not with how her stomach started to rumble loudly.

«Let's go, I'm starving,» she told him, dragging him with her; her hand had been in his most of the time, a gesture so natural Emma even forgot it was a first date, something that should've been awkward, not… perfect. Almost perfect, alright, but her point still stood.

There was a street vendor from whom they bought two hot dogs and fries along with two bottles of water, Killian insisting on paying at least that, Emma grumbling under her breath. Usually, she wouldn't complain about a free meal, but that was her date, she was the one supposed to pay for him, not the other way around.

Killian woke her from her reverie by smacking a kiss on her cheek. «You can offer me dinner,» he told her with a wink, the apples of his cheeks bright red because of the kiss.

There was a tiny part of her mind still hung up on scientific explanations wondering if she was about to die of spontaneous combustion. Probably. Definitely.

It was strange: they didn't know each other, practically not at all if not through their acquaintances, yet they understood each other. Emma had never experienced that, not on such an exciting and scaring level.

«Yeah, you might want me to buy you dinner after I tell you we have to go back to where we were this morning,» she mumbled after her lungs started to function properly again. She really was bad at planning dates.

Next to her, Killian huffed, shaking his head. «Emma, it's just a thirty minutes' walk, forty at best, not three hours. Besides, it's more time spent with you; I won't be complaining about that.»

If she wasn't about to die from spontaneous combustion already, Emma would probably start dying now.

In that moment, she didn't care about the food in her hands, the fact that she couldn't just grab the lapels of his jacket, because it didn't stop her from stepping into his space, raising herself on her tiptoes and kiss the holy hell out of him.

It was awkward at the beginning, they couldn't touch themselves, hold on to each other, but then Killian, somehow, wrapped his arms around her middle, drawing her closer to himself, the hard planes of his chest deliciously pressed against her body.

Emma traced his lower lip with the tip of her tongue, seeking entrance, ready to deepen the kiss, to taste coffee and chocolate on her tongue since they'd not had any chance to eat anything. Delicious.

They kissed in the middle of the sidewalk ignoring catcalls and whistles, simply losing themselves in one another, chocolate with just the right amount of coffee for the both of them, a perfect combination.

After a minute, an hour, a year, a century, Emma lowered herself back onto the balls of her feet, slowly opening her eyes in fear it'd all disappear. But when she did, she found herself looking at Killian's wide, warm, hopeful smile illuminating his face.

In that moment, Emma knew that if she had to describe the rising sun, she would only see his smile.