True story: my driver's ed instructor would just have me take him on errands instead of actually planning a training route. Sometimes I'd spend time on the clock just sitting in the car and waiting for him to finish.


Chasing Rabbits

Driving is so fun!

Driving is so fun!

Now we must assess the wreck

And see what we have done!


She had seen him again on her way to the license bureau. He was so mischievous, so dangerous, and yet she couldn't at all resist any chance to be near him. That cocksure swagger, that devilish grin; it was all a part of his bad-boy charm. Sakaki had tried many times to get close to him, to reach out to him. But he would always end up breaking her heart without a second thought.

There had to be some shred of niceness in that tiny, gray kitty. Behind the murderous, sharp-toothed grin, surely there was some vulnerable little kitten who just wanted to be petted, and held.

I could be the one for you, Sakaki thought. Maaya knows I'm a good person. Won't you let me in?

How many times now had she tried to pet him? Too many, probably. But today would be different. It was just a matter of letting him get used to her scent. Once he recognized her and realized she wasn't a threat, then surely–

CHOMP.


Sakaki, jerked awake, black hair rustling out of place from her state of alarm. She was sitting in a conference room at the license bureau. Her smaller friend Kaori remained asleep, propped up against her left side. Chiyo and Yomi also sat dozing a few seats down. Osaka reclined in the opposite corner, perusing a very thick textbook – unusual behavior because she remained awake this time. But what was biting her hand?

"Tomo?"

Sakaki looked down at Tomo, who had chomped down on her hand, a mischievous glint in her eyes. She held a bright orange bottle in one hand.

"That woke you up!" Tomo shouted, rousing Kaori from her nap. Kaori blushed profusely, sitting up straight and acting as if she had never fallen asleep.

"Why did you..." Sakaki began.

"It was a cat dream again, wasn't it?" Tomo replied. "I saw you zoned out there and figured: 'You know what would be really funny? If Sakaki was daydreaming about cats and I bit your hand to make you think it was a cat!' So I took a guess!"

"The force due to kinetic friction," Osaka's voice carried over. "Is given by the normal force N times a constant of kinetic friction μ (mu)."

"Tomo," Yomi yawned, waking from sleep. "That is one of the dumbest lines of reasoning I've ever heard. Even from you."

"Aww, come on!" Tomo grinned, taking a gulp of her drink. "Sometimes, you just wanna do these things, you know?"

"Hey, Tomo," Kaori chimed in. "What are you drinking?"

"Morning Rescue!" Tomo beamed. "This stuff's amazing! Carried me out of bed and all the way here!"

"Tomo, pour that crap down the drain," Yomi urged. "Nobody as hyper as you should have energy drinks. Your heart will explode."

"Bernoulli's Principle," Osaka continued aloud. "Concerns differential air pressures and their effect on the motion of a surface. A practical application of this is downforce, a fluid force that is utilized in automotive engineering to increase contact with the road and improve tire grip. If the downforce is greater than the force of gravity, such a car could theoretically race on the ceiling of a tunnel without falling off (assuming that the downforce coefficient is high enough to produce sufficient downforce at attainable speeds, and assuming there are no bumps or irregularities on the tunnel ceiling that would perturb the free stream. Neither of these conditions are likely in real life)."

"My heart will not explode!" Tomo blew off Yomi's warning. "You worry too much."

"I've seen it happen," Yomi continued solemnly, wearing a deadpan expression. "It is not a pretty sight."

"You... you have not..." Tomo stuttered, nervous now. "Stop that."

"Centrifugal force is entirely fictional," Osaka pressed on. "What the subject actually feels is either normal force or tension force as it fights his or her kinetic inertia. This force restricts a particle to a radial acceleration towards a central point."

"Well, don't you sound smart," Yomi replied, finally taking notice. "What are you reading, anyway, Osaka?"

"Physics textbook," she replied.

"Pretty heavy stuff," Tomo commented. "Way too dense for me."

"Oh, it is!" Osaka agreed. "This book taught me about gravity and density before I even opened it up!"

"But why?" Yomi puzzled. "Chiyo and I are super smart, and neither of us carry around books like that. What's going on?"

"Oh, nothin' special," Osaka dismissed. "Just a gut feelin' I might need to know it."

SLAM.

Tomo clutched her chest in surprise as Yukari slammed open the door to the conference room, sliding it off to the side. She hurried inside, feet shuffling rapidly as she made her way to the front of the room. With another heavy thud, her books hit the desk sitting in front of the whiteboard. Tomo was still recovering as Yukari picked up a dry erase marker and began scribbling furiously.

"Close call, eh, Tomo?" Yomi smirked.

"At least my figure can handle these drinks."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Yomi challenged.

"Guys! Guys!" Yukari snapped. "Break it up!"

"We're girls," Yomi hissed. "And why are you scribbling on the board? This is a driving lesson, not a class!"

Yukari looked back in confusion at the katakana she had written in very large letters. It was complete nonsense; it didn't mean anything in Japanese. Perhaps it was English?

"Huh," Yukari muttered. "Whoops. Force of habit. Anyway, I don't have all day here, so only one of you is gonna be lucky enough to have lessons with me. Now, who has nominations for me?"

Four hands rose into the air.

"Too bad!" Yukari boasted. "I'm choosing anyway. Sakaki! You're up this time."

Sakaki sat up, a look of surprise on her face. She gazed ahead at the front of the room, staring into space like a deer caught in the glare of a driver's headlights.

Kaori noticed Sakaki's concerned look and began to worry as well. She remembered what it was like to ride with Yukari. No seatbelts, no safety, and only the slimmest chance that she would emerge from Yukari's crash-beaten machine alive. But Sakaki had never driven before. If she was to have her first time with Yukari...

No; she couldn't allow that to happen. Kaori cared far too much about Sakaki to just stand by while her life was in danger. She would join them. Kaori would not let Sakaki and Yukari be alone together.

"No!" Kaori shouted. "I want to ride Miss Sakaki too!"

Dead silence. Kaori could feel her face burning to a crisp under the perplexed stares of her peers, and from the heat of her own blushing. That had come out all wrong. She watched with horror as an amused, impish grin began to show on Tomo's face.

"Wait," Yomi began slowly. "Did... you just say..."

"No!" Kaori snapped. "No! No, I... I did not... just... say! I meant... I want to be driven by Miss Sakaki!"

Oh god, thought Kaori. That sounds even worse. Think, girl! Use your brain to get out of this! How can you clear up this confusion?

"Shotgun!" Kaori yelled, desperately.

"Oh!" Yukari realized. "So that's what you meant!"

"Shotgun?" Tomo balked. "What about shotguns?"

"Riding shotgun?" Yukari tried. "American slang? You'd know this if you paid attention in English class, Tomo! Kaori, if you were still in school, I'd give you an A for applied knowledge. Good job! Come ride with us!"

Kaori sighed with relief. The confusion was over, and her unexplainable crush on Sakaki would remain a secret to them all.

"And Chiyo!" Yukari added. "You're riding with us too!"

"Wha– me?" Chiyo flinched, concerned. Why her? Why did she have to spend time on the road with Yukari?

"Sakaki, you're a big girl," Yukari explained. "Level-headed, gentle; in other words, crap I'd never manage. That's why I think it's a good idea to give you driving experience with a child present."

"Hey!" Chiyo shouted, pigtails flapping with indignation. "I am not a child! I'm thirteen!"

"She's adorable, isn't she?" Yukari beamed. "But seriously Chiyo: you still look pretty young, and you're the youngest person here. You're all we've got. Can't you take one for the team and come along with us?"

"Oh..." Chiyo faltered. "Fine..."

"I..." Sakaki stuttered. "I need to practice... as if I'm driving... with kids?"

"Yep!" Yukari confirmed. "Kids, children, brats, broken cond–"

"Ummm... Miss Yukari?" Osaka raised her hand.

"Yes, Osaka?" Yukari asked.

"Ya ever have one of those times?" Osaka began. "One of those times, where somebody waves at ya, and ya think you know him, but ya don't know his name? Except sometimes, ya don't recognize him, and you think he might be waving at somebody behind ya? But ya don't wanna just ignore him, because he might be waving at you, after all. But even if ya don't ignore him, you don't know his name anyway, even though you're s'posed ta. So no matter what, this guy you might or might not know is likely to be offended because ya either ignored him or ya forgot his name!"

"Ehhh..." Yukari hesitated. "What part of that was a question?"

"I dunno," Osaka shrugged. "Just thought of it."

"Okaaay..." Yukari continued, after pausing for a few seconds. "Well, that's about it. You guys are free to go, or stay here, or watch us drive off, or whatever."

As Yukari gathered her things and left the room, the rest of them followed her, filing slowly out. Osaka was the last to leave. She turned for a moment to stare at the katakana still written on the whiteboard in large red letters. For several seconds, she studied Yukari's writing, sounding out the characters.

"Kuraatu barada nikuto," Osaka muttered, puzzling over it for a full ten seconds.

"I don't get it," she gave up, switching off the light as she left the room.


Kaori sighed contentedly, lounging in the front passenger seat of the city's car. She had jumped in immediately, making sure that she would get to sit next to Sakaki before anybody else could. Chiyo, too, had taken a seat in the back, while Yukari was still making her way to the vehicle. She rapped on the window to get Kaori's attention.

"Hey, Kaori," Yukari began. "I'm the driving instructor; that means I need the front seat."

A murderous, enraged look on Kaori's countenance stopped Yukari in her tracks. She had turned immediately at this news and stared Yukari down like a livid, rabid beast. Yukari shied away, unable to believe what she was witnessing. Was Kaori growling at her?

She caved. Yukari shrank away and took the remaining seat in the back. Kaori could have the damn front if she wanted it so badly.

"Hey, Miss Yukari?" Chiyo began, pointing to a capped opening mounted on the armrest in the middle of the two front seats. "Why is there an opening for the gas tank inside the car? I've never seen anything like that before."

"Beats me," Yukari shrugged. "It was there when the city gave it to me. Hell if I know why it's there."

"This feels really weird," Sakaki muttered shyly. "I'm not sure I really want to–"

"Alright, students!" Yukari announced. "Class is now in session! Sorry about the wait, but Tomo had to go and steal my phone, and just now gave it back. I swear, she cannot keep her hands off other people's stuff!

"Anyway! Sakaki, today, your route is going to take you five kilometers down Tanaka Street, a right turn onto Inoue Lane, ten more kilometers, merging onto Highway 318..."

Sakaki began to zone out, overwhelmed by this large amount of information. How would she possibly make it that far without crashing?

"... which, if you just go off road and down the side of the hill, is a shortcut down to Tojo Tunnel, and then..."

"That..." Sakaki interrupted. "Sounds like a lot of ground to cover."

"Well, of course it is!" Yukari answered. "My errands aren't gonna do themselves! Now crank it!"

Sakaki held the clutch in as Yukari had previously instructed, growing tense as the engine turned over. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. After all, Sakaki was driving, not Yukari. If she just stayed calm, everything would be fine.

"Get going!" Yukari urged.

And so Sakaki got going. Or attempted to, anyway. But like Yomi before her, Sakaki found herself completely stymied by the manual transmission. Every push of the gas pedal sent her on a heart-pounding lurch, and she would hit the brakes in a panic, only to have the engine stall, forcing her to start over.

"Sakaki," Yukari advised. "Don't hit the brakes this time. Just give it plenty of gas, and let the car do its thing."

Taking one more deep breath, Sakaki took Yukari's advice, finally jumping out of the parking space with a screech of the tires. She swerved for a moment, but then stabilized, settling into a leisurely, steady speed.

"Okay," Sakaki breathed. "I'm on the road. Now what?"

"First stop is my apartment," Yukari instructed. "Nyamo texted me and said she needed my help with something and she'd meet me there. I'll tell you where to turn."

"Got it."

"And another thing," Yukari continued. "Could you drive faster? I'm falling asleep back here!"

All three passengers screamed as Sakaki slammed the brakes in a panic. She stared ahead, obviously frightened.

"What's wrong, Miss Sakaki?" Kaori asked.

"I almost ran him over," Sakaki answered.

Kaori, Yukari and Chiyo peered out the front window, looking at a miniscule gray cat. It leered at Sakaki, mewing innocently, but fixing her with a wide, tooth-filled grin.

"Please forgive me," she whispered, passing him and driving slowly away.

"Okay, can you speed up now?" Yukari urged. "If I fall asleep, you won't know where to go."

"But..." Sakaki protested, worried. "If I go too fast, I might hit an animal."

"That's the spirit," Yukari began to twist Sakaki's words. "You might hit an animal. Not certain, but only possible. What's life without a gamble?"

"Mew."

"Hey, leave her alone!" Kaori defended her. "Sakaki shouldn't go faster if she doesn't want to."

"I'll nod off," Yukari threatened. "You'll have no guide."

"Mew."

"Oh, stop it!" Kaori countered. "Just... stay awake!"

"Hey, guys?" Chiyo began.

"Sakaki, you're such a big girl," Yukari continued. "You can do anything. You're not afraid, are you?"

"Mew."

"DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT!" Kaori shouted. Yukari clutched her chest, dumbfounded at Kaori's outburst.

"Guys!" Chiyo urged. "Don't any of you hear a cat?"

"A cat?"

"Mew."

All four stared silently into space, zoned out for a second, before focusing their attention on a tiny, gray, feline figure that could have been mistaken for a dashboard ornament. But that was completely wrong. This cat hadn't been standing on the dashboard a minute ago. Sakaki recognized it as the cat she tried to pet all the time, the one who always bit her. Kamineko.

She started to panic. She hadn't meant to threaten him; couldn't he forgive her?

"Hssssssssss!" a devilish grin spread across its face, white teeth gleaming like the jaws of a bear trap.

Chomp.

Yukari was prepared for it, but Chiyo and Kaori reeled in shock as the car accelerated and began to swerve violently. Sakaki wailed in pain and struggled to break free of Kamineko's bite, losing control of the car in the process. Yukari squealed, excited now that the ride was more to her liking.

"Get off of her, you mean kitty!" Kaori shouted, slapping Kamineko's body, trying to dislodge him.

"No, don't!" Yukari disagreed. "She's driving faster now!"

"We're going to die..." Chiyo muttered. "We're going to die... we're going to die... we're going to die... we're going to die..."

The city blocks flew by as Sakaki kept racing the engine, unable to escape Kamineko's jaws. He seemed to enjoy varying the pressure every now and then, giving her a brief break before chomping down again. Why did he always hurt her? Why did she keep coming back to him?

"Crap!" Yukari cursed as they sped past her apartment. "Nyamo just sent me another text. She wants to meet me at Taira's Noodles."

"But that's on the other side of town!" Chiyo exclaimed.

"Turn around, Sakaki!" Yukari instructed.

Sakaki groaned, pulling a U-turn even as traffic began moving in the other direction. Several drivers honked at her, but Sakaki couldn't care less; Kamineko refused to let go of her hand. When would it end?


He stood at the crosswalk, groceries in hand, reflective glasses obscuring his eyes. His jaw hung perpetually open, making him appear as though he was in a permanent state of shock. But nothing was amiss. This grocery run was just a typical day in Mr. Kimura's life. The lights changed and he made his way across the street, thinking nothing of the countless potential hazards that could be found on the streets.

The sound of revving caught Kimura's attention, and he peered off to the side. The source was a small car, fishtailing down the road towards him, as if the driver was having trouble. He walked faster, eager to get out of the way, when he noticed who was riding in the passenger seat.

It was Kaori. Sweet, innocent Kaori, the coy, demure object of his affections. She had been one of his students, and he remembered her fondly. If only he could have been more involved as a mentor to her. Oh, she had pushed away his advances, but he knew deep down that she was just playing hard to get. She craved the chance to become closer to somebody knowledgeable, an older, wiser man. She needed a smart man like him. And despite her denials, even now, as she shouted inaudibly at him from the oncoming car, he swore that he would whisk her away someday and bring unparalleled happiness to her life.

"Kaori, my dear!" Kimura shouted. "I will always love you! We would be so happy together!"

More unheard shouting. He could tell that Kaori was shooting him down again. But she couldn't fool him.

"I'll wait for you, my dear!" he continued. "We have such a bright future together!"


"Crap!" Kaori shouted as the car barreled past Kimura and into the intersection. "We missed him!"

"Forget about that!" Yukari shouted as Sakaki swerved to avoid the fifth stray cat that had wandered onto the road. "To Taira's!"

Sakaki's hand hurt every time she shifted gears. Kamineko had given up on Sakaki's left hand and had made a start on her right. She was in so much pain, and yet she didn't dare struggle too much, or she might end up hurting Kamineko.

"Gaaaahhh!" Yukari screamed. "New text! Nyamo moved again! Now she's at Haneda Station! Turn the car around!"

Sakaki wailed wearily and turned around as Kamineko started to menace her hair.


Nashi License Bureau

Three hours on the road had seen them race up and down what must have been every city street in existence. Every time they neared one of their destinations, Yukari would get another text from Nyamo telling them that she had moved, and their only option was to change direction and travel back across the city to the new location.

There had been a lot of animals on the street today. Sakaki's nerves were more stressed than they had ever been before, having almost killed an adorable creature many times. She had counted twenty lone stray cats, twenty-eight lone stray dogs, six cats with litters of kittens, a line of ducks at ten points along the route, fourteen turtles, and two eagles, each of which, at different times during the drive, had swooped in front of her to grab a rat that was scurrying along the road. Sakaki would remember this day in her nightmares.

Kamineko had tortured Sakaki until Yukari finally gave up and let her return to the license bureau. No sooner had Sakaki stopped and opened the door than Kamineko released her and ran off, hissing and spitting like a furry little demon. Sakaki slumped back, relieved that the drive was over and the biting had stopped.

"Safe at last..." Chiyo whispered repeatedly. "Safe at last... never again... I want to live..."

"Oh, Sakaki..." Kaori crooned, snatching up one of her chewed-up hands. "Look what he did to you! I'll make you feel better!"

"I..." Sakaki replied, nervously. "I... don't want to be a bother. You don't have to fuss over me."

"No, not at all!" Kaori argued, eyes misting over with nervous tears. "I insist!"

"Er... alright," Sakaki agreed, afraid that she was about to make Kaori cry. "Lead the way."

"What the heck, Nyamo?" Yukari grumbled to herself as Sakaki and Kaori exited the car together. "You need to talk, but you keep moving around so we can't reach you? What's up with that?"

"That just doesn't seem like her, Miss Yukari," Chiyo commented.

"I know," she replied, looking absentmindedly at her phone's list of contacts. "Only a jerk would do something like..."

Yukari froze, peering closer at the contact information by Nyamo's name. This was all wrong. What was going on here?

"Miss Yukari?"

"What on Earth?" Yukari asked, indignantly. "This isn't Nyamo's number! Who's been sending these messages?"

Concerned now, she dialed the number and waited for the mystery caller to pick up.

-click- "Hello?"

Yukari recognized the voice instantly and her teeth began to grind. Of course. It all made sense: the text messages, the mad dashes – everything. She knew now who was sadistic enough to make them all run around for three hours. It seemed that the person who had replaced Nyamo's number with their own was the same one who had stolen her phone.

"Tomo!" Yukari raged. "It was you! You sent those stupid messages! We ran up and down the whole city because of you!"

"Oh CRAP!" Tomo replied. "Going now. Bye!" -click-

"Of all the... stupid... totally going to pay... grrrrrrr..." Yukari grumbled.

"Miss Yukari?" Chiyo ventured very timidly. "Please don't be too angry. At least, not while I'm still here..."

"Oh, go home!" Yukari snapped. Chiyo jumped back with a terrified squeak and then ran down the street as fast as she could.

Tomo had messed with the wrong woman. Yukari didn't appreciate having to zip back and forth all over town for the amusement of some silly girl with too much time on her hands. Tomo would pay dearly for this. Yukari had her mind made up: Tomo was next up in the driver's seat. And her's would be the toughest driving lesson ever devised in all of automotive history.


Raspberry Heaven

Hitori ja naite yakusoku shita ne Heaven