Never Let Me Go – Florence + The Machine

It was an accident, so why should I have to pay for it?

For a few moments I was simply falling, plummeting and not able to see where I was going. Then my back connected with the water, hard, my body being succumbed to the clutches of the ocean. With a single wave I was dragged under, the water slamming into my chest and stealing away my breath, for breathing was unheard of here. The force of the angered ocean threw me under, past the grasps of breathable air and breaking waves, past the screams of the people who had just seen a man fall from a ten foot pier, and past the reach of my beloved humans. My hand reached out, wanting something, anything, to grab onto so that I could help myself, but to no one's surprise there was nothing tangible there for me to grab.

Before long, the lack of oxygen to my blood stream became too much, and I was forced to breathe in, water choking me and filling my lungs. It was giving up, I suppose, that act of resigning to the fact that I was drowning. It was funny though, how in the act of death by water, it's the person who really kills themselves. Instead of fighting longer and harder, they give in to the temptation of death, committing themselves the act that would slowly cause their essence to leave their body. Drowning was a pitiful death, and yet here I was, doing one of the very things that I scorned upon as foolishly human.

My vision was beginning to darken around the edges, letting me know that I was losing my grip hold on life. By then I had sunken so far into the water's depth that everything seemed still, peaceful almost, if there was anything peace like about dying. Sunlight somehow managed to filter through the diluted water, lighting up the blue around me with a sort of glow. It was as if the area around me were transforming into something beautiful as a tribute for the dying body that it held, hoping to give me something to remember before I would be able to see no more.

Yet, being able to remember something meant that I would still hold a consciousness, which I knew that I would not. I hoped for it, sure, every human does. The thought of non-existing is scary, at least to the sound of mine, even I could admit that. We all hoped for a heaven, a place where after the hardships of life, everything would simply be okay. Where no one would be ripped from the other's company, no one could be hurt, and there were no need for tears. However, I was logical, I couldn't spend my time hoping for fantasies and dream-come-true's, I had to accept reality's slap in the face as many times as I had to in order to keep myself afloat.

But yet….I had sunk. Despite all my fighting, despite all of my struggling, I was sinking to the bottom, completely helpless. So, did this mean that I now had the right to believe in a heaven, now that I no longer had to fight? Did I now have the privilege of giving up? No. I was not giving up, I was simply giving in. Giving in to the current pulling me under, giving in to the weight of my body that continuously dragged me down. Giving in to the silly beliefs that I always scorned upon but secretly wanted to believe.

With another harsh slap reality hit me in the face, and I was sure that if I had the oxygen to laugh then I would have. Why would heaven want a tainted, blood stained sinner like me? What could have possibly deluded my thoughts so that I considered myself worthy enough to get in to what was only reserved for the elite, and most pristine?

Why must I pay for what was simply an accident?

I felt the arms lifting me from the water more than saw them, my vision hazing as my mind blurred. Air hit me like a punch in the face, and as soon as I was able to stutter a gasp of the precious substance, I choked, sputtering and fighting with my breath as the water that I had inhaled previously decided to make its reappearance. Warmth flooded my side as something hard was pressed against me, and I curled into the warmth, thankful for it due to the chill that was beginning to set in my bones because of the freezing water I had previously been submerged in.

"What the hell flea? You have fun trying to die or something?" I gruff voice above my head scolded me, and I looked up to see the disapproving face of a dripping wet Shizuo, his tone coming off as if I was just some big pain while his arms gripped me tighter than they ever have before, which was fortunate because he was shaking so badly that if his grip slackened then I most likely would have been dropped.

"I slipped." I snapped in-between coughing fits that wracked my body, trying to expel the salt water that had unintentionally ended up inside. "And it's not as if all of us have freaky, beast like strength and height." The soaked blond was so tall, in fact, that while I had been unable to keep my head afloat, he was able to stand upright, with only the bottoms of his elbows submerged as he held me like a bride. Then again, if it weren't for his strength he would most likely be knocked over as well by the wave's power.

"I know you don't, which is exactly why you shouldn't go hurling yourself off of perfectly sound piers." The brute began to slowly walk towards the beach, which from where we were standing looked yards away.

"I said I slipped!" I once again shouted, though that wasn't the easiest thing to do when your voice scratched as if you had swallowed sandpaper. "Can't you go any faster? It's freezing out here."

"You try walking through moving chest deep water on sand sometime; it's not as easy as it looks." I gave a mumbled response that even I didn't completely understand and let the ex-bartender continue at his set pace, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him close, as if to suck out the warmth that he seemed to so effortlessly produce and transfer it to myself. "Hey," The gruff voice said more gently this time. "Are you gonna be okay?"

I let my chin rest on the wide shoulder under me before I spoke. "I think so. Thank you Shizu-chan. I'm glad you didn't just let me go."


Don't you love how some characters can just spout off things that you'd never even think of saying but it's okay because it's not really you? Yea, me too. =)