Ichigo's Miracuously Wonderous Discovery

Part Two: The Unexpected Highly Anticipated Return of the Gay Ichigo


Mass chaos had erupted in Soul Society in response to the mysterious disappearance of their one and only Substitute Shinigami, Kurosaki Ichigo. All anyone knew was that after noticing a spike of reiatsu erupt from the Kurosaki residence in the small town of Karakura, Ichigo's reiatsu had completely and suddenly disappeared off the charts. It was quite sad to see how much Soul Society depended on the mere Substitute, so now, they were on high alert and search for the missing teen.

Meanwhile…

Ichigo's eyes suddenly popped open as he surveyed his surroundings. Where was he? He was surrounded by a barrage of trees and grass, but faintly in the distance, he could see an unending wall, and tall towers standing tall inside those walls. Seireitei?! He was in Soul Society! But how did he get here?, he thought, and he flashed back to his last memory.

Everyone in the room was silent, their mouths open. Karin seemed normal, but Yuzu flabbergasted. Oyaji on the other hand, emitted black and red tendrils from his shocked figure. Then, following a big flash, it had gone dark. And here he was now…

And that was where the memory ended. But why was he so shocked? Why was he emitting his uncontrolled reiatsu? Ichigo raked through his mind everything that could explain this mystery. Then, in a blast of sheer realization, his eyes widened as he remembered his miraculously wondrous discovery. He was Gay! His father must have been emitting reiatsu because he was just so happy for Ichigo that he couldn't even control his energy anymore. He shot up and sat up straight, remembering his mission from earth. He had to spread the good news to everyone he knew in Soul Society! They all deserved to be just as happy as he felt right now.

"I have to go!" He exclaimed rather gayly.

So he dashed as fast as he could to Seireitei, adding a few twirls and skips along the way to spice things up. And then he realized he could just shunpo.

So he did.

Before he realized it, he shunpoed to the gate of Seireitei, and met Jidanbo, the gatekeeper.

Jidanbo, just recently aware of the hype over the absence of Ichigo, upon seeing him, was as surprised as Glozell when she found out Obama won presidency, when he first laid his eyes on Ichigo.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, I don't believe it! Everyone's looking everywhere for you!" Jidanbo exclaimed.

"Hey Jiji, nevermind that! You wanna hear a sexy story baby?!" Ichigo seductively growled.

"Wwwwhat?" Jidanbo asked, slightly curious of his awkwardly different aura from the last time they met.

"I'M GAY! ISN'T THIS GREAT! So will you please open this gate for me please, dahhhhling?"

Stunned, Jidanbo just stood there nonreactively. What had happened to the former masculine, admirable man that used to be of Ichigo? What was this wretched creature that stood before him now? Each second he pondered over this, his jaw dropped at an alarming rate of 1 in/mm, a new world record.

Upon seeing this, Ichigo flashed Jidanbo a stunningly gay smile, his last and final newfound seduction technique, called the SUPER ULTRA EROTIC AUTOMATIC WHIPPED CREAM SADISTIC GAY SMILE (-50 HP to opponent)

The attack, taking it's desired effect, was too overwhelming for Jidanbo's senses- and left him no choice but to open the gates. He didn't think he could handle any more of Ichigo's specialized gay attacks.

"Thanks Hon!" He shouted and skipped, glad that this hinderence to his life goal was out of his way. Who should I visit next, he wondered and began to gallop along the way, starting to feel that skipping was getting too overrated.

Much to Ichigo's joy, it wasn't long before he ran into his first victim, um err, I mean, Receiver of Great News. That fellow was that one particular red pineapple headed shinigami.

For a moment, Ichigo paused, stopping dead in his tracks. Renji-kun had never seemed this hot before, with his ripped tattooed muscles peeking through his uniforms. He never noticed the way his mane was so seductively red and sexily wild.

But then again Ichigo never seemed to noticed that he himself was gay.

"Hey Ren-pyon!" Ichigo called out, running over to embrace the muscular hunk from behind. Nuzzling into his neck, "Ren-pyon" froze, the attack temporarily stunning him better than any kidou ever could.

"Wh-what the hell?!" In a burst of reiatsu, Abarai Renji pushed him back. "The hell is wrong with you Ichigo?!"

Regaining his composure, Ichigo's form erected up strong and straight before pausing dramatically to exclaim, "I'm gay!"

No... No this was not the Ichigo he knew and fought back to back with... It couldn't be!

Utterly shell-shocked, Renji went comatose on the spot. As much as the academy had prepared him to deal with unexpected and traumatic situations, this was far beyond his capability toolbox.

"Ren-pyon! Ren-!" Upon noticing his friend incapacitated, Ichigo fell to his knees. And then checked to confirm that nobody was watching them (they were all in denial), then dragged his body behind some boxes for some later fun.

"Whoo! Now who to next?" Ichigo cried. "Ah, the Rukia and Byakuya! But mostly Byakuya!"

And in a sparkly, fabulous blur, Ichigo waltzed to the Kuchiki mansion, much to the confusion of those who he passed. After all, it wasn't everyday that the soul reapers witnessed the rapture of a newly evolved super gay Ichigo, still shedding from his protective placental shell of rainbow sparkles.

Upon arriving to the Kuchiki mansion, Ichigo saw Rukia out in the courtyard practicing and sharpening their skills, their grunts and laughter filling the air. But where oh where was the glorious clan leader Byakuya and all his yumminess?

"Rukki~! Hime-chan~!" Ichigo settled for the vagina-carriers and decided to share his news with them.

"What Ichigo? Can't you see I'm trying to-" Rukia stopped midsentence to sniff the air. Something smelled-

"Like fruity rainbows. Something smells like fruity skittles and rainbows!" Orihime exclaimed, finishing Rukia's thoughts.

They both turned around, mouths opening wide at the site.

"Everybody, I'm gay!" Ichigo exclaimed, twirling and reveling in the sparkles he was emitting.

"…What…" Rukia raised an eyebrow. She wasn't sure if she understood. Times like these she wished that Ichigo had a sketchbook to explain the natural workings of the world like she did.

Orihime only blinked.

"Yup my girlies, I love the genitals that I have, and I want more of it!" To make his point, Ichigo grabbed at his crotch. Oddly, the sound of clinking metal emanated from the region.

Orihime only blinked again.

Rukia shuddered. This was too much. This wasn't the Ichigo she knew. "NOOOO!"

Upon hearing his sisters scream, Byakuya's ear twitched. He was in his room yet again, mourning for his deceased wife.

"Rukia!" He yelled before dashing to the courtyard. No one would touch his sister! No one-

But then he saw it. The thing. The Gay Ichigo.

Ichigo's eyes lit up at the sight of the object of his desires. His yummy, pale, sparkly Byakuya. He couldn't help it as his body naturally and magnetically attracted itself to the perfect existence of the Kuchiki Byakuya.

"Byakuya! My love! My one and only! My sun and my stars! The sea snake to my hydrothermal vents!"

Now Byakuya loved his sister. After the whole execution incident, he vowed to himself, to his wife, that he would do everything in his power to ensure her safety. But Byakuya was also not an idiot. And after quickly assessing the situation, he knew that right now, he was in more danger than Rukia was. And faster than he arrived, he flashed away in a blink of an eye.

"No… No… Don't reject me! Don't steal away from me my first love before I even realized it!" Ichigo crumbled. "No…. All I ever wanted was… Was somebody to love (disclaimer: that somebody must be an carrier of a 'sea snake')."

Rukia was lost. For one thing, she was his friend. But in another… did he really just hit on her brother-in-law, the mourning widower of her sister? It must've been them juice boxes, those damned contraptions. They must've contained something in them.

But Orihime kept blinking. Once. Twice.

And suddenly, Orihime clicked. It all made sense. So much sense.

"No! If I can't have Ichigo, no one can have Ichigo!" Orihime thundered. Gazing determinedly into the distant sky, she attempted to grab her bountiful breasts and fiercely whispered, "I know I must do!"

And that was the day Orihime decided to get a sex change and changed his name to Oriouji.

Ichigo and Oriouji lived happily ever after.

The End.

Oh, and Renji never woke up from his coma and no one ever found his body. His whereabouts are currently amongst the seven greatest wonders of Soul Society.

The End.