After Shrek burst out of Hot Topic he quickly jammed on the wig and made sure he swept his bangs to the side so it covered one of his eyes. After a few adjustments of him covering his ogre ears he was on his way. He hopped on his cool skate board and set off towards the town's market so he could buy some fresh onions for his dinner. When he turned into the busy market, business continued as usual. Shrek loved the market because the constant commotion distracted people from the ogre and Shrek seemed to forget about his constant internal suffering. He immediately set off towards the produce stalls feeling that if nothing could bother him, that is until he saw a familiar head of ginger locks. Shrek attempted to pull his hoodie over his head but it was too late.
"Heeeeey Shreeeeek," A slimy voice said. Shrek cringed internally as Rumpelstiltskin emerged from the crowd wearing a fancy white jacket both his stick arms around the waists of his sexy witch side hoes. "I didn't expect to find you here...I thought you'd be crying and posting emo things on Tumblr." The two witches cackled as if he told the most funniest joke in the world.
"Uh, hello there Stiltskin, I didn't expect to find you in town." Shrek mumbled trying his best to try to avoid eye contact from the pervey midget.
"Yes I thought I would buy some new clothes, these are kinda've drab, but then again they look spectacular compared to the rags you wear." Shrek shoved past hiding his tears from view as he made his way to the stand. "Haha baby," Rumpelstiltskin called after him. Shrek quickly paid for a large bag of onions and hurried off to avoid any more unwanted confrontations. "Rumpelstiltskin doesn't even understand the hate I get," Shrek thought to himself sullenly. "And he's ginger."
Immediately after getting out of town it began pouring rain, Shrek didn't care. The rain drops would help hide that he had been crying earlier. After trudging through the slippery mud for five hours he finally made it back to his polluted swamp. An unconscious dwarf was lying naked in a tree with a beer bottle tucked in his armpit, but Shrek didn't care he was finally home. He opened the door to his hut and dumped the onions and Hot Topic goodies in the kitchen and stared at his reflection in the kitchen sink. What he saw was a poor, daddy issued, monster, he turned away and eyed the knife block in consideration. Shrek shuddered at the thought of cutting himself (sharp things made him queasy). Instead Shrek went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of ketchup Shrek poured a glob of ketchup over his wrist and sighed at the false feeling of being emo. After a few minutes of admiring his "cutting" Shrek washed off the fake blood and took a seat at his desk.
Shrek turned on his laptop to look up the newest edgy hair colors to dye his new 5 dollar wig. Shrek searched for a awhile then decided that he was going to dye it neon green because it looked toxic and it would contemplate Shrek's booger colored skin. Since he was already on the internet he decided to go on Twitter to see if EDGELORD666 had posted any awesome tweets of him playing chess and stuff. What surprised him was that Prince Charming, the most popular guy in Far Far Away, had posted a tweet that mentioned Shrek in it. Out of curiosity he clicked on it and it read, ShrekDaBeast U r lame #Roasted #Lol #OrgesAreSmelly. Shrek looked down and saw that the tweet had been retweeted a billion times.
Shrek stared at the words for a while before he finally came up with a great comeback, PrinceCharming I know what u r but what am I? Shrek tweeted while chuckling softly. Shrek then got up and poured himself a glass of onion juice, when he came back he already saw that Charming had tweeted, ShrekDaBeast U r weird #Exposed #Lmao #OrgesAreDumb. Shrek though to himself, "Dang he's good." Shrek then got up and started doing his makeup, the nail polish accidentally shattered in the bag so Shrek used a sharpie to do his nails because he's poor. Shrek didn't mind the nail polish because it turned the entirety of the bag's interior black, which was Shrek's favorite color. After five hours of putting on makeup he turned on his dirty webcam and started doing his usual Friday night live stream.
You might not know this but Shrek is a regular live streamer under the alternative hashtag, but he hasn't got many followers because being goth doesn't equal popular.
So for the next couple hours Shrek live streamed hoping it would take his mind off of the events that happened earlier that day. After listening to "sad violin" for the eleventh time and complaining how his parents didn't understand him Shrek finally ended the live stream. Since he was bored he decide to check on local live streams in the area. To his surprise he found out Princess Fiona, Shrek's wife, was currently live streaming. Out of curiosity Shrek clicked and what was revealed to Shrek was a lit night club with a DJ and stuff, Shrek even saw Lord Farquaad in there grinding on anyone would was unfortunate to get close enough. Eventually he spotted Fiona in the rave dancing on an upturned table with a baby in one arm and a bottle of booze in the other. Shrek eventually stopped watching when Fiona's drunk ass accidentally tripped and dropped their chubby baby off a balcony.
The ogre hopped into bed, which creaked under his horrendous weight, hoping tonight's dreams would take him away from this horrible world. When Shrek fell asleep he had a terrible nightmare of himself giving birth to a fire breathing dragon and that Donkey was the baby daddy. Shrek woke up in a cold sweat and scrambled out of bed grabbing a caterpillar from the wall which he promptly ate. He walked into the living room and stared out an open window up at the moon, wondering if he would ever have the right to go that far away from the misery on earth. After pondering for a while he finally tucked himself in bed alone, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.
End of Chapter Two
