"She doesn't seem to have any serious injuries other than the bruises on her thighs. Before we could even talk to her about doing a rape kit, she started to panic again, and we were hoping that maybe her family could calm her down," the nurse explained.

"Her family is, well, it's complicated. But we're here for her. We work with her, and we're friends," Olivia responded.

"All right. I'm not sure how comfortable she'll feel with you two guys around her right now," the nurse began, meaning Carisi and Fin. Both men looked sad. They were heartbroken that someone hurt their friend.

"She got scared any time a man was in sight," the nurse explained. Carisi and Fin nodded, understanding that Amanda would probably feel safer if they didn't go to her just yet.

"Tell her we're here for her," Carisi told Olivia.

"Of course," Olivia agreed. She followed the nurse to Amanda's room.

The sight of Amanda broke Olivia's heart. Her blue eyes were red and puffy, and tears were sliding down her face. Her eyes that usually held only strength and resilience now held a mixture of fear, pain, and despair. Her body was slightly trembling. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally.

The nurse left the two alone, figuring the patient would be more comfortable with only her friend. If she knew more about the two detectives, she would've known they were, in fact, not friends. Now, being in this situation, Olivia regretted not having been a friend to the young blonde.

"Hi, Amanda," Olivia greeted, her voice soft. Amanda looked up.

She didn't seem to notice the tenderness and care in Olivia's voice. She heard the greeting, but not the love behind it. She wasn't happy to see Olivia. She knew Olivia had only come to yell at her. She came to scold her for giving up her gun in the first place. This whole situation could've been avoided had Amanda followed procedure.

Amanda almost wished the suspects had just killed her. She believed it would've been better than enduring what she did in the bank. She felt disgusted with herself. She felt filthy and ashamed. The men were rough, and she was in pain. She couldn't believe she had been raped. She didn't want to believe it.

Amanda tried to stay out of trouble. Yes, she could be disobedient. She liked to defy authority, especially when she felt the orders or rules in place were ridiculous. She often went behind her lieutenant's back, believing she knew what was best for the situation even when that wasn't so. She engaged in arguments where she was wrong, and sometimes, she knew she was wrong. She didn't specifically try to anger people, but she wasn't going to let someone tell her what to do, especially when she believed she was right. She believed the reprimands she received were worth whatever she had done, even when they really weren't. She was not an angel, but she did try to stay out of trouble. She tried to be a good detective with the hope that Olivia wouldn't hate her so much if she was better.

"Amanda?" Olivia asked, her voice a little louder, when the young blonde didn't give a verbal response.

"Look, I'm not in the mood to be yelled at right now. I know I screwed up, and I'm sorry. Just leave me alone right now. I don't need to listen to another one of your lectures on how irresponsible and reckless I am," Amanda spat bitterly. More tears began to stream down her face, and Olivia had to fight back her own.

She thinks I came here to yell at her? Where would she get the idea that I was angry with her? Olivia wondered to herself. Olivia placed a hand on Amanda's knee, retracting it when the younger woman flinched.

"Why would I yell at you?" Olivia asked, surprised at Amanda's response.

"Because I screwed up. None of that would've happened if I hadn't given up my gun," Amanda whispered through tears.

"Amanda, you did what you believed was best at the moment. I did not come here to reprimand you," Olivia stated seriously. She knew Amanda had gone against procedure, but she did too. Neither of them should've given up their guns, but even if Amanda had been the only one to do so, Olivia would not reprimand her for it.

"Then, why did you come here?" Amanda asked, her voice shaking. Her tone wasn't snarky; she was genuinely curious as to why Olivia was here if not to yell at her.

"Because you're my detective, and I wanted to make sure you're okay," Olivia said as though it were obvious. She was confused. Why else would she be there?

"That's what friends do," Olivia added. Amanda scoffed.

"Yeah, 'cause we're such good friends," Amanda grumbled. That hurt.

Olivia was aware the two hadn't been the best of friends, but that didn't change the fact that she genuinely cared about Amanda right now. She absolutely hated that Amanda was raped by two men. She hated that she could do nothing to change it.

"Well, I know we haven't always been on the best terms, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you or your... situation," Olivia answered slowly.

"I'm not a victim, Lieutenant. You don't have to pretend you care now," Amanda spat.

"Amanda, I do care. I'm sorry you're in this position. Please, let me help you," Olivia pleaded. When Amanda didn't answer, Olivia sighed.

"All right. Would you rather I send in Carisi or Fin?" Olivia asked, wanting Amanda to feel comfortable with whoever she was with. A look of panic flashed through Amanda's eyes, and she shook her head.

"P-please, d-don't. N-no men. No men," Amanda stammered, shutting her eyes tight. The idea of being around even her own partner didn't sit well with her. While she understood neither Fin nor Carisi would ever hurt her, the idea of men was not a comforting one at the moment.

"Okay, okay. I won't," Olivia responded.

They remained silent for a few moments. Olivia was staring at Amanda, not knowing what to say. Amanda clearly didn't want her there, but Olivia didn't want to leave the young detective alone. Amanda's breathing became shakier. Her shoulders trembled as more tears streamed down her face. She didn't want to appear weak in front of her superior officer, or anyone for that matter, but she couldn't seem to help herself.

"Why did that have to happen? I didn't want that to happen," Amanda sobbed, not talking to anyone in particular.

"Oh, sweetheart," Olivia said softly, approaching the detective and pulling her into a hug. Normally, Amanda would've rejected physical contact, but right now, she was too exhausted to fight back.

"I'm so, so sorry this happened to you," Olivia apologized. She genuinely felt terrible for the detective, even if the detective didn't trust Olivia's motives.

After about a minute, Amanda composed herself and pushed the lieutenant away. She didn't want to be touched by anyone. She hated that Olivia was pretending to care for her now that she was a... a victim. Amanda didn't want to see herself as a victim, but she knew Olivia saw her as one right now.

"Hey, Amanda? I know you've had a long day, but the nurse still wants you to do the rape kit," Olivia explained.

"The nurse wants me to, or you want me to?" Amanda questioned.

"Well, both. Amanda, it's important," Olivia stated.

"Why? The suspects are both dead," Amanda mumbled.

"Yeah, but the evidence would still be good to have since the men were killed. And we think they may have been the serials we were after," Olivia answered.

"You think?" Amanda asked.

"Two guys. Both had Jersey accents. You're a blonde, and they r-... attacked you," Olivia explained.

"I know they attacked me. I was there. Thanks for the reminder," Amanda grumbled.

"Amanda, I'm sorry. I know this is hard, but you need to get checked out. A rape kit would benefit you," Olivia told her.

"Yeah? Well, I don't think it would. They're dead. Who cares?" Amanda snapped.

"Amanda," Olivia began.

"Shut up, Olivia. I'm not having this conversation. I'm not doing a rape kit," Amanda growled. There was a quick pause before the lieutenant spoke up.

"Okay. That's your choice, and I will support you either way," Olivia answered calmly.

Olivia's response surprised Amanda. She expected her lieutenant to pester her until she gave in. She expected to be reminded of all the victims they've ever convinced to get rape kits done. She expected to be guilted into doing a rape kit. However, Olivia decided to support Amanda's decision. Her tone held no judgement. She seemed genuine.

"Thank you," Amanda breathed. Olivia gave a slight nod.

"Are you ready to go?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, they're just filling out the discharge papers, and then, I can leave," Amanda answered.

The two were silent once again. Olivia needed to bring the idea of Amanda staying with her for a couple of days. She knew Amanda would object immediately, but she felt it would best if she stayed with her. Amanda shouldn't be alone after what took place in that bank. Amanda hated receiving help, but she was going to have to accept it this time.

"Amanda, I want you to stay with me for a couple of days," Olivia finally said.

"Why?" Amanda asked, not understanding a reason for staying with the older woman.

"Because I don't think you should be alone right now," Olivia admitted.

"I don't want to stay with you," Amanda coldly declared.

"I'm sorry, but you don't have many options. It's me or one of the guys, and I know you don't want to stay with either of them right now. It's just for a couple of days," Olivia responded.

"So you can treat me like crap for years, but as soon as something like this happens, you decide you want to be my friend?" Amanda scoffed.

"Amanda, I'm sorry we haven't been friends. I am, but regardless, you can't be by yourself right now. Just let me help you," Olivia pleaded.

"Do I actually have a choice?" Amanda questioned.

"You once said you'd try to get back into my good graces. Maybe you could try by actually listening to me for once," Olivia snapped. She knew that was harsh, but she wanted Amanda to listen to her.

"I've tried so hard, and you've never even noticed. Maybe I don't care about your good graces anymore. You made it pretty clear I won't be finding my way back there," Amanda shot back. Olivia sighed, feeling extremely guilt for making such a remark.

"I'm sorry. That was a low blow," Olivia apologized. Amanda scoffed. Olivia's apologies were meaningless to Amanda.

"Amanda, please, just stay with me for tonight so I can make sure you're okay. If staying with me is really that terrible, you can leave tomorrow morning," Olivia negotiated.

"Fine," Amanda grumbled. The truth is, she didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to be around Olivia either, but she supposed it would be better than being alone.

"Thank you," Olivia whispered. Amanda rolled her eyes.

When the discharge papers were finally filled out and signed, Amanda was allowed to leave. She still needed to give her statement to SVU, but the squad decided to wait until tomorrow. It was about eight pm. The sun had gone down, and the night resembled the darkness Amanda was feeling. What started out as a sunny day had seemingly turned dark in a very short amount of time. Amanda wasn't sure how she'd ever get over this.

Her rapists were dead. She didn't even know their names, and she wasn't sure she wanted to. She had escaped the bank with her life. Her heart was still beating, and her lungs still filled up with and released oxygen. She was alive. She had survived, but she wasn't sure she'd ever live again.

She was experiencing pain between her legs. When the physical pain mixed with the emotional pain, it was one of the worst feelings the young blonde had ever experienced. She knew she was safe, but her body still trembled. The whole ordeal had understandably shook her up. No one expected her to have it all together, except herself. She tried to stop the trembling, and she fought back the wells of tears in her eyes. She tried to make herself go numb so she wouldn't have to feel anything. Her wall of strength was falling, and she was desperately trying to hold it up.

Olivia and Amanda checked out of the hospital. In the waiting room were Carisi and Fin. Amanda wasn't too happy to see them. She didn't want to be around them. At the moment, she wasn't very fond of men. She had an uneasy feeling about them, but she knew it was only because she was shaken up. By tomorrow, she was confident she'd be able to be around Fin and Carisi.

"How are you feeling?" Carisi asked. Amanda didn't answer, and Fin placed a hand on her shoulder. Amanda flinched at the touch, and Fin immediately retracted his hand.

"I'm so sorry," he apologized, mentally scolding himself for not considering the fact that she probably didn't want to be touched right now.

"D-don't be. It's not your fault. I-I know you wouldn't-," Amanda stumbled over her words, and Fin nodded to assure her he understood.

"Let's go, Amanda," Olivia said softly.

"Wow. She actually convinced you to go with her?" Carisi joked. He beamed when a small smile appeared on Amanda's face. Olivia was going to glare at Carisi, but decided against it when she saw his remark caused Amanda to smile.

"She didn't exactly give me a choice," Amanda responded, half joking and half serious.

"Good night, guys," Olivia said, and Amanda repeated it. The male detectives said goodnight to the girls, and they were about to leave when Olivia remembered they came here in an ambulance.

"Fin, can you drive us back to my place?" Olivia asked.

"Of course," Fin agreed.

The car ride was silent. The radio was off. Fin didn't know what to say, so he chose not to say anything at all. Olivia had a lot to say, but she knew Amanda didn't want to hear any of it. Amanda had nothing to say. Her mind replayed the horrific scene at the bank over and over. Tears welled up in her eyes and slid down her face, and she did her best to hide that from Olivia, who was sitting in the back row of the car with her.

Olivia had to hide a few tears of her own as well. She hated that one of her detectives was raped right in front of her by two men. She hated that she couldn't protect her detective. She hated that her detective was angry at her because Olivia had treated her so poorly and was kind to her now. Olivia wished she could go back in time and be friendlier towards the younger woman.

However, she couldn't go back in time. She couldn't take back the snide remarks she made or the times she screamed at Amanda. She couldn't take back the way she shot down Amanda's ideas or the way she scolded her over everything. All she could do now was be better. She could apologize. She could be friendlier. She could be there for her. However, she could only do these things if Amanda allowed her to, and Amanda wasn't exactly rooting for Olivia right now.

Olivia felt guilty as she remembered how Amanda told her she'd practically given up on getting back into her good graces. Olivia threw that in her face only to have it fired back at her. In hindsight, she knew Amanda had tried so hard to be a better detective. She really had tried to get back into Olivia's good graces, but Olivia rejected her every single time. And now, Amanda was rejecting her right back.

Olivia decided she would do whatever she could to prove to Amanda that she truly was sorry. She wanted Amanda to know she did care about her and wanted to be friends. Yes, this tragedy had played a role in the fact that it helped Olivia see how terrible she'd been, but she wasn't trying to be kind to Amanda specifically because she was raped. She was trying to be kind to Amanda because she didn't want to treat Amanda like she was inferior. Yes, Olivia was superior to her in ranking, but not as a human, and it was time Olivia started acknowledging that.

When they arrived at Olivia's apartment, Lucy was waiting for them with Noah. Usually, Olivia would talk to Lucy for a bit when she got home, but tonight, Amanda was her priority. After Lucy left, Olivia put her son to bed. When she returned to the living room, she found Amanda sitting quietly on the couch, staring into space.

"Amanda, would you like to take a shower?" Olivia asked, snapping Amanda out of her daze.

"Yes. I'm filthy," Amanda whispered, shattering Olivia's heart.

"Okay, then. Let me go get you a change of clothes," Olivia responded, deciding not to address Amanda's comment about being filthy. She knew Amanda wouldn't want to talk about it.

Amanda followed Olivia to her bedroom. Olivia grabbed a pair of sweats and handed them to Amanda. Amanda couldn't wait to shower. She wanted to get them off of her.

"Do you need anything else?" Olivia asked.

"No," Amanda mumbled. Olivia nodded before exiting the bathroom.

Amanda shut the door and locked it. She took off her clothes, and the bruises on her thighs brought her to tears. She turned the water on. She stepped into the shower, hissing at the water that burned her skin. She didn't dare change the temperature. She wanted to feel the burn. It helped her forget about the pain between her legs.

Amanda liked showers. She could cry as hard as she wanted to, and she wouldn't have to feel the tears because they mixed with the water. Her sobs weren't heard over the water and fan, which meant no one even knew she was crying.

However, her sobs were louder than usual today. She didn't realize how loud she was, but Olivia could hear all the way from the living room. Tears spilled from her own eyes, but when the water turned off, she wiped away her tears. She didn't want Amanda to see her cry, similarly to how Amanda didn't want Olivia to see her cry.

It didn't take a genius to know both woman were crying. Amanda entered the living room and could the puffiness under Olivia's eyes. The puffiness under Olivia's eyes resembled under Amanda's eyes. They both knew the other woman had been crying.

"Do you want to talk, Amanda?" Olivia asked.

"Not to you," the young blonde grumbled.