Ronald McDonald was at the McDonalds' International Space Station interviewing Lil Pump for a new Happy Meal toy deal. "So", Ronald began, "we've been thinking about doing a cross-promotion with nerf for this. We can have the toy you fire nerf bullets instead of real bullets!" Lil Pump started to say things to Ronald that cannot be repeated here in this child-friendly environment. "We can't include a pack of crack with every toy!", Ronald screamed. "I don't wanna be sued again you frickin novice!" Lil Pump then pulled out his gun and tried to shoot Ronald. But Ronald, being the fastest shooter in the fast food industry, shot first. Lil Pump fell over, dead. Ronald then started talking to his bodyguard, Grimace. "Put him on some curb in L.A. and tell the press that Lamar did it.", Ronald said as he got up and left the room.

Once a month, the four biggest fast food companies' C.E.O.s would come together and reveal their profits from that month. Ronald Mcdonald, Colonel Sanders, the Burger King, and Wendy Thomas, all got together to brag about how much money they made. Typical for fast food chains. But, this meeting would be not like any other. For this was the meeting when Ronald and Sanders tried to kill each other.

Ronald walked into the room. He was shocked to see the Burger King and Wendy Thomas dead on the floor. He looked around. Standing in the back of the dark room was Sanders, holding a gun and with red blood staining his white suited. "You've gone to far this time Ron!", he yelled. "What did I frickin do this time Kernel Chicken!", Ronald said. "Don't take my name in vain!", Sanders replied. "I know you blew up my headquarters!" "I ain't done nothing to you Kernel Chicken!" Sanders threw away his gun and tackled Ronald to the floor, screaming, "Take that back you stupid clown-man!" "Never!", Ronald yelled back as he took out a McKnife and stabbed Sanders in the arm. Sanders let go as he started swearing under his breath in pain. "I don't know who blew up your stupid headquarters, but it sure as heck wasn't me!", Ronald screamed. But, Sanders started to chuckle. "Your to late.", he said. "I've already ordered a finger-lickin-good firing squad to go to every McDonalds in the state of New Mexico!" "Noooooooooooooooooooooo!", Ronald screamed at the top of his lungs. "That's where I get most of my money from mixed Spanish and Asian households!" Ronald punched Sanders in the face, knocking him out. Ronald then ran to the dor, intent on trying on stopping Sanders' plan.

New Mexico

Three men in chicken suits walked through the doors of a New Mexico. "Hello sir!", one of underpaid cashiers said. "Would you like to try one of our famous McNugget combo meals?" The man he asked responded by raising up his popcorn chicken launcher to the man's face and blowing it clean off. As employees and patrons screamed, the men began to open fire on the restaurant. Chicken and blood were everywhere. Finally, they were done. But, they decided to check around the place for the heck of it. They eventually found a teenage employee in the freezer. "What's your name?", one asked. "Gale!", she responded in an Australian accent. The men then started beating her head with drumsticks. Something snapped inside Gale that day. Something that would make her want to work at a Hot Topic. Suddenly, Gale heard gunshots. All three men fell down dead. She looked at who shot them. It was Ronald himself. Without saying a word, he holstered his gun and walked out of the store.

"Welp", Ronald said, "that should be the last of them." After hours of hard work, Ronald had finally stopped all the finger-lickin-good firing squads. Suddenly, Ronald got a newsflash on his phone. The reporter talked about how Colonel Sanders had leaked a video of Ronald McDonald cheating on his wife, Birdie the Early Bird, with Kim Kardashian. He then got a text from Birdie. It said, "I want a divorce." Ronald couldn't believe Sanders would do this to him. Leaving him alive was a mistake. One that would be soon corrected.